FlyByNite Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I posted a few weeks ago about my break up after ten years (my ex left me). I thought i was heartbroken and that I would never get over it, and I kept going over and over the things that had been said, and trying to work out why. It's only been 6 weeks, but I suddenly feel free. I don't have to try to be someone I'm not, and run around trying to please him and failing. I am so happy now - better than I have been for years , and am starting to go out and date a few people. Nothing serious, but it's made me realise that there are people out there who won't make me feel like I'm an unattractive failure. I'm not, and there's nothing worng with me. He had the problem. So, all I'm trying to say is, even when it feels its worst, you will get over it. There's no time frame for that, but you will. I found NC the best thing ever. The only contact I have with my ex now is putting his post in an envelope to his new address - and I don't feel the need to do anything more. If he came back now begging for forgiveness I would say that I was really sorry, but that actually, I think he made the right decision to leave. Good luck everyone
SoStupid Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I am so happy for you! Its an amazing unexplainable feeling when You know you are over it! Good Luck with everything!
Confused9 Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I can't wait till I am over it. It's been 4 months and I am still way way way not. Congrats to you!!!
Author FlyByNite Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Thanks guys - you will get there too
dfreeman Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) It's almost embarrassing how I feel about my ex these days. I almost view the last 5 years as a waste of my time. I'm sure that my view will change with time, but the thought of spending time with her almost makes me sick and I couldn't ever see us together in the future. I guess the whole question of friendship is up in the air, but I am only going to invest what it takes to stay close to her daughter. I don't want to be her friend and I don't want us to cross paths socially - the further you get out of the hole, the more you just quit caring for someone that tried to make you feel s#1tty about yourself. [beginRant] I don't know what stage this puts me in, but right now I almost hate her??? I don't want to be around when she starts dating and I don't want to tell her about my recent activity. As far as I am concerned, she can just ef-off and do whatever she wants with her angry and unhappy life. [EndRant] Edited March 7, 2008 by dfreeman
Issues & tissues Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) [beginRant] I don't know what stage this puts me in, but right now I almost hate her??? I don't want to be around when she starts dating and I don't want to tell her about my recent activity. As far as I am concerned, she can just ef-off and do whatever she wants with her angry and unhappy life. [EndRant] I am so on the same page. I have been going through the very same feelings lately and it has been a welcome break from the usual rollarcoaster ride. I am at the stage where I don't want to talk to him anymore - in fact if I never speak to him ever again it would be way too soon. I don't want to hear about his new apartment, his exciting job, his interesting business trips, his new hobbies and friends - in fact I want to know nothing at all about him - he is out of my life and as far as I am concerned he his ONE LESS PROBLEM! Oh it feels good to rant! Edited March 7, 2008 by Issues & tissues
dfreeman Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Oh it feels good to rant! Hell yeah - it beats sulking any day of the week! It's funny how the hurtful things she said during our breakup made it harder in the beginning, but are now the source of my strength. Not only do I not want to ever be with her again, I could do without any contact with her at all. I have to be in the same auditorium as her today and I won't be mean about it, but I hope to get in and out with only speaking about 8 words to her.
justaman99 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 It's funny how the hurtful things she said during our breakup made it harder in the beginning, but are now the source of my strength. I was fortunate enough to have this happen to me as well. Fortunate meaning it was a great source to help me heal. Now I feel free again, after about 6 weeks.
Confused9 Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Why is it that I am 4 months out and my cheating ex who treated me like crap at the end and said hateful things leaving me for the other woman and with a pile of debt and I am weaker it seems. Weaker, after 4 months. The sleepless nights have returned, the tears, the hopellesness. All of it's returned and I have yet to get angry. I just want to let him go so I can move on. But, I can't. He's all I think about. His life that I know nothing about controls me. Thoughts of how he feels about me or what he's doing. It's miserable. I am wasting so much time. I am not getting any younger for cripes sake. I want to get out there and start living...but all I do is regret mistakes I made in the relationship. Blame myself becasue it I didn't do what I did (fight about bills, laundry, cleaning,etc) he wouldn't have left me. I must be so low to have him leave me with little than a goodbye. How do I get over this like you all? I swear I am trying!
dfreeman Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Why is it that I am 4 months out and my cheating ex who treated me like crap at the end and said hateful things leaving me for the other woman and with a pile of debt and I am weaker it seems. Weaker, after 4 months. The sleepless nights have returned, the tears, the hopellesness. All of it's returned and I have yet to get angry. I just want to let him go so I can move on. But, I can't. He's all I think about. His life that I know nothing about controls me. Thoughts of how he feels about me or what he's doing. It's miserable. I am wasting so much time. I am not getting any younger for cripes sake. I want to get out there and start living...but all I do is regret mistakes I made in the relationship. Blame myself becasue it I didn't do what I did (fight about bills, laundry, cleaning,etc) he wouldn't have left me. I must be so low to have him leave me with little than a goodbye. How do I get over this like you all? I swear I am trying! but, I wouldn't go as far as saying that I am over it. One thing that LS has taught me is that there are stages you go in and out of from time to time. When I made that post, I was at the peak of my anger toward my ex and felt like ranting. Since, I have gone through times of sadness and still miss her in my life - it's just that those times are not winning the battle anymore. I have a LOT of regrets too and am extremely hard on myself from an accountability standpoint. I hate the bad stuff I did to sabotage our relationship near the end and really had to pay for it when she decided it was time to turn the anger on full blast! I am a very loving person, so I'm sure I will end up loving her again (if there is such thing as a forgiveness stage), but I think it will be mostly disgust for the next year or so. I am deeply sorry for how you are feeling right now and if you think the place where I am at sounds that much better, I hope you get there soon. dfree
Issues & tissues Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 One thing that LS has taught me is that there are stages you go in and out of from time to time. When I made that post, I was at the peak of my anger toward my ex and felt like ranting. Since, I have gone through times of sadness and still miss her in my life. I too am a long way away from being over the relationship and am learning the hard way about the different stages of dealing with a break up. I had had 6 weeks of NC, had made really good progress and then suddenly I find myself back at square 1. My ex unexpectedly dropped by yesterday evening and caught me totally off guard. Seeing him so happy, confident and "together" (although he admitted feeling lonely) just made me feel so sad, insecure and lonely and now I question whether I had made any progress at all during the last 6 weeks or whether I was just living in total denial the whole time. I try to remain upbeat for the most part but deep down seeing him again hurt me very much. I really wish he would leave me to grieve the relationship alone. I really don't need him calling me to see how I am or dropping by for a chat. Yes, I miss him, I miss our friendship, I miss the companionship but as long as he keeps making random appearances in my life I cannot entirely move on. I am not ready to be his friend (if I am honest not sure that I ever will be) and I believe the time has come to exhibit some of that tough love that we read so much about here on LS where I will ask my ex never to contact me again. Tough, yes. Cruel, no.
Recommended Posts