RoTen Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Hey ya'll! Well first of all, thank you for taking the time to read about my problem. I have never posted in a forum before, so I hope I can get a little help with what i have been going through for a while. See, I have this boyfriend. We have been together for quite some time now. A year. When i am with my boyfriend, oh i love it. I love how we get along, how he makes me laugh, how he treats me. I feel just like I am home when I go and stay with him. We are very comfortable with each other and it all is just quite nice. The problem starts when i am not with him, physically. All of a sudden, I just start with these thoughts, with these doubts. I am not even quite sure what is it that makes me feel this way. I dont even know what the doubts are. I start wondering if he is the man for me. Its this nagging anxiety that wont let me be. But then, once i see him again, these doubts and worries dissapear, and I vow to myself next time i start feeling that nagging anxiety, i would remember those moments. I have always had these type of feelings since we got together last spring, but now they have intensified, just as his feelings for me seem to have intensified as well! It feels like when Im with him I am with this wonderful man. And when I am not, it feels like im thinking about someone completely different. Its like Im dating two men. One in real life, and one in my head. Has anyone ever experience this? Does anyone know why it happens? Should I seek out a shrink? I really dont want to mess up a good thing in the making. Can anyone help me?
City_girl Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Hi, I am new here but wanted to ask. Are you sure you aren't just screening out your intuition? is there something not quite right that you feel on an intuative level but only when you aren't with him feeling all of the emotions he's stirring up in you? Is the relationship right for you but not right now? I can see re reading my own 1st post how different my emotions interperate the man I am with's actions. Maybe you should write down the pattern of your interactions and/or make a pros and cons list of being with him One thing I am learning, always trust the anxiety, it's telling you something....might be about you and what you need deep down , might be about him? A woman's instinct is always right
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 OP, do those thoughts ebb and flow? Say you're away from him for a week. Is there any pattern to your thoughts in this regard during that time? Or, just completely random? How do you know it's doubts? How does the anxiety manifest itself physically? Does the sensation vary? This may sound stupid, but you might be picking up on his doubts, not your own. His presence overwhelms those sensations when you're with him and your physicality is forefront in his mind at that time. I have this hypothesis In any event, trust your instincts. They may not be logical but they are the product of millions of years of evolution. It's called "believing". Good luck!
AussieJack Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 It feels like when Im with him I am with this wonderful man. And when I am not, it feels like im thinking about someone completely different. Its like Im dating two men. One in real life, and one in my head. Ok lets get rid of the "trust your feelings " crap and get down to reality. You wrote that when you are with the guy you are OK ..He treats you well and you love being with him - right? Are there any significant problems between you which you have not posted here? If not read on. So the problem arises when you are NOT around him? Your thoughts start to swirl and tumble, and your doubts and anxieties bubble up, and you become bewildered and apprehensive about your future with him ? Is any of this bound to any behaviors of his? No evidence ? IF not, then your anxieties are unfounded and they are NOT about him or created from your relationship with him - they are about YOU. There is a vast difference between "instincts" and "feelings" like you are experiencing. A woman's feelings are occasionally right but often wrong when they are confused with "instincts" If you cannot nominate the source of your anxieties then try therapy.
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 If you cannot nominate the source of your anxieties then try therapy. Excellent suggestion. I've been working on this issue for about six months with a psychologist and, in my case, I'm hypothesizing such are external factors my nervous system is picking up on. Only a competent professional with a full patient history can begin to figure out these complexities if they aren't situational, like the OP appears to be relating. Most people don't examine things this deeply, and I don't know that I'd recommend the OP do this, but I have an enormous curiosity about all things psychological Still, IC sounds like a reasonable option if the OP thinks she's having unsubstantiated doubts about the relationship.
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