Angels&Airwaves Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 One person has to make the first move or else no one is ever going to speak to each other! LOL Yes, that would be a bit of a problem, but what I meant was why can’t relationships occur naturally without all the hassle and pursuit? It feels like a game of cat and mouse when I pursue someone, which is something quite rare. I'm dead serious, there are lots of us out there who just need a little more than a friendly smile before we will approach a woman. It doesn't mean that we won't take the lead after that. Promise. We're out there, we just don't chase women like other guys do. Give it a try. Here, here, I’m waiting for life to begin. There's plenty of aggressive girls out there, but we just hate for you to think that we're coming on too strong. I heard that's a turnoff... xPxCx, ask me, I won’t say no, how could I? Tom foolery aside, pursuing is not the problem, but coming on too strong, like that girl I told LS about a few days ago.
AussieJack Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Yes though the BBQ is under a pile of snow! I just lost interest - sorry ma'am. However you could get yourself down here instead - we never get any snow on our warm sunny beaches . It is 26 deg C here today.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Honestly I think it is that quality will present itself to you when you least expect it, i think you are stressing way too hard in playing the numbers game going through the quantities say at Toronto night clubs or online dating personals it is going to land you about as much quality as in finding fresh fish in Lake Ontario...Not worth it, it's just trash/problems there. Continuing down that road will just bring you more of the same. (I think you must know that) Instead more social places either joining an activity/class etc, or places where ALL people end up. So it looks like many here are suggesting the grocery store thing, actually maybe you should try that. But of course not to the point store security starts to question your long shopping sessions with little or nothing to buy Anyways, it's not uncommon to have women approach me there and ask to have help lifting something too heavy, or the 'top shelf theory' of getting something too high for them on the shelf. There you have it conversation starts. Of course that is easy interaction, you could go more on the offensive and play oblivious by nudging someones cart, or them (accidentally). Or line up some cans on the baby seat and deploy one (accidentally of course!) when there is an interest and see if the dude picks it up and returns it. Otherwise keep walking, they'd probably ruin your life anyways What i'm saying is there is many means to start yourself or forcing good conversation techniques and go from there. I don't go looking is that I was saying, I don't go to clubs looking for guys or search profiles and so on. Years ago I did, and make the first move, but I don't do that anymore or want to. The problem is: the guys who do make the moves are not quality. I do have my profile still online but don't search. For example I got a message from a guy and he "seemed" nice and we got chatting in email, then the first real chat he starts asking about sex. Ugh! Ya right your serious about a long term relationship with you have asked me more questions about sex than anything else. (I love sex don't get me wrong, I just know when that's the first thing out of your mouth - that's all you want) Frustrated that is the same deal, over and over no matter where they find me (not always the net). So this is why I am frustrated, now that I think about have never met one of quality. Though my ex fiance was, but he is an ex for a reason. I could do what you said, the grocery store thing. But I bet you the odds are he will be like the above. Why I was asking where to find quality or spot one amongst the quantity.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 I just lost interest - sorry ma'am. However you could get yourself down here instead - we never get any snow on our warm sunny beaches . It is 26 deg C here today. Are you paying for my ticket?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 I'm dead serious, there are lots of us out there who just need a little more than a friendly smile before we will approach a woman. It doesn't mean that we won't take the lead after that. Promise. We're out there, we just don't chase women like other guys do. Give it a try. I could. Just don't want to get to know another what looks like a good guy, but turns out to just want one thing or just flake out and disappear. If they are out there, how do I figure out who you are and if your interested?
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 My hypothesis is that men move immediately to sex (talk or action) as a way of firmly stating they are not interested in the "friend zone". I have much experience in the friend zone and my dating style (getting to know and befriend a woman) was rife with this sort of danger. Either I'd get put in the friend zone or a more aggressive, sex talking male would come along and baffle her with BS and, well, you know the rest ... Granted, ultimately, these were not quality women for me, but I wasted an enormous amount of time and energy on fruitless pursuits. They sex guys don't waste that time. They get to sex first and build an oxytocin-based relationship that is a much wiser use of their time and I would imagine far more pleasurable. Your job as a woman looking for quality is to spot and dismiss the BS'ers and to be patient with the quality man that is in it for the long haul with you. Good, long-lasting things, like oak trees, grow slowly. I'm going to try my theory out regarding the friend zone in about two weeks.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 My hypothesis is that men move immediately to sex (talk or action) as a way of firmly stating they are not interested in the "friend zone". I have much experience in the friend zone and my dating style (getting to know and befriend a woman) was rife with this sort of danger. Either I'd get put in the friend zone or a more aggressive, sex talking male would come along and baffle her with BS and, well, you know the rest ... Granted, ultimately, these were not quality women for me, but I wasted an enormous amount of time and energy on fruitless pursuits. They sex guys don't waste that time. They get to sex first and build an oxytocin-based relationship that is a much wiser use of their time and I would imagine far more pleasurable. Your job as a woman looking for quality is to spot and dismiss the BS'ers and to be patient with the quality man that is in it for the long haul with you. Good, long-lasting things, like oak trees, grow slowly. I'm going to try my theory out regarding the friend zone in about two weeks. The guys who want sex - some I can tell right way, others act like the want what I want and play a good game. But no matter what once they find out that I am serious and nothing is going to happen they are gone. Which is good, I just don't want to waste my time with that bs anymore.I know it's not be, I'm not picking the same guys (they pick me). I can be patient, hell I have been told I am too patient and give people the benefit of the doubt too often. But I can't do anything if I can't meet/find these kids of guys.
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Demeanor plays an important role. You can dress sexy and still have a refined demeanor that brooks no insult by an uncivilized male. I've met many women like this and admire them greatly. They know exactly how to balance their feminine wiles with a sophisticated air of behavior that leaves the sex-males scratching their nether regions Describe "too patient"..... Are you communicating what you want and they're just not understanding it? This can be done verbally or non-verbally. As they often say, actions speak louder than words.
AussieJack Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Are you paying for my ticket? Pay for your ticket? I don't know anything about you yet - you may be a crazed stalker who dates men all over the planet - kind of continent hopping. I am a sensitive kind of man too - I care for the crocs AND the women in my life-( sometimes hard to tell em apart) Back to the ticket - do you have any Frequent Flyer points toted up, or did you cash them in for a freakin toaster. Anyways if you really cared about me ,money would not be an issue. The sun is shining down here honey and the ocean is blue. Im going dancing tonite too .Do you Salsa ?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Pay for your ticket? I don't know anything about you yet - you may be a crazed stalker who dates men all over the planet - kind of continent hopping. I am a sensitive kind of man too - I care for the crocs AND the women in my life-( sometimes hard to tell em apart) Back to the ticket - do you have any Frequent Flyer points toted up, or did you cash them in for a freakin toaster. Anyways if you really cared about me ,money would not be an issue. The sun is shining down here honey and the ocean is blue. I'm going dancing tonite too .Do you Salsa ? Well you did say you care for your women ... Since you won't come here, it's only fair if you pay for my ticket there ... Na don't worry not crazy, a stocker or date men all over the planet. I think you should rescue me from this snow storm, 30 cms before it's over! Thanks the US for passing onto us! I do have a air miles car but I haven't had it for very long. Only at the liquor store, which I don't go to often. Maybe I need to start drinking more ... I love dancing, though if I left now wouldn't I miss dancing tonight? With the time traveling and time change? hee hee
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Demeanor plays an important role. You can dress sexy and still have a refined demeanor that brooks no insult by an uncivilized male. I've met many women like this and admire them greatly. They know exactly how to balance their feminine wiles with a sophisticated air of behavior that leaves the sex-males scratching their nether regions Describe "too patient"..... Are you communicating what you want and they're just not understanding it? This can be done verbally or non-verbally. As they often say, actions speak louder than words. By too patient I mean when dating too patient in waiting for the guy to do what he says (actions following the words) and so on.
Replicant Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Frustrated that is the same deal, over and over no matter where they find me (not always the net). So this is why I am frustrated, now that I think about have never met one of quality. Though my ex fiance was, but he is an ex for a reason. I could do what you said, the grocery store thing. But I bet you the odds are he will be like the above. Why I was asking where to find quality or spot one amongst the quantity. Even though it's a big city, there is idiots in all circles (some more than others). Take it as a run of bad luck. Maybe you do show interest in certain people and realize afterwards it was a bad judge of character. When profiling people to fit certain basic criteria might help shutting down deadbeats quicker though initial conversation (especially) and (or) dates. But it also seems past scars may also cause you to bypass good candidates because of low confidence, and are drawn to the losers? No sense really in staying pissed off, you've realized your better off without such people and dodged those bullets, take that as satisfaction to some degree. Anyways it's just a matter of changing small things in your life, others are suggesting injecting yourself into places that you'll increase your chances of meeting 'quality' people. I agree with this. The grocery store is but one place, common to everyone. Very good suggestion by carhill also 'public' (Home improvement stores) like Home Depot etc etc. The fact that they staff those places so low, women to be approachable if confused or asking questions in turn and then conversation starts from there. I'm an electrician by trade so my opinion is not biased in...turning them on....to advice Spotting 'quality' is not so much the attitude you should take, but more the situation/places you put yourself into to meet these people. Don't you see any patterns in what you do now?
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Typical electrician flirtation can be "I'm having a problem; can you check my shorts?" My life experience has been that many women see a blue collar guy as "settling" due to the stereotypes surrounding the class, but be aware that things aren't always as they seem, either in success, stability or intelligence. Some of us actually do the work because we like it and are really good at it, even though we can do many other things By too patient I mean when dating too patient in waiting for the guy to do what he says (actions following the words) and so on. Could you give me a typical example? Do you mean things like a guy saying he's going to call and then doesn't? Or, he says "sure, I can fix your toilet" and then something comes up? Just trying to get a handle on this. I'm one of those guys who says he'll stop by in a couple of weeks to help with a project and then I just show up, no talk. Old dependable
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Could you give me a typical example? Do you mean things like a guy saying he's going to call and then doesn't? Or, he says "sure, I can fix your toilet" and then something comes up? Just trying to get a handle on this. I'm one of those guys who says he'll stop by in a couple of weeks to help with a project and then I just show up, no talk. Old dependable Yes things like says he will call, doesn't (and once doesn't bother me, that's not what I mean), says he will be there at a certain time and is late, wait for him to make the date plans and doesn't, makes date plans but something comes up, wait for him to decide on something and doesn't. I could go on ...
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 No need. Player or loser. It's one thing to not always be immediately available (the guy has a life too) but completely another to be disrespectful. Be aware that this isn't a uniquely male attribute
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Even though it's a big city, there is idiots in all circles (some more than others). Take it as a run of bad luck. Maybe you do show interest in certain people and realize afterwards it was a bad judge of character. When profiling people to fit certain basic criteria might help shutting down deadbeats quicker though initial conversation (especially) and (or) dates. But it also seems past scars may also cause you to bypass good candidates because of low confidence, and are drawn to the losers? No sense really in staying pissed off, you've realized your better off without such people and dodged those bullets, take that as satisfaction to some degree. Anyways it's just a matter of changing small things in your life, others are suggesting injecting yourself into places that you'll increase your chances of meeting 'quality' people. I agree with this. The grocery store is but one place, common to everyone. Very good suggestion by carhill also 'public' (Home improvement stores) like Home Depot etc etc. The fact that they staff those places so low, women to be approachable if confused or asking questions in turn and then conversation starts from there. I'm an electrician by trade so my opinion is not biased in...turning them on....to advice Spotting 'quality' is not so much the attitude you should take, but more the situation/places you put yourself into to meet these people. Don't you see any patterns in what you do now? The thing is I don't go for one kind of guy, age, race, personalities, income or anything like that. I am open minded to anyone, never know what package the right person for you will be in. Everyone has scars from the past, but I don't let that effect the future, it's left behind with the ex. That being said I attract or end up meeting the same guy, different outside (ages, races, incomes and so on) but in the end are the same. Many at first seem different than the rest which at first makes me give them a chance, but then the act gets too hard to keep up and true colours show. I am just frustrated or pissed off because keep giving different guys a chance and end up with the same guy. Doesn't make you want to give another guy a try when by proof they will end up being the same. I would love for the exception of the rule to come along and prove they do exist and break the "bad luck". Though I wonder how long does bad luck last and it's really that's what the men out there are like. There is no pattern, I met guys on the bus, online, parties, variety of places (came up to me). And are the same. I dress put together and not showing off the goods or anything just in case you may think I may be giving the wrong impression and attracting the wrong sort.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 No need. Player or loser. It's one thing to not always be immediately available (the guy has a life too) but completely another to be disrespectful. Be aware that this isn't a uniquely male attribute Of course not, but I'm not looking for a woman! lol And no I don't expect the phone call at exactly 8pm when he said, or even pick me up at 6 on the dot, or freak if he doesn't call. Sh*t happens, but it doesn't happen all the time.
carhill Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Think of it this way. When you meet a man with these attributes, you'll have the clarity to see them as real positives for the relationship, rather than mere incidentals. Such has been the largest influence of therapy on my viewpoint, that being to really define the positives and to stop wasting time on the negatives. I can't change anyone but myself, bla, bla, bla
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 8, 2008 Author Posted March 8, 2008 Think of it this way. When you meet a man with these attributes, you'll have the clarity to see them as real positives for the relationship, rather than mere incidentals. Such has been the largest influence of therapy on my viewpoint, that being to really define the positives and to stop wasting time on the negatives. I can't change anyone but myself, bla, bla, bla When I find a guy with these attributes (the positive ones I'm assuming you mean) I will definatly appreciate them even more. Well always would, but even more for sure. Just finding a man with those qualities is the problem.
Legend Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Meet quality on this forum, it's a shame people just don't hook up and date from love shack.
Replicant Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I do have a air miles car but I haven't had it for very long. Only at the liquor store, which I don't go to often. Maybe I need to start drinking more Next time you're at the liquor store just bust out the air miles card and ask the cashier how much you would need to drink (give or take a bottle or two) for a return trip to Australia The thing is I don't go for one kind of guy, age, race, personalities, income or anything like that. I am open minded to anyone, never know what package the right person for you will be in. Everyone has scars from the past, but I don't let that effect the future, it's left behind with the ex. That being said I attract or end up meeting the same guy, different outside (ages, races, incomes and so on) but in the end are the same. Many at first seem different than the rest which at first makes me give them a chance, but then the act gets too hard to keep up and true colours show. I am just frustrated or pissed off because keep giving different guys a chance and end up with the same guy. Doesn't make you want to give another guy a try when by proof they will end up being the same. I would love for the exception of the rule to come along and prove they do exist and break the "bad luck". Though I wonder how long does bad luck last and it's really that's what the men out there are like. There is no pattern, I met guys on the bus, online, parties, variety of places (came up to me). And are the same. I dress put together and not showing off the goods or anything just in case you may think I may be giving the wrong impression and attracting the wrong sort. Nothing wrong with keeping an open mind, but maybe you are setting the bar too low in certain terms. Like putting up with way too much expecting change, too giving to the point of rewarding crap behavior, maybe idealizing something that will never? If someone chooses not to call you, constantly late or playing childish games is doing so on their own free will. They know they are doing it, and choose not to accept responsibility. If you are really interested in someone you are driven to call them, make plans and well follow through of course. If something urgent comes up, i don't see why it's hard to communicate that and or make plans for later or reschedule kinda thing. I still think you've just had a major run of bad luck. But it seems you are blacklisting all of Toronto's entire male population because of this. How dare you Nobody is perfect, but anyone here with their **** together would consider what you ask routine/expected in a relationship and of course expect you to ante up as well as it cant be one sided. I was just trying to see if there was some kind of pattern in something you're doing or place you're going. As for the TTC i rarely ever have to use it. So i cannot say if quality is coming up from the depths. Of course most people are in a rush, it's overloaded i don't really see that as the greatest of conversation places either. Most people are right out of it, (or not right with it) I don;t know what to say many of those places are hit and miss big time, i give you credit for trying, but this route all you're getting is losers. Enjoying the snow yet?
tkgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I could try, I just don't want to be the one doing the work. If someone is interested I want them to let me know and do something about it. I'm right there with you girl! This dating stuff is so hard sometimes. The guys we don't want are all over us, but the good ones... I don't know where they are at! I just got to keep believing "he's" out there... somewhere!
AussieJack Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I'm right there with you girl! This dating stuff is so hard sometimes. The guys we don't want are all over us, but the good ones... I don't know where they are at! I just got to keep believing "he's" out there... somewhere! WE are 'Down Here' ladies ... I love Nth American girls- they are such fun to play with. Too bad they take themselves so seriously in Chicago and NYC. Girls, listen up. Dump that stupid 35 point "laundry list" and go out with some guys just for the heck of it - stop "auditioning" men and you will see them quite differently. WE hate feeling like we are on a job interview. How would YOU like it ?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 WE are 'Down Here' ladies ... I love Nth American girls- they are such fun to play with. Too bad they take themselves so seriously in Chicago and NYC. Girls, listen up. Dump that stupid 35 point "laundry list" and go out with some guys just for the heck of it - stop "auditioning" men and you will see them quite differently. WE hate feeling like we are on a job interview. How would YOU like it ? LOL 35 point list! Try a few must haves, Honesty, Respect, Loving and Affectionate (Integrity can't hurt too). I don't think that is much to ask or want out of a man!
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