danblukk Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 This is gonna be quite a long one so please bear with me I've been going out with my girlfriend for the past 2 years. We live together and both love each other very much. she's 22 and I'm 27. This is really my first serious relationship. I knew she had cheated on her previous boyfriend but to be fair, he wasn't a very nice person and she said she did it cause she just stopped caring. The first 3 months of the relationship were great. She needed a place to live cause the guy she was living with (a friend of mine) parents were coming back and wanted the spare room. So she moved in with me and my parents. Back then i was 100% trustworthy and trusted her completely. Then she went to a music gig, she had been to a few before and i later found out she met some guy at the gig and they were sending messages on myspace calling each other sexy and stuff and arranging to meet. I found out, she started crying saying she would never do anything like this again and to take her back, so i did. anyway to cut a long story short, she did a number of things after that nothing really that bad just flirting with people on the internet. I originally was gonna go to university but knew we would probly break up if i did so i gave it up for her. she is probly the most insecure person I've ever met and she admitted that to me before we started going out that she gets really paranoid. She was always questioning me about stuff which i accepted because i love her. Later on i heard through the grape vine that she slepted with my friends brother who's house she was staying at at the beginning of the relationship. A lot of stuff happened and was said and she said she couldn't remember but we got through it some how. After i decided not to go uni, things got a lot better and we were happy. We talked about getting our own place. She even asked me for an engagement ring for Christmas but i wasn't ready cause of all the stuff that had happened. This last month she has been acting weird. Not being as loving and even not getting paranoid anymore when i got home late which was normally the standard and i was used to it. She started going out a lot and sending secret messages and stuff and started talking about things like. Things don't feel the same and she still loves me but is getting bored of being in a serious relationship. I was trying my best to work through it, then she said we should go on a break one were we don't see other people, cause it might make her relies whats she's missing, so i reluctantly agreed. Then i was in the pub yesterday and she was in another pub on the same road. I asked her if she was coming down and she said she might later. So about an hour later i wondered past the pub she was in and noticed her kissing some guy i was particularly paranoid about, who she assured me nothing was going on with and they were just friends. I confronted them both, keeping my fists in my pocket and they both said that this was the first kiss and it was a mistake. I shouted it was over, she started crying. The guy started telling me he feels terrible and doesn't know what he was thinking. I lived with her for the past year and half and i can't imagine my life without her. I had such high hopes for the future. I've got some people saying it was just a kiss and mistakes happen and other people saying leave her but they don't know whats already happened, if this was the first thing then ok but it's not. She always gets upset but never learns and i just don't know what to do.
Micke81 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I think the short of it is, she is young and doesn't want to settle down quite yet, even if she says different. The two of you definitely need to take some time apart, even if it is only temporary, because my guess is she's feeling like she is missing out and she will explore it if she is with you or not. She isn't ready for a serious relationship right now. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you, so she is probably feeling very confused, but obviously not handling it correctly. I'm sorry you are in pain, but it's better now than later.
shanny Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I agree with micke... I think you should definetly take some time off. She probably does really love you, but if you keep forgiving and letting her get away with this stuff she probably won't stop. Put your foot down and tell her you want a break to sort stuff out. After a few weeks you'll be able to tell if she is really serious about being committed to you. Either she'll be enjoying her freedom or pining for you. If you do get back together, she will have to understand that you have lost some trust in her and will have to be understanding if you ask a lot of questions. If it's worth it to her and she's not hiding anything, she should agree.
twice_shy Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 This is gonna be quite a long one so please bear with me I've been going out with my girlfriend for the past 2 years. We live together and both love each other very much. she's 22 and I'm 27. This is really my first serious relationship. I knew she had cheated on her previous boyfriend but to be fair, he wasn't a very nice person and she said she did it cause she just stopped caring. It doesn't matter. If he was a real ahole, then she should have dumped him. So that just tells me it couldn't have been that bad because she should have just left him in the first place. What she did was show you that she is more than capable of cheating. And seeing as how she cheated on you, this is exactly why I won't date anyone that I know to be a cheater. The first 3 months of the relationship were great. She needed a place to live cause the guy she was living with (a friend of mine) parents were coming back and wanted the spare room. So she moved in with me and my parents. Back then i was 100% trustworthy and trusted her completely. Then she went to a music gig, she had been to a few before and i later found out she met some guy at the gig and they were sending messages on myspace calling each other sexy and stuff and arranging to meet. I found out, she started crying saying she would never do anything like this again and to take her back, so i did. Mistake #1 anyway to cut a long story short, she did a number of things after that nothing really that bad just flirting with people on the internet. Thats how it starts. And overly flirtatious people, whether on the internet or IRL, don't have a good track record of being faithful. I originally was gonna go to university but knew we would probly break up if i did so i gave it up for her. Mistake #2. Oh hell no. Please don't tell me you are giving up your future for someone? Let alone someone that cannot be trusted? Please tell me you are going to go back to school!!! she is probly the most insecure person I've ever met and she admitted that to me before we started going out that she gets really paranoid. She was always questioning me about stuff which i accepted because i love her. Later on i heard through the grape vine that she slepted with my friends brother who's house she was staying at at the beginning of the relationship. A lot of stuff happened and was said and she said she couldn't remember but we got through it some how. After i decided not to go uni, things got a lot better and we were happy. We talked about getting our own place. She even asked me for an engagement ring for Christmas but i wasn't ready cause of all the stuff that had happened. This last month she has been acting weird. Not being as loving and even not getting paranoid anymore when i got home late which was normally the standard and i was used to it. She started going out a lot and sending secret messages and stuff and started talking about things like. Things don't feel the same and she still loves me but is getting bored of being in a serious relationship. Yup, there you go. Many people on this board will always say, "must have been something you are doing to make her cheat", when alot of times its just that the cheater gets bored with a monogamous relationship. I was trying my best to work through it, then she said we should go on a break one were we don't see other people, cause it might make her relies whats she's missing, so i reluctantly agreed. Then i was in the pub yesterday and she was in another pub on the same road. I asked her if she was coming down and she said she might later. So about an hour later i wondered past the pub she was in and noticed her kissing some guy i was particularly paranoid about, who she assured me nothing was going on with and they were just friends. I confronted them both, keeping my fists in my pocket and they both said that this was the first kiss and it was a mistake. I shouted it was over, she started crying. Good! I hope you stick to your guns and leave her on the curb where she belongs. The guy started telling me he feels terrible and doesn't know what he was thinking. I lived with her for the past year and half and i can't imagine my life without her. I know the feeling my man. But take it from me. Greener pastures are out there. You should be able to imagine life without someone as untrustworthy as her really easy if you just calm down and think about it. Why would you want someone you are never going to be able to trust? You know if you got back together with her, all you would see when you look at her face is "cheater" written across her forehead. Take this opportunity to run like hell, move on, and find someone trusthworthy. I had such high hopes for the future. I've got some people saying it was just a kiss and mistakes happen and other people saying leave her but they don't know whats already happened, if this was the first thing then ok but it's not. She always gets upset but never learns and i just don't know what to do. I agree with the people that say leave her. And as far as the "just a kiss" thing. How do you know? You only know what you saw. how do you think "it" starts? And think about it. If you take the idea from people that it was "only a kiss". Then I guess that means its ok to kiss someone other than your significant other? I say just dump her and move on man. You will never be able to trust her. Let her be somebody elses problem.
Bryanp Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She has constantly cheated. You gave up a college education for this? I do not mean to be harsh but you are a complete fool. Education is the key to success in your life. You are with an immature girl who is using you and enjoys flirting with other men. Stop being a fool and dump her and go to college. Stop wasting your life on her.
NuTuDating Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Kick her ass to the curb, today. Don't wait. She'll do it again.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 First of all, why would you give up an education for anyone? I mean education always comes first, and if you feel an relationship should be placed higher than that, then no wonder you feel justified to continue dating this girl. No girl would in their right mind ask their bf to not pursue college for them, it just proves how selfish and selfcentered they are. Take this as a lesson and go back to school: In the longrun education will get you places whereas relationships can only get you so far.
NuTuDating Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 papercut is right.... go to school. go to school. go to school. Can't repeat that enough. Besides, there are lots of single girls in college.
Author danblukk Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Thanks for all your help everyone. I know each and everyone of you is right and i know i was a mug for giving up university, i could of be there now instead of going through this crap, but sometimes it's just so hard to let go, especially since we have been living together for the past year and a half, i just have to go to sleep every night surrounded by her stuff and a past life. At the moment I've kicked her the hell out and she's staying round her friends house. I know she's hurting and she knows whats she's done and lost. I know i ain't gonna find someone else like her, the fact i found someone that loves computer games as much if not more then me is a miracle in itself, plus on top of that she is a model. I thought i was on cloud nine. But like most dreams in this world, especially when it comes to women, they come crashing down around you and there ain't even any pieces to pick up. Thanks for everyones help, i just hope i do the right thing, but if anyone else wants to give their help and advice, please do. I check this thread regularly.
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 I know i ain't gonna find someone else like her, the fact i found someone that loves computer games as much if not more then me is a miracle in itself, plus on top of that she is a model. I know this might sound self-destructive, but you might want to change your criteria for a romantic partner.
Author danblukk Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 that wasn't criteria i was looking for, just an added bonus that i found out after.
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 LOL...hey, works for me. Note to self: starting accepting dates with supermodels.
Gold Pile Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 This is so easy. All bullcrap aside....dump her and move on. She won't change. You list only the cheating that you know....she cheated more than that. Miracle: she does change. You will both always remember the past. Move on
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