Far Behind Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I have been doing really well this past week as to my situation. I finally had emailed the guy back letting him know I had surgery that day but didn't really put anything personal in the email other than telling him a particular song he showed me reminds me of him. I didn't ask for, or even expect a response, and I never heard from him all week (sent the email to him Tuesday night). Yesterday was my daughter's sweet 16 party at her dad's house. Because I spent so much time around him this weekend, he started lookin' real good to me, and I almost spent the night with him after the party. I decided not to do that because I know that if we ever did it again, and we have several times since the separation and divorce, I would not want it to be impulsive or for the wrong reasons. The hurt I feel from the other guy is still pretty fresh, and I just didn't want to sleep w/ my ex-husband knowing that was still do close in my mind. So today, I was in the car and heard Fake It, by Seether, and I was thinking about the guy (not my ex-husband) and thinking what a hypocrite he is, and realized that I'm finally feeling the anger I should have felt in January and February when it all first went down. When I got home, there was an email from him wishing me a happy birthday! It just said hi, happy birthday, sorry I'm never on time. Best Wishes. Well, I knew he would remember my birthday, because we had planned to go away together for it, though it is actually next Sunday. I wrote him back and said you're a week early, but thanks! That's all I said, didn't even sign my name. I kinda always had a feeling I would hear from him around my b'day, but all the same I was surprised. I guess it means he still thinks of me, too, though now I am even more glad I didn't have sex w/ my ex-husband last night. And not because I think there's even a remote chance that me and the other guy would end up back together because right now I feel he doesn't deserve me, but because I still do have feelings for him, so sleeping w/ my ex would have been like grudge-sex, and I don't want to go there with him. I know he still loves me and would take me back if I wanted to go back. Which leads to more confussion. He is the father of my children. He loves me. He offers security. All I say I want in a guy, more or less, he has...so why don't I want it from him?
Recommended Posts