SoStupid Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I'm Going Insane.... My bf and I have been together for 5 years. Not all of the relationship has been a LDR but here is alittle background on both of us.. he is older, 7 years to be correct, lives in a different country and has no kids. I am young, not too young but not old enough to see through the fog so to say, have no kids and not sure about settling down yet.(which he is ok with). Now to get to the problem. When we first met it seemed like I had found the love of my life, what i had always wanted and more. I was with my now ex boyfriend for 6 years, things with the Ex were done, but neither of us knew life without eachother. Neither of us would end it. So when i met my now bf he gave me the strength to move on..(no he wasn't a rebound) like i said it had been over for years just didn't know what to do(also he cheating on me numerous time) Anyways with that said, I started talking to my current bf on the phone, email, texts,ect.. When talking to him I was blown away by what I had been missing for all of those years. Well here is where i went wrong, Stupid me (and yes thats why my name is So Stupid) Decieded to kind of explore my freedom, Wasn't really commited to (BF) yet, just talked alot and always thought about him. So i started talking to this other guy online(smax herself), Talk to him quite abit and got to know him. I mean he was nice and everything but soon after realized that this guy isn't what i want at all.. I was dead set on my bf now and thats what i want to persuse.. Well that enraged the other guy, Well just so happen that the other guy played a games with my bf and they ended up talking.. other guy told bf everything we had talked about over aim apparently he saved all the convos we had and pictures i had sent him.. Well he sent everything to my bf.. So when bf confronted my I lied about it of course, Why?? the only thing i can come up with is that I really liked him at this point and I didn't want this to mess up our chances of having something. Well After all of that, and all the questions he wanted answers to.. He forgave me! (Thank God) that was hell on earth. Well acouple months later I decided the only way i am going to prove to this man that i love him is to move to his territory, so i did, I was there atleast 6 months, I recieved a email from the other guy! #1 mistake i made is I answered back! #2 mistake he gave me his number and he told me he needed to speak to me and straighten this out that he felt bad for everything that happen ((( I FREAKING CALLED (((STUPID))), Well bf found out, Which made everything worse, I ended up packing up my stuff and heading back home, Thinking that everything was over and he couldn't take my stupidity any more, i dont blame him. Once I returned home, I tried working on myself. Considering the fact that I was in such a longterm horrible relationship prior to all of this and maybe i just need to get my brain right and realize exactly who I am. Thats what i did, hung out with friends, family, had fun! Well we ended up talking again, I expressed all the stupid things that i did and how i couldn't believe after all i had been through with the x and how I let myself do that to someone and make them feel as i once did! I was ashamed of myself! matter of fact disgusted:sick:! So I try to prove to him I didn't want anything but him.. Well Its been 4 years since I did this. He still makes comments that he thinks im cheating on him ect, I know how hard it is to get over it, I may feel as its in the past to me, But I know its like yesterday to him.. Its also hard considering i am living back at home and all we have is the phone. I feel as it has to be over, I dont think he will ever get over the fact that I have done this to him.. I have tried to face it head on tell him everything he asks me, BEING FULLY HONEST whether he wanted to hear it or not. Hasn't work so to say the least. I dont know what to do anymore, we are at eachothers throat all of the time, I swear everytime he calls We fight, Even if i am the nicest person in the world there is ALWAYS something. I think last night is what really showed me that he wont heal from this. My bestfriend in the whole world has my god daughter(love that lil girl)anyways, her bf had to face some trouble and he is away right now for awhile, So she needed help with the bills ect, well instead of me moving in(might ruin the friendship,many reasons) She ended up in desperation finding a roommate(male). Well everytime I go to my bestfriends house(which i went over ALOT before he moved in) BF always askes me if roomate is there, most of the time i dont have to worry cause he isn't home he is out or whatever. Well when he is there I am not going to lie to my bf so i say yes he is here, next thing is you hanging out with him? NO im not...(HIM-Ohh you must be on cloud 9 then.. What is with these comments, I really have changed in the last 4 years I have realized what is important to me and its him why cant he see that?? I dont want anyone else but him. WHY CANT HE SEE I HAVE CHANGED? What can I do to make him see?? Is there absoulutly anything I can do to change this??? Change the fact that he doesn't respect me??? HELP???:confused: Well if you are still here reading my misspelled words and long story, I thank you! any advice/help would be great. SoSTUPID!
TMichaels Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) ...I really have changed in the last 4 years I have realized what is important to me and its him why cant he see that?? I dont want anyone else but him. WHY CANT HE SEE I HAVE CHANGED? What can I do to make him see?? Is there absoulutly anything I can do to change this??? Change the fact that he doesn't respect me??? HELP???:confused: SoStupid, Not sure it's a question of "respect" so much as "trust." Initially, you gave him reason for distrusting you, you explained and apologized, he forgave you and gave you a second chance. Instead of staying "out of trouble," you gave him a reason to feel stupid for having forgiven you in the first place. In some ways, can you blame him for being reluctant to trust you again? I don't know what it is that you have been doing or saying to try and convince him that you've changed, however, as you point out, it has been FOUR YEARS since all of this happened. How long does your b/f think you are supposed to pay for your sins? The rest of your life? If indeed you've been as diligent as you say in changing your life and doing everything you can to earn his trust, his behavior borders on being downright cruel and sadistic. Why does he bother to stay in touch with you if he thinks you're such a tramp? But more importanly, why are YOU putting up with such crap from HIM? I feel as it has to be over, I dont think he will ever get over the fact that I have done this to him.. I have tried to face it head on tell him everything he asks me, BEING FULLY HONEST whether he wanted to hear it or not. Hasn't worked so to say the least. I dont know what to do anymore, we are at each others throat all of the time, I swear everytime he calls We fight, Even if i am the nicest person in the world there is ALWAYS something. Though your b/f has been calling the shots and making you do all the groveling for years now, I think it's time you put the ball in his court -- for real. If I were you, I'd be totally upfront. Tell him you know you did wrong in the past, but those wrongs helped you see what you needed to fix in your life, and during the past four years that's exactly what you've done. You've worked hard to be worthy of his love, been 100% honest, faithful and committed. But apparently, that's not good enough for him -- which is why you think the two of you should go your separate ways. If he says he doesn't want that, then tell him he has to STOP accusing you of cheating on him and being suspicious of your every move NOW. If he doesn't straighten up, make it clear, you're done. If he accuses you of wanting it to be over because you have someone waiting in the wings, tell him that's exactly the kind of insulting accusations you're talking about that are driving you away from him. The point here is that whether you two continue to have a relationship is dependant on HIS behavior from now on in, NOT yours. You've paid your penance. His needs to grow up, get over it and move on. If he doesn't, make it clear YOU WILL. Then stick to your guns and learn one more thing from this relationship: That you can't make anyone love or trust you. Both have to be earned and returned. Best, TMichaels P.S. I'm not going to waste time discussing "your mutual friend" -- let's just say this guy is a "game-player" in more than one sense of the word. You're wise to stay well away from him. If he had cared for you at all, he wouldn't have done what he did. Don't forget that. Edited March 9, 2008 by TMichaels
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