4givrnt4gtr Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 So! A few days ago i had a talk with my lovely SO. I was very upset at something he did, which made me feel not so important in his life. Anyway, i posted here, livid, saying i was done...ready to end it bassically. After i calmed down i talked to him about it. Turns out it had been a miscommunication issue, but it helped me come to him and tell him certain things that have bothered me. Mostly, I guess Ive carried this feeling that Im not very important to him, that I may be just a diversion, and he doesnt really take our relationship all that seriously... Anyhow, that night i asked him for a bit more effort, to which he agreed and clearly told me that although he doesnt lik to go out, and do the whole "dating" scene (going out to restaurants, going out to the movies, etc as opposed to hanging out and just chilling at home), he would do it if it was really important for me. So i was pleased with the whole thing, we actually had a good time talking about this. Even though it was a touchy subject, we managed to have a good few laughs and get to the bottom of what was bothering me. Alright, fastfoward to this morning. I was still kinda hoping things would work out after all, but still not sure that he felt as deeply as I do about us. ****ohhh quick background..ive posted about the main issue that this post is getting to...but quick recap. My bf is Indian, came a few years ago with his parents. For a long time he didnt want to tell his parents that he was dating me, because he didnt know how they would take him dating a hispanic girl. Specially since they want him married asap (he is 29). I understood this and never pushed him to tell them about me or introduce me. However looking back I think that has been in the back of my mind and made me uneasy about his intentions with me**** Anyhow, sometime this morning he tells me his mom is coming over. He is hiding the condoms etc, so I ask him if they still dont know I exist. He then tells me that they do. He told them, and in fact his mom keeps asking about me. I was quite shocked cuz he told me he would only tell his parents when he thought he had found the person he wanted to marry. He told me his mom was concerned about our very different cultures, and how we would be able to have a family together. At this point my face looked sorta like this ---> Marriage? family? huh???? SO we continue talking, and he tells me he's been thinking that its time to move onto the next stage. That its been quite fun just dating and relaxing and enjoying each other, but he's feeling like before we get into anything deeper, like we seem to be, he's got to know if I will be able to fit in within his culture, and his family life. He tells me that maybe ive been feeling the same, and that I should think about this too. I told him i have and that I understood exactly what we are dealing with, but I also know that I am capable of handling cultural differences, and partake in those cultural things that he is so attached to, if i am able to. He says thats what he hopes for and wants to see. He told me he doesnt want to have to defend me from the worries of his mom, so he wants her to make her own opinion. Thus....time to meet the parents. If all goes well, If his parents accept me, and I feel comfortable in his family, i guess my relationship goes to a whole new level.....thats, both frightening, and exciting... If not..... Well i guess is better to find out sooner rather than later... SO now...im petrified...this is make it or break it situation. Meeting his parents. Has anyone dealt with something like this? where meeting the family was a huge deal??? (specially any non-Indians meeting Indian parents?) What are some pointers about meeting the parents in such a formal way? How should I behave? should I bring something or does that look too kiss assy? Im relieved to see he is taking me seriously, scared cuz now that my worries have been pacified, the risk is high, and nervous cuz i want to make a good impression.... help?
Kamille Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 That is such good news 4 - even though yes, I can see how high pressure the situation is. I mean, it's stressful enough meeting anyone's parents, but in your case, yikes! The pressure is somehow quintupled. I think it likely doesn't help much that you bf is presenting the situation in those very serious terms. But, hey, at the same time... It does sound like you're both on the right track. I was in a somewhat similar scenario with my second ex-boyfriend. His family was muslim and I'm agnostic. His family was from an Arab country, expecting him to get married soon even as they worried about what would happen to him if he married an Occidental woman. Fortunately, my boyfriend didn't really care what his family thought of me, which took some of the pressure off - but one of his sisters had a way of letting me know where I stood in the family, which was very unsettling. Anyways, the only advice I can give is be patient and be yourself. First impressions change. You don't need to win them over the first time. As you get invited to more and more family events, they will get to know you and appreciate you better. I know it's pretty down to earth advice that you already knew. I hope it goes well (and am pretty sure it will). Keep us posted!
curiousnycgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 The challenge here will mostly depend on how open minded his parents are. If they are open minded, then there is nothing to worry about. If they are not, then it is up to your b/f to manage the situation. Not yours! You just need to be yourself. I have this situation in reverse. I come from a religious, Jewish, liberal NY family - my bf is Christian, from Wisconsin is a die hard rebulican, etc. etc. My family was vehemently opposed from the get go. It was up to me to manage the situation - which I did. I basically told them that either they are polite and behaved themselves with him, or they are choosing not to see me. It took them nearly a full year to recognize and accept that he truly makes me happy. Now they only want to understand why we are not yet married. OY
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