DiamondD Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I want to try and make this short and simple. ad right off the bat, i dont blame her or hold it against her , i just was hurt and trying to cope. A friend H. introduced me to a wonderful girl W. , 30, im D. 38. I will just use first letters. W. and I met with intentions to just go out with her frinend and me , W. was recently out of a relationship. I was about a year or more out of my marriage. I have dated on and off, pursuing on Personals, and jut no connections were made. This introduction turned into immediate connection between W. and I. We clicked more than ever, day 2 we were sopending lots of time together , talking, actually soending nights together, but we talked and found out so much about us was so much the same, you have no idea, we were very attracted to eachother, of course, we felt SO comfortable with spending hours together, we learned our Idiosyncrasies, and as i said , kept realizing we were so similar in the smallest , ways like, foods, music, expressions we used, how we fold sox the same, how we have same date of birth, 29th, so many more, how she loves butterflies and me too, i mean there is so much more, as days go by we become in seperable, and she said lets go slow. i try, i did. we tried. When at her house , i noticed her X BF, was leaving messages on her answer machine, that i talked to her about him. C. hes 19. and I felt sympathy, knowing she has just broke up from him and he ust walked out and it hurt her, and i said i understand, care so much about her, and will help her cope, and stuff, she professed she wants to be friends and i said that good, i am open to that, for i too, am friends with my x wife and many dont understand and i do, that is sometimes ok and healty to be friends with an x. Well, C. calls her 15 times a day, leaves messages. I voiced to her its really alot, and just kinds exsesive, almost obsessive of him, and that if she allowed him to keep it up, its sending mixed signals to him and harder for both to distance a bit to let go. 15 calls a day still, then her answer machine still had his voice on it, she asked me to help her RE record it earlier, when i then offered a few days later, she said no, lets keep it on. I raealize its looking like shes not near overhim, then she talks for 5 hiours ata time, and she said thats normal, i said its really not, to speak to someone , your trying to let go of, even iof you still wna be friends, to talk in such lengths. and days at a time. well, she said she cant ever see herself back with him, said she never seen him as marrriage at all, yet we talked about how she sees me in such amazement , and so diffferebnt than any giy she dated an dsaid from what she sees in me in the 2 weeks , that yes, she and i both just feel , like we COULD be a match made ,and not right away, but marriege material, yes. him no. Well, we had great times, shared our hearts our souls, I fell for her in the first week, i strongly feel LOVE at first sight, is true, and all our similarities littke signs that just awe use as to wow, this is like a sign. her appreciation and real feelings of being truly touched and connested to me. finally we sad i love you in the first 2 weeks or so, i know, i said it earlier , but i wont even lie, i truly feel something special and shes so unique, almost like pure, touched by smallest gestures, of my small meaningful, not expensive giftst here and there , She invites mr into her kids life, within the first week, even though we talked about waiting. Her kids 2, 10 and 13 girl and boy. Took to me, we bionded and got aong and feel so comfortable it was like so good. I met her mom and part of her family, she met my dad and part of mine, her family adores me, and her mom tells me she hopes i will stick around. she and i hit it off. well, this leads us to the sad truth, 3 weeks into our amazing relationship that seems to be growing and YES falling head over heals in love. she drops a bombshell on me, she wants to go spend the day and night with her XBF, C. , as a friend she said, i was very hurt and knew this was odd, and a bad move, and i voiced my opinion and hurt for 2 days until the day came she would see him, i professed i love her and cant continue to see her, even though we were never officially a couple, i asked twice, and she said no, more time, slow, but i said even though, if you go see him, i feel in myheart you will end up being intimate and if this were to happen, i couldnt accept it, and wold walk away, sadm, hurt and heartbroken, but i wont allow her to go run to him, she stuck to her guns, i got so frustrated, wrote her emails, trying so hard to convince her to just dont go, for it is a sure end to everything we have started and grown, and staying gives her more time to deal with her felings. I then get the truth. She said she is still in LOVE with C., and she said she also never expected to fall so in LOVE with me. i agreedm, fate brought us togetherh, when we never expected such closeness and unity and connectedness and real friendship. and what i truly feel is LOVE,real love. Now i am hurt , but i know the truth, really how she feels. I am ok with it, but i still say, now we know, if you go see him, its about LOVE and intamacy and so much more. I said i will walk away, i was adiment, direct, blunt, and i posted my frustration on my myspace, bad way , i now, i took it down and apologized for there were better ways to vent my frustrtations. I emailed ad text messaged her. She said she was going to spend the weekend to say goodbye, i guess i still naver could understand it, and it wouldnt change the fact that sleeping with him was going to sever our reationship and all that we have shared. She then admits she was hoping to rekindle, and again said with such true sorrow and meaning, that she loves me and him. abd i beleive her, i never blamed her, i just hoped she would think, give it time and stay, try , go and its over, stay and take time, and ultimately decide, him or me. truth is out, they had shy of a year invested as a couople, she and i only 3 weeksm but amazing connection she professed such true love to me too. but I was willing to step aside , if she picked him, as heartbroken as i could be, i would accept it and try to move on. She finally last minute, said she would stay , and adimently said it was HER decision and not mine that she stays. i was so releived, thinking , we now have time, she can try and decide who she feels she wants to be with. later that evening, she went, i didnt know untill next morning, her XBF's mom, posted stuff on my myspace, and said leave them alone, their happym their in love and let her go, i was stunned and bewildered and now lied to and she left to be with him afterall. i then tried emailing her letters, saying stuff like its sad were over like this, and then , acceptance and sorry for her being in LOVE and not understanding , i dont blame her for i feel what happend was never really intentionally meant to harm, she never treated me like disrespactful, never rubbed it in my face , she just text messaged me saying "U and i are to be frinends only, i am with C. abd love him." i was now releived yet sad, and glad the decision was made, even if it was him, well, its made and no more wondering ad worries. I removed all posts and stuffm stood back, havent contacted her for 3 days now, talked to frineds, aand we all agree, shes not to blame, she never intentionally played me, it may surely be a rebound, i know, but i tell you, i need to some day soon speak to her, about what we truly shared, so special, so intimate, so right and real feeling, i cant begin to even beleive her love and touch and feeings were fake, or false, or mislead, or anything but real. if it was not real, i beleive i will be deeply changed and affected because if what we shared was not real, i dont know if i will ever know what is real again. So this brings me to ask for advice on How to try and cope with my thoughts of sadness and terrible hearteach, thinking we lost each other for good, thinking of her and him intimate and my urges to try and contact her. I fight urges to slip into such sadness and fear depression, it in my history, dealing so good with it , with meds that finally seem to be the right mix and dose, Although i feel thoughts of withdrawing to my bed for days, i now am able to stop myself, unlike before my new meds. So i am coping better than i imagined, yet i am so confused and consumed by weather her and i , what we shared , was a lie , or true sinsere feelings for each other, and i know NO CONTACT and giveing her time and space, and not pushing her are crucial, its so hard to quit thinking of it and last few days have been up and down, and im trying to dive into my work, and trying so hard to distract myself, i do hope we will be friends, if nothing else, i do hope some day we can re build what beautiful and meaningful relationship i feel we were having and be together, but i will surely, hope for some kind of friendship. Ohh, dreams of her, seem to really make it hard. last night i woke up 3 times, tninking she was with me, one time dreaming she was here geting some stuff, getting along, these dreams feel so real for a few seconds after you wake, that whatever i do to cope and try and not get so upset, the dreams set me back to more feelings of needing amd wanting her so much more, but i still , deter from contacting her, staning back, waiting for her to approach, if she does, take it slow, and hope for the best. Long winded , lots of details, i left out alot more, but i hope everone realizes, i now understand, she is in the middle of Loving Him and now Loving , and not intentional, and i dont beleive she ever ever shared this much , as a game. and i will forgive her for running to him, cause, she may have really needed to , in her eyes, i now undrstand that, and hope she does what she feels will make her happy. D.
vivrantflo Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 ok I tried to follow this the best I can... The main thing that jumped out at me.. is that you're 38... she's 30.. and her ex is 19?????? If those are typos.. let me know.. if not..... You need to let her go, and for a few reasons... She's immature as hell to be a grown @ss woman, and having a relationship with a 19 year old. She obviously used you as a rebound dude, so she's not gonna come back to you.. she's in love with a teenager, and got her heart broken.. so she decided to try someone around her age (you) cause most rebounds are completely opposite of the previous lover. The boyfriend's MOM messeged you on Myspace?? LOL! Dude, you're 38!! You deserve much better than these silly high school riff raff games!! Yes, go NC and never talk to this woman again. Your relationship with her was short lived.. so even tho it hurts, you'll get over her in no time.. if you stick NC
Author DiamondD Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 I do also believe she knows he is too young, we talked about it. I hope she realizes it, and wants to re develop what we felt was so right and true. I fully do now get the Rebound aspect, have been reading up on it, and i guess, in our situation, i really hope that that what we did share, and as profound and intimate and true as it felt, and the fact she does admit that she never expected to and did Fall in love with me too, makes me hope that we may still have a chance. I am continuing on as if not to try and force or change her, no contact, hoping she will make an advance to me with her true feelings and her heart, and i feel i can whole heartedly forgove her and talk and work it out, and if it is meant to be , i am told it will. I am also taking time, not contacting and in time, i know i will heal, and move on too, if its not meant to be. Just now, i am feeling devastated, heartbroken and confused, why she went back to him, after i beleived everything she sad and felt for me. She once said she had guys, including this XBF, come into her life, seem too good to be true and walk out. She mentioned this about me, saying I was so different in many qualities than anyone she ever been with, is she scared, believing i am actually too good to be true, i hope not, for we need to have a chance to be together much longer and sad she gave up on what she said was so special. This is why i really do believe she is confused and she said it, I dont know what to do, but i guess goto him. i hope we reunite in the future, I dearly, truly care and feel so much love for W. Thanks for your insight, it does seem very very possible, it was all just a rebound that came out of no where, and we both got caught up in it. I hope for it got sooo deep, i cant fathom it was all false. ps. the XBF and his Mother both were rude, crude, insulting and childish, and i was just tring to do what i could, even if it meant walking away, for her and her x to get back. The mom even flirted with me on myspace. tacky, and I finally decided to quit being pulled into their baiting me just to get me upset. She deserves better than what she obviosly setteled for in him. I pray she figures it out.
Author DiamondD Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I talked to my (lover) Friend W. , her mom was so kind, says i am welcome to call and stop by, that she likes me and hopes her daughter W. will end up realizing the 19 yr old XBF is just too young, like we all say, i dont think hes a bad guy, i dont hear anyone saying that, just that hes too young, and many think he really may not know what he wants in life so young, and with W. and her 2 kids, and he may run again. I Hope for the best as i said, and i am so grateful her mom and stepdad said they want me to still be in their life as friends, her neighbor guy called me too, and said they still consider me friends. i am grateful and soon hope for her and i to reunite. Today was up and down, trying to stay positive, trying to not get so worried and stressed. Thanks for the chance to share and get advice, i hope to get more input and perhaps any advice on what i can do , to better my chances to get through to her that i want her in my life, without pushing too much. Dave
mistie03 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 That teenage guy hauled ass once, he'll probably do it again. His games aren't over yet. Unfortunately, W will have to find out the hard way. She obviously was still carrying a flame for the teenager. He was probably ok with dumping her until he found out she was seeing someone else. Now, he comes running back. I think the best thing you can do is forget W as soon as you can. I know it was a hurtful experience, but be glad you didn't invest too much time in her. She may have professed love for you, but she was obviously leading you down the primrose path.
Author DiamondD Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I know its a long story. Friend of ours tells me meet this girl, she is recently out of a almost year relationship, we decide, no pressure, just friends meet at bar, fun, same as her, soooo. We meet, Dance, talk, she warms up, i feel amazingly comfortable, the girl (30) and I (38) click, couple days we connect more, amazingly, few days more, we find out so much about how we similar are , cliche, but true, made for each other, soulmates, a week or so more, we are inseperable, staying at each others place most of the time, and so openeing up and me especially, opened my heart, completely, gave her ALL of me, I am now falling for her, she is falling for me, Calls are and have been coming in to her anwer machine from her XBF 19 year old. 15 times a day, she talks to me, i talk to her , she says he hurt her but she wants to be friends, i embrace it for i am friends with my xwife, and it can be healthy. another few days Calls keep coming, mainly she never answers, because we are together, but sometimes i said go ahead, i see how she lights up, i see how she tears up, i tell her i am sympathetic and know she mush be sad cause he was part of her life, by now, she invited me into her kids life, met her family, she met mine, we continue to become more intimate, touched, amazed and close, were in love, we say it, i really feel it and beleive it, by the end of almost 3 weeks, basically, she said she wants to meet her XBF overnight, i was very concerned, 2 days i try and convincer her its wrong, we email, leave voicemail, i be dumb and vent my frustration on my Myspace, Friends onlu Blog, she gets upset more, i nebver posted UGLY or Mean rude stuff ever about her, just losing what we have, how could you say and do this. She professes she is still in love with her XBF (19 years old) and LOVES me, sinserely, upset, that she is in LOVE with me and him, and admits it, and crys, and doenst know what to do, she ends up going to see him for weekend, i get a txt msg about how she chose him, and loves him and wants to be only frinends with me. I get nasty myspace comments from her 19YR old XBF, ans the Boys MOM, the mom flirts, it ends. Im hurt, confused, bewildered, she is hurt, she is confused and i guess went back to him even though she knew he was not for her , long term, and me she said she thought so. Now we havent spoke for 3 days. I am coping , but bad, ok, then bad , and sad off and on. Hoping she comes to her senses about the 19 yr old XBF and gives us a chance to continue what I feel is love so right and strong, and too good to be true to her, so she ran, i forgave her whole heartedly and hope to have her aproach me. Rebound it looks, obviously, but felt we too real, shared way too much, connected and poored our hearts and souls into it too good tio be fake Rebound only, I remain close with her mom, her mom is upset, knows she is making wrong desicion and also tells me hold on give her time. I am. not easy, i wana call her or email her or txt msg her so much, yet i hold back. Hope this one is easier to follow.
Author DiamondD Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 (edited) I really hope she wasnt just leading me on, i mean i really felt it was too real for being fake, or game playing or anything more that she obviously still loved C. more than she wanted to admit, then whats true is she said she never expected to fall in love with me, so now she loves me, and she loves him, he wont let her be, obsessively calls her litterally 15 times a day Sweet Talking , she allows it, she feels i am so much diff and many amazing qualities she never seen in a guy, i beleive she got scared, and beleived him, and took him back, but I do beleive , they wont last, and i hope she approaches me soon, i will, yes will forgive, cause i feel with all my heart she never intentionally hurt, or meant to hurt, i beleive she genuinely sinserely loves me, she didnt know what she got into and ran back to him. I hope we get back. Edited March 10, 2008 by DiamondD
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