surfcitysiren Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 If you need the back story, here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146115/ He just texted me to say something to the effect of "if I don't hate him and am not totally disgusted with him that he needs to talk to me" and he's asking me to call him. Please keep in mind that above all else, I do NOT want to cause this man ANY pain whatsoever. If it's at all possible to be a healthy and positive part of his life (and vice versa) then I'm all for being FRIENDS. Anything else is out of the question because it's over before it starts. What would you do/say? Thanks!!!
SoStupid Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 If you really truely care for this man, And you feel deep down inside that you could be his friend and nothing else, then call him tell him how you felt and see how he feels and what he wants... Dont cave in! Good Luck
Author surfcitysiren Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 Thanks....it IS really how I feel. I was honestly OK with never hearing from him again when I was finally able to let it go. Caving is not an option. He may not feel the same way, in which case, I cannot participate. I guess we shall see.....
HisLove Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Surfcity, I've been in your shoes....and I can tell you that no matter how grounded or certain of how you feel while you have the safety net of your marriage, you will never be able to make sound judgements about entering into a relationship with anybody else. This Aussie guy needs to steer clear of you. I've been married and divorced twice, and it takes a good 2 years at least AFTER you no longer live together to actually get your head into a place that is reasonably sane. I was the one to end both of those relationships so I already had a head start in knowing the direction my life was going to take. Yes I have children. Not only are you putting your husband in an untenable situation, you are playing with other people's lives. If you don't want to be married any more, do something about it, get your act together, and then after a couple of years you will probably be getting your emotional baggage in check enough to get involved with somebody else. What you are doing, whether you realise it or not, is looking for another person to cushion your exit. No fair on the new person. They are not supposed to be your safety cushion to slide down as you exit the burning plane of your marriage.
Author surfcitysiren Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Wow, HisLove....you make some very excellent points and have given me pause to reconsider my motives....... A lot of soul searching to do. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I really, really appreciate and value the opinion you shared here. : ) SCS
Author surfcitysiren Posted March 19, 2008 Author Posted March 19, 2008 No. I did wind up calling him back, mainly because I was thinking, "WTF?". Suffice to say there'd been alcohol involved and, once sober, he realized it was a bad move and didn't initiate further contact. We did, however, speak on the phone. It was a very awkward conversation and I was depressed and annoyed with myself for calling him back at all. (Three days after his text). Oh, and I had left a message on his voice mail even BEFORE that.....HELLO? He has my email address and has my phone number. If he wanted to talk to me, he'd have called or at least emailed. But no.....so I made an even bigger *ss of myself..... And the WORST OF IT IS that the NC cycle had to start ALL OVER AGAIN. Lesson learned: NC, NC, NC, NC, NC..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had a weak moment, I suppose. He missed me or was feeling down or just wanted to test the waters to see how I'd react? It does not matter. I suspect the feelings run too deep on his end to ever conceive of us being "JUST" friends. And I occassionally have doubts to the same effect on my end. So........NC. It's over. It's done. It was wrong and cannot ever be made "right". It's a shame, but that's how it is. I had no right to complicate his life and I release him with love and wish him all the happiness in the world. Without me.
daisygirl Posted March 20, 2008 Posted March 20, 2008 No. I did wind up calling him back, mainly because I was thinking, "WTF?". Suffice to say there'd been alcohol involved and, once sober, he realized it was a bad move and didn't initiate further contact. We did, however, speak on the phone. It was a very awkward conversation and I was depressed and annoyed with myself for calling him back at all. (Three days after his text). Oh, and I had left a message on his voice mail even BEFORE that.....HELLO? He has my email address and has my phone number. If he wanted to talk to me, he'd have called or at least emailed. But no.....so I made an even bigger *ss of myself..... And the WORST OF IT IS that the NC cycle had to start ALL OVER AGAIN. Lesson learned: NC, NC, NC, NC, NC..............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He had a weak moment, I suppose. He missed me or was feeling down or just wanted to test the waters to see how I'd react? It does not matter. I suspect the feelings run too deep on his end to ever conceive of us being "JUST" friends. And I occassionally have doubts to the same effect on my end. So........NC. It's over. It's done. It was wrong and cannot ever be made "right". It's a shame, but that's how it is. I had no right to complicate his life and I release him with love and wish him all the happiness in the world. Without me. You're doing the right thing. It may not be the easy thing to do, but it will get easier with time. Keep up the NC!!!
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