iwish Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Right, i broke No contact again this weekend.. and all i can say is it made things so much worse.. all things were texted.. I told her i missed her, she didn't reply, i told her i loved her, she didn't reply, i got angry and told her to go to hell and to give my stuff back (childish i know).. she replied!.. and she hated me even more... I have just made things worse.!!! I then told her that i only wanted to see her and speak to her and i didn't mean all the stuff i said.. that i in fact loved her and missed her and would leave her alone and that she can contact me if she wants me... which i keep saying and yet never do, because i am so bloody weak! So now i am on day one of NC.. and it's driving me crazy.. i've wanted to text her and apologise already, i've written the texts and not sent them.., i'm going through a roller coaster of emotions, love, hate.. i just need to stop contacting her.. for my own sanity.. i need to stop remembering her, i need to get over this quickly... I've tried deleting her number but now know it off by heart... i'm scared that i'm just ruining any chance of getting her back, if i haven't done so already.. She blames me for everything and i get angry about that because she was far from perfect and she admitted to a mutual friend that she didn't love me enough to give up weed... i'm not to blame for everything and i want her to know that.. i want her to understand that it takes two.. it's not all my bloody fault! damn, why can't she just call or text me, why can't she be the one chasing me.. why do i keep contacting her and putting myself through this crap.. I read other people say they have done 10 days NC.. and i can't even do 1.. I feel such a failure!!
daisygirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 You're NOT a failure!! NC is so hard! I wish I had the perfect answer for you, but I don't. It does get better after time. It's only been a few weeks for me, but the first week was the hardest. After 2 weeks, it got way better. I have a 2 y/o to keep me busy, do you have any hobbies you can do to keep your mind off of her? Going to the gym is great too! I love to work out, and exercise is always a great stress reliever. I know it's easier said than done, though. Hang in there, and don't give in!!!
Author iwish Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 thanks for the reply.. Yeah i've started new hobbies, i'm pretty well booked up for next week, something to do every night except Monday and Thursday.. I'm also a member of the gym, but i'm worried that i'll go there and try to contact her afterwards to prove that i'm coping.. i was just thinking that maybe i should send an apologetic text? just the one?! you know so that she forgives me for having a go at her about not loving me.. what do you think? and congrats to yourself for getting as far as you have!
daisygirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Thanks for the congrats . Stick with the gym if you can! I'm a bit addicted myself, lol. Seriously, though, sometimes it's hard as hell to drag my a$$ there, but once I get started, I feel SO much better - mentally and physically. It's so good for my self-esteem. My first few days of NC, I was so down that I didn't even go to the gym. Finally, one day, I had to push myself to go, and I was glad that I did. And no texting her! Be strong!!
Author iwish Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 well good for you being strong.. i hope i will be one day too.. and tomorrow lunchtime to the gym i go!. i almost sent her one.. Sorry for being angry with you, sorry for being spitefull i just wanted to see you, i miss you.. i was just being a stupid ass.. i was trying to get to look at your face again.. you know i'm not a bad person, i just miss you, you bstd..x it also hurts that she's sitting in her flat getting stoned with her male flat mate.. damn..
daisygirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Well, my NC was with my OM, not an ex, so that makes things easier for me than it would be for you, I think. But still, NC is NC, and it SUCKS! And if she's just sitting around getting stoned, you're better off w/o her!! You deserve better!
Author iwish Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 i just read your story.. why can't you have contact with the OM in the future? maybe you two will be ok? as for her, well yeah she might be doing that, but it still doesn't stop the love and the good times we had together.. it hurts even more that she would prefer to just get stoned with him, than be with me?! oh and i texted 'Sorry for being angry with you, sorry for being so spiteful. I just wanted to see you, i just miss you. I was just being a stupid ass. i was trying to look at your beautifull eyes again. You know i'm not a bad person, i just really miss you, you sexy thing!! that's it i promise no more ... i know, i'm a fool.. you know what it's like.. but i was just thinking that just one more won't hurt.. i mean day 1 NC is actually starting tomorrow anyway ; ).. don't ya think? but that is really it.. that was the last one... i've made my peace and well she can come back if she wants, but if not.. i've left it on an adult tone.. (i hope)
daisygirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 i just read your story.. why can't you have contact with the OM in the future? maybe you two will be ok? I suppose anything is possible, but I see it as highly unlikely. Right now, I have to get through this divorce, work on my own issues, and take care of my son. What happens after that is anyone's guess! But seeing as how we live about 700 miles apart and only knew each other thru the phone/internet, the odds are against us. But thanks for the encouragement!! i know, i'm a fool.. you know what it's like.. but i was just thinking that just one more won't hurt.. i mean day 1 NC is actually starting tomorrow anyway ; ).. don't ya think? but that is really it.. that was the last one... i've made my peace and well she can come back if she wants, but if not.. i've left it on an adult tone.. (i hope) You're not a fool....not at all. I'd definitely stop contacting her though, and maybe she'll realize that she misses you, maybe not. If not, you'll move on, as hard as it seems now. Hang in there!!!! We're gonna make it!!
sedgwick Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) Did you break up with her just because she smokes weed? I've been a daily pot smoker for 20 years and yet still I've managed to be an insane overachiever. It's really not that big a deal, IMHO...certainly not something to end a relationship over! I've also managed to be a crazy spelling fiend, so if you do decide to tell her she's beautiful -- it only has one "L." Edited March 9, 2008 by sedgwick
Author iwish Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Well it's day one.. and i'm going mad!!, a hard nights sleep doesn't help..I'm so tempted to call or text her, but that's just going to annoy the hell out of her... life can be so sad .. No Sedgwick she broke up with me because of the fact she wanted the freedom to smoke weed with her flat mate all the time.. it was more of a jealousy issue... It's been 5 weeks now, with contact from me.. but none from her .. I miss her terribly.. and i just want to see her again.. but it's never going to happen .
D-Lish Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Not being able to have contact with someone you love def. sucks. The bottom line is that you keep texting her and she keeps ignoring you. All this tells you is that she doesn't want contact with you. That's really hard to come to terms with. You think that there are some magic words you can say that will bring her back. The bottom line is that each time you reach out to her makes her more angry and pushes her further away. That's what you have to remember everytime you want to text her- that it pushes her further away. And you don't want her to start labelling you as a stalker.... that wouldn't be good. You just have to accept that the two of you aren't right for one another and move forward. Keep busy for sure. It's fine to text or write out what you might want to say to her.... that is cathartic- but keep those for you and you only. Don't send them. SHe's made it clear she wants to move on and as hard as that is, you have to accept it. I've been there and it hurts like hell. I feel like a bloody stalker sometimes in terms of how bad I want to contact someone...but I don't do it. You have to do some self talk everytime you go to send her something. And if you feel desperate- post here or call a friend instead to talk you out of it. It will get easier- one day at a time.
marlena Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 You have to do some self talk everytime you go to send her something. And if you feel desperate- post here or call a friend instead to talk you out of it. It will get easier- one day at a time. Like D-lish said, you are groping for the magic words that will sway her and make her want to come back. Unfortunately, there are none. If she wants to come back, she will do, on her own. In the meantime, you need to protect your heart from additional pain and your self-esteem from being further shot down. Do what D-lish advises. Post here or call friends and family. It does get easier.
serendip Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I told her i missed her, she didn't reply, i told her i loved her, she didn't reply, i got angry and told her to go to hell and to give my stuff back (childish i know).. she replied!.. and she hated me even more... I have just made things worse.!!! I then told her that i only wanted to see her and speak to her and i didn't mean all the stuff i said.. that i in fact loved her and missed her and would leave her alone and that she can contact me if she wants me... which i keep saying and yet never do, because i am so bloody weak! Dude...don't you do this like every other day to your ex? Like she said in that email to you... you text her how much you love her and miss her. She doesn't respond. Then you flip out on her for not responding. Then occasionally you would ask her if she is sleeping around...and get mad at her for telling you it's none of your business. Dude seriously leave your ex alone like she ask you to. Why would she want you back if you continue to harass her. Would you want someone back who constantly contacts you(after you told them not to)...says they miss and love you and when you don't respond they freak out on you...and then they apologize and promises not to do it again...but then does it again the very next day. Would you want someone like that? Throw your phone away...do whatever it takes...but leave your ex alone. It's the only chance you will have
1975ville Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Right, i broke No contact again this weekend.. and all i can say is it made things so much worse.. all things were texted.. I told her i missed her, she didn't reply, i told her i loved her, she didn't reply, i got angry and told her to go to hell and to give my stuff back (childish i know).. she replied!.. and she hated me even more... I have just made things worse.!!! I then told her that i only wanted to see her and speak to her and i didn't mean all the stuff i said.. that i in fact loved her and missed her and would leave her alone and that she can contact me if she wants me... which i keep saying and yet never do, because i am so bloody weak! So now i am on day one of NC.. and it's driving me crazy.. i've wanted to text her and apologise already, i've written the texts and not sent them.., i'm going through a roller coaster of emotions, love, hate.. i just need to stop contacting her.. for my own sanity.. i need to stop remembering her, i need to get over this quickly... I've tried deleting her number but now know it off by heart... i'm scared that i'm just ruining any chance of getting her back, if i haven't done so already.. She blames me for everything and i get angry about that because she was far from perfect and she admitted to a mutual friend that she didn't love me enough to give up weed... i'm not to blame for everything and i want her to know that.. i want her to understand that it takes two.. it's not all my bloody fault! damn, why can't she just call or text me, why can't she be the one chasing me.. why do i keep contacting her and putting myself through this crap.. I read other people say they have done 10 days NC.. and i can't even do 1.. I feel such a failure!! NC is hard because YOU still care about what SHE/ HE thinks about you. You continue to value to that person's response, opinions, feelings. It is unhealthy. Always think "what do I want to accomplish?" or "what good can come from this text?,email, etc"
s_n_d Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 NC is without a doubt extremely hard. After the initial ten days, it got a lot easier for me. Today is forty-one days NC. The key is keeping yourself busy and not letting yourself be reminded of your ex. I know firsthand how hard it is. You HAVE to do this. We all have to. We have no other choice. Stay strong.
Author iwish Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Dude...don't you do this like every other day to your ex? Like she said in that email to you... you text her how much you love her and miss her. She doesn't respond. Then you flip out on her for not responding. Then occasionally you would ask her if she is sleeping around...and get mad at her for telling you it's none of your business. Dude seriously leave your ex alone like she ask you to. Why would she want you back if you continue to harass her. Would you want someone back who constantly contacts you(after you told them not to)...says they miss and love you and when you don't respond they freak out on you...and then they apologize and promises not to do it again...but then does it again the very next day. Would you want someone like that? Throw your phone away...do whatever it takes...but leave your ex alone. It's the only chance you will have guys i know this, that is why i am a failure!!! what the hell is wrong with me?!! i so have to be stronger than this.. i cracked yet again today, i wanted to apologise for being nasty when she didn't tell me she loved/miss me, i wanted that hope i had before.. it turns out she did hate me!, but i managed to convince her to maybe (maybe normally meant yes with her) see me tonight by saying sorry and explaining my reasons... then i realised that she doesn't really want to see me.. she would be doing it out of pitty or something else, probably annoyance... so i emailed her and canceled it.. i wrote the following.. Hey baby, firstly i want to apologise for any bad feeling i've caused between us.. I love you baby, so very much... You've said maybe you will see me tonight, and i am ecstatic! a maybe is so much better than a NO! but it feels like i've pushed you into a corner and i didn't want to do that.. : ( I've missed you for 4 weeks baby, so very much.. You must know how much i miss you and love you?! I got angry and i apologise, i got miserable and i apologise.. i should've given you time... i just missed you!!! But i want to meet you, when you want to meet me too, understand? I want to meet you and maybe sweep you off your feet, maybe build up our love again, from the beginning.. Woo your perfect self, how you deserve to be woo'd.. You are the most special girl i have ever met in my life and i really want to see and hold you again. We fit in so many ways.. Now i'm not sure if this is the right thing to do or not, but i feel that it's about time i DID GROW UP and RESPECT your wishes... i don't think you really want to see me tonight, you're doing it because i pressured you : (... and i want to show you that i've changed a bit, and will not pressure you to do anything you don't want to.. So don't worry about seeing me tonight babe, go home relax, do what YOU WANT to do.. but please think about me sometimes, remember me as i remember you, remember the good times, the fun we had and can have again! and maybe in a bit of time, you'll actually want to see me and want to meet me, and that's when we shall meet... xxxxx PS: unless of course you do want to see me tonight, then great, LETS MEET!!!! Miss you baby, this was hard for me to do, but you're worth it... : ) that was what i sent.. i was hoping that she'd reply with a yes i want to see you, or something deep.. instead i got a Thank you x That was it, better than this morning and maybe, just maybe i have a chance of getting her back in a couple of weeks?
serendip Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 bet you tomorrow or the next day you are gonna text her...say the i miss you, i love you followed by the angry text when she doesn't respond then the apologetic text I hope you prove me wrong just remember every time you do this...you push her further away what message does it send to her that you can't be a man of your words...and respect her enough to leave her alone stay strong dude
Author iwish Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 you are so right serendip, but i tell you what i think it is.. i think it's the fact that when i send her the mail/texts saying i will wait for her.. i hate myself for it a little bit.. i hate that i have to wait for somebody to figure out they care for me enough to want to be with me, i want to tell her that it wasn't all my fault, she is to blame too.. but then when i do, i end up losing the one thing that's getting me through my day, the hope of getting back with her.. the hope of seeing her again, having a drink, just relaxing.. it's confusing times, i love her and miss what we had, but in the same moment i hate that she won't just give me the chance!
sedgwick Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 If I had broken up with a guy and he continued to text me every day and then tell me to go to hell and then email me calling me baby, I would avoid him like that plague. It's kind of scary. I don't mean to be harsh, but really, you have to leave her alone.
Author iwish Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Sedgwick, i'm going through a world of pain and confusion that's why i contact her, i miss her and still remember the good times.. i also hate her for ending it with me... the baby thing is what we called each other, it's not an unnatural thing.. it's no biggee. but i won't contact her again, i won't do that... I'm feeling strong right now, and i hope i wake up tomorrow with the same resolve!
Cool Chick Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I'm afraid I have to agree with sedqwick. You are displaying an incredible level of immaturity with your constant back and forth with your ex. Face it, she is you EX. No offense but get a hold of yourself and start acting like an adult. Breaking up sucks, it hurts like hell and we all tend to drag ourselves through the muck and back when we go through separations. What separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls is how you handle the hurt. Venting on websites like this, crying, feeling depressed, despair and anger are all a part of the process. Being nasty to your ex is inappropriate and shows the kind of man you are. Show some dignity and move on. Learn from the experience and become a better man for it. You can either raise above the situation with dignity or you can lower yourself to name calling. Honestly, which man would you rather be? The man who accepts that once in a while life sucks and moves on without lowering themselves to name calling, begging, or the man who resorts to nastiness? There's nothing wrong with feeling hurt and depressed about the situation. There is nothing wrong with missing your ex. I think you know what she wants...and that is to be left in peace. Show her respect and give her the closure that she wants and move on with your own life. Sorry for being blunt. Cool Chick
Author iwish Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 okay okay, what is it pick on 'iwish' day? I admit that i shouldn't have contacted her when she said that she doesn't want to be with me right now... But she was contacting me all of Friday night because she was lonely... I admit that.. and i'm sorry that i did.. and i hope that i will never do that again.. I'm on day one of NC again, i will be strong! I've done my begging, i've done my pleading, i can't do anymore.. and i hope that one day she will realise that when you break up with someone they do crazy things to get you back.. and that's all i did I've broken up with her before and told her to leave me alone, but she didn't.. she continued chasing me.. and i took her back.. Which is what i was trying to do with her.. The anger is two sided by the way! but she has every right to be angry with me.. but why can't i be angry with her? before we split up i treated her great! fantastic.. I get angry that she doesn't see that, that she doesn't miss me and i just can't help it.. But yes telling her that is counterproductive.. i'm going to write on here and just not bother contacting her, because every time i do, i just push her further and further away.. Now i like to think that it's not too late, because that girl treated me like crap, but i over look that, maybe she will overlook my desperation in time and miss me and if that's the case then great!! if not, well for now i have the hope and it's something i'm just not ready to lose.. not yet anyway.. Day 1 and i miss her!
serendip Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I'm on day one of NC again, i will be strong! I've done my begging, i've done my pleading, i can't do anymore.. and i hope that one day she will realise that when you break up with someone they do crazy things to get you back.. and that's all i did Yeah you just have to stop the crazy thing b/c it's not doing you any good. Look almost everyone has done crazy. What I did was worse...my ex cheated on me, I forgave her...she went behind my back and did it again by going out with the guy. I found out by reading her emails and used it to manipulate her because I was so hurt. I should have walked away when I found out...but I couldn't emotionally detach from the situation. I was way too hurt. Had she just broken up with me...I would have understand. I would hurt but nothing compared to the pain from infidelity. I have never cheated on someone nor have I ever been cheated on...so I didn't know how to deal with it. Now everyone on LS is telling you to leave her alone...you have to summon the courage to walk away right now.
Author iwish Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Yeah you just have to stop the crazy thing b/c it's not doing you any good. Look almost everyone has done crazy. What I did was worse...my ex cheated on me, I forgave her...she went behind my back and did it again by going out with the guy. I found out by reading her emails and used it to manipulate her because I was so hurt. I should have walked away when I found out...but I couldn't emotionally detach from the situation. I was way too hurt. Had she just broken up with me...I would have understand. I would hurt but nothing compared to the pain from infidelity. I have never cheated on someone nor have I ever been cheated on...so I didn't know how to deal with it. Now everyone on LS is telling you to leave her alone...you have to summon the courage to walk away right now. Your ex cheated on you?! you still want her back? I'm not knocking you, just a question I am continuing with NC.. Nearly 24 Hours!!! I have managed 3 days before, so this isn't new territory.. but i have to be strong.. She has told me time and time again, to give her space and i, ignored it.. this time i will give her the time and space and i will keep to my word of leaving her alone... Maybe after a couple of weeks, she'll miss me?!
serendip Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Your ex cheated on you?! you still want her back? I'm not knocking you, just a question No I don't want her back now...but at the time I wanted retaliation b/c I couldn't let go of the pain. That's what I regret doing...I couldn't walk away. Now I just want to forgive and let go of things. It does me no good to hold on to the anger. I think you have to leave your ex alone...you are the one causing yourself the pain...not her. She has told you to respect her wishes.
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