Megakurth Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) Alright, ive posted here a few times before, now I need some advice on the other end of the spectrum.. because unfortunately now.. I may be turning into the dumper. Anyway, I met this girl about a month ago, we started going out about 2-3 weeks ago. I'm in my 20's, shes younger. Not a very big age difference, but I see alot of differences between us. She likes to go out with her friends every night, seems to wanna party more, etc. Im a student, yeah, I love to party, but I do it in moderation. I have a very important internship at the moment, and will be moving for an even more important internship in the fall. Long story short, ive been having doubts. She doesn't seem to have much responsibility, (shes somewhat rich, spoiled, doesn't work or anything) failed out of her first semester at school so now shes going to a community college, lost her license due to reckless speeding, and got and now lives with her Aunt due to the fact that she can't deal with her stepmom and her father travels. Anyway I know I pretty much just made her sound horrible but, I don't know I guess I see the good and potential in people. At the same time though, I realize how busy I am and at the same time, after countless months of bitching to myself how I wanted a new relationship and I hate being single.. now im starting to realize im young, etc, maybe I should explore the dating scene abit more before settling down. Anyway, so on Wednesday night she came over (a little messed up unfortunately..) and I tried to break it off with her. Now, im not exactly good at these things, never had to do it before. After spilling all that out though, I realized.. that I really felt closer to her than ever.. and she spiller heart out to me.. something she hadn't done before.. and I felt like I somewhat bonded with her on an emotional level. So anyway, we made up.. but then we were talking and stuff last night in bed, just making conversation and stuff, and then she goes and acts all weird. She told me there was something she hadn't told me, and its that she had been pregnant when she was in her teens and miscarried. It wasn't an easy subject but, I don't know.. now im having doubts again. As far as the good in her goes, she is smart, she does seem to have a plan that shes working on, and she does have potential to do well.. at least from what I can see. After having long talks with her.. she calls me her "life coach". She does have some baggage from her childhood with her mother and some depression back in the day and stuff, but.. we all kinda do. Then today shes giving me some crap while im at work (its a paid internship, very important stuff, don't have time for alot of bull at the moment) about if I feel any different about her now, etc, and im just not answering the texts or anything. Shes going out of town with her family tomorrow for a week, and I kinda feel torn on what I should do. Guess im a little annoyed at the moment which you could probably tell by the tone of my message but, I kinda feel like breaking it off. Im not sure how to go about it though, especially since I failed the other night when it came to breaking up (I guess I allow myself to get emotionally attached easily?). That was in person.. I won't have a chance to see her for another week now, but I don't feel like dealing with the BS either.. as well as the fact that if I do it in person and fail again.. im not sure. Anyway, any advice would help.. Edited October 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BalancenLuv20 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 From what it sounds like Megakurth, this girl doesn't sound very mature. It sounds like you are looking for a responsible, intellectual, well grounded woman. She says you are her "life coach" yet she is doing things like failing out of school and partying all the time and drinking alot. Does it really sound like she is taking the "coaching" you are giving her to heart? It sounds like you are waiting for her to kind of live up to this "potential" that you see in her, but trust me I've learned the hard way that waiting for your gf to live up to your expectations isn't healthy and that eventhough we men may be the most supportive, loving, caring, and loyal bf's, it's just not enough to change the way these girls act and especially since she is 18 and it sounds like she wants to live the high life and isn't ready to settle down. Like many girls at this age, it just sounds like she is selfish and just wants you around only when she needs you. I know you said at times she's reached out to you and been a good gf, but her behavior sounds too inconsistent to me to where she'd be willing to make any real changes. I would let this one go, I think you know you deserve much better. The hardest part for me was that I just felt so lonely with my ex gone, but I knew it was inevitable that things just weren't going to work, it just took me along time, even after I dumped her, to come to terms with that. Good luck
superfox Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Hi, It seems you have a lot of doubts in this relationship. From the sounds of it you have done a lot of thinking. I think you need to really evaluate what is being offered to you and what you would like to have. One thing I must say is don't keep her with you just because you don't want to be single or alone. Don't keep her with you until you find someone to live to your potential. From the sounds of it she has had a rough life, which may be why she looks up to you as a life coach. The thing is she needs to be happy on her own, and with herself before she can make anyone else happy. I used to be like that and think guys in my life were like a coach and could make my life better, it just doesn't work that way I would end up pushing them away with all my baggage. So only she can change herself, you can't change her don't ever think you can. As for her pregnancy, I work with a lot of young girls who are pregnant, and its not easy for someone to reveal a past pregnancy. Out society has a lot of judgements on this group of people. I have dealt with young girls like this and some of them come out with such strength and resiliency and end up going to University and having a great life after. But they have to do it on THEIR OWN, so she has to be READY for change. If you do let her go, just let her know the reasons. I know it is hard but in the past I wish certain guys told me the truth of why they were leaving. You don't have to be mean but obviously she has to work on things so she can find the Mr.Right for her. Also do NOT ask to be friends, do not say you want to be there for her. You can't make her happy, if you stay in her life she will depend on you to be that life coach still. And perhaps she has a lot of past issues with people in her life like you said her mom. So you don't want to make broken promises. Let her heal, and let her become a stronger person. superfox
Author Megakurth Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 (edited) yeah, I understand all of this, but at the same time.. im not sure what I want to do. I keep doing soul searching and it all points to the same thing.. that I don't wanna be with her really.. but im not sure how to go about it. I don't wanna let my emotions get the best of me again. In person I failed last time. She keeps sending me texts all day and posting bulletins about "what she wants" on myspace, she feels like shes being ignored since im not answering every text she sends me.. and its getting annoying. It will be a week before I see her again.. and I kinda wish I could end it before then.. Edited October 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
City_girl Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 From what I read this girl has been totally honest with you. She hasn't tried to hide who she is. You dump her sort of and she's emotional so you grow closer to her? I don't think you realise that you are playing with this girl's feelings. ignoring her texts will only make her emotional problems worse. If you don't want her let her go, do it sooner rather than later for her sake
Author Megakurth Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 From what I read this girl has been totally honest with you. She hasn't tried to hide who she is. You dump her sort of and she's emotional so you grow closer to her? I don't think you realise that you are playing with this girl's feelings. ignoring her texts will only make her emotional problems worse. If you don't want her let her go, do it sooner rather than later for her sake I understand what youre saying, at the same time, she wasn't completely honest until I kinda called her out on it, which yeah, I do know its not an easy thing to talk about. I haven't been ignoring her texts, I get a text saying something, but I don't always respond, why? I am busy, I have a very busy job, and I need time to relax as well. Then when I do happen to reply with something such as a one liner, she seems to automatically think something is wrong.. I feel in some ways that im getting smothered. Unfortunately, it wasn't her emotions that brought me closer to her.. but it was mine. When I was semi-breaking up with her, I was telling her what I needed to, but I found myself being the one getting upset. Besides the fact that she was stoned out of her mind... she was very apathetic in taking it, but I do know it affected her as well.Unfortunately, I don't know what to do. I feel like by being with her, she might not make progress for herself which she desperately needs (she seems to have a good head on her shoulders, but doesn't do anything about it). Im going to give it the weekend at least to see how things will work out, but any other advice is welcomed.
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