tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Here I go again... I just moved to a new state last summer and it's been kind of hard to meet new people. So I've been doing the online dating thing on and off and it's kind of fun, but what usually happens is that I meet these guys, they seem fun but there is no real attraction on my end (except for one guy, but that's another subject!) A couple of them have told me that they want to "take it to the next level" and that's when I let them know that I just want to be friends. Well, needless to say it doesn't go over too well... and now it's happened again! I just met a guy, we emailed and talked on the phone a bit and he seemed really cool... but then when we met in person I pretty much knew right away that I was not really attracted... although he let it be known he was very attracted to me. He's called a bunch and wants to go out again... and the thing is I really need friends and he seems he'd be a fun person to know, likes to do a a bunch of stuff I like, has lots of friends etc... but all I really want from him is friendship. I want to handle this right this time... how can I tactfully tell him that I am not interested in dating him but would definitely like to hang out as friends. I'm really interested in what guys have to say about this... but any insight from girls would be appreciated as well! Thanks!
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Here I go again... I just moved to a new state last summer and it's been kind of hard to meet new people. So I've been doing the online dating thing on and off and it's kind of fun, but what usually happens is that I meet these guys, they seem fun but there is no real attraction on my end (except for one guy, but that's another subject!) A couple of them have told me that they want to "take it to the next level" and that's when I let them know that I just want to be friends. Well, needless to say it doesn't go over too well... and now it's happened again! I just met a guy, we emailed and talked on the phone a bit and he seemed really cool... but then when we met in person I pretty much knew right away that I was not really attracted... although he let it be known he was very attracted to me. He's called a bunch and wants to go out again... and the thing is I really need friends and he seems he'd be a fun person to know, likes to do a a bunch of stuff I like, has lots of friends etc... but all I really want from him is friendship. I want to handle this right this time... how can I tactfully tell him that I am not interested in dating him but would definitely like to hang out as friends. I'm really interested in what guys have to say about this... but any insight from girls would be appreciated as well! Thanks! OK, here is your problem - you appear to want a friend more that you want a MAN - Men do not seek out women for friendship -we are not wired to do that. So if you want a friend get on one of those in line friendship sites. You may even find a gay guy who can have an in-depth convo about hair and make-up and interior decorating.
Author tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 OK, here is your problem - you appear to want a friend more that you want a MAN - Men do not seek out women for friendship -we are not wired to do that. So if you want a friend get on one of those in line friendship sites. You may even find a gay guy who can have an in-depth convo about hair and make-up and interior decorating. LOL! Actually, I really do want to meet a cool guy... for more than just friendship! I just haven't had much luck so far... well, there was one guy I met a while back (doing the online thing) and he was great! I really liked him and we spent the next two months trying to be together, but conflicting work schedules and lots of traveling made things difficult. But if it was meant to be... but to be honest, I don't think I'm completely over him and I think that's part of the problem. I compare every guy I meet now to him... and I was HUGELY attracted to him (not just physically) I want to find a guy to help me get over him... but it hasn't happened... and since I need friends too... man, I do sound pretty selfish don't I? Anyways, I was just hoping for advice on how to tell guy I want to just be friends with him without losing him altogether... is it possible?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 If you don't want to attract man who are interested in relationships, don't be so optimistic to go on DATING SITES to actually look for them. You're definitely sending off all the wrong vibes.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 LOL! Actually, I really do want to meet a cool guy... for more than just friendship! I just haven't had much luck so far... well, there was one guy I met a while back (doing the online thing) and he was great! I really liked him and we spent the next two months trying to be together, but conflicting work schedules and lots of traveling made things difficult. But if it was meant to be... but to be honest, I don't think I'm completely over him and I think that's part of the problem. I compare every guy I meet now to him... and I was HUGELY attracted to him (not just physically) I want to find a guy to help me get over him... but it hasn't happened... and since I need friends too... man, I do sound pretty selfish don't I? Anyways, I was just hoping for advice on how to tell guy I want to just be friends with him without losing him altogether... is it possible? I doubt it'll be impossible to tell him without some resentment on his part. Guys usually go on dating sites because they already have too many female friends, that's why they try to branch out in actually finding a female that wants to be with them.
Author tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 If you don't want to attract man who are interested in relationships, don't be so optimistic to go on DATING SITES to actually look for them. You're definitely sending off all the wrong vibes. yea, I get that too... so basically if I go out with one of these guys from the online dating sites and it doesn't work, then I need to cut my losses and forget about even keeping him as a friend... oh well... now to tell this guy I'm not interested in spending time with him again... ugh, I hate this!
SoStupid Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Gotta Love dating! Hang in there it will get better!
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Anyways, I was just hoping for advice on how to tell guy I want to just be friends with him without losing him altogether... is it possible? No, it is not possible to be "just friends" with a guy who wanted to date you. Why? Because you want different things. You can only be "friends" with a guy who also just wants friendship with YOU. IF that is not what HE wants then 'friendship" ain't gonna happen.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 yea, I get that too... so basically if I go out with one of these guys from the online dating sites and it doesn't work, then I need to cut my losses and forget about even keeping him as a friend... oh well... now to tell this guy I'm not interested in spending time with him again... ugh, I hate this! LOl maybe next time you shouldn't rush into meeting the guy on a whim. Try getting to know them and grasp their personalities. At least if you don't like them over the internet and phone, you don't have to waste your time going out with them.
Author tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 LOl maybe next time you shouldn't rush into meeting the guy on a whim. Try getting to know them and grasp their personalities. At least if you don't like them over the internet and phone, you don't have to waste your time going out with them. The thing is this last guy did seem really cool over the phone.. and kinda cute from the picture he sent me... but then in person he was a little over the top... and there just wasn't any real chemistry on my end. That's hard to pick up sometimes over a few phone calls... I'll say it it again... UGH!
carhill Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Don't hate it. How many guys have you met in your life where the interest and chemistry was mutual? Likely very few. From my side of the street (I'm a guy), I can count them on one hand. Most guys who aren't interested in "friendship" are just horny. So, how many platonic male friends would you say you have? Over the years, most of my female friends had few or no male friends other than myself and some gay guys. Now that the weather is warming up, why not take a drive down the PCH during spring break and stop in some of the beach towns and just shop and mingle. Whenever we stay down at our timeshare in Newport, there are always hot single guys wandering around. I swear I don't notice the women You're in prime single-mingle country (SoCal). Enjoy! Oh, I just had an idea; get a ticket to the Keith Urban concert in Anaheim next Thursday (my wife will be there) and check out all the single guys there. They've finally caught on that women just looove Keith Urban And the show is just bonzer!
Author tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 Don't hate it. How many guys have you met in your life where the interest and chemistry was mutual? Likely very few. From my side of the street (I'm a guy), I can count them on one hand. Most guys who aren't interested in "friendship" are just horny. So, how many platonic male friends would you say you have? Over the years, most of my female friends had few or no male friends other than myself and some gay guys. Now that the weather is warming up, why not take a drive down the PCH during spring break and stop in some of the beach towns and just shop and mingle. Whenever we stay down at our timeshare in Newport, there are always hot single guys wandering around. I swear I don't notice the women You're in prime single-mingle country (SoCal). Enjoy! Oh, I just had an idea; get a ticket to the Keith Urban concert in Anaheim next Thursday (my wife will be there) and check out all the single guys there. They've finally caught on that women just looove Keith Urban And the show is just bonzer! I WISH I still lived in So Cal! I need to change my thingie... I moved from California to Colorado last summer... maybe that's the problem? LOL! I miss them surfer boys...
carhill Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 What part of CO? If you're anywhere near COS, the Air Force Academy there is a source of non-stop testosterone My BIL lives in COS and we've got friends in Golden. Denver is pretty hoppin' from my few visits there. Colorado is pretty laid back compared to SoCal though, as you've found out!
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 And the show is just bonzer! I caught that. CarKill. "BONZER" ? That is very old Aussie slang. Not in common use for twenty some odd years. Perhaps still in the lexicon in country regions.
carhill Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Yes, I picked it up from our friends in Tamworth. Very country.....IIRC, country (as in the music) is kinda a bad word in Oz, yes?
Author tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 What part of CO? If you're anywhere near COS, the Air Force Academy there is a source of non-stop testosterone My BIL lives in COS and we've got friends in Golden. Denver is pretty hoppin' from my few visits there. Colorado is pretty laid back compared to SoCal though, as you've found out! I live just outside of Boulder... actually there are plenty of good looking mountain guys out this way I likes me some of them too! But like I said in an earlier post... as much as I hate to admit it, I'm still not completely over that last guy. I think I've been trying to replace him in my mind by meeting these other guys, then when it doesn't work out I'll try the friend thing.. since I need more of them out here too! But I realize now I have to seperate the two... wanting a boyfriend and to make new friends... but not both at the same time... you know what I mean! think I'm getting sleepy...
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