Star Gazer Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 GENERALLY speaking, when in the very initial stages of dating BEFORE you've become sexually intimate or established any sort of boundaries/expectations/commitment (i.e., still in the "getting to know you" stage)... Do you also date other people? Are you open to the possibility, or are you a one-person-at-a-time dater? Do you assume the other person is dating other people, or expect that they aren't? Would you get upset if you had chosen not to date anyone else, but found out the person you were dating was still going out on dates with others?
SeraBella Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I only date one person at a time right now. But a few years ago...generally, if I was dating more than one person I wasn't expecting ANY of them to go anywhere further than a few casual dates. I had no hopes of a relationship with those guys. If I was looking for a relationship, then I only dated one at a time. Overall, I don't think it's fair to date more than one person at a time because you're not really allowing yourself to get to know the people you are dating as well as you could if you were solely dating them. I know I don't open up as much if I'm dating more than one person vs. just one. And if I'm dating more than one at a time I'm not really in the right frame of mind to allow anything serious to happen with any of them. If someone has even the slightest flaw, then I drop them quickly and easily. I guess I just hope the other person isn't dating anyone else since that's how I am. Some people are open about it and you know if they are or aren't. I would probably get a little upset, probably feeling a little let down, if I found out they were seeing others if I was assuming they were just seeing me, but I don't think I would let them know I was upset about it unless we had agreed to be exclusive. I probably would assume they weren't taking things as seriously as I was, though, and may stop seeing them (depending on the circumstances).
northernman Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I agree with Sera.. I never understood how people date 2, 3, or 4 people at one time, if there is sex, or no sex. I can tell if I am interested rather quickly, so if I am, I date the person more. If not, I move on to another. It just seems odd to me.. I would either have to lie, or always watch what I am saying.. How do you explain that? As an example, lets say I am dating others, and one asks me "What did you do this weekend". Then I say, "Oh, not much", or "Well, me and Sharon went to a movie, then we had dinner" etc etc.. I think people that date many at once are often times insecure. I simply never had the time or energy to be dating many at once, as I have always had much to do. Some men and women needs an over abundance of attraction from the opposite sex to feel good.
DanielMadr Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 GENERALLY speaking, when in the very initial stages of dating BEFORE you've become sexually intimate or established any sort of boundaries/expectations/commitment (i.e., still in the "getting to know you" stage)... Do you also date other people? Are you open to the possibility, or are you a one-person-at-a-time dater? Do you assume the other person is dating other people, or expect that they aren't? Would you get upset if you had chosen not to date anyone else, but found out the person you were dating was still going out on dates with others? Im a one-person-at-a-time dater. I couldnt give it my best, my everything. I expect they aren't. I would be disapointed. Because it is strong sign her interest level is not very high. And I would be upset if she was behaving like she was very interested but in reality she was serial-dater. And finally I would be very pis*ed off with myself that I for 1002nd time didnt let my options open and wasted my precious time for giving ego boost injection to someone who doesnt give a sh*t about me or anyone else besides herself.
DanielMadr Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I agree with Sera.. I never understood how people date 2, 3, or 4 people at one time, if there is sex, or no sex. I can tell if I am interested rather quickly, so if I am, I date the person more. If not, I move on to another. It just seems odd to me.. I would either have to lie, or always watch what I am saying.. How do you explain that? As an example, lets say I am dating others, and one asks me "What did you do this weekend". Then I say, "Oh, not much", or "Well, me and Sharon went to a movie, then we had dinner" etc etc.. I think people that date many at once are often times insecure. I simply never had the time or energy to be dating many at once, as I have always had much to do. Some men and women needs an over abundance of attraction from the opposite sex to feel good. Exactly. And how could serial-dater look to someones eyes? And when someone cant decide in a few minutes then answer is NO or they should undergo serious therapy or brain surgery.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Until I met my b/f I was dating several people at once. I would see each periodically, 2 or 3 times a month. It was just the "getting to know you" phase - and more like hanging out with new friends. Once I realized that my b/f was special, I stopped seeing the others entirely.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 And when someone cant decide in a few minutes then answer is NO or they should undergo serious therapy or brain surgery. Takes me longer than a few minutes to deterime if someone is a true prospect. When I first met my b/f I didn't think I was interested in him at all - 3.5 years later I want to marry him!
laRubiaBonita Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 i usually would date one at a time, but there have been a few instances when i have had the opportunity to date up to three guys at once. and these "dates" were very casual, my multi dating spans usually did not last for more than a 3-4 dates.... i usually either grow close to someone and end the others, or none of the guys work out. it is pretty hectic too, and could get a little confusing, so you need to be an organized person and remember names
Jilly Bean Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I always wished I was able to multi-date, but I can't. Even from date one, I am a one-man woman... The few times I have multi-dated, I felt like I wasn't giving any one guy enough of a fair shot...
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 GENERALLY speaking, when in the very initial stages of dating BEFORE you've become sexually intimate or established any sort of boundaries/expectations/commitment (i.e., still in the "getting to know you" stage)... Do you also date other people? Are you open to the possibility, or are you a one-person-at-a-time dater?The only time I'm open to dating multiple people, is when I'm not looking to have a relationship with anyone. It's clearly understood that we're dating for fun and they know that I'm dating multiples. Do you assume the other person is dating other people, or expect that they aren't?I hope they're dating others. Would you get upset if you had chosen not to date anyone else, but found out the person you were dating was still going out on dates with others? That's what the exclusivity discussion is all about. If I were seriously interested in someone, it's exclusive or nothing.
Stockalone Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Do you also date other people? Are you open to the possibility, or are you a one-person-at-a-time dater? One-woman-at-a-time for me. Do you assume the other person is dating other people, or expect that they aren't? I expect that she isn't and I consider it common decency to be informed if she is also dating other men. Would you get upset if you had chosen not to date anyone else, but found out the person you were dating was still going out on dates with others? Yes, I get upset and stop dating her.
Author Star Gazer Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Interesting. Seems like everyone pretty much expects it to be an exclusive relationship from the get-go...
Touche Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 It has never really been an option for me. Dating has never been an option for you? Ok, on-topic count me in for the one at a time person when I was dating except for when I was in my late teens early 20's.
NuTuDating Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 One at a time. There are some women that I've dated that take two or three dates to make up their mind, but I usually know after the first if this is something I want to pursue. If I find out after a few dates that she's still dating around, then I know I don't do it for her and I move on. Life's too short.
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