A Question for the GUYS

[surfcitysiren]

Hello, I am new. This is my first post.

 

Here's my story: I joined an online community looking for a friend, possibly more, but to start, just a friend. I am a 38 year old woman living in California. I 'met' and formed a friendship with a man my age who lives in Australia. I know......please don't go there....I should have known better, but I didn't. It's a moot point. It's been about 6 weeks.

 

You know the rest...now there's feelings. It seemed to me he was starting to fall for me...just things he'd say that I know were not a put on...you'll just have to trust me on that. The only expectation either of us had was brutal honesty, which I feel we always gave each other. We pretty much shared the good bad and ugly about ourselves. I am convinced he is who and what he says he is and vice versa---all that.

 

Problem is that he started lamenting fairly early on that he does like and have feelings for me, and although he said he loved what we had going, he wanted to BE WITH ME, face to face. I feel the same way but due to all kinds of things, FOR NOW it is not possible for us to physically meet. Mostly finances and the fact that I have two small children and the conflicts/concerns that brings up.

 

ANYWAY. It seemed to me that things would get sort of intense emotionally (GOOD--like we would get closer emotionally) and then he'd just fall off the face of the earth for a few days. The first time I was confused and called him up to ask what was going on. (I honestly thought maybe a house fell on him or something). He explained he was in defense mode because he was feeling like he was liking me way too much and feeling like it could not go anywhere. We talked it through and went on our merry way.

 

Only it happened again. This time also occurring after a very intense exchange. He was supposed to call me the following day but i never heard from him. There was a death in his family, which he sent me a message to explain the day after the day after he was supposed to call. Unfortunately, I probably over reacted. Because of our exchange prior, I was feeling very vulnerable, feeling disrespected and wondering if he had just used me (even though I didn't really think so) and I also realized that I was falling in love with him, which came somewhat as a shock to me.

 

I basically got scared. I overreacted. I sent him an email that was not abusive toward him but my frustration was there. I only sent it because in my heart I thought he was sending me a message--that he was done with me or whatever. I believe I was wrong but I already knew he had a pattern of being overwhelmed by his feelings and withdrawing and then I did that at a bad time when he was dealing with the death of someone close to him.

 

Long story short, he said that he cared for me, that he did think we had something special, but that he couldn't continue the relationship...and stuff about my assertions being basically B.S. and over reacting.....

 

I blew it. I know...... And then I made it worse......I realized just how MUCH I cared for him (I had really been playing it pretty cool with him prior to that) and I emailed him AGAIN to say how very sorry I am for everything, to ask for a second chance, all that....and even told him I was just scared to death because I was starting to fall for him.

 

His answer was that he was sorry, but being half a world away was just too hard for him.....

 

That was almost a week ago. I'm crushed. I feel like a fool.....I practically threw myself at him there at the end trying to make him understand how much he means to me....and even though in my heart I know he feels the same, I am afraid he's gone forever.

 

I am not contacting him, even though I want to with every fiber of my being. I know he just needs time and space to mull things over...and maybe he'll come back to me?? Maybe.....

 

But honestly, guys, what's the chances? I know he is desperately lonely and loved my company, looked forward to talking to me each day, etc...I think he may be suffering from a bit of depression where he just sort of has to go off by himself....luckily I'm the type who needs my space too and I DO understand that.....

 

But crap.....what now? I honestly want him in my life....even just as a friend. Any point in hoping he'll come around again?

[Elyssa]

Are you sure he isn't married?

 

I hate to say it, but every time I hear or read about overseas lovers disappearing without notice, they turn out to be in a weekend trip with their spouses or something of that sort.

 

Anyway, assuming this isn't the case... I think he is overreacting too. Okay, so you were frustrated because he disappeared. If he cared about you, he would've let you know in the first place, but even so... he drops you like a hot potato after your "intense exchange" because you sent him an angry email? Come on now. I think he's just using that as an excuse to break up.

 

You knew what you were getting into and you knew this could happen. I don't think he's coming back, honestly, and even if he does.... do you want him to, after he's done this to you once? Chances are, he will do it again.

 

-E

[carhill]

Sorry to hear that. The Aussie guys I know are pretty stable, though somewhat scatterbrained (their wives keep them on "the path"). They are surprisingly open emotionally (I saw this almost universally, not just with our friends), but men are men

 

I wouldn't invest any more emotion here, if it was my deal. I've done LDR's in the past, both to Asia (Macau precisely) and the FSU (Ukraine) and there's been both disappointment and surprising discovery. People are people everywhere and we all have the same strengths and weaknesses.

 

Personally, and I realize you didn't ask for this advice, I wouldn't engage any emotion in a LDR if I wasn't ready, willing and able to get on a plane, etc to go. I was, and did, and that's how you really can tell, in person. There is no substitute. I had budgeted for multiple trips even prior to engaging any emotion. In your situation, of course, that should've been the man's responsibility, due to you having children. Aussie's are generally very well-traveled, and we've been visited a few times here in the states by our friends.

 

I'd let this one go, learn from the experience and proceed with that in mind. I know the accent is very enticing

 

Good luck!

[j_hunt_12]

I once talked with this girl a while in Argentina online and she completely fell in love with me. I'm not going to lie, I did have some feelings (or what I at least thought were feelings) for her as well. We had a lot in common. I loved talking to her online. But ultimately I couldn't get into a relationship with her. I had to come to the fact that we were half a world apart and I couldn't make a trip to find out if anything was there and then enter into an incredibly difficult LDR (ironically I'm in another LDR now, but we dated in person for a while then we got split on opposite sides of the globe). And she was always incredibly nice to me. If she would have ever said anything mean to me or if we ever had an argument I would have closed her off a lot earlier.

 

You really can never tell what a person is like online. I've traveled a good bit and met people I had talked with exclusively online and know that they are never the person you expect. Even if it is not a bad thing, they are always different. Do you ever send BAD pictures of yourself to someone online? Do you ever tell them about those embarassing things about yourself? Can you actually get a gauge of how social and outgoing someone is when they write you online? Can you see how he/she talks to others? Can you see how he/ she carries him/herself? nope.

 

There is one language exchange friend I have been talking to for three years now. We've tried to meet but it hasn't worked out. After three years (she's had two BFs and lived in 2 countries throughout the time... you will learn this is actually really important stuff to know because they can't BS fact like that about themselves usually), facebook profiles, webcam converstions I finally am starting to think that I have a decent picture of her. And the way I think she is now is completely different then what I thought when I first met her. If we met it would probably change again. Sorry for the lecture but I'm assuming your Aussie is thinking in these same terms.

 

I'd say he will probably not come back to you, but I'm not sure. It is not a bad thing really in my opinion... You've already made it to arguing with this guy and really don't know what he is like in person. If you could easily manage a trip to meet him it might be a different story, but I really don't see how this one would work out anyways. peace and try not to let it get you down.

Edited March 5, 2008 by j_hunt_12

[surfcitysiren]

Ummmmm....to anyone who is NOT a man...thank you for your time, but I am truly only interested in a MAN's perspective. Thanks.

 

NO, he is definitely NOT married. Absolutely, positively. He has been divorced for 3 years or so. He is experiencing a time of loneliness and probably depression due to some career related issues that I know are very difficult for him. (He has a feeling of a complete loss of his identity and self worth because of something that happened with his career that he cannot go back to and I think he feels hopeless and stuck).

 

NO he is not in prison

NO he has strong views against drugs so he's not an addict

YES we have been meticulously HONEST with each other

NO, we have NEVER 'argued'. The most heated it's gotten has been more like 'pleading' with each other. NO name calling, etc. It never got UGLY.

And YES we have sent photos to each other and had the WEBCAM experience so there's been the opportunity to SEE him, see his expressions, his home, ETC.

 

This sort of started out as a curiosity on both of our parts and then got very personal. I have a sense that he is feeling very deep feelings but he is understandly scared. So am I. But in only 6 weeks you cannot make those 'big decisions' (like to move to the other side of the world, etc.) He also has 2 children the same ages as mine, though they do not live with him. I guess I just hoped over TIME we'd just take it slow and see what happened and not try to answer all the 'big questions' now. I could see us together---YES, but it takes time to develop a relationship and be sure.

 

If nothing else, I'd love to be his friend. In fact this whole thing started out with a CLEAR understanding that all I could offer him was friendship WHILE HE CONTINUED HIS SEARCH FOR SOMEONE ELSE. I never wanted to keep him from looking elsewhere. But we enjoy each other and spent HOURS each day on the phone and IM'ing/seeing each other and sharing who were are with each other. I don't think either of us expected this. He has been very forthright in telling me how he feels and that he just wants me so bad it hurts. BUT I FEEL THE SAME FOR HIM.

 

I just wish it could work somehow but I don't want to chase him or come off like some sort of a stalker. Just wanted an honest idea, FROM A MAN, as to whether we can at least be friends and work through this.

 

Thanks to all.

[surfcitysiren]

He has not found someone else. He would have told me. There would be no reason for him to lie, as I was always encouraging him to find someone who made him smile, with the clear understanding that I would be his friend until he decided it was better if I weren't. And I would have been happy for him, had he found someone. So, it's not another woman, either. If anything, I think HE WOULD be still talking to me if that were the case. He'd be happy....and not so down. I know the first time he was just protecting himself....and now.....????????

 

I really, REALLY miss him. I have a very full and BUSY life but swear to God, he's on my mind 24/7

[carhill]

I am a man and I have had a very intense emotional connection with someone for over half my life.

 

I can say with near certainty, if he's on your mind 24/7, the "friend zone" will not be a pleasant place to be. You may say such things altruistically, but deep down, I'll bet it's not your truth.

 

The good news is, if he gets through this unattached, a man's friend zone is much more "flexible" than a woman's, at least IME. So, romantic possibilities are more possible IMO if you're in his FZ rather than if he was in yours.

 

So, to the extent your busy life allows, and as much as you wish, I'd say stay in touch with him. Perhaps a departure from prior opinion, but with new information comes new insight

[j_hunt_12]

I'm a guy!! I'm not a lesbian girl with lady lovers in Argentina and a GF.

 

These are my three ideas:

 

ONE: He probably just had a strike of logic and figured out that trying to get a relationship going where you've never met face-to-face and are 10000 miles apart is a bad idea and not financially viable, nor is it good for his kids for him to be going after something like that. And he probably found the "lets just be friends" thing a bad idea as well. Therefore, he has one option: try to forget you and find girls closer by. The death of the family member could have thrown his emotions and given him a reality check.

 

TWO:Maybe you didn't argue but "I basically got scared. I overreacted. I sent him an email that was not abusive toward him but my frustration was there"... "and stuff about my assertions being basically B.S. and over reacting".....

 

Sending a frustrated email could really freak someone out. Even if you don't have the slight hesitation about who the person on the other side of the computer is, maybe he does. He probably does like you but really doesn't want to, the email with your frustration probably gave him just what he needed to break from you.

 

THREE: Maybe he's a little depressed and he wants you to feel sorry for him... he want's you to come back begging for you. And he is not thinking strait about the long term.. He wants you to think he's sensitive.

 

I really think it is the first two. If you want to be friends just write him and tell him basically write what you wrote here And also ask him what this is all about. He might be up for it, but I think you want more than that, and that is going to suck for the both of you.

[surfcitysiren]

thank you JHunt12 and Carhill....I really do appreciate the time you both took to answer me. My 'if you are not a man' comments were directed toward Elyssa, who, while I appreciate the fact time was taken to respond to me, the name Elyssa does not sound very manly. LOL.

 

You guys are both right. I do want to be more than a friend to him but it's probably not realistic. I guess I was just hoping that maybe we could just start over (after giving him a couple weeks of space) and back the bus waaaaaaaaaaaay up.... It went way too fast the first time. I guess I would like to start over and try to keep it platonic for a few months rather than letting it go to the 'romantic' side so quickly. I think both of us had a false sense of security in thinking because it was just an online thing that it we wouldn't develop a 'real' attachment to one another or get hurt. I was wrong. I think we were both blindsided. I do care for him very much and realize having him in my life as a lover is unrealistic. But I do want to be his FRIEND, in spite of the fact he was kinda my lover before. I dunno....maybe he just can't handle it.

 

Because I DO care for him I don't want to cause him any pain by coming around if it will only remind him of what he cannot have with me. He made it clear last week that he probably didn't want to talk to me. I don't know if that was a 'for now' or 'for awhile' or a 'forever' kind of thing. I just keep hoping he'll email me or something and try to wait for him to make a move. I told him the ball was in his court and that I'd leave him alone and that if he ever needs a friend he knows where to find me.

 

Another question: Even though I think that he has very real feelings for me...how common is it for guys to just fall off the face of the earth when they are falling for someone? I mean....am I deluding myself? Or is it totally plausible that, under the circumstances, he felt like he was falling in love with me so he pulled himself back in order to 'get a grip' on himself and keep from getting hurt? I mean.....if a man is really falling in love with a woman, does he then just stop talking to her for a couple of days with no explanation???

 

And if a man is lonely and depressed about finding someone in his corner of the world, wouldn't he respond to someone who told him she cared and/or was falling in love with him? Or does that just make it worse?

 

Thanks again, guys.

[TMichaels]

Ummmmm....to anyone who is NOT a man...thank you for your time, but I am truly only interested in a MAN's perspective. Thanks.

 

LOL... That's a rather patronizing way to look at things, don't you think?

 

The idea behind forums like this is to share experiences and advice. Plenty of women who post here have been in the position you describe, and their experience could be just as helpful and insightful to you.

 

Pity you think and feel this way -- Good luck to you. (If such a comment is allowed.)

 

Best,

TMichaels

[j_hunt_12]

I'm going to get behind Tmichaels and agree. I really didn't understand why you only wanted guys' answers here. From a guy, I think girls answers could help you out on this one as well. Unless you put a picture of yourself and say "am I hot?"... I think you should use all the advise you can get... IMO....peace

[carhill]

Another question: Even though I think that he has very real feelings for me...how common is it for guys to just fall off the face of the earth when they are falling for someone? I mean....am I deluding myself? Or is it totally plausible that, under the circumstances, he felt like he was falling in love with me so he pulled himself back in order to 'get a grip' on himself and keep from getting hurt? I mean.....if a man is really falling in love with a woman, does he then just stop talking to her for a couple of days with no explanation???

 

Such action isn't my truth but I am not a typical man. I prefer to become more engaged as my feelings grow, rather than retreat to my "cave" to consider things. This is because my emotional side is more highly developed than most men (or so our psychologist has told me). So, and my interactions with other men have indicated, it is perfectly normal for a guy to engage in stair-steps, with rest in between. This of course precludes other reasons for absence, like illness, family issues, etc.

 

I've also learned that women like "cave time" too, so I temper my engagement style as I sense their reactions.

 

I tend to look at the last interaction as an barometer of the relationship. Not so much the content, but rather the tone. An engaging tone might cause me to follow up with an e-mail or phone call the next day. A more distant tone indicates to me the desire for space and/or that issues exist. I then examine my own behavior and proceed from there, mindful that people have bad days and stuff happens.

 

Only you can assess your situation and the relationship dynamic. I always like to say "trust your instincts", an opinion with varied responses on this forum, but it has worked for me for nearly a half-century. I'm rarely surprised, even when it's painful.

[surfcitysiren]

This is the message I just sent him. I have thought about it long and hard and I think it's really for the best. If I care about him, I need to let him go. It wasn't easy getting to this place, but it's honestly how I feel and I've accepted that it's for the best. My message:

 

Hey, you.

 

Something funny happened this morning and made me think of you and smile. : )

 

I want you to know you did the right thing.

 

In spite of a few bumps in the road, I'm still happy I had a chance to get to know you a little.

 

It's nobody's fault. I have no regrets. It took alot of courage on both of our parts to risk caring and there is no shame in that. Thank you for being my friend.

 

I hope this finds you well and happy and brings a smile to your face. I know you will find happiness. I can't think of anyone I'd rather see happy. You always did make me smile. : )

 

Still Smiling, : )

 

K

[surfcitysiren]

....As I am a woman myself! LOL.

 

However, my reasons for posting and wanting a MAN's perspective are very, very simple. Women do NOT think like men.

 

While another woman's experience might be interesting or even comforting, whatever insights another woman can offer probably are based on speculation, or at best intuition (which nobody should discount, I agree).

 

I was not looking for sympathy or a shoulder to cry on but rather to try to try to put myself in HIS SHOES and try to understand and appreciate where HE is coming from. I understand that even another man will only be speculating as to what's up with him, but let's face it.....guys think like, well......guys. And women, no matter how wise or rich in experience, just....don't.

 

I hope you all understand and don't take offense. Please take my deferring to the male point of view as a compliment, as it is meant as such.

 

Thank you again to ALL.

[carhill]

Can't speak for most guys, but that letter would give me pause. Well done

[Elyssa]

I posted my insight because I have been in your position myself and I, unlike you, managed to have a successful relationship and eventually marry the man I loved after a several year long relationship.

 

But, hey, if you don't want to hear my point of view, that's fine. Best of luck.

 

-E

[surfcitysiren]

A bit off topic and not sure if addressing another member like this will offend the 'board gods' but Carhill? You are a pretty cool guy. I've taken the time to read many of your other posts in this as well as other forums. You've been in similar shoes/are in similar shoes, it appears. Just nice to know I'm not the only one in this world who has ever gone through this (as well as related areas). Keep up the good work. People like you give communities like these a good name/rep. Thanks.

[blind_otter]

You're married???

[Els]

Wow. Yeah, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1563579#post1563579 really does throw things in a new light.

 

I mean, hey, it's your call if you wanna have a affair/semi-affair etc but... don't you think it's rather misleading to leave that VERY RELEVANT FACT out when asking opinions about this potential LDR? o_O

[carhill]

A bit off topic and not sure if addressing another member like this will offend the 'board gods' but Carhill? You are a pretty cool guy. I've taken the time to read many of your other posts in this as well as other forums. You've been in similar shoes/are in similar shoes, it appears. Just nice to know I'm not the only one in this world who has ever gone through this (as well as related areas). Keep up the good work. People like you give communities like these a good name/rep. Thanks.

 

Thanks. I think we all have assets to bring to the table and hopefully can bring some positive thoughts and feelings away. Not perfect here by any means (already been moderated LOL) but that's part of the process of joining a community. I've found many parallels in other member's stories. Pretty amazing.

 

Support is so important during times of stress and challenge. I learned over a decade ago the value of the internet as a support venue as well as the obvious venue it is for learning. Knowing one is not "alone" is so important to the process of reconciling one's own life and place in the world. This is the mission of people who start forums like this. Good on 'em.

 

If you work out your relationship and need to figure out how to get downunder for a reasonable price, I've been there numerous times (Oz and NZ) and know the airline system pretty well as a frequent flyer. Happy to help

[surfcitysiren]

Thanks. I think we all have assets to bring to the table and hopefully can bring some positive thoughts and feelings away. Not perfect here by any means (already been moderated LOL) but that's part of the process of joining a community. I've found many parallels in other member's stories. Pretty amazing.

 

Support is so important during times of stress and challenge. I learned over a decade ago the value of the internet as a support venue as well as the obvious venue it is for learning. Knowing one is not "alone" is so important to the process of reconciling one's own life and place in the world. This is the mission of people who start forums like this. Good on 'em.

 

If you work out your relationship and need to figure out how to get downunder for a reasonable price, I've been there numerous times (Oz and NZ) and know the airline system pretty well as a frequent flyer. Happy to help

 

Thanks, mate. You just never know. And I never say never. There is just work to be done on my end. I was naive and made a mistake. Thanks for being so kind.

[TMichaels]

Wow. Yeah, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1563579#post1563579 really does throw things in a new light.

 

I mean, hey, it's your call if you wanna have a affair/semi-affair etc but... don't you think it's rather misleading to leave that VERY RELEVANT FACT out when asking opinions about this potential LDR? o_O

 

Agree 200% Elswyth. Not surprising she only wanted a man's perspective on this issue, given the reality of the situation.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[surfcitysiren]

I am choosing to dignify some of these comments with a response. I'm not sure why. It's clear that anyone who makes a catty remark without offering advice probably won't hear what I have to say, but whatever.

 

1. It's really rude to 'talk' about someone as if they are not here

 

2. I shared the information that I felt was uniquely relevant to the CORE NATURE of my question.

 

3. The reasons for this relationship being impossible for now have FAR more to do with his and my respective CHILDREN and the fact we live in different COUNTRIES and citizenship, employment issues, etc. than with my marital status. Whether you think so or not is immaterial to me. Those are the FACTS, and that's what I chose to share.

 

4. The state of my marriage is a seperate post altogether. The MAIN reason I chose not to add it to the mix had to do with keeping potential answers ON TOPIC with what I was ASKING, and not giving that piece of 'relevant' information was an effort to keep the issue I wrote about to start with from going off on a tangent.

 

5. I am in the process of figuring out what I am going to do with my marriage. I've lived an emotional divorce for 3 years and can't see living this way the rest of my life. HOWEVER, when I choose to leave my marriage, it HAS TO BE MYSELF I am leaving him for, not another man. Leaving my h for someone else would never work. It's a lot of pressure to put on a relationship and not something I would ever do. I willl leave for ME and when I can work out an arrangement that allows for the best interests of not only MYSELF but also my CHILDREN. My husband is not a monster and sometimes things are actually okay. But I've been unhappy for a long, long time. It's a process.

 

6. The important thing is that I was honest with my friend. HE understood that the situation had far MORE to do with money, distance and our kids than my husband. That was clear and understood between he and I. What anyone else thinks they understand does not really matter.

 

7. I don't owe anyone full disclosure of my life. Frankly, it's nobody's business.

 

8. If I thought like a man to begin with, I wouldn't have felt the need to post this AT ALL. But I don't think like a man and highly valued the honest and candid comments a handful of men took the time to post.

 

9. Happily, I feel I have resolved the issue in question....strangely enough, I was able to get there all on my own. The bottom line is....it wasn't what I wanted to happen, but it did. I learned a lot about myself. I have a clearer objective on the 'whys' I have for wanting out of my marriage and they have to do with ME, not another man. And because I absolutely DO love, care for and respect this man, I've let him go. The ONLY reason I went ahead and sent him the email I sent him was simply because I honestly feel that way and if he never answers me ever....that's really, truly okay with me. It would only be with a lot of soul searching and time that I would attempt a PLATONIC relationship with him in the future. Since it didn't work so well the first time, probably not.

 

10. Thank you again to all of you who were helpful. To the rest of you....peace and blessings....please attack someone else.

[Curmudgeon]

......I realized just how MUCH I cared for him (I had really been playing it pretty cool with him prior to that) and I emailed him AGAIN to say how very sorry I am for everything, to ask for a second chance, all that....and even told him I was just scared to death because I was starting to fall for him.

 

His answer was that he was sorry, but being half a world away was just too hard for him.....

 

That was almost a week ago. I'm crushed. I feel like a fool.....I practically threw myself at him there at the end trying to make him understand how much he means to me....and even though in my heart I know he feels the same, I am afraid he's gone forever.

 

I am not contacting him, even though I want to with every fiber of my being. I know he just needs time and space to mull things over...and maybe he'll come back to me?? Maybe.....

 

But honestly, guys, what's the chances? I know he is desperately lonely and loved my company, looked forward to talking to me each day, etc...I think he may be suffering from a bit of depression where he just sort of has to go off by himself....luckily I'm the type who needs my space too and I DO understand that.....

 

But crap.....what now? I honestly want him in my life....even just as a friend. Any point in hoping he'll come around again?

 

He's literally half a world away. How do you become that emotionally dependent upon someone you've never met who is nothing more than a disembodied grouping of bandwidth molecules?

 

As for the rest, are there no whole (not lonely or depressed) men where you are who are age-appropriate, viewable, reachable and available?

 

Now of course, if your Surf City is Santa Cruz then the answer is likely "Not really!" 'cause they'd probably be a bunch of tofu munching, sprout eating, weed sucking, Birkenstocks-wearing, tree-hugging, zen-worshipping vegan, bearded wusses. But if it happens to be Huntington Beach then there's hope (I'm originally from Newport Beach). Although I'm no longer there, surely there are at least a few real men left!

 

However, given your marital status I find this all rather fruitless. If you're hot-to-trot to find another man, wouldn't it make better sense to first rid yourself of your current baggage? Or maybe I'm just being old-fashioned.

[surfcitysiren]

Too funny! YES, my 'surf city' is NONE OTHER than Huntington Beach!

 

But no, I'm not looking for anyone. I wasn't really even looking for my dearly departed Aussie friend to be anything more than a true friend. However, to be completely totally honest, I never, ever at any time discounted the notion that a real friendship could have blossomed into much, much more OVER TIME. When I say that, I mean YEARS, not weeks. As in, I move on from my marriage, we stay friends and down the line, what happens, happens type of thing. If I didn't have kids, I'd SO be out of here. But because I DO, well, making a break requires handling with kid gloves and proper timing as well as being sure it's the right thing to do, since there will be no looking back when I do go. We have 22 years of history. Unhappy or not, it's not something you toss over one shoulder the minute you are not happy. And as previously stated, when I leave, I will be leaving for another woman. ME.

 

All in good time. Never know.....fate has a funny way of working. One day maybe I'll be free and he'll somehow reappear in my life. But if that never happens, I'm really okay with it. I love him as a friend, for sure. It was getting out of control and I got scared. You'd just have to experience it first hand to understand all the 'hows' and 'whys' two people can find themselves deeply caring for one another online/by phone, etc, across great distance. I always kinda scoffed at those set ups, myself. Until it happened to ME. Which is why I say......not good to judge....

 

Thanks for your post. It made me laugh! Take care