THEBIGARC Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Well, all of you were right. I did not want to accept it, but tonight she made me realize that it is truly over. She will not and does not want to make it work. It was a hard pill to swallow, but she explained it to me as clear as day. The OM is the one she has always wanted and now that he is getting a divorce himself she has to take a chance. I was never the right man for her. WE have a 4 y/o son and now have a brand new house to move into this weekend. We are moving in and I am staying in the guess bedroom until our(her, it is in her name)house sells, then I will get out of her dream house. She has been the one with the money and she has helped me, so it is only fair that I leave the new house. At least by selling her old house I will not have to pay for the new one. This all seems like a nightmare right now, but I know in time it is what is best for all of us. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and she let's me know about them all the time. I need to let her go and I am letting go. I have been a basket case since she gave me the " I am not in love" speech after running into the her ex. We went to MC and I thought it helped, but it only made her mind up more that this is the time to end our marriage. This will be my 2nd divorce and she said maybe I am not made to be a husband. That hurt, but it is true. I am going to be a alone for a long time. I have forgotten who I am. I talk to my Navy pals about when we were in the service and I had no serious relationships and was never happier. As I got older I felt like I needed someone to make me complete. That should not be the case. The W also told me that I did not complete her either tonight. Wow! Life sure throws you curve balls. Just last month I was begining the new year kissing my wife and planning to move into our dream house. Well, we are moving into it, but it is my nightmare. I am not sure how long I will be able to stay there with her. We will be room mates and she will have a boyfriend that I never see, but she is in love with and completes her. That is going to be tough. Well, wish me luck! This site has really showed me the insite to the ending of a marriage. Nomad1 predicted this to me after my 1st post. I prayed he was wrong. One more thing, I am Catholic and this is my 2nd divorce. I am thinking about leaving the Catholic church and going to a Christian church. I can not stomach another anulment. Any advice you give will be read and thought about deeply. I am going to keep posting with updates. This site helps me cope knowing that I am not alone.
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Sorry to hear that Take heart and lean on your service mates. You're lucky to have a big family of supportive men to share with. Hug your boy. You're a fortunate guy!
daisygirl Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 BigArc- I am very sorry that things didn't work out for you. My H told me last night he doesn't feel anything for me anymore and does not want to try MC like we had planned - he just wants to end the marriage. Although I was the one that initially wanted out of the marriage, then I decided to give it another shot with the MC, but now he's not wanting to try. I think it was bound to happen for us, as cynical as that sounds. I also want to say that your wife saying you are not meant to be a husband is totally wrong. I obviously don't know you, but I highly doubt that she is right. I had an EA (as you know from my other posts) and even though my husband and I may not be right for each other, I certainly don't put all the blame on him and think he'd be a bad husband to another woman. The hardest part for me right now is thinking about my son. I feel like we f-ed up our marriage, and I don't want my son to suffer at all from it. At least I know he has two parents that love him VERY much. Stay strong, Big Arc....I hope everything will work out for the best for you.
Confused9 Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 This is NOT your fault. Don't let her make you believe it is. You do everything you can to help YOU move on. Let her pick up her own pieces. I am so sorry. I really know how hard this is and I wish there was something I could say to take the pain away. Hang in there. PEople say it gets easier...I am still waiting for that. But, it has too.
Author THEBIGARC Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 She wasted no time since she told me. She went out tonight and it is 12:38 am and she still isn't home. How am I suppose to live with her until we settle things? I think I might have to move in with friends or family members. I cannot take this. I need NC with her for a while to get over her. I have accepted it is over, but living with her while we sell the old house is just too much for me to bare.
Confused9 Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 oh man. People can be so selfish. You do whatever you need to do. I can't even imagine what she is thinking. I try to understand cheaters...but I just can't. Hang in there. I believe good things will be in store for all of us that endure this pain!!!
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