SarahT111 Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Hey all! I really need some advice!!! I haven't seen or heard from my ex since he dumped me almost 3 months ago. It has been the worst 3 months of my entire life as im sure you have all read about. Ive worked hard to get over him but I still love him and am still hurt very deeply. I would jump at the chance to get back together. I don't show it however and go about my day as if I have moved on. I doubt he will come back to me so I have done everything to move on. Deep down tho, him coming back is all I want. Anyway my ex and I are on the same sports team (we both represent our country) and there is a competition coming up where the team will have to travel together and stay together for a week. This competition isn't compulsary but it would still be good to go! However im not sure if It is a good idea to see my ex again .... Im worried seeing him will take me right back to stage one and I NEVER want to go there again. I know he want talk to me and will act like I don't exsist and it will really hurt and I don't want to go back there as ive worked so hard and made good progress! BUT I dont want to let him ruin my life and I want to show I am better than him and that I don't care. I don't want him to stop me from doing things I would otherwise do! So what on earth do I do????? Is it best to go, not let him ruin my life and pretend that I don't care even tho i'll be dying inside? Or is it best to stay away from him so I dont have to go back to stage one? I really cant handle seeing him again and I know it will break my heart and take me right back to where I was! I really really dont know what to do so pllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeaaase leave me your thoughts!!!!
MattyTee Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Or is it best to stay away from him so I dont have to go back to stage one? I really cant handle seeing him again and I know it will break my heart and take me right back to where I was! Dear Sarah, I'm glad to hear that you have come a long way and it is true, you have. I think the quote above I picked out seems to answer your question for you. If you know that will happen then all you are doing is forcing yourself back into a pattern of hurt and pain. It is likely there is a part of you that doesn't want to keep going, to keep progressing, you are being drawn back into the safety of being hurt and feeling miserable - it's something familiar rather than the unknown of what else could be. I'm sure there is a part of you that is hoping if you go on the trip, well then he'll spend time with you and perhaps things will work out. Maybe he won't ignore you or pretend like you don't exist... It's like someone waving their hand over a candle. Every time they do it, it hurts and they stop. Two minutes later they wave their hand over it again, wondering if it still hurts. This goes on for some time, perhaps until they accidentally stick their hand right into the flame. That time it burns so much that they finally learn ... this hurts! Don't be cruel to yourself. Carefully look at why you might be doing something, be honest with yourself that is the most important thing. If this competition is important to you then he should not affect you going or not. However, is it really that you want to go for the competition? I know I'm not posting much lately ... but I'm still reading. Things are changing for you ... remember that, even when it feels like they aren't. I'm proud of you.
s_n_d Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Only you can make this decision. However, my advice is staying away from him for now. Your going to obviously be torn when you see him. Plus, there will be other competitions. I think right now your not ready to see him.
mysocalledlife Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 The quote MattyTee pulled out does speak volumes about where you are at with the situation, and it does sound like you shouldn't go. Especially if the competition isn't compulsory and if not going won't hurt your position or standing on the team.
Author SarahT111 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 Dam you can read me so well!! I'm sure there is a part of you that is hoping if you go on the trip, well then he'll spend time with you and perhaps things will work out. Maybe he won't ignore you or pretend like you don't exist... I think this is 100% true! Deep down I still hope we can work things out and when I see him again he might be the old guy I fell in love with. Theres very little chance of that happening but I still wish! And your right, when I see him and it doesn't work out like I hope its just going to hurt more! So ive decided not to go! A part of me is still angry with him and I dont want to let this guy ruin my life and the choices I make. Thanks for your advice everyone!!!
Issues & tissues Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Two questions you need to seriously ask yourself. 1. Could I handle seeing him again? 2. Could I handle seeing him with someone else at the competition? If you can truthfully answer "YES" to both then go out there and strut your stuff!
Author SarahT111 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 And I would answer NO to both of those!!
sedgwick Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I know he want talk to me and will act like I don't exsist and it will really hurt and I don't want to go back there as ive worked so hard and made good progress! Wait...are you trying to say he WON'T (not "want") talk to you, or that he WILL want TO talk to you? Spelling and syntax are confusing...
kittensmittens Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Sarah, Will missing this one competition set you back in anyway? Will there be more to come and can you easily get back into them if you miss this one? If you can easily pick up where you left off next time around, then I would advise skipping this one. Let me ask you....if you broke your leg but it was beginning to heal, would you go? Probably not. You'd probably sit this one out until you finished healing. Treat your heart the same way and give yourself some more time to heal. It's not about what he's 'letting' or 'not letting' you do....it's all about taking time for yourself to heal. If that means avoiding him for now, then that's what must be done. Just like you'd probably be avoiding whatever it was that broke your leg for a little while.
Author SarahT111 Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Sorry sedgwick I meant to type that he WONT talk to me! He will act like im not there! And I really liked your broken leg theory! It really hit home! I have decided to sit it out. Im disappointed in a way that it had to turn out like this. I love going away with my team and will miss not being a part of the competition. I have many other great friends who I will miss not being able to see and will miss going overseas to another country but I guess thats just the way it has to be for now. If I went I doubt I would be able to be at my best anyway as I would be upset and confused all over again! Its just a real pain that it has to be like this!!
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I think it's a shame that you have to miss out on a part of your life that is important to you. Conversely, I think people are right in saying that spending time with him and having him be a jerk would set you back. Is there any way you can find out if he is going to this competition? Maybe he can't go- meaning you still can. Possibility?
Trialbyfire Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 If seeing him, means that you can't focus on your competition by giving it your best, then consider me also a vote for not going. Beyond that, you kind of owe it to your team and country, to participate. The last thing you want, is for an ex to dominate your life. He's not worth you missing something this meaningful and important in your life. "Get busy living or get busy dying." - The Shawshank Redemption
Author SarahT111 Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Ahhhh now I cant decide!! There are two very good points 1. I cant let him dominate my life and stop me from representing my country BUT 2. I cant handle seeing him and it would be so painful and take me right back to step one and I NEVER want to go there again!! The whole team is like one big family so it would be impossile to go and avoid seeing him. He has a MASSIVE reputation for getting with many other girls from other countries at these competitions and I know Id just die if I had to see that! But on the other hand why let a jerk like him spoil my life! Ahh such a tricky situation!
sedgwick Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I understand totally how hard it is to see them, especially to see them with another. But if you love your sport and you love your team, go do it for them! You should never let someONE you love take you away from someTHING you love. (Unless the thing you love is, y'know, crack or something.)
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