men and porn

[Dirk Diggler]

I caught my boyfriend of 3 years masturbating to porn.I was out and got back earlier than he obviously thought i would be.

He had drawn the curtains had his trousers down and was masturbating. I just cant seem to get over this, it happened like 2 weeks ago.

 

I was like " what are doing!" He got really defensive then ended up having a real go at me until i felt like a piece of crap on his shoe. He apologized later said he would never do it again. YEAH RIGHT!

That morning i had tried to initiate sex but he just lay there so i thought fudge it, got up and went out.He tried to blame me by saying he had been horny in the morning.BULL. Horny for something else maybe.

Actually no, there is nothing wrong with viewing some of the hottest quality porn babes in a recent movie. Not forcing him to watch your movies as a strict substitute. The fantasy element can help unload a LOT of tension when you have a such high sex drive, and also add to your relationship in the bedroom should you wish to take it up a notch. Obviously you are not meeting minimum requirements here. So instead of being angry at him for watching porn, put that wasted energy into more explosive sex.

[audrey_1]

A few months ago, I was sitting at my date's computer (he was at work) checking email, and he had a folder on his desktop with a title I thought referred to emails from a project we were working on, so I opened it, and there were three short porn videos inside. I looked at each one, thought about it, got my jump drive out of my purse, and copied them for myself without telling him. I've wondered whether I should tell him but haven't yet. Last weekend, I was downloading a movie through iTunes for us to watch. It was the first time iTunes had been opened on his computer, so it searched for all movies on his hard drive to catalog them and such. Imagine my surprise when it was a full page of thumbnails for porn movies! He was very calm about it and said, "It's for my stroke fest!" and I laughed my a$$ off. I found it very funny. And there is no doubt in my mind that I'd rather him masturbate to this "visual stimuli" and (maybe) be thinking of me while he's doing it. I'd MUCH rather him do that than sleep with another woman. Plus, when I use these movies, after I'm aroused I usually turn them off and get comfortable somewhere other than in front of the computer. And who am I thinking of while I'm masturbating? Not the people I just saw...

[Taramere]

Actually no, there is nothing wrong with viewing some of the hottest quality porn babes in a recent movie.

 

So is it fair to say you don't think one partner watching porn on his/her own indicates problems in a relationship? Fair enough. Except....

 

Obviously you are not meeting minimum requirements here. So instead of being angry at him for watching porn, put that wasted energy into more explosive sex.

 

Now you think it does mean there are problems. My head's spinning with the inconsistency. Here's what the OP says:

 

That morning i had tried to initiate sex but he just lay there so i thought fudge it, got up and went out.He tried to blame me by saying he had been horny in the morning.BULL. Horny for something else maybe.

We have made home videos and have pictures why didn't he look at them! In fact he lied and said he had been looking at both but i knew he hadn't and he admitted he was lying about that. I just feel so sad and upset, angry.. i keep seeing this image of him. I thought we have a pretty good sex life, were pretty active and like to try new ideas.

 

What's your notion that she's not meeting "minimum standards" based on? You say it's obvious that she isn't. What obvious example of her inadequacy am I missing here?

[JerseyShortie]

I would qoute you JS, but your posts are hard to follow with all the qouted tidbits from here and there and everywhere....

 

Makelemonade, lets keep the posts to the topic and not personal attacks about each others posting styles. While my posts can be wordy, they are basic to follow. I qoute someone, I respond to it, I qoute someone, I respond to it. Not very difficult. And it's done in order to which the posts where written.

 

 

..you find porn distateful or offensive, your man doesn't, enjoys it - you know this, but he should stop because you don't like it? Isn't that disregarding his feelings?

 

Actually, I never demanded or asked a man to give up his porn because I don't think it's fair. He knows I don't like it and still looks at it so I know where I stand when it come to men and their porn and it isn't at the top of the ladder. (I just come here and vent about it because it hurts me. ) I also don't think it's fair to have to have a relationship with the three of you: You, him and his beloveded porn. I hate the porn, I really hate that men look at it AND have relationships. I wish they just gave it up once they decided to be in arelationship. But they don't because they want to have their cake and it it too. And the one that ends up paying for it is the woman in most cases. (As exampled by the tons of women alone that come on here trying to deal with this issue).

 

 

I CHOOSE not to let some porn do that to my emotions. That is weak-minded, and I am stronger than that.

 

It's weak-minded to be hurt by your man's porn use but it isn't weak-minded for a man subcumb to using porn? There is an irnoy in that to preach about being "strong" enough not to let porn effect you, all the same while excusing how porn effects men. On the flip side, it would be nice if men were "strong" enough to not view porn. Especially if they are reguarly sexual with their SO.

 

See I do UNDERSTAND why men are turned on porn. That doesn't mean I think porn is healthy or right or treats women with respect. I also love french fries but I sure as hell know they are bad for me and stay away from them. The thing about porn is that it makes men feel more like men, and it has the possiblity to make women feel like less of an important woman to her man. And if you excuse his feelings about porn, but not hers, you aren't exactly being 100% fair. You lecture me about controlling my feelings of hurt about porn, yet you don't extend that same issue of "control" to men. Funny.

Edited March 14, 2008 by JerseyShortie

[JerseyShortie]

Advertisements are way worse than porn in this respect. At least in porn you don't get such sick super-anorexic models as in most fashion ads...

 

You're right. Instead you see super thin models with breast implants and lip injections who love when 10 guys have sex with them in a row, call them sl*ts, smack their ass and basically don't give a crap about the woman other then to use her as their own plastic doll who doesn't matter beyond her age and how big her boobs are

 

Of course there are bastards everywhere. But most decent people do actually respect their partners...

 

I would hope men respect their partners but I do struggle with the fact seeing so many men support and love porn, something that at the heart of it doesn't treat women with respect. Because in essence, no man would want to see his wife, girlfriend, mother, sister or daughter being used by different men in a movie sexually.

 

So yeah, I question men's respect levels for women overall. I don't think it's very high.

 

Some porn does. Some doesn't. It's up to personal preference which kind of porn someone consumes. You generalize way too much.

 

Most porn I see has titles such as Housewives Sl*ts or B*tches From Australia...I don't know but that doesn't speak of respect of women if you ask me. Never have I seen a title that didn't use some kind of exploitive to discribe the women in the flim, and that is ONLY talking about the titles of the movies, not the movie itself.

 

I once read an article written by a porn director that said that people's consumption for porn as become "more". More volume and that he needed to come up with more and more hardcore stuff to get the same level of response and satisfaction from men. And that alot of people WANT that.

 

If a man thinks of someone else while having sex with you, the problem lies way deeper than just him watching porn....but I guess again, you will ignore this and only blame porn. It's so much easier to externalize all these bad feelings

 

I think alot of men do this and think about othr women while having sex with their partner.

 

Ok, if a man really uses porn and his partner interchangably, something is wrong with this guy. No one in their right mind would prefer masturbation to porn to sex with a real girl.

 

But isn't that what guys do? Sometimes they want to look at porn and masturbate, sometimes they want to ahve sex? That is using it interchangbly with your real life partner. Bonus for him if he can both watch porn of other women AND have sex with a real life one.

Edited March 14, 2008 by JerseyShortie

[malaclypse]

So yeah, I question men's respect levels for women overall. I don't think it's very high.

 

Obviously, with such a mindset, it's easy to project your negativity and insecurities...

 

I once read an article written by a porn director that said that people's consumption for porn as become "more". More volume and that he needed to come up with more and more hardcore stuff to get the same level of response and satisfaction from men. And that alot of people WANT that.

Overexposure leads to tolerance. But this applies to anything and is not at all porn-specific.

 

But isn't that what guys do? Sometimes they want to look at porn and masturbate, sometimes they want to ahve sex? That is using it interchangbly with your real life partner. Bonus for him if he can both watch porn of other women AND have sex with a real life one.

No, that's exactly not it. Real sex is always the preference. The choice is never sex or porn, but porn or nothing...

[JerseyShortie]

And I do agree with what you said, JS, about a relationship being about both people, of course, and that when issues arise they should be addressed, however with this particular issue, I think there are better battles to be picked than one over watching some sexy women getting screwed. It really shouldn't matter that much

 

I get that it doesn't matter to you and that is fine. But there are alot of women it matters to, and to tell them (and me) that you don't think it doesn't matter would be like me telling a Jewish person that eating pork doesn't matter. We all have things we care about or don't. And this matters to me, as obviously it matter to alot of women. And saying that it shouldn't completely disregards a persons feelings/issues with it.

 

.... and like I said, in general men love them some porn, there are no two ways about it. I can't fight mother nature.

 

Like I said, I understand why men like porn. But I also understand the importance of self control. And I just don't see alot of men today that practice self control. that is my issue. Men want it both ways and they don't want to put in the energy to be really committed to their SO. I never said men shouldn't be attracted to women having sex, but it would be nice out of respect for a partner, men could put the porn down for a change.

 

- I just don't agree with it and don't think it comes from a completely healthy emotional state of mind.

 

Welll, I agree my issues with men arent completely healthy. I have alot of distrust when it comes to men. I have dated enough men who like porn that it starts to where on you after awhile and you wonder why men just can't be appreciative of what they have and thankful what they have instead of wishing for some 18 year old with implants..or 10 18 ear old with implants since you really can't compete with the amount of porn that is around today and the amount of time and volume men look at it. This isn't like back in the day when a man would pick up a Playboy once inwhile.

 

I will also say that while I do agree that I need to work on some things, I also don't think porn is exactly healthy either. If it was, people and relationships would be a good shape at this point, and they aren't.

 

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And there is no doubt in my mind that I'd rather him masturbate to this "visual stimuli" and (maybe) be thinking of me while he's doing it. I'd MUCH rather him do that than sleep with another woman.

 

So as women our only options are him actually going out and sleeping with other women, or just thinking about sleeping with other women. And who said it wasn't a man's world.

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Overexposure leads to tolerance. But this applies to anything and is not at all porn-specific.

 

Yes, but the topic is about porn. That doesn't really address the issue. And there is so much porn out there today, and it's so easy to get and no point history has there been this much porn that is being consumed.

Edited March 14, 2008 by JerseyShortie

[MakeLemonade]

Makelemonade, lets keep the posts to the topic and not personal attacks about each others posting styles. While my posts can be wordy, they are basic to follow. I qoute someone, I respond to it, I qoute someone, I respond to it. Not very difficult. And it's done in order to which the posts where written.

 

 

I see you left out the sentence immediately afterward where I SPECIFICALLY said I wasn't trying to be inflammatory. Convenient.

 

Women who can't handle their men watching porn are often 1 of 3 things - uptight prudes, religiously overboard, or have at least somewhat unhealthy relationships with their bodies and with sex in general and probably have low self-esteem to boot. And usually more than one of those things comes into play.

 

Also, what is this supposed to mean?

 

"I will also say that while I do agree that I need to work on some things, I also don't think porn is exactly healthy either. If it was, people and relationships would be a good shape at this point, and they aren't."

 

Just wondering if you are trying to make the argument that porn is responsible for the state of people's relationships being good or bad in general? I would like to debate that, if that is the argument you are making.

 

Men don't expect porn stars in bed because they watch porn. For most men all it takes is an at least mildly enthusiatic lover who wants to be sexy, have fun, likes/loves them and maybe sometimes likes to try new things, or do something out of the ordinary. 90+ men out of 100 would be happy with that, I would be willing to bet.

 

To allow porn to affect your feelings to such a large extent and make you feel less of a woman because your man likes it, is just self-defeating. Again, I say - there are much better battles to be picked, than one that will never be won without creating resentment within your relationship.

 

I was glad to read that at least you don't forbid your man from watching it. That gives me hope you might one day be able to realize that it is not a personal attack on women that porn exists.

[malaclypse]

We all have things we care about or don't. And this matters to me, as obviously it matter to alot of women.

 

And there's a lot of women who either like porn themselves or don't care. You just keep on generalizing your point of view...

 

Welll, I agree my issues with men arent completely healthy. I have alot of distrust when it comes to men. I have dated enough men who like porn that it starts to where on you after awhile and you wonder why men just can't be appreciative of what they have and thankful what they have instead of wishing for some 18 year old with implants..or 10 18 ear old with implants since you really can't compete with the amount of porn that is around today and the amount of time and volume men look at it. This isn't like back in the day when a man would pick up a Playboy once inwhile.

Not all men prefer 18-year olds with implants. I think you bring this up constantly because their a main target of your insecurities.

 

And I don't think most men spend too much time with porn...one the need is filled, porn loses all its appeal.

 

I will also say that while I do agree that I need to work on some things, I also don't think porn is exactly healthy either. If it was, people and relationships would be a good shape at this point, and they aren't.

People are people. Human relationships always were a messy affair, and it's gotten way more complicated since women have rights

 

[i should probably note here that I do think it's a good thing that women do have rights these days, before some overeager feminist starts shooting...]

 

So as women our only options are him actually going out and sleeping with other women, or just thinking about sleeping with other women. And who said it wasn't a man's world.

What kind of control freak are you, anyway? You want to control every thought your SO's mind? Why should you even care what he thinks about sometimes as long as he's neither cheating nor violating your trust?

 

Yes, but the topic is about porn. That doesn't really address the issue. And there is so much porn out there today, and it's so easy to get and no point history has there been this much porn that is being consumed.

Same with movies, music, electricity, sugar, ....

 

Maybe you had some porn addicted ex who gave you a wrong impression about the time most men spent on porn... it's not that much, seriously

[JerseyShortie]

I see you left out the sentence immediately afterward where I SPECIFICALLY said I wasn't trying to be inflammatory. Convenient.

 

My thought on that was if you really weren't trying to be inflammatory, you wouldn't taken that direction to begin with.

 

 

Women who can't handle their men watching porn are often 1 of 3 things - uptight prudes, religiously overboard, or have at least somewhat unhealthy relationships with their bodies and with sex in general and probably have low self-esteem to boot. And usually more than one of those things comes into play.

 

So you condemn people for not liking porn? You even insult them for their beliefs or for their sexual interests. You go as far to say that if you don't like porn you aren't sexually adventerous, religious or just don't even like yourself? That is really ridiculous. I don't like porn. However my sexulity doesn't have to be so tied into porn so much that I make that a marker for how adventerous I am in the sack. I actually am pretty adverterous. I even like being dominated by my man. But that is when it's between me and him. Not strangers who don't care about either other.

Neither am I a religious zelot. I do believe in God and am Christian. I do admit to having insecurities, but we all do. Even men.

 

You think it's natural for men to be turned on by porn as do I. In turn, I think it's just as natural for a woman to feel insecure when her husband/boyfriend is watching 18 year old with implants having sex and masturbating to it.

 

It just frustrates me that you excuse things that are natural for men as being justifying certain behaviors, as if men can't control themselves. But you don't extend that to women and what can also be natural for them to how they react to things and deal with them. It's certainly isn't a fair outlook.

 

 

 

Just wondering if you are trying to make the argument that porn is responsible for the state of people's relationships being good or bad in general? I would like to debate that, if that is the argument you are making.

 

Of course porn isn't always reponsible, and sometimes it is.

 

 

Men don't expect porn stars in bed because they watch porn. For most men all it takes is an at least mildly enthusiatic lover who wants to be sexy, have fun, likes/loves them and maybe sometimes likes to try new things, or do something out of the ordinary. 90+ men out of 100 would be happy with that, I would be willing to bet.

 

Again, I think you assume and imply that I am none of these things/do none of these things already. You seriously have no clue in this regard if that is what you believe. I don't need to watch porn to be fun and enthusiastic.

 

90+ out of 100 men also would be even more happy with some breast implated 18 year old to have sex with as well compared their average aging wife/SO.

 

To allow porn to affect your feelings to such a large extent and make you feel less of a woman because your man likes it, is just self-defeating.

 

Why shouldn't it make me feel like less of a woman? I will NEVER look like those girls. But obviously men hold that to some ridiculous standard of beauty where they rather have a woman that looks like a cartoon character then a real woman. Why shouldn't it cause certain feelings in me just like it causes certain feeligns in men? Porn DOES make men feel more like men. Because it's sexual and a turn on for them. Totally not fair to support the feelings it causes in them and negate the feelings it causes in other women just because it is the opposite of what it creates in him.

 

Men allow their feelings to be effected by porn all the time. that is why men go back to it again and again, they get on some level an emotional high/charge chemically. You excuse that and don't think they need to use self control yet preach about how women who feel negative emotions towards porn need to have self control. You justify it in men, and not in women.

 

Again, I say - there are much better battles to be picked, than one that will never be won without creating resentment within your relationship.

 

And why would it cause resentment? Because the reason I can think of is because porn is rather important to men if it causes resentment. Tf something like porn causes a man to resent his real life woman, that speaks volumes about how important porn is to men. It is very telling about what is just as important as the real life partner.

 

I was glad to read that at least you don't forbid your man from watching it. That gives me hope you might one day be able to realize that it is not a personal attack on women that porn exists.

 

Of course you would say this. You expect women to just sit down, accept it and shut up at the expense of their own needs yet you totally encourage men to not practice any self control out of respect for their partner in return. You encourage the feelings and chemcials it causes in men saying they "can't help themselves" basically, yet you hypocritically don't apply that same reasoning to women.

 

yes, I don't say he can't watch what he wants to watch. I instead am the one that ends up with resentment and hurt. But that's okay right? All that matter is that at the end of the day a man gets to have his porn from your view point. It's wonderful isn't it for men. they can have their SO and their porn and the one that pays for it is the woman.

[JerseyShortie]

And there's a lot of women who either like porn themselves or don't care. You just keep on generalizing your point of view...

 

I never said there wasn't. But you refuse to aknowledge all the women out there, that even post here, that are hurt by it.

 

 

Not all men prefer 18-year olds with implants. I think you bring this up constantly because their a main target of your insecurities.

 

Because from what I can tell, that is the most popular type of porn for men. Young women, who don't get any older with surgical "enhancements". Yes, there is alot of types of porn out there but this seems to be the most popular. Even 40 year old men with 40 year old wives are looking at this. What a nice compliment to the woman that had your children and now probably have daughters that age.

 

People are people. Human relationships always were a messy affair, and it's gotten way more complicated since women have rights

 

Oh then hey! That makes porn okay!

 

 

What kind of control freak are you, anyway? You want to control every thought your SO's mind? Why should you even care what he thinks about sometimes as long as he's neither cheating nor violating your trust?

 

I would consider him thinking about other women while with me a violation of my trust and faith in him.

 

 

Same with movies, music, electricity, sugar, ....

 

Maybe you had some porn addicted ex who gave you a wrong impression about the time most men spent on porn... it's not that much, seriously

 

 

Umm yeah, but movies, music, and electricty and sugar don't call women Sl&ts that are only good for one thing. Your response only attempt to deflect the topic. The topic here is porn, if you want to discuss porn great. if you want to discuss Sugar, I suggest posting on Martha Stewarts board.

 

And considering that porn is a billion dollar industry where tons of women all the time cone on this website alone to talk about how they were hurt speaks volumes about how much time men spend looking at porn today.

[malaclypse]

Oh then hey! That makes porn okay!

 

No, it just means that human relationships are messy irrespective of porn.

 

I would consider him thinking about other women while with me a violation of my trust and faith in him.

 

But when he's not with you? I'd say that porn consumption is highly negatively correlated with the availability of the SO.

 

He will not watch porn when he can have sex with you. He might watch porn when you're not at home and he knows you won't be back soon...

 

Umm yeah, but movies, music, and electricty and sugar don't call women Sl&ts that are only good for one thing.

 

No? What about hip hop ?

[JerseyShortie]

But when he's not with you? I'd say that porn consumption is highly negatively correlated with the availability of the SO.

 

He will not watch porn when he can have sex with you. He might watch porn when you're not at home and he knows you won't be back soon...

 

 

That's special. As soon as you are out of the house/have yoru back turned, your SO can't control himself for a couple hours. Nice.

 

 

No? What about hip hop ?

 

Another deflection to talk around the issue. Hip hop can be just as degrading to women as well and I don't listen to it when it is.

[tanbark813]

I just skipped over the last page or so because this is going to go back and forth forever.

 

JS, if porn bothers you so much then find a guy who doesn't watch it and will put up with your whining about "degradation". That limits your dating selection to about .00000001% of the male population but you could probably find someone.

[audrey_1]

JS, I suggest you go to your local neighborhood novelty store, buy a jackrabbit, turn on Oprah, and see if you're happy with that!

 

I'm guessing you wouldn't be.

 

This has been a great post, though, because I'm encouraged that there are bigger prudes out there than me.

 

So thanks!!

[MakeLemonade]

I realize at this point trying to debate with you about this is trying to advocate veganism to a tiger but it's fun, so I'll continue on....

 

My thought on that was if you really weren't trying to be inflammatory, you wouldn't taken that direction to begin with.

 

If I was trying to be inflammatory, I wouldn't have stated I wasn't, I realize what I said could have been construed as such, however all I was doing was stating an observation.

 

So you condemn people for not liking porn? You even insult them for their beliefs or for their sexual interests. You go as far to say that if you don't like porn you aren't sexually adventerous, religious or just don't even like yourself? That is really ridiculous. I don't like porn. However my sexulity doesn't have to be so tied into porn so much that I make that a marker for how adventerous I am in the sack. I actually am pretty adverterous. I even like being dominated by my man. But that is when it's between me and him. Not strangers who don't care about either other.

Neither am I a religious zelot. I do believe in God and am Christian. I do admit to having insecurities, but we all do. Even men.

 

NO, and I notice you didn't quote this because this is not what I said - I didn't say women who don't like porn, I said women who can't handle their men watching it - those are two completely different things.

 

I also specifically used the word OFTEN rather than ARE so as to avoid speaking in mutually exclusive terms, and also to point out that that are usually other forces driving their opinion that porn is bad, rather than porn actually being bad, period. You seem to enjoy twisting words around, but that doesn't work unless the person whose words you're twisting doesn't care and won't defend themselves.

 

My sexuality isn't tied into porn either, welcome to the club, doubtful hardly anyone else's is either. Porn is entertainment if you please - to consider it anything else, is just ridiculous.

 

You think it's natural for men to be turned on by porn as do I. In turn, I think it's just as natural for a woman to feel insecure when her husband/boyfriend is watching 18 year old with implants having sex and masturbating to it.

 

It is NOT natural to be insecure about your H watching an 18y/o, or any other woman in porn actually - as long as what he still wants in the bedroom is still you. It is NOT NOT NOT natural to feel that way, I can't stress that enough - if you are secure in yourself, and your relationship, it follows to NOT be insecure by a nameless image on a screen, regardless of what it is.

 

It just frustrates me that you excuse things that are natural for men as being justifying certain behaviors, as if men can't control themselves. But you don't extend that to women and what can also be natural for them to how they react to things and deal with them. It's certainly isn't a fair outlook.

 

There is nothing to excuse, men want to look at something that it is natural for them to want to look at. And the argument can be made, that for women to be insecure and try to persuade their H/SO to stop looking at it is also not "controlling themselves". You sound like a controlling woman JS, you want to be able to say, don't look at that, I don't like it - but it he doesn't like your reaction to him looking at it, then that makes him an insensitive clod - shouldn't that go both ways.

 

You continue to state that I am ignoring women's rights and opinions and we should just suck it up, but if you want your say about what you like, why doesn't he get his?

 

Of course porn isn't always reponsible, and sometimes it is.

 

Well as long as you're sure about that.

 

90+ out of 100 men also would be even more happy with some breast implated 18 year old to have sex with as well compared their average aging wife/SO.

 

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG - just such a judgmental and jaded statement, I have nothing else to say but WRONG.

 

Why shouldn't it make me feel like less of a woman? I will NEVER look like those girls. But obviously men hold that to some ridiculous standard of beauty where they rather have a woman that looks like a cartoon character then a real woman. Why shouldn't it cause certain feelings in me just like it causes certain feeligns in men? Porn DOES make men feel more like men. Because it's sexual and a turn on for them. Totally not fair to support the feelings it causes in them and negate the feelings it causes in other women just because it is the opposite of what it creates in him.

 

You are obviously speaking about your man or someone in your past specifically, I am speaking in general of men I have known and what I have known of men.

 

You won't ever look like them and neither will I and THANK GOD for that. I wouldn't want to, I much prefer looking like me - get comfortable in your own skin and it won't bother you so much - this is one of the points I am trying to make.

 

Men allow their feelings to be effected by porn all the time. that is why men go back to it again and again, they get on some level an emotional high/charge chemically.

 

:lmao::lmao: Emotions have absolutely nothing to do with it. You believing that it does, is a big part of your problem with it.

 

 

 

And why would it cause resentment? Because the reason I can think of is because porn is rather important to men if it causes resentment. Tf something like porn causes a man to resent his real life woman, that speaks volumes about how important porn is to men. It is very telling about what is just as important as the real life partner.

 

The porn doesn't cause the resentment, trying to dictate his entertainment to him, in the confines of a mild/moderate amount of porn watching, is what will cause resentment. I resent being told what I can and can't do - especially when it is something that is harmless.

 

Of course you would say this. You expect women to just sit down, accept it and shut up at the expense of their own needs yet you totally encourage men to not practice any self control out of respect for their partner in return. You encourage the feelings and chemcials it causes in men saying they "can't help themselves" basically, yet you hypocritically don't apply that same reasoning to women.

 

Geez O P - wtf? Yes, just sit down and shut up. Yes, that is what I said.

 

yes, I don't say he can't watch what he wants to watch. I instead am the one that ends up with resentment and hurt. But that's okay right? All that matter is that at the end of the day a man gets to have his porn from your view point. It's wonderful isn't it for men. they can have their SO and their porn and the one that pays for it is the woman.

 

Sounds like a YP to me, and I don't pay for my man having porn - that is a personal choice - and I will say it again, a choice. You have a choice to feel one way or the other, you choose to feel the resentment and anger - and over a flickering little image on a screen. Aren't there better things to worry about? Really? Aren't there?

[rainfall]

Women who can't handle their men watching porn are often 1 of 3 things - uptight prudes, religiously overboard, or have at least somewhat unhealthy relationships with their bodies and with sex in general and probably have low self-esteem to boot. And usually more than one of those things comes into play.

 

.

 

 

I hate porn and I am not any of those three things. I don't see why I should waste my time with someone who would rather get off to a picture of a trashy women then have sex with me.

 

Just because you want to justify porn use as being ok doesn't mean in every case that the women who has a problem with it is a insecure religous prude.

 

Well actually I guess I do agree that if there is porn usage that the relationship is unhealthy (unless both parties are ok with it) but not because of body issues that the women has.

[Dirk Diggler]

So is it fair to say you don't think one partner watching porn on his/her own indicates problems in a relationship? Fair enough. Except....

Now you think it does mean there are problems. My head's spinning with the inconsistency. Here's what the OP says:

What's your notion that she's not meeting "minimum standards" based on? You say it's obvious that she isn't. What obvious example of her inadequacy am I missing here?

 

I hate porn and I am not any of those three things. I don't see why I should waste my time with someone who would rather get off to a picture of a trashy women then have sex with me.

 

Just because you want to justify porn use as being ok doesn't mean in every case that the women who has a problem with it is a insecure religous prude.

 

Well actually I guess I do agree that if there is porn usage that the relationship is unhealthy (unless both parties are ok with it) but not because of body issues that the women has.

 

The problem is various women here are extreme prudes, your choices are based on YOUR assumptions of the porn industry and also personal levels of jealousy, insecurity and you feel threatened by it. Women feel threatened and drum up crazy stories like it makes them viewed as a "cock socket" instead it's porn providing the extra outlet through which to release sexual tension without effecting the relationship. Women always want to know if when we masturbate it is to the thoughts of them, as in the OP providing her own photos or movies. Give me a break. Women tend to say their thoughts are on their men while masturbating. So if it's a guys choice to masturbate to big breasted Bambi in the monthly issue of Juggs, this is when the whole thing becomes a bunch of hypocrisy with some women and their silly controlling ways. Sure the porn industry provides large amounts of VIEWABLE hot women to ALL the men whom choose to enjoy viewing porn, you women just dont get that it provides that extra release most men need. Beyond that of a healthy sex life, and adding to one. Deal with it.

[rainfall]

The problem is various women here are extreme prudes, your choices are based on YOUR assumptions of the porn industry and also personal levels of jealousy, insecurity and you feel threatened by it. Women feel threatened and drum up crazy stories like it makes them viewed as a "cock socket" instead it's porn providing the extra outlet through which to release sexual tension without effecting the relationship. Women always want to know if when we masturbate it is to the thoughts of them, as in the OP providing her own photos or movies. Give me a break. Women tend to say their thoughts are on their men while masturbating. So if it's a guys choice to masturbate to big breasted Bambi in the monthly issue of Juggs, this is when the whole thing becomes a bunch of hypocrisy with some women and their silly controlling ways. Sure the porn industry provides large amounts of VIEWABLE hot women to ALL the men whom choose to enjoy viewing porn, you women just dont get that it provides that extra release most men need. Beyond that of a healthy sex life, and adding to one. Deal with it.

 

So because I don't want my boyfriend masturbating to trashy women I am a prude Porn provides an outlet to fulfill fantasies that the SO doesn't fulfill and if my man ever feels like he has to look somewhere else to be happy then he can keep looking for a new girlfriend while he is at it.

[MakeLemonade]

I hate porn and I am not any of those three things. I don't see why I should waste my time with someone who would rather get off to a picture of a trashy women then have sex with me.

 

Just because you want to justify porn use as being ok doesn't mean in every case that the women who has a problem with it is a insecure religous prude.

 

Well actually I guess I do agree that if there is porn usage that the relationship is unhealthy (unless both parties are ok with it) but not because of body issues that the women has.

 

You must not have really read my post because this is not what I said. My last long post explains it again for JS. I am not going to clarify further.

 

And you apparently didn't read much else in this thread either because it was already established that all of this argument is based on porn use not taking the place of or being preferrable to the warm-blooded female partnering with him. What I would call, average or casual use of porn.

[Taramere]

The problem is various women here are extreme prudes, your choices are based on YOUR assumptions of the porn industry and also personal levels of jealousy, insecurity and you feel threatened by it. Women feel threatened and drum up crazy stories like it makes them viewed as a "cock socket" instead it's porn providing the extra outlet through which to release sexual tension without effecting the relationship. Women always want to know if when we masturbate it is to the thoughts of them, as in the OP providing her own photos or movies. Give me a break. Women tend to say their thoughts are on their men while masturbating. So if it's a guys choice to masturbate to big breasted Bambi in the monthly issue of Juggs, this is when the whole thing becomes a bunch of hypocrisy with some women and their silly controlling ways. Sure the porn industry provides large amounts of VIEWABLE hot women to ALL the men whom choose to enjoy viewing porn, you women just dont get that it provides that extra release most men need. Beyond that of a healthy sex life, and adding to one. Deal with it.

 

You're over-reacting. I didn't suggest anywhere that men shouldn't masturbate to porn. I've simply expressed views on some of the more extreme films.

 

What would be the point of a thread where everyone just wrote "I don't have a problem with porn..." and left it at that?" The art of good conversation requires a little more analysis. There's no need to burst a blood vessel just because people don't totally mirror your perspective. Ranting aggressively and incoherently about this stifles debate and makes you look as narrow minded as you accuse others of being.

[Dirk Diggler]

You're over-reacting. I didn't suggest anywhere that men shouldn't masturbate to porn. I've simply expressed views on some of the more extreme films.

 

What would be the point of a thread where everyone just wrote "I don't have a problem with porn..." and left it at that?" The art of good conversation requires a little more analysis. There's no need to burst a blood vessel just because people don't totally mirror your perspective. Ranting aggressively and incoherently about this stifles debate and makes you look as narrow minded as you accuse others of being.

 

It's one thing to have a problem with porn, and another for people to come off sounding very biased and controlling of their SO as the result. In the case of the OP she is outraged by him using porn as a release, catching him in the act. Then complaining about it and continuing to not live it down. Women seem to forget that the variety of hardware they use to masturbate with is no different than a woman in a porn shoot. The womans choice of fantasy is hers also. Catching her in the act would be more of a turn on seeing she's horny and would actually LEAD to more sex. So how is it that when in a above average healthy sexual relationship my viewing of porn to satisfy the need to release the sex drive beyond that of copious amounts of monogamous sex would be considered trashy, immoral or cheating? If nothing is wrong and she's sore from sex, on her period, or just not in the mood. I see no problem with this picture, and no need for some women to act like moral prudes at the fact men do this.

 

Also the general classification of porn being "trashy" and the women themselves. In terms of mainstream or softcore porn absolutely not. If anything i think it is admiration of the female body as a whole.

[Dirk Diggler]

So because I don't want my boyfriend masturbating to trashy women I am a prude Porn provides an outlet to fulfill fantasies that the SO doesn't fulfill and if my man ever feels like he has to look somewhere else to be happy then he can keep looking for a new girlfriend while he is at it.

 

 

This is just a woman's power play, an aspect of control. Why should you decide what your boyfriend chooses to masturbate to beyond what you can give in the relationship? Treating porn as a banned substance is what makes you come off as a prude. It is natural for guys to want to take interest in viewing women's bodies like this. Deal with the reality.

[rainfall]

This is just a woman's power play, an aspect of control. Why should you decide what your boyfriend chooses to masturbate to beyond what you can give in the relationship? Treating porn as a banned substance is what makes you come off as a prude. It is natural for guys to want to take interest in viewing women's bodies like this. Deal with the reality.

 

 

If I am in a relationship will someone I WILL choose if they masturbate to trashy low life women. If saying this is not allowed makes me a prude to you then that is fine. Porn is a banned substance because anytime he masturbates to it he is choosing it over me.

 

Some women will not put up with shallow men. Sorry. Deal with that reality.

[rainfall]

You must not have really read my post because this is not what I said. My last long post explains it again for JS. I am not going to clarify further.

 

And you apparently didn't read much else in this thread either because it was already established that all of this argument is based on porn use not taking the place of or being preferrable to the warm-blooded female partnering with him. What I would call, average or casual use of porn.

 

I was responding to the guy saying all women who hate porn are religous or prudes or insecure nothing else.