manos Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I couldnt get the truth out from himso i finally called his mistress, in some strange way i felt like we were friends. She told me that she only wante him if he was available and that she doesnt want him if he still married. She started giving me advice and said that i have gone about things the wrong way that he knows he can come home so its easy for him to go around acting like a teenager, she also said that i shouldnt want him back if it was just so that my daughter could have her father back, I told her my side of things for once i think she needed to hear my side and not all his remarks, he will only tell her what she needs to hear. Im so sick of him i really am.I told her that one day he would do the same thing to her and that she would never be able to put up with his fan club, she sounded stunned and she said she wants to be number one in his life and i said she would never be number one that his daughter would always have that place, she said she didnt know that he and i were trying to have a baby in january i said this man lies as he breathes and that he lies to both of us Im really a fool i desereve so much more, i really tried for my daughters sake but his just not worth it anymore , he is of weak charecter and he will never change, i told her that he has a new wife every decade im wife number 3, she went so quiet when i said that to her, she said she was sorry for how things have turned out and that she wasnt proud of what she did and that it wasnt easy for him to do what he did, and i said how do you know and she said she just knows. i really wonder what she meant by that. she said she wasnt going to take more of his calls but whose to know, i told him that i dont want to see him or speak to him again and that we are to share our daughter , one week with me and one week with him . maybe that will teach him some responsibility, although i wonder now whether i did the right thing. I wont cope without her but i have to teach this man a lesson or two . what do you all think about all of this, did i do right . im panicking now because im afraid what will happen to my daughter when she without me. am i being selfish
Trimmer Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Your daughter is what, around 6 years old now? Do you believe that her father will be a safe and competent father to her while she is in his care? If so, do you think you can (eventually) set aside your spousal issues, for the sake of having at least civil - and hopefully supportive - interactions in your continuing roles as parents? If so, then your daughter has a good chance of being OK. On the other hand, if he can't handle his parental role with competence and responsibility, then pushing your daughter on him half-time to "teach him a lesson or two" is not in her best interest. The parenting arrangement you settle on should address the best interests of your child, and should not be influenced by one spouse or the other "scoring a hit" or trying to teach lessons to the other. When it comes to your daughter, act like parents, not bickering spouses. Incidentally, my kids were 6 and 8 when we separated, and it was always assumed that we would split parenting 50/50. It has worked for us, and I believe for our kids, because even as we were separating and imploding/exploding as spouses, we both focused on staying on the same page as stable, cooperative parents. Yes, they sometimes miss us when they are with the other parent, but they have bonds forged with both parents that make them feel safe and loved in both houses. So if you're asking "what about our daughter," make sure you consider this question from your roles as a PARENTS.
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