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how far should I go for him?

confusedwife84

By confusedwife84
in General Relationship Discussion

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confusedwife84 New Member

confusedwife84

Posted
Posted (edited)

I’ve been married to my husband for nearly 2years we’ve been together for 6years. Last year I caught him using various online websites talking to other women, planning to arrange meets all these conversations were happening on the internet. I then discovered that he was also chatting to another couple, and had arranged to meet them to have a threesome. I was very hurt and upset that I did nearly leave him. At the time he said that he didn’t feel that he was cheating as it was all in his head and was just some fun. He promised that he wasn’t interested in anyone else that I was all he wanted, I said that I would on this occasion forgive him, but if I ever caught him doing anything like this again I would walk out the door and not return. He promised that was it he would never do it again, and I thought that this was the end of it.

 

Last week we were discussing fantasies at the time he wasn’t keen to discuss his as I would be disgusted, after some discuss he eventually said that his would be to watch me have sex with another man, and then to join in. He said if I would agree to this, I said would that not bother him watching someone else with me and he said it’s a huge turn on. He somehow managed to get me to agree to this, I didn’t think anything would actually be arranged and that once he’d thought about it he would change his mind and decided that he couldn’t stand the thought of watching someone else with me.

 

But it hasn’t he has since posted adverts on the website to find someone to come round, and has found someone and has invited them around this evening. He says that one of the reasons he wants to do this is to provide me with more experience as occasionally I’ve said I wish when I was younger I’d perhaps been more experimental, as I’ve only ever slept with 2men, my husband and one serious boyfriend, but I’m proud that everyone I’ve slept with has meant something to me. Whereas my husband has done everything imaginable he wont tell me the number of women he has been with but from comments about other partners over the years I think the number is at least 20 possibly 30+. This doesn’t bother me, although I occasionally have a little thought I’d like to have more experience but then remember I’m happy with my experiences

 

The guy he has coming round does seem nice enough, he is attractive, seems like he has a good sense of humour, as my husband has been chatting away to him online and on the phone. The two of them seem to have a good laugh but I’m really beginning to feel uncomfortable by the thought. I don’t want to say that I don’t want to do it as I’m concerned if I say no that he will go and become a 3 with another couple as he obviously isn’t happy with us just being the two of us. I love him so much and he means the world to me, and he always says if we weren’t together that he doesn’t think he’d survive.

 

In the past when he had the internet thing I did speak to a friend about this but I don’t feel I can talk this through with a friend as I’m ashamed that I’m considering doing this. The thing that worried me is that he is now looking into the next stage of having one guy round, he next wants to meet a couple, he has been emailing a couple and said to them we’re having a guy round and depending on how I get on we’ll meet them soon.

 

To be honest I didn’t mind the thought of the threesome when it was just a fantasy in his head, I didn’t mind him talking about it while we were in bed. But the thought of it is all becoming a bit too much.

 

The guy said he wants to come round tonight, just to chat and make sure we all get on, but I’m beginning to feel awful about the whole situation. I really don’t want to say no in case my husband decides it is something he really wants to do. I am full of the cold so think my husband my cancel tonight, and reschedule but part of me feels if I’m going to give this a go that I’d rather just get it out of the way.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I’m so confused at the moment and feel so alone

 

Thank you in advance

 

confused wife

Edited by confusedwife84
malaclypse Established Member

malaclypse

Posted
Posted

The guy said he wants to come round tonight, just to chat and make sure we all get on, but I’m beginning to feel awful about the whole situation. I really don’t want to say no in case my husband decides it is something he really wants to do. I am full of the cold so think my husband my cancel tonight, and reschedule but part of me feels if I’m going to give this a go that I’d rather just get it out of the way.

 

 

Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. So what if you H really wants to do this? If you don't want to, you have no obligation to do it.

 

And if you do it 'for your husband' but you feel bad about it, it will only lead to bigger problems.

 

Don't let yourself be pressured into something you don't want.

Tripper Established Member

Tripper

Posted
Posted
To be honest I didn’t mind the thought of the threesome when it was just a fantasy in his head, I didn’t mind him talking about it while we were in bed. But the thought of it is all becoming a bit too much.

 

The guy said he wants to come round tonight, just to chat and make sure we all get on, but I’m beginning to feel awful about the whole situation. I really don’t want to say no in case my husband decides it is something he really wants to do. I am full of the cold so think my husband my cancel tonight, and reschedule but part of me feels if I’m going to give this a go that I’d rather just get it out of the way.

 

Do not let your H's moral compass guide you. You need to do what's is right for you.

You also need to establish some boundaries. When your H married you it was under the assumption that you would remain faithful to one another and now he's changing the rules. If you both decide you want to experiment sexually with others within your M, that's fine, but if he is imposing his wishes on you, you will end up miserable.

If he wants to meet other women and couples for 3somes etc, and it goes against your principles, then you need to tell him in no uncertain terms and what the ensuing result will be. If it's the end of your M, then so be it. You may love him but such a fundamental rift in marriage values doesn't hold promise for the long term.

Meaplus3 Established Member

Meaplus3

Posted
Posted
I’ve been married to my husband for nearly 2years we’ve been together for 6years. Last year I caught him using various online websites talking to other women, planning to arrange meets all these conversations were happening on the internet. I then discovered that he was also chatting to another couple, and had arranged to meet them to have a threesome. I was very hurt and upset that I did nearly leave him. At the time he said that he didn’t feel that he was cheating as it was all in his head and was just some fun. He promised that he wasn’t interested in anyone else that I was all he wanted, I said that I would on this occasion forgive him, but if I ever caught him doing anything like this again I would walk out the door and not return. He promised that was it he would never do it again, and I thought that this was the end of it.

 

Last week we were discussing fantasies at the time he wasn’t keen to discuss his as I would be disgusted, after some discuss he eventually said that his would be to watch me have sex with another man, and then to join in. He said if I would agree to this, I said would that not bother him watching someone else with me and he said it’s a huge turn on. He somehow managed to get me to agree to this, I didn’t think anything would actually be arranged and that once he’d thought about it he would change his mind and decided that he couldn’t stand the thought of watching someone else with me.

 

But it hasn’t he has since posted adverts on the website to find someone to come round, and has found someone and has invited them around this evening. He says that one of the reasons he wants to do this is to provide me with more experience as occasionally I’ve said I wish when I was younger I’d perhaps been more experimental, as I’ve only ever slept with 2men, my husband and one serious boyfriend, but I’m proud that everyone I’ve slept with has meant something to me. Whereas my husband has done everything imaginable he wont tell me the number of women he has been with but from comments about other partners over the years I think the number is at least 20 possibly 30+. This doesn’t bother me, although I occasionally have a little thought I’d like to have more experience but then remember I’m happy with my experiences

 

The guy he has coming round does seem nice enough, he is attractive, seems like he has a good sense of humour, as my husband has been chatting away to him online and on the phone. The two of them seem to have a good laugh but I’m really beginning to feel uncomfortable by the thought. I don’t want to say that I don’t want to do it as I’m concerned if I say no that he will go and become a 3 with another couple as he obviously isn’t happy with us just being the two of us. I love him so much and he means the world to me, and he always says if we weren’t together that he doesn’t think he’d survive.

 

In the past when he had the internet thing I did speak to a friend about this but I don’t feel I can talk this through with a friend as I’m ashamed that I’m considering doing this. The thing that worried me is that he is now looking into the next stage of having one guy round, he next wants to meet a couple, he has been emailing a couple and said to them we’re having a guy round and depending on how I get on we’ll meet them soon.

 

To be honest I didn’t mind the thought of the threesome when it was just a fantasy in his head, I didn’t mind him talking about it while we were in bed. But the thought of it is all becoming a bit too much.

 

The guy said he wants to come round tonight, just to chat and make sure we all get on, but I’m beginning to feel awful about the whole situation. I really don’t want to say no in case my husband decides it is something he really wants to do. I am full of the cold so think my husband my cancel tonight, and reschedule but part of me feels if I’m going to give this a go that I’d rather just get it out of the way.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I’m so confused at the moment and feel so alone

 

Thank you in advance

 

confused wife

 

I think you really need to take a firm stand on what you believe in and what your comfortable..or not comfortable with.. I would be very clear in making your H know that. If he repsect's you then he wold not make you do anything against your own will. Good luck.

 

AP:)

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