Author Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I'd never heard of that movie so I looked it up. 1985... which would make me like 5 or 6 at the time. He would have been at least 21. So his minimum age is about... 44? So, not only is he a liar, but a bad liar too! Why bother meeting people online? I just got back from San Fransisco and the whole town is crazy nice! I'd say go mingle! Yeah. I figure he was around 21 or so when I was 7, so that puts him at around 43 or 44. He looks about that age too.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Yeah. I figure he was around 21 or so when I was 7, so that puts him at around 43 or 44. He looks about that age too. So, why are you looking online again? Not that its bad... I've never really done it myself. However some of my friends complain about it constantly. Your a really good looking woman... you shouldn't have to waste your time with guys like this.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 So, why are you looking online again? Not that its bad... I've never really done it myself. However some of my friends complain about it constantly. Your a really good looking woman... you shouldn't have to waste your time with guys like this. Why not? I practically live at the office these days, I'm tired of the bar scene, and most of my social interaction is through a charitable organization comprised of all women. In other words, I don't meet many men.
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 sheeeit...there isn't anything wrong with meeting people online. The girl that I have been dating the last few months I happen to meet online, and with how picky i am with not only looks and personality...I don't think I could be any happier with who I have found. You can't possibly tell me that meeting women in bars/clubs is any better...from what women I have dated from meeting in bars/clubs have only had one agenda...hooking up. Thats fine and all if thats what your looking for, but for me I wanted something a little more substantial and real...and most important to me someone who is genuine. I haven't found that woman in any club or bar. I never have signed up for any of those dating websites, but I did post on Craigslist...and it wasn't bad at all. Since I posted I was able make clear exactly what I was looking for...and to my suprise I got many replies...all of which we're good looking women. Anyways if it's not you cup of tea or you have never tried, you really don't have much room for say - and by no means does it make you a loser....I know WTF I want in a woman and if I haven't found what I've been looking for when I go out, then I'm going to look elsewhere even if it means broadening my horizons through online personals. Besides I swear the older I get the harder it is to just meet people in general whether to make new friends or meet women.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Why not? I practically live at the office these days, I'm tired of the bar scene, and most of my social interaction is through a charitable organization comprised of all women. In other words, I don't meet many men. Makes sense. For what it's worth, I hope things get better for you! You've kind of been through the emotional ringer the last few months... it really takes some time. Just know that there are some really good guys out there, so you shouldnt have to lower your standards. Not that you are even considering that. If I could give you one suggestion it's this. Find an activity/organization where lots of guys are, that you enjoy doing/being involved in... and join up.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Makes sense. For what it's worth, I hope things get better for you! You've kind of been through the emotional ringer the last few months... it really takes some time. Just know that there are some really good guys out there, so you shouldnt have to lower your standards. Not that you are even considering that. Thanks, Cobra. Unfortunately, I HAVE lowered my standards in the past in terms of how well (er, poorly) I've allowed myself to be treated - but no more!
Cobra_X30 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Thanks, Cobra. Unfortunately, I HAVE lowered my standards in the past in terms of how well (er, poorly) I've allowed myself to be treated - but no more! Only poor quality men will treat you bad, whether you allow it or not. This is just my opinion, but I think you have that tendency to be self sacraficing... and you love with strength. Jerks will want to take advantage of that... but the really decent guys, they will truely appreciate you. It just takes some skill to tell the difference early on. You want a guy that would take a bullet for you!
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Only poor quality men will treat you bad, whether you allow it or not. This is just my opinion, but I think you have that tendency to be self sacraficing... and you love with strength. Jerks will want to take advantage of that... but the really decent guys, they will truely appreciate you. It just takes some skill to tell the difference early on. You want a guy that would take a bullet for you! I consider myself a really decent guy and sadly a hopeless romantic, and yes I truly appreciate every woman that i have ever been involved with, so how come I feel so neglected and most of the time under-appreciated? I never let a girl walk all over me and for the I'm pretty confident that I play all my cards right. Sometimes it makes me wonder if being an ******* is just better for a guys well-being overall, though i would never change myself, but I get pretty damn curious if thats how I should act sometimes.
Trimmer Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 ...He said he used to get such comments all the time in COLLEGE when he was bartending and before he knew who EE was (around the time of St. Elmo's Fire), but THEN the movie came out and he went to see it and saw the resemblance. I was like, "Uhhh....that movie came out when I was...like...SEVEN or something!" And THAT's when he said, "Well, I'm old...I'm not really 35..." So yeah, given the math and his well-weathered face I wouldn't doubt it if he were well into his 40's. I've said it before, but I find math skills sexy. And it should be obvious that I'm not saying this to hit on SG, as I'm clearly well out of her age range.
DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Why not? I practically live at the office these days, I'm tired of the bar scene, and most of my social interaction is through a charitable organization comprised of all women. In other words, I don't meet many men. What about mail-order groom. Im sure some Nigerian goat herder would be very grateful if you marry him. You will do some charity and you solve your problem too.
Phateless Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 What about dancing? I've given up on the bars because I meet so many women at salsa/swing, that there's really no point in going to a bar. I'm not even looking for anybody, I know that eventually I'll meet one through dancing that I really like. But yeah, swing/salsa/tango/ballroom/whatever the hell kind of dancing you want. Take lessons.
Pyro Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 What about dancing? I've given up on the bars because I meet so many women at salsa/swing, that there's really no point in going to a bar. I'm not even looking for anybody, I know that eventually I'll meet one through dancing that I really like. But yeah, swing/salsa/tango/ballroom/whatever the hell kind of dancing you want. Take lessons. Good advice. I took lessons many moons ago. There were some definite possibilities and I learned something fun.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I consider myself a really decent guy and sadly a hopeless romantic, and yes I truly appreciate every woman that i have ever been involved with, so how come I feel so neglected and most of the time under-appreciated? I never let a girl walk all over me and for the I'm pretty confident that I play all my cards right. Sometimes it makes me wonder if being an ******* is just better for a guys well-being overall, though i would never change myself, but I get pretty damn curious if thats how I should act sometimes. Well, not to cause a thread-jack, but it's about assessing people for who they are. What I've found works for me... is that I give, and I demand in return, if that makes sense. I also tend to give to the level that I receive. So, if I am with a woman who is very loving, affectionate, and giving... I will mirror this. If I'm with someone who tends to be low on that scale, I essentially decide what I want from her and request it, first by doing it myself and expecting a return. If she fails to respond... that means she is not the woman for me. I think that's kind of what SG is learning. That sometimes you have to expect people to appreciate you. The good ones do this naturally, so if you have yet to meet a woman who does that, just keep looking. See you don't have to be an Ahole... but you DO have to communicate what you want, and stick to your guns to make sure you get it. I think as guys its easier for us, because it's more acceptable for us to get aggressive and pushy about this.
serial muse Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 (edited) I don't fully understand the on line dating thing. You put you preference down as x-35. Does this stop someone over 35 from initiating contact? He should have just been honest from the beginning. That is too bad, and I see how it can make you wonder...what else could he lie about? No, people are still free to contact you at will. Here's the thing - I don't see anything wrong with people who don't exactly match your preferences giving it a try. As it happens, I met my current BF online (no I'm not a loser Daniel yawning over the hoary old outdated ideas) and he was outside of the age range I had stated. Not much, but outside of it. That means that when the program looks for matches for me, or when I do a search, his profile won't pop up. So, he found me and contacted me. He was honest about his age. Once his profile was actually on my radar, I thought he sounded intriguing, so we set up a date. And the rest is history. That said, one of the other preferences I put down was that I didn't want to date someone who already had kids. Just a personal preference. Don't feel ready to deal with the added responsibilities, and I am fully aware that there would be some. But men with kids still contacted me, acknowleding in their emails that they knew I said I didn't want that, but hoped I'd overlook it. I said no - age is somewhat flexible, this wasn't. (One guy got a bit insistent about it, which was wasn't doing him any favors.) Bottom line - I think honesty is more important than a precise match. I'm generally willing to give people outside of my arbitrary "preferences" a look. But lying about those things is a dealbreaker. So I don't see anything wrong with this guy contacting Star, even though he's aware of her preferences - the issue is that he was dishonest about it. I mean, of course people lie - but I see nothing wrong with making that a real dealbreaker, if it's important to you. Edited March 11, 2008 by serial muse
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Well, not to cause a thread-jack, but it's about assessing people for who they are. What I've found works for me... is that I give, and I demand in return, if that makes sense. I also tend to give to the level that I receive. So, if I am with a woman who is very loving, affectionate, and giving... I will mirror this. If I'm with someone who tends to be low on that scale, I essentially decide what I want from her and request it, first by doing it myself and expecting a return. If she fails to respond... that means she is not the woman for me. I think that's kind of what SG is learning. That sometimes you have to expect people to appreciate you. The good ones do this naturally, so if you have yet to meet a woman who does that, just keep looking. See you don't have to be an Ahole... but you DO have to communicate what you want, and stick to your guns to make sure you get it. I think as guys its easier for us, because it's more acceptable for us to get aggressive and pushy about this. I really understand where you are coming from. I like how you talked about how you mirror your SO's appreciation for you...when I think back to some relationships I think I tend to be the more unconditonal affection giver meanign sometimes I don't always get the same back. Maybe I gotta try and realy expect more in return if I'm not getting it. I kinda feel the same in this current girl that I have been dating the last 3-4 monhs - (SG knows about this one lol )- we're past the whole honeymoon phase and it seems that I yearn for more of that kind of attention (texting, saying goodnite, random emails, the small things) even though when we're together it's like we are a couple already. Anyhow it's really clear to me now with this girl after talking alot that she is just taking things in at her own pace due to the fact that she just got out of a relationship of 3 yrs only about 5 months ago, maybe things got too comfortable to quickly. But for the most part I don't know whether I'm not being appreciated, or if I am just really being insecure about how slow she is taking things and picking at every little thing ----sorry to have all of the sudden made this about me -----
StartingOver07 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I'd never heard of that movie so I looked it up. 1985... which would make me like 5 or 6 at the time. He would have been at least 21. So his minimum age is about... 44? Nah, back in the old days you could drink at 18 legally and most places looked the other way so long as you were over 16. I waitressed at a bar in college back when and I wasn't 18. In any case, this seems to be a no-brainer. If lying is a deal-breaker and this constitutes a lie in the OP's eyes, then the only possible conclusion is that she should not date him. FWIW, I agree that online dating is probably the most fraught way to meet someone. It is harder to pretend to be what you're not -- age, height, weight, whatever -- in person than online. Notice I am saying harder, not impossible.
sb129 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 So, he found me and contacted me. He was honest about his age. Once his profile was actually on my radar, I thought he sounded intriguing, so we set up a date. And the rest is history. So I don't see anything wrong with this guy contacting Star, even though he's aware of her preferences - the issue is that he was dishonest about it. I mean, of course people lie - but I see nothing wrong with making that a real dealbreaker, if it's important to you. Exactly SM. SGs guy had plenty of opportunities to come clean, at least your guy was honest from the start.
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