Author Findingme Posted March 13, 2008 Author Posted March 13, 2008 Do you feel like you're self-fruitful in terms of contentment and happiness? Maybe the thing to do is to explore your inner self a bit and see if you feel like you're depending on your husband to 'make you happy'. Because other people can't really do that for you, you know. Maintaining a healthy individuality is important to both partners in marriage because we do need to be content within ourselves and not dependent on our partner for completion. I'm going to reprint an earlier post for you which kind of describes why individuality is important: Anyway, that's where I would start if it was me. I'd look within myself for latent anxiety, I'd explore my sense of individuality and make sure I wasn't depending on my partner for completion... and also, I'd talk to my GYN about PMS. One needn't suffer. There are medications which can keep it from becoming debilitating. OK, I read it again and wanted answer some of the points from the second (copied) post. Sorry if I make no sence, I woke up after only 3 hrs sleep, do that a lot these days. Anyway you said a triune relationship as in him, me, and us. Only since we got married I think it's been him and us but I disapeared somewhere along the line. At 1 point I hadn't heard my first name spoken on months and 1 day I couldn't take it anymore and just said say my name, I have to hear my name. Seriously, that really did happen. I've found I enjoy being my own person, a person of worth in my own right, not just "Mom" or as he calls me "hun". I have a name! I am funny (he says goofy), I love to laugh and while he can't understand my humor, I do and that's all that matters to me. It almost seems like everytime I try to get out of the box and be me he just squashes that! I feel like I will never be able to truely be me again until I get away from him, and yet how can I when I do feel like he is my other 1/2?
Ladyjane14 Posted March 13, 2008 Posted March 13, 2008 The thing to remember about 'the marriage trinity'... is that it allows you to be HAPPY for one another when you're each indulging in "individual" time. If he's taking a nap or visiting with the in-laws, you're just happy that he's enjoying himself and that he'll come home rejuvenated to you. And vice versa. It needs to work both ways. One other thought for you. Resentments over past events block the flow of love in the relationship, like logs in a beaver dam. Sometimes, the blockage is so bad that you can't feel any love at all. But once the resentments are cleared and the love can flow again, you might realize it was there all along. It's MUTUAL FORGIVENESS which cleans these 'resentment logs' out. Every single transgression, large or small, needs to be expunged by BOTH of you. Easy enough to do... hard to stick with. And for awhile, it's necessary to remind yourself DAILY that you made a forgiveness choice. But what this can do for you is to 'clean the slate', and allow a fresh new start.. where, hopefully, you can both get into new habits which will strengthen the marriage rather than hinder it.
Author Findingme Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 The thing to remember about 'the marriage trinity'... is that it allows you to be HAPPY for one another when you're each indulging in "individual" time. If he's taking a nap or visiting with the in-laws, you're just happy that he's enjoying himself and that he'll come home rejuvenated to you. And vice versa. It needs to work both ways. One other thought for you. Resentments over past events block the flow of love in the relationship, like logs in a beaver dam. Sometimes, the blockage is so bad that you can't feel any love at all. But once the resentments are cleared and the love can flow again, you might realize it was there all along. It's MUTUAL FORGIVENESS which cleans these 'resentment logs' out. Every single transgression, large or small, needs to be expunged by BOTH of you. Easy enough to do... hard to stick with. And for awhile, it's necessary to remind yourself DAILY that you made a forgiveness choice. But what this can do for you is to 'clean the slate', and allow a fresh new start.. where, hopefully, you can both get into new habits which will strengthen the marriage rather than hinder it. It seems I have a terrible time forgiving for past transgressions, thought I had but they still crop up from time to time and I don't mean remembering but getting angry all over again. You are soooo right, it's REAL hard for the love to get through when I am so angry.
Recommended Posts