Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 Nothing wrong with keeping an open mind, but maybe you are setting the bar too low in certain terms. Like putting up with way too much expecting change, too giving to the point of rewarding crap behavior, maybe idealizing something that will never? If someone chooses not to call you, constantly late or playing childish games is doing so on their own free will. They know they are doing it, and choose not to accept responsibility. If you are really interested in someone you are driven to call them, make plans and well follow through of course. If something urgent comes up, i don't see why it's hard to communicate that and or make plans for later or reschedule kinda thing. I still think you've just had a major run of bad luck. But it seems you are blacklisting all of Toronto's entire male population because of this. How dare you Nobody is perfect, but anyone here with their **** together would consider what you ask routine/expected in a relationship and of course expect you to ante up as well as it cant be one sided. I was just trying to see if there was some kind of pattern in something you're doing or place you're going. As for the TTC i rarely ever have to use it. So i cannot say if quality is coming up from the depths. Of course most people are in a rush, it's overloaded i don't really see that as the greatest of conversation places either. Most people are right out of it, (or not right with it) I don;t know what to say many of those places are hit and miss big time, i give you credit for trying, but this route all you're getting is losers. Enjoying the snow yet? No I'm not are you? LOL I don't think it has stopped since it started yesterday! "Like putting up with way too much expecting change, too giving to the point of rewarding crap behavior, maybe idealizing something that will never?" In the past I admit, though got over that quickly. Last guy that started that I told him what I thought, he did it again and I never called him back. Actually I just moved to Toronto last summer, so have only dated one guy since I moved. So they were GTA guys! LOL TTC? It was actually on a Markham bus that a guy hit on me "don't I know you?" Well turns out we went to the same high school and he remembered me, but I didn't remember him (looked him up lol). We did go out twice but he got really creepy.
xfactor Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) Women say that they want a confident guy (among a myriad of other unattainable and unrealistic combination of traits). The confident guy is the guy that approaches, without fear of rejection. The OP says she wants a man to be man, and take the lead. Then she turns around and says (paraphrasing) "Usually though it's the *players* that approach/take the lead." News flash. The Nice Guy won't approach you. The Nice Guy suffers from a lack of self-confidence and consequently suffers from approach anxiety. He thinks to himself, "I will look like a creep/player if I approach this woman and ask for her number." What you call a Player I call a confident man who sees something he likes and pursues it. Women can't have it both ways, as much as they want. The classical Nice Guy will never be the man you want/desire/need. Deep down, in places that you don't like to talk about, you know this is the truth. Edited March 9, 2008 by xfactor
Replicant Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Women say that they want a confident guy (among a myriad of other unattainable and unrealistic combination of traits). The confident guy is the guy that approaches, without fear of rejection. The OP says she wants a man to be man, and take the lead. Then she turns around and says (paraphrasing) "Usually though it's the *players* that approach/take the lead." News flash. The Nice Guy won't approach you. The Nice Guy suffers from a lack of self-confidence and consequently suffers from approach anxiety. He thinks to himself, "I will look like a creep/player if I approach this woman and ask for her number." What you call a Player I call a confident man who sees something he likes and pursues it. Women can't have it both ways, as much as they want. The classical Nice Guy will never be the man you want/desire/need. Deep down, in places that you don't like to talk about, you know this is the truth. Confidence and being a man goes far beyond what you consider approach and playing 'the game' and these dudes are but one hit wonders, or benched from the first inning either way very little or nothing comes from it. An 'Alpha' characteristic of a guy with high confidence is not gaming by the numbers and then being incapable of holding onto that girl because once the surface is scratched such people are exposed as nothing but losers. Games are juvenile period, all that shows is that there is different tiers of trash. Ones already pre-bagged and ready for disposal, the rest may come in a nice box at first but eventually they'll be recycled goods. If you wish to be the banner carrier for such people...by all means go ahead. Even royal failures need a king.
mortensorchid Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 That's an age old question : Where to meet good people? I wish I had an answer for you and everyone else who ever wondered that. Bars are usually full of wackos, the Internet is questionable at best but we opt for it for convenience. Then there's networking through friends and family members, but they usually end up picking people THEY like rather than what you might like. Honestly, my best luck has been through a set up from a friend - not a peer, but someone older than me. I met the love of my life through my old guitar teacher, who arranged a meeting between me and his friend's son. He and I aren't together anymore, but we were happy when we were together. In fact he moved out of state years ago and I haven't heard from him since. Then I met another long term person when I joined a fan club group. He turned out to be a real jerk, but not until the last few weeks of the two year relationship. Neither of them were The One, but it's best to do some out of the ordinary things in order to meet others. Put yourself out there, you have nothing to loose.
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 LOL 35 point list! Try a few must haves, Honesty, Respect, Loving and Affectionate (Integrity can't hurt too). I don't think that is much to ask or want out of a man! YEah, those are non-negotiables for me too.. However mosrt woman have this Laundry List of superficial requirements -" he must be tall ,dark hair, wealthy, handsome, love baby seals , shiny shoes, like moonlight walks on beach, treat me like a princess... Geez no wonder most of us are avoiding committment with most of you.
xfactor Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Confidence and being a man goes far beyond what you consider approach and playing 'the game' and these dudes are but one hit wonders, or benched from the first inning either way very little or nothing comes from it. An 'Alpha' characteristic of a guy with high confidence is not gaming by the numbers and then being incapable of holding onto that girl because once the surface is scratched such people are exposed as nothing but losers. Games are juvenile period, all that shows is that there is different tiers of trash. Ones already pre-bagged and ready for disposal, the rest may come in a nice box at first but eventually they'll be recycled goods. If you wish to be the banner carrier for such people...by all means go ahead. Even royal failures need a king. That was quite a stretch in your argument, and quite the insult to me. I never said I was a player. All I said was that *player types* are usually very confident guys and have no trouble approaching or taking the lead (which was on-topic with what the OP posted). I never mentioned *gaming* on women once. Gaming, The Dance, whatever you want to call it. She wanted a Nice Guy to approach her. I said Nice Guys don't approach. So I don't know what's up your azz, but lighten up.
Replicant Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 No I'm not are you? LOL I don't think it has stopped since it started yesterday! Of course i am But mind you where i am we just got a 'light dusting' of snow, about 30cm or so. Nuthin! Besides the huskies got a good feeding of meat tonight so they should be ready for the pull into work tomorrow! Actually I just moved to Toronto last summer, so have only dated one guy since I moved. So they were GTA guys! LOL TTC? It was actually on a Markham bus that a guy hit on me "don't I know you?" Well turns out we went to the same high school and he remembered me, but I didn't remember him (looked him up lol). We did go out twice but he got really creepy.I had no idea you moved here (Where from?), but you have to live here at least one year before you can make big city complaints like that Markham doesn't count, what happens in Markham stays in Markham! But as for GTA, if you've dated but one dude who turned out be a deadbeat like i said why stress on it? No point. Though it seems like you've had a longer run at this gambit overall... Quality can read such insecurities, problems and desperation in such a person... real quick..and know such things will likely mimic itself onto another relationship until it's fixed. Choosing not to get involved with such, generally having more options and choices presented. It's one thing in the relationship to stand by your SO and fix problems and rebuilt before they worsen, but another story if the person knows they have problems before hand yet throwing themselves back out in the dating pool because they desire companionship at any cost of getting it. Where as the generic quantity you speak of likely wont give a $hit, you're in the number pool, if you're not putting out you're dropped, or if conditions change you're slowly phased out. People with genuine interest would never pull that crap...ever.. Straight up.
Replicant Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 That was quite a stretch in your argument, and quite the insult to me. I never said I was a player. All I said was that *player types* are usually very confident guys and have no trouble approaching or taking the lead (which was on-topic with what the OP posted). I never mentioned *gaming* on women once. Gaming, The Dance, whatever you want to call it. She wanted a Nice Guy to approach her. I said Nice Guys don't approach. So I don't know what's up your azz, but lighten up. Right and i replied that once the smoke clears the 'alpha male' confidence to which you liken to a players game is found to be a total fraud. They are the losers, because nothing of any worth comes of it. Being able to chronically lie your way into such situations, i don't consider a confident or dominant character trait. Being able to approach, take the lead and keep a relationship with a woman in so very few words *is*. I don't speak of nice guys who sacrifice their own self worth to become doormats, or unrealistic character trait combinations that don't exist. A confident man would not treat a women he's interested in such ways..period...As the OP states her in backcatalog of relationships, in whatever time frame they existed.
virtuzoso Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 There's plenty of aggressive girls out there, but we just hate for you to think that we're coming on too strong. I heard that's a turnoff... you heard wrong! Ok, maybe not, but you'd REALLY have to overdo it for it to be a turn off!
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 YEah, those are non-negotiables for me too.. However mosrt woman have this Laundry List of superficial requirements -" he must be tall ,dark hair, wealthy, handsome, love baby seals , shiny shoes, like moonlight walks on beach, treat me like a princess... Geez no wonder most of us are avoiding committment with most of you. Well I'm not one of them, maybe the ones that do have made it harder for woman like me. Though I am honest and upfront about it and give what I am looking for. Seems like I find the men who have the same lists as well. Of course i am But mind you where i am we just got a 'light dusting' of snow, about 30cm or so. Nuthin! Besides the huskies got a good feeding of meat tonight so they should be ready for the pull into work tomorrow! I had no idea you moved here (Where from?), but you have to live here at least one year before you can make big city complaints like that Markham doesn't count, what happens in Markham stays in Markham! But as for GTA, if you've dated but one dude who turned out be a deadbeat like i said why stress on it? No point. Though it seems like you've had a longer run at this gambit overall... Quality can read such insecurities, problems and desperation in such a person... real quick..and know such things will likely mimic itself onto another relationship until it's fixed. Choosing not to get involved with such, generally having more options and choices presented. It's one thing in the relationship to stand by your SO and fix problems and rebuilt before they worsen, but another story if the person knows they have problems before hand yet throwing themselves back out in the dating pool because they desire companionship at any cost of getting it. Where as the generic quantity you speak of likely wont give a $hit, you're in the number pool, if you're not putting out you're dropped, or if conditions change you're slowly phased out. People with genuine interest would never pull that crap...ever.. Straight up. Ya only 30 cms! I had enough of the snow way before those 30 cms more. I moved to Toronto last summer from Markham. The bus guy was just an example and no he or guys like him I don't let get to me or stress about them. I am just frustrated and don't understand why are the only ones that i meet or want to meet me. I have lost count ... That was a big jump to what you wrote about insecurities and not dealing with problems before getting into dating. Both aren't true and I hasn't said anything close to anything to do with that. Being able to chronically lie your way into such situations, i don't consider a confident or dominant character trait. Being able to approach, take the lead and keep a relationship with a woman in so very few words *is*. I don't speak of nice guys who sacrifice their own self worth to become doormats, or unrealistic character trait combinations that don't exist. A confident man would not treat a women he's interested in such ways..period I 100% agree.
DanielMadr Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Wear sincere smile. Always be ready to interact. Dress sexy. Look sexy. Move sexy. And stop seeing guys as "They only want sex" because it means "They wantet to fire&forget only, because I cant make pleasant conversations afterwards".
littletoes Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 You can meet quality men at your local church yes I know it sounds funny but not all men go there to pray to god you know. LOL. That's where both of my firends met thier spouse. They are married with 2 kids and no longer go to church hehehehe. Good luck
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Wear sincere smile. Always be ready to interact. Dress sexy. Look sexy. Move sexy. And stop seeing guys as "They only want sex" because it means "They wantet to fire&forget only, because I cant make pleasant conversations afterwards". I just be myself and dress as myself. Because that's who you want someone to be attracted to anyway. That being said I do make the effort to be put together even walking the dog because odds are the time a cute guy is walking by is when you have no makeup on and are wearing your jogging pants. As for the second part of what you said, can you say that again?
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 sbc, quality is in the eyes of the beholder and happens when you least expect it. The less I bother or am not interested in a relationship, the more it seems to rain men, of which there are a percentage of quality men. I do agree about being yourself. If you're someone else, you're going to attract the wrong kind of guy, in that there could easily be compatibility issues that crop up later on. I know that if someone isn't themselves, it always comes as a shock to me later on, enough that I'm turned off enough to walk if the issues are too many or of substantial magnitude. In being yourself, you will do things that you enjoy doing. Hopefully, you'll find there will be quality men who also enjoy similar interests, hence a connection.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 sbc, quality is in the eyes of the beholder and happens when you least expect it. The less I bother or am not interested in a relationship, the more it seems to rain men, of which there are a percentage of quality men. I do agree about being yourself. If you're someone else, you're going to attract the wrong kind of guy, in that there could easily be compatibility issues that crop up later on. I know that if someone isn't themselves, it always comes as a shock to me later on, enough that I'm turned off enough to walk if the issues are too many or of substantial magnitude. In being yourself, you will do things that you enjoy doing. Hopefully, you'll find there will be quality men who also enjoy similar interests, hence a connection. True, well kinda. I have said to myself that I don't want to date anymore for the moment and stop looking or thinking about it and I do get guys interested. Though not while out and about, I hardly ever get approached and I don't know why. Anyway i will started getting emails from online sites i forgot about and so on. Though still not quality, last time I stopped looking I had a guy wanting to be my bf and was super clingy (I actually told him no the first time he asked me out cause I didn't want to date) then the other guy disappeared. Great examples of the guys I meet super clingy want to me my bf after 3 days and the others that disappear. Come to think of it I never search and look anywhere really, but can't help it being on my mind that i want to meet someone even when I am sick dating and taking a break from seeing any males.
AussieJack Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 I have said to myself that I don't want to date anymore for the moment and stop looking or thinking about it and I do get guys interested. . I assume that your self-imposed exile does not include you and me and our bar-b-que date under snow at your house, The kangaroo steaks are marinating and I just whipped up a batch of crocodile pate -yummm ! Pick me up at the airport honey ..this will be your alltime favorite date -you are about to go "international " ...
DanielMadr Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) I just be myself and dress as myself. Because that's who you want someone to be attracted to anyway. That being said I do make the effort to be put together even walking the dog because odds are the time a cute guy is walking by is when you have no makeup on and are wearing your jogging pants. As for the second part of what you said, can you say that again? Yeah sure. "Guys want me for sex only" = "Im very desirable to guys but I meet only pigs" which to a guy can sound like "Im full of myself with possible hostility toward males and I dont know much about world besides repeating a cliche about only wanting sex" with possible conclusion that when you havent met a decent man then they possibly avoid you or you work in prison. Problem of the sentence "Guys only want sex" is the mindset which makes you very suspicious of mens motives. And leads to separating sexual and romantic phase of relationship. You have to "sell" yourself. Like it or not. You have to signal to men that you are single and willing. As long as guys dont pay much attention to details it has to be quite a blatant fashion and behavior statement. Lots of guys do the same mistake as you - "I just be myself - like me or go away". Yeah fine, pretty big ego there but totaly wrong. Actually it signals some drastic changes of personality and conception of reality has to be done. Edited March 12, 2008 by DanielMadr
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 True, well kinda. I have said to myself that I don't want to date anymore for the moment and stop looking or thinking about it and I do get guys interested. Though not while out and about, I hardly ever get approached and I don't know why. Anyway i will started getting emails from online sites i forgot about and so on. Though still not quality, last time I stopped looking I had a guy wanting to be my bf and was super clingy (I actually told him no the first time he asked me out cause I didn't want to date) then the other guy disappeared. Great examples of the guys I meet super clingy want to me my bf after 3 days and the others that disappear. Come to think of it I never search and look anywhere really, but can't help it being on my mind that i want to meet someone even when I am sick dating and taking a break from seeing any males. If you want to be approached while you're out, smile at someone. You have to send SOME kind of signal letting a guy know that 1) you're available and 2) you're approachable. Wink if you have to. If people perceive you as unapproachable, you won't meet anyone while you're out.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 I assume that your self-imposed exile does not include you and me and our bar-b-que date under snow at your house, The kangaroo steaks are marinating and I just whipped up a batch of crocodile pate -yummm ! Pick me up at the airport honey ..this will be your alltime favorite date -you are about to go "international " ... The snow is almost melted off the BBQ, tank is full! Let me know what time your plane gets in!
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