Funk Monkey Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] OK, this may be a long post cos I have a lot to get off my chest. Or it could depress me enough for me to want to stop talking about it. I first met my girlfriend in January. We didn't really have a dating period, we just seemed to launch ourselves into a relationship from the outset. At first, things were great (as they always are in the 'honeymoon period') but soon the arguments started to happen. Before I go any further, I should mention that she lives on the Isle Of Wight, which involves a pricey ticket every time we want to see each other . . . bad news for a penniless graphics student! Anyway, we broke up in about April. But after a week or so, we decided to give it another shot. The second time we went out, things seemed to be improving a lot, but still there were the kind of cataclysmic arguments that were weakening everything. We broke up a second time, this time she was saying that she wasn't sure whether she could handle the effort and pressure of a relationship alongside all her other problems. This time round, I was very upset. I had fallen deeply for her this second time round. I suggested to her that we would try dating, and build up something that we didn't build up in the first place. She agreed that we should do this and reiterated that we should keep it very casual and relaxed. We went on two 'dates'. Hardly dates - it was as if we were back together. There was nothing casual about them. But after these two dates, she just assumed that we were going back out again. As you can imagine, I was confused that she could change her mind so quickly, but glad to have her back again, so I kept my fears to myself. Enter the ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend (of three and a half years) moves back to the island after being away at uni. My girlfriend then calls me and says she thinks we should just be dating for two reasons a) we argue too much and b) cos she wants to make it crystal clear in her mind that she feels nothing for her ex-boyfriend. So she told me she would meet up with him a few times (not dates, she assures me) to work this out, while dating me. I was obviously upset, but agreed. After a few more dates, the same cycle. She sends me text messages and phone calls as if we were going out again and behaves just like a girlfriend, and then goes extremely cold when I get upset at the mention of her ex-boyfriend. The arguments don't stoop, even though they are petty and barely smoothed-over. So is this true love - i.e. we can't be without each other, and can't stay apart. Or is it doomed - and we are both just being stubborn and don't want to be the one to be brave and call it off for good for fear of regretting it?? Anyone's insights/advice would be welcome, cos it's frying my little brains!! Cheers Funk Monkey Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 [color=violet][font=arial]I have learnt from past experience that if it’s hard in the beginning to keep something together than more often than not it’s going to get harder… So you ask whether its over… well only you can answer this. But I will ask you one question… if things NEVER changed and she stayed as she is, not knowing if she is coming or going, could you live with it forever more??? Cos you should never be with someone hoping they will change. This might be just the way she is. Think about that, might give you an answer as to whether she is truly right for you. Talk to her… don’t be driven by fear, say what you need to say to her to make her understand and if she doesn’t get it well… you will need to make a decision. Sounds like you are at her mercy… whatever she wants she gets. That’s not being stubborn, that’s being silly. Don’t live a life in fear of regretting, cos living it like this you will regret many more things. I think you know your answer, you just need to admit it to yourself, and have the courage to do something about it, you don’t need us to tell you! It might be LOVE but doesn’t mean it for keeps! Cos LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH to keep two people together! Good Luck! ~PurpleAngel~ [/font][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
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