xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I'm not exactly sure how many threads I've came across these past few days where the OP is confused or baffled by their person of interest's behaviour-" does he like me?", "what does his behaviour mean?", etc. etc. Then when they expressed their opinion "let's just be friends?"... the person on the receiving end is usually devastated by it because they felt so much attraction and whatnot and resentment builts in. I'm not sure if there had been a thread started on this, but I was wondering when you actually say "let's be friends" does it mean literally that there's no small glimpse of hope in the future for anything to develop. But the people who usually thinks its hopeless are usually guys who got turned down by girls they're attracted to. And women usually who are on the receiving end of it (for example me) are usually in denial, and still carries a little hope they might feel different in the future. What's your take on this?
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I'm not exactly sure how many threads I've came across these past few days where the OP is confused or baffled by their person of interest's behaviour-" does he like me?", "what does his behaviour mean?", etc. etc. Then when they expressed their opinion "let's just be friends?"... the person on the receiving end is usually devastated by it because they felt so much attraction and whatnot and resentment builts in. I'm not sure if there had been a thread started on this, but I was wondering when you actually say "let's be friends" does it mean literally that there's no small glimpse of hope in the future for anything to develop. But the people who usually thinks its hopeless are usually guys who got turned down by girls they're attracted to. And women usually who are on the receiving end of it (for example me) are usually in denial, and still carries a little hope they might feel different in the future. What's your take on this? When a guy says" Lets just be friends" he really means ," Go away, you are boring and dull and a little fugly and I do not want to sleep with you ." We do not generally feel any guilt about saying this to a woman. When a woman sys," LJBFs, she really means ," Stay around to feed my need for attention and ego stroking. But no sex or romance. However I reserve the right to dump you entirely if a BBD comes along,. In that case you are NOT allowed to speak up in protest because I have already rejected you- even though I have stiil led you on just enough to keep you around.
tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 When a woman sys," LJBFs, she really means ," Stay around to feed my need for attention and ego stroking. But no sex or romance. However I reserve the right to dump you entirely if a BBD comes along,. In that case you are NOT allowed to speak up in protest because I have already rejected you- even though I have stiil led you on just enough to keep you around. guilty...
tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I'm not exactly sure how many threads I've came across these past few days where the OP is confused or baffled by their person of interest's behaviour-" does he like me?", "what does his behaviour mean?", etc. etc. Then when they expressed their opinion "let's just be friends?"... the person on the receiving end is usually devastated by it because they felt so much attraction and whatnot and resentment builts in. I'm not sure if there had been a thread started on this, but I was wondering when you actually say "let's be friends" does it mean literally that there's no small glimpse of hope in the future for anything to develop. But the people who usually thinks its hopeless are usually guys who got turned down by girls they're attracted to. And women usually who are on the receiving end of it (for example me) are usually in denial, and still carries a little hope they might feel different in the future. What's your take on this? as far as when a guy says this to a girl... I think it depends on what's going on in their lives, their maturity level etc. But it still means "I only see you as a friend".. nothing more. It does NOT have to mean that they think you're "dull and fugly" and whatever else aussiejack so eliquently said! kidding... you know I love.. or like you... you know, as a friend! LOL!
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 as far as when a guy says this to a girl... I think it depends on what's going on in their lives, their maturity level etc. But it still means "I only see you as a friend".. nothing more. It does NOT have to mean that they think you're "dull and fugly" and whatever else aussiejack so eliquently said! kidding... you know I love.. or like you... you know, as a friend! LOL! lol I know that as a girl when I say I just want to be friends, I know that I could never see myself with them physically or emotionally for any matters besides the relationship of two friends. And I would assume the same goes for when a guy says it to a girl. Yet, there are still some of the rejected who still feels that by building up the friendship they could slowly warm their way into the other person's heart. Isn't that kind of sneaky and underhanded?
SeraBella Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I think that when someone says "let's just be friends" they mean they have no interest in the other person and no desire to have something in the future. It's perceived as one of the nicer ways of saying they aren't into you...but most people who are on the receiving end probably don't feel that way. Occasionally it could be because they really do think you are better off as friends than anything else. I think if someone who was just dumped asks or offers to remain friends, the person who was hurt usually is holding out hope that something will happen in the future...which is why so many people here preach NC.
spookie Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 It disturbs me that so many people don't seem to place importance on platonic connections, particularly with people of the opposite sex. When I say, "Let's be friends," to someone, I mean it. It doesn't mean I want to feed my ego, I'll drop the person when someone better comes along, or even that I don't find the other person attractive. All it means is that for whatever reason, I just don't feel like putting out, physically and emotionally, as part of the bond. Why there is considered something wrong with having relationships of this sort, or why my motives are automatically questioned, is beyond me.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 It disturbs me that so many people don't seem to place importance on platonic connections, particularly with people of the opposite sex. When I say, "Let's be friends," to someone, I mean it. It doesn't mean I want to feed my ego, I'll drop the person when someone better comes along, or even that I don't find the other person attractive. All it means is that for whatever reason, I just don't feel like putting out, physically and emotionally, as part of the bond. Why there is considered something wrong with having relationships of this sort, or why my motives are automatically questioned, is beyond me. Same thing as why we question why we sometimes can't attract the people that we, ourselves are attracted to. Nobody ever taught us how to emotionally deal with rejections. We have to learn that ourselves.
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 "dull and fugly" and whatever else aussiejack so eliquently said! - That should be "eloquently" (sp) I am here to help ..
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 lol Yet, there are still some of the rejected who still feels that by building up the friendship they could slowly warm their way into the other person's heart. Isn't that kind of sneaky and underhanded? Nah. it is not sneaky -just tragic and very sad..
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I think that it's worse when a guy says that to a girl. It means that there is zero physical attraction and he can't see himself having sex with you. Men actually need physical attraction more than women as they can't ummm "perform" without it. It is also less common than other way around, as men are generally less picky than women when it comes to sex but when a man says "let's be friends" it's 200% kiss of death. Also men devolop emotional connection AFTER the physical so there is NO chance of him "warming up to you".
City_girl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I agree with Chris Rock . Men don't have plutonic women friends, just women they haven't F&^** yet
spookie Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I agree with Chris Rock . Men don't have plutonic women friends, just women they haven't F&^** yet That's sad.
tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 - That should be "eloquently" (sp) I am here to help .. LOL!!! I had a feeling I didn't spell ELOQUENTLY right...
SteveCarter Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 It really depends on the situation but I tend to agree with what has already been said. If a woman says it then that means she has not fallen for you, but does want to stay friends and you could win her over sometime in the future. If a man says it then as other people said it is usually because he doesn't find that woman interesting or attractive enough and wants to get rid of her. But in both situations things can change over time if you stay in contact. Steve
tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) It disturbs me that so many people don't seem to place importance on platonic connections, particularly with people of the opposite sex. When I say, "Let's be friends," to someone, I mean it. It doesn't mean I want to feed my ego, I'll drop the person when someone better comes along, or even that I don't find the other person attractive. All it means is that for whatever reason, I just don't feel like putting out, physically and emotionally, as part of the bond. Why there is considered something wrong with having relationships of this sort, or why my motives are automatically questioned, is beyond me. very well put! (not going to try to use the word eloquently again!) This subject hits very close to home for me as I've been on both ends of the "lets be friends" thing the last couple months. Like right now I'm wanting to "just be friends" with a guy I recently went out with but I'm pretty sure he wants more than that... anyways, that's all in another thread titled "the just want to be friends dilemna" that I actually just posted last night! And a couple months ago I was seeing this guy and he used the "we can still be friends" thing when he was ending it with me. It's sort of a long story but we had a bumpy relationship from the start... there was definitely the chemistry, and we had fun together... that is when we were actually together! Opposite work schedules and both of us traveling a lot made it difficult to spend the time together to get to know each other more... but looking back now I believe if he was really the right guy for me we would have worked it out somehow. I also think that he really wasn't looking for anything serious... still wants to date around etc... (jerk! just kidding!) But when he asked if we could still be friends, I had to say "no" because I couldn't handle just hanging out with someone I had deeper feelings for than they had for me. At first I regreted my decision and thought about calling him... and that if we hung out a bit more that maybe he would start to have deeper feelings for me too. But now I'm glad I "stuck to my guns"! So I guess the point I'm trying to make is that there are many different sides of the whole "let's just be friends" story. And although I've had some great friendships with guys in the past, they can be "tricky" at times! Edited March 9, 2008 by tkgirl
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