THEBIGARC Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 We went to the MC Monday and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me since. I do everything I can to help with our son and around the house. She thanks me, but then yesterday she said it made her feel bad, like she was not a good mother. I am trying to hang on to our marriage, but I don't know how much more I can take. Maybe that is her plan, make me feel so alone that I leave. We are moving into our brand new 3000 sq home this weekend. I am going to stick it out until we are in that house. This is the advice I got from my lawyer. She has made me realize all of the things I have done wrong in our 6 yrs. She told me again she is having a hard time opening up her heart to me. The MC said that was ok. It would take time, but it kills me to have to ask if I can lay by her. I am truly in limbo right now. I am reading this book "On you own again" it has helped, but I am not sure what phase I am going through. I am trying to hold it together at work, but it is suffering. All I want to do is run away, but that is what I have always done after a bad relationship. I need to stay and try to be strong. I am just so lonely without my wife's love. I always took it for granted. Big mistake! Well, I seem to get on here and just pour out my heart. I hope this helps me or someone else.
jmargel Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 She has made you live in a storm of insecurity. Her lying, deceitfulness and cheating have caused this. I know where you are coming from, I was there myself. It takes a long time, but as your wife truly realizes what she's done wrong and takes responsibility for her mistakes and shows empathy for what you are going through you will feel better about the marriage and the future of you two. Don't ask her if you can 'lay beside her', don't ask if you can give/get affection. Let her come to you. She has done this to you, make it her job to want this to work out. I urge you get the book 'Love must be tough'. You are lacking confidence, the more confidence you get the better you will feel about yourself. Don't allow your own self-worth play into all of this. You are still acting like you are the reason she cheated. This is NO excuse for her cheating.. NONE. Continue MC and try not to analyze everything. You will get through this.
Author THEBIGARC Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 You are one of the 1st people in here that has not told me to dump her ass and move on. It is not easy. I do agree she needs to come to me. If she is really intenting to save our marriage, she needs to put forth some effort. I am doing it all right now. I wish I could not think about it so much. I know she isn't. She is going about like everything is ok. I think about this 24/7. I feel like I am going crazy. Work is the hardest part for me. I have a lot of time to think. I am in my office all day. I try to work, but it is hard. She calls me to discus everyday issuses and I wait for her call. I know all this is unhealthy. I just don't know what to do!
jmargel Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Brings back memories when that was going on with me. It's something you learn to cope with. If you are still doing all the work then you must use tough love. Go against your intincts to 'protect' the marriage. That doesn't mean to dump her, it means you need to make it clear to her that you can't live in a world of insecurity and that she needs to make this marriage a priority. Let her know that you are willing to walk if she puts this on the back burner. Also let her know that it's not your job to make this marriage work if she is not going to put 110% into this. That she has one chance, and only one chance to put all her effort into this. Be willing to walk away, this adds value to the marriage (from her standpoint). If you don't then she has no reason to want to change things. She needs to start showing empathy towards this and you have to start finding a way to gain your confidence back. This will eliminate all the bad feelings that you are having right now.
Recommended Posts