sxw113 Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 my b/f and i have been dating for almost 5 months. Everything was going good until i started questioning him all the time. The reason is because my last relationship was horrible and i feel that this guy is to good to be true. He is so good to me and tried to spend all his time with me, but i would question him if he really wanted to be with me, i know i should not. After awhile he started to get annoyed and i dont blame him, we started fighting over this and it went on for a month. We are now working things out and trying to get back to the ways things were but now its different. He says he wants to think about things because all that fighting got him wondering. I feel like i messed something good up and i jsut dont know how to make it right. He does not call as much since we started fighting and he does not see me as much. I know he didnt want to before becuase when we did talk or see eachother we would fight but now i am really trying to not question but he still seems distant. He says that once things get back to normal that he will act the way he did before but im kinda scared i ruined it by being so insecure, i made the mistake of assuming he was going to treat me like my ex did. i think i pushed him away, what do i do??
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 1. Have you personally apologized (this means looking him in the eye) for your behavior? 2. Have you asked him what he wants from the relationship? My advice is to do these things face to face and then ask him how he wants to proceed. "Honey, where do we go from here? I love you and want you to be comfortable with me" bla, bla (I'm lousy at this ) Then, sit back and listen with an open mind. Accept his thoughts. If he wants some time to "think it over", tell him you'll support him in that. His responsibility is to contact you so you'll know it's OK. He's emotionally attached and frustrated right now. It'll pass, IMO. The relationship will be different. That's a good thing IMO. Hope it works out
Author sxw113 Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 I have apologized to him face to face, and he said that he just wants to drop it and not talk about it again. He said he wants to be with me and that if he didnt want it to work he would not be trying and that he would have lefted a long time ago. He said that because i have said many times beofre i would stop and havent that he does not want to get his hopes up. I believe him when he says he wants to be with me and that he cares about me, but im just so mad at myself for questioning him when i had no reason to, he is such a good guy and im scared that i messed something good up. I really dont want to lose him. He says that he does not feel the same anymore but that is only because we were fighting so much, he keeps saying that if everything goes back to the way it was that we will be fine. But now he does not call me that much and it seems like he does not want to see me. Is it becuase we were fighting? i feel like things wont get back to the way it was, its only been a week. He just keeps saying to give it time and that it wont change overnight, i just want him to want me the way he did before, hes such a good guy and i dont want to lose him.! but im sure im pushing him away, i just dont know how to stop, all my other boyfriends were jerks, now i got myslef a good guy and i dont know what to do
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 I'm sure you'll get some great advice, but Saturday is when everyone is out having fun; me, I'm working Anyway, good on ya for being direct with him. Try, try, try and bite your tongue off if you have to, to refrain from repeating this painful subject again. His actions will show you that he wants to be with you. Envision this as a positive process, growing in yourself and making you a more intimate and complete partner with him. I think, with a month or two of loving action, you'll be pleasantly surprised. The best thing to remember is that relationships are constantly changing and evolving. There is no status quo. Perhaps this very conversation has changed your relationship; who knows? The hard part is accepting change and viewing it within the context of your love for each other. I'm trying desperately to follow my own advice! You'll make it
Author sxw113 Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Thank you so much for all your advice. i feel stupid that i cant fix this myself. i know he wants to be with me because any other guy would have left, he would not have put up with me for this long if he did not care. i just get upset if he does not call and when he does i kind of jump down his throat. he use to call or at least text message me, he is at home all say because he is waiting to get hired on the police department and now all he does is play video games all day, i would think he would call more becuase he is the one home all day. i just dont understand men. =(
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