Author saskradio Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 How'd it go today? Honestly? It didn't...lol I was at work later, and only passed her once in the hallway. It was surprising actually. Although something quasi-interesting happened today. Way back a few months ago I remember telling her parents (who live about 3 hrs away) that I would see about getting them some tickets to the Foo Fighters, who are coming on Thursday. I had forgotten about this (hmm..i wonder why) until today I get a facebook message from her dad, almost jokingly saying "well we are going to all these concerts this year and we are broke now so we cannot go to the Foos......or can we?". And...look at that, I have two extra tickets in my pocket. I'm a man of my word so I messages him back and told him that he should come down, I have tickets for him. Now...I'm wondering how this will turn out, for a couple reasons. First off...her parents LOVE me. Like, they were always telling the ex how I seem like "the one" (and it's tough to get parent approval...let alone have em be head over heels for you). And, last year when we first started dating, a few months in her mom came into town for the first time and I got to meet her, we clicked instantly. And, about 2 days after that was the first time my girl told me she loved me. I'm also curious to see the ex's reaction to me getting these for her parents. She always loved the fact that I was so giving, especially to family. On the other hand I am wondering if this may backfire. Since with them coming into town, there is almost a 100% possibility that they will meet the new teenage boyfriend...and if it goes well....then hmmm. Also, the ex is NOT going to be at the show, but her parents are, and so am I. So I am going to end up having a drink with them in between intermission. Do you think it is advisible to talk to the parents (who..remember, LOVE me) about the situation? Or not? Meh, we'll see. I think i'm getting a little bitter lately, everyday i've been having more of a "oh well, it's her loss" kind of attitude. Maybe thats a good thing, who knows.
pr-girl Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Do you think it is advisible to talk to the parents (who..remember, LOVE me) about the situation? Or not? Oh, this is AWESOME! I used to work in radio myself, for 8 years. When an ex of mine (the former to my most recent ex) broke up with me, he waited about 8 months and emailed me for tickets for his new girlfriend's mom. The second I read his email, I began to cry. How could he think I'm over him already? Crazy, I know. But, here's the best thing out of it. I needed NOTHING from him. he always wanted things from me: VIP access, grand opening invites, no wait in club lines, concert tickets, etc. I got his gf's mom the tickets. I wanted him to see what a great girl he lost - and he did - eventually. Giving her parents the tickets was a great thing. It shows you have integrity since you already promised you would. DO NOT tell your ex you gave her parents the tix. THEY will tell her. Be very nonchalant. At the concert, say hello, but do not linger. DO NOT bring up the breakup. Believe me, THEY will. WHEN they do, just say that she's a good girl and you miss her, but "it is what it is." Then, gently smile. You want them to know you care for her, but do not compromise your manlihood (the father will appreciate it.)
Author saskradio Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Oh, this is AWESOME! I used to work in radio myself, for 8 years. When an ex of mine (the former to my most recent ex) broke up with me, he waited about 8 months and emailed me for tickets for his new girlfriend's mom. The second I read his email, I began to cry. How could he think I'm over him already? Crazy, I know. But, here's the best thing out of it. I needed NOTHING from him. he always wanted things from me: VIP access, grand opening invites, no wait in club lines, concert tickets, etc. I got his gf's mom the tickets. I wanted him to see what a great girl he lost - and he did - eventually. Giving her parents the tickets was a great thing. It shows you have integrity since you already promised you would. DO NOT tell your ex you gave her parents the tix. THEY will tell her. Be very nonchalant. At the concert, say hello, but do not linger. DO NOT bring up the breakup. Believe me, THEY will. WHEN they do, just say that she's a good girl and you miss her, but "it is what it is." Then, gently smile. You want them to know you care for her, but do not compromise your manlihood (the father will appreciate it.) Good advice! I am/was going to follow your tips, but guess what??? Another curve ball! haha Here is what happened today. Remember I told her dad that I had two tickets for him. I didn't hear back from him yesterday so I figured I would today. Well guess what happens?! The ex arrives at my desk, about 15 mins ago! Turns out that death in the family I was talking about last week? Well the funeral is tomorrow so one of the parents has to stay back in town. my ex's mom called her and told her I was giving them the tickets. Which is why my ex was at my desk. Her mom said she was going to be coming in to see the show but she didn't want to go alone...so my EX is going with her. Oh, but they are not sitting with me. She kept giving me these real sweet looks, because I know she was surprised when she heard from her mom that I got them tickets...she asked if I would give her a hug, which I did...she also said I was "so sweet" and that I was her "savoir". I was really friendly, smiled, didn't act depressed and DIDN'T bring up the relationship. It's HAARD though, damn. I don't know if I will see her again today, its still three hours until she is off. What do you make of this...think this is still playing out in my favour? Any tips?
Author saskradio Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Update The ex came and talked to me again today. Says her mom is so excited that I got these tickets for her. Thinks I am the sweetest guy ever. The ex tells me her mom is going to be calling me tonight to thank me for the tickets. Probably shouldn't bring up the relationship hey? It's going to be so hard not too.
Uchiha Sasuke Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 *sigh* Do you ACTUALLY think doing nice things for her parents is going to get you back in with her? Seriously? Did you get butterflies when she hugged you? Did you put a +1 point on your scorecard? Don't bring up the relationship, for the love of God. Think about it. If she wanted to make things work, wouldn't she be bringing it up?
Author saskradio Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 *sigh* Do you ACTUALLY think doing nice things for her parents is going to get you back in with her? Seriously? Did you get butterflies when she hugged you? Did you put a +1 point on your scorecard? Don't bring up the relationship, for the love of God. Think about it. If she wanted to make things work, wouldn't she be bringing it up? I meant bringing it up with her mom...not the ex. Her mom was one of the people who was the most devestated when we broke up. Honestly, I don't think that doing things for her parents are going to get her back with me. But in my situation I really don't think it could hurt. Like I said, I personally believe, and so do almost everyone I talk to, that she is with this teenager for a rebound and that it's not going to last. I am/was there for her in every facet of her life, whereas he is fun to party with as "mr.right now". I can't see how this would be the wrong thing to do.
Uchiha Sasuke Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 It's the wrong thing for you to do because she's growing up at the expense of your broken heart....and you're DOING IT TO YOURSELF. Rebound or not, she's having her fun! If she wasn't she'd be with you having fun, no? You guys keep missing the point that she isn't grieving over you at the moment. - She's banging someone else! And LOOOVING IT!! You've lowered your own value by sticking around and you want to know something? It's not ATTRACTIVE TO HER IN THE LEAST! Showing that you moved on and becoming unfazed by her rebound debacle will drive her crazy, whether she wants to be driven crazy or not. Showing that you've moved on is infinitely sexier that showing that your ALWAYS available to someone who made the choice to DUMP YOU!! Don't WAIT for someone to grow up. It's hurting you. If she wants to come back to you she'll ultimately do it on HER terms. Not yours. Stop TRYING ALREADY!! You're better than you think you are.
Author saskradio Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 It's the wrong thing for you to do because she's growing up at the expense of your broken heart....and you're DOING IT TO YOURSELF. Rebound or not, she's having her fun! If she wasn't she'd be with you having fun, no? You guys keep missing the point that she isn't grieving over you at the moment. - She's banging someone else! And LOOOVING IT!! You've lowered your own value by sticking around and you want to know something? It's not ATTRACTIVE TO HER IN THE LEAST! Showing that you moved on and becoming unfazed by her rebound debacle will drive her crazy, whether she wants to be driven crazy or not. Showing that you've moved on is infinitely sexier that showing that your ALWAYS available to someone who made the choice to DUMP YOU!! Don't WAIT for someone to grow up. It's hurting you. If she wants to come back to you she'll ultimately do it on HER terms. Not yours. Stop TRYING ALREADY!! You're better than you think you are. You know...you are correct. I don't know if you've read through this long-ass thread but I have pretty much cut off contact from her. We work together so we are forced to be in contact sometimes. But she seems to be the one who contacts me on occasion. I NEVER initiate contact with her. This thing with the concert tickets was the first time in weeks that I did something that required her to talk to me. I didn't do it out of hope, simply did it because I am a man of my word and when I tell someone I am going to do something for them, I do it, plain and simple. I am trying to move on, and I believe I am putting on a pretty good front with her, as much as it's hard since I still feel so strongly. Honestly, at this point what I think I am looking for is simple. I am going to be moving on, I have already been with a girl since her. Didn't make me feel a hell of a lot better, but it helped. What I am trying to do here, and i'd like some tips on it...is to move on, but as to not burn my bridges so if (read: WHEN) she breaks up with the teenager, that she wants to come back to me. I'm thinking just never initiate ANY convo with her? I'm not too sure what else.
Uchiha Sasuke Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 Yes! Stay professional! Stay courteous! Don't do anything that's going to jeopardize your job. She's definitely not worth losing your job over. Just do your job and be casual. Keep it strictly business. Let her initiate but for the love of GOD don't let her back into your heart! NC is the equivalent of performing open heart surgery on yourself to heal. You let her in and she's like a scalpel, ready to cut your freshly closed wounds open again. And trust me, she doesn't have to RIGHT to see how you really feel. She gave that up when the relationship ended. She doesn't appreciate it, and ask yourself if she really did during the relationship. She has no obligation to you and vice versa. There doesn't have to be any bridge burning. A day may come though when she'll ask why you haven't given her the attention that she expected from you. DON'T FALL FOR IT! It's her trying to seek validation from you and to show, subtly that she's still a big deal to you!! It'll boost her self esteem, something that you don't need to be doing. Let others carry that burden. Work on becoming a better man!
Author saskradio Posted March 27, 2008 Author Posted March 27, 2008 Yes! Stay professional! Stay courteous! Don't do anything that's going to jeopardize your job. She's definitely not worth losing your job over. Just do your job and be casual. Keep it strictly business. Let her initiate but for the love of GOD don't let her back into your heart! NC is the equivalent of performing open heart surgery on yourself to heal. You let her in and she's like a scalpel, ready to cut your freshly closed wounds open again. And trust me, she doesn't have to RIGHT to see how you really feel. She gave that up when the relationship ended. She doesn't appreciate it, and ask yourself if she really did during the relationship. She has no obligation to you and vice versa. There doesn't have to be any bridge burning. A day may come though when she'll ask why you haven't given her the attention that she expected from you. DON'T FALL FOR IT! It's her trying to seek validation from you and to show, subtly that she's still a big deal to you!! It'll boost her self esteem, something that you don't need to be doing. Let others carry that burden. Work on becoming a better man! No worries in the job department, I am a manager here and I never let stuff like this get in the way of my career. As of the last couple weeks, my heart has been closed off to her. You're right, she has no right to know how I feel anymore. Although, yes she did appreciate it during the relationship, let me assure you. I was the one who ended it with her last November, I put her through three months of hell while I tried to get my life together, then she finds a new bf RIGHT when I realize I want her back...Again, luckily in my case it looks like a 90% chance that he is "mr. right now" since he's a teenager and he shares the same name as myself. I have only been going through this heartache for the last month or so, where-as I put her through three months of it. I am getting my self esteem back, but I still do believe I am getting what I deserve, at least to an extent. But in that same regard I also have high hopes for the future, since there were no really bad circumstances regarding our break up, again, no cheating, abuse, familys love each other, etc...I can still see it around work, she is very attracted to me still. So I think what I have to do here is not push at all. Try my best to move on, however hard that may be. When the new feeling of her rebound fades away, I hope dearly that I still have feelings for her, I really do. But if i'm in another relationship, or if I have lost feelings, that will be really, really dissapointing. I guess it's all about timing.
Uchiha Sasuke Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 If you lose feelings for her you won't miss it. You'll have a huge burden taken off your chest! Hope for that! You'll have moved on and appreciated the experience you had. You'll be at peace.
Author saskradio Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 Well the concert was tonight. Before the show started I was at home with some friends, before we left I noticed that the ex uploaded some more pics on facebook, a couple of her and her teenage boyfriend. That kind of set the night off in a bad way. So I am at the show, with a bunch of my buddys, having a great time. I knew the ex's mom was coming since I got her tickets, and from what I heard, the ex was also coming since her mom was going to take her. I was praying somewhat that she didn't come up to where I was sitting ( we have a suite at the venue where the concert is held). So between the first and second opening act...sure enough, they show up...I was pissed deep down but I played it cool. Her mom was all over me, thanking me so much, hugging me, kissing me, etc. The ex gave me a hug and then they went back to their seats. After the whole concert ended...heyyy sure enough they show up again before they leave...damnit. Her mom thanks me a bunch more and I tell her I was more then happy she could make it, and to take care. Then as they were leaving, the ex tried to grab my hand kinda....it sort of threw me off...then they were leaving the box and the ex turned around and gave me this hard look, exactly like she used to do when we were dating. When they were finally gone, all of my friends (had to be about 6 of em) were just lookin at me like..."wow man...she is still TOTALLY into you" before I even had a chance to say anything. Again, seeing those new pics on facebook messed me up nicely, but then I don't know what to think after the show tonight. It was more then obvious to all of the guys, and one girl that I was with, that this girl still had strong feelings for me. any females got any thoughts on this?
vivrantflo Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 Here's a male thought.. Take her off your Facebook. Do you enjoy receiving updates on her personal life with her man?? No. Looking at her page is the same as her coming to work with pictures of her and her man and showing them to you. Silly isn't it. Why torture yourself? take her off.... I swear.. I hate Facebook, I don't even know why im on there. Of course your ex has feelings for you man.. not one person on this site has refuted that. But she is sleeping with someone else. NC. Seriously.. go out on more dates and see what else is out there. Move on from your ex man.. If she guys are meant to be... it will happen. But going to concerts with her mom, her giving you seductive looks and grabbing your hand is NOT equivalent to her wanting you back. It's keeping you on HER leash and you dont want that. BTW.. NC means no communication with her parents either..
0hpenelope Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 (edited) any females got any thoughts on this? I do. I side with vivrantflo. She has feelings for you, but she knows how to play and she plays so well. I'm looking at your story and it makes me sad that she's stringing you along. She knows that she still has a hold on you and let me tell you, it's not hard to imagine how she was feeling when she uploaded those pictures. Ooh, that power... knowing how you're going to feel when you see those pictures. She may not have the intention to direct those pictures to you - it's possible that she uploaded them for the sake of updating. But somewhere in her mind, she knows that you'll see them and she should know how that would make you feel. I commend you for going through with those tickets for her parents. If I had been in your situation, I would've told them that given what had happened between she and you, it wouldn't have been appropriate. I saw a response to your dilemma about whether or not to go through with the tickets and that poster was right - it's a class act what you did and you look even better to her parents. I can see how it's easy to say typical girl. Likewise, from our perspective, we'll say "typical guy" when we're played like that. I don't know what her reasons are for doing this to you and I don't care to know. She obviously has things that she needs to sort out because she's hurting someone's feelings. I vote NC. I hope another female LS user will post here, too. Good luck, ok? There's no better revenge than looking good and feeling great and living life well - without her by your side. Some of us may start on "self-improvements" to show the ex what they're missing, but in the end... in the end we reap the benefits of our improved self-confidence. That's what matters: that we're happy with ourselves! Edited March 28, 2008 by 0hpenelope added stuff
Author saskradio Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 I do. I side with vivrantflo. She has feelings for you, but she knows how to play and she plays so well. I'm looking at your story and it makes me sad that she's stringing you along. She knows that she still has a hold on you and let me tell you, it's not hard to imagine how she was feeling when she uploaded those pictures. Ooh, that power... knowing how you're going to feel when you see those pictures. She may not have the intention to direct those pictures to you - it's possible that she uploaded them for the sake of updating. But somewhere in her mind, she knows that you'll see them and she should know how that would make you feel. I commend you for going through with those tickets for her parents. If I had been in your situation, I would've told them that given what had happened between she and you, it wouldn't have been appropriate. I saw a response to your dilemma about whether or not to go through with the tickets and that poster was right - it's a class act what you did and you look even better to her parents. I can see how it's easy to say typical girl. Likewise, from our perspective, we'll say "typical guy" when we're played like that. I don't know what her reasons are for doing this to you and I don't care to know. She obviously has things that she needs to sort out because she's hurting someone's feelings. I vote NC. I hope another female LS user will post here, too. Good luck, ok? There's no better revenge than looking good and feeling great and living life well - without her by your side. Some of us may start on "self-improvements" to show the ex what they're missing, but in the end... in the end we reap the benefits of our improved self-confidence. That's what matters: that we're happy with ourselves! Good points. Thanks for the input! She definatly knows how to push my buttons and I am sure she is doing all of this to keep me on a leash...as a matter of fact, and I just remembered this today! Back about a month ago when all this stuff went down, and I broke down etc...She actually told me to my face "honestly, at first being with this new guy was my way of making you jealous and to make you want me back, but now I really like him, etc." Also keep in mind, this is one of those girls who ALWAYS has to be in a relationship, you know the type? God knows how long this thing with the teenager will last, I gotta stop worrying about that. It's frustrating because I come on here and I get great advice about moving on, improving my self confidence, and bettering myself. Then I hang around my co-workers, male and female, who know us both...and mostly what they say is "oh this thing with the teenager is not going to last"..."oh she is going to be back dude, you watch"..."look at her, you can tell she still wants you, it's only a matter of time". I SWEAR, sometimes I just want to pull my hair out. That is how my days go as well, some days I feel like I am making progress and moving on, others I take steps back and start thinking that this new thing is going to end soon and I should still hope. I think what I am going to do is still do what i've been doing (aside from the concert thing, which was an exception)...which is...as i call it..."working with the person NC". What i've been doing lately is letting her approach me at work if she has too, even if it is about personal stuff. I try to act as happy as possible, but give her nothing back. That is why she is trying even harder I believe, because she can tell that little by little she IS losing me. I've started eating again (lost like 15 pounds when this happened, so i'm a twig right now), im starting to hit the gym again next week. You're right, my mindset right now is to improve myself and to show her what she's missing (and she will start to see it...every single day at work)...but I am sure you are correct in saying that, in time, I will feel so good about my self that I won't care whatsoever what she thinks anyways. hahaha, and lifes irony will be...right at that time, she will break up with the teenager...won't that be a trip...i'll make sure to keep the LS community updated, as you guys have kicked ass in helping me through this.
pr-girl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 I SWEAR, sometimes I just want to pull my hair out. That is how my days go as well, some days I feel like I am making progress and moving on, others I take steps back and start thinking that this new thing is going to end soon and I should still hope. I think what I am going to do is still do what i've been doing (aside from the concert thing, which was an exception)...which is...as i call it..."working with the person NC". hahaha, and lifes irony will be...right at that time, she will break up with the teenager...won't that be a trip...i'll make sure to keep the LS community updated, as you guys have kicked ass in helping me through this. You are doing such a great job! I wish I felt your strength in my situation. Your story has me conflicted. I completely understand where you're coming from on one end, but I can relate to the pain she felt on her end when you broke up with her. Since my ex broke up with me because he couldn't handle long distance, it devastated me. There was nothing wrong in the relationship - much like yours - but the distance was killing him. My heart is still mending, but there are some days where I feel as though he wasn't meant for me. I feel as though I will move on and meet someone better. THEN, there are days like today when I feel as though I need him more than anything. I'm not someone who NEEDS to be in a relationship, so I cannot relate to her in that area, but I sure can relate to wanting to move on and feeling better. Once I do, would I take my ex back? I'm not sure anymore (and it's been about 6 weeks since the break). He BROKE MY HEART. I don't know if I can trust him again. I really want to, but it would be tough. A part of me wants to tell you to HOLD ON and WAIT for her because that's what I would want my ex to do - BUT, I'm not in another relationship. I can't imagine being intimate with anyone else but him. Because she's with another man in this way, I can't help but feel as though she's moved on from you. I do believe she still has feelings for you, but maybe she doesn't know what she wants. The reason I write this is because it took me until I reached about 30 years old to learn "resolve" and "conviction." Everyone is different and a lot has to do with "experience," but in my life, I really didn't know what I wanted until recently. I dated A LOT and made a lot of mistakes. Maybe she is still learning what she can and can't live with. I recommend to keep doing what you're doing. You seem like a very strong man. I hope that next time you really care about another woman, you allow her to stay by your side through thick and thin - to assist you and enhance your life, help you through trials and obstacles. Don't break up with her in order to "work things out" in your life. I do admire the fact that you put your pride aside when you realized you were wrong. But, here's a good question: Can you take her back in the future knowing she chose to stay with another man over you?
0hpenelope Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 What i've been doing lately is letting her approach me at work if she has too, even if it is about personal stuff. I try to act as happy as possible, but give her nothing back. This. Continue to not give her anything. You've shown your heartbreak already and it just strengthened her resolve to not be around. From William Shakespeare in Othello: The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. Also, if she's feeling mad towards you because you've been feeling increasingly indifferent and you just keep smiling because you really are happy... All I'll be able to tell that girl is "Girl, puhleeeeze. The ship is finally sailing, ok?" You're right, my mindset right now is to improve myself and to show her what she's missing (and she will start to see it...every single day at work)...but I am sure you are correct in saying that, in time, I will feel so good about my self that I won't care whatsoever what she thinks anyways. You will. You're going to feel better. She'll cross your mind, but you will be fine. (heck, he crosses my mind every darn day) You're being active in your healing process and that's really important. You will have bad days and you know this. But you also have a very important weapon against this: your resolve to move on. You don't like feeling funky and sad, so you're going to fight against these feelings. I know you will! You have great friends who are not from work (right? ), you have places that you've thought about visiting but you haven't yet, activities that have interested you but never thought seriously about them... Life is really just too damn short to be sad, brother. Gotta thank pr-girl for pointing out resolve and conviction; these are just as important to your healing process as it is for her growth. And I'm glad to hear that you're eating now! Oh geez, loss of appetite is not good.
Author saskradio Posted March 28, 2008 Author Posted March 28, 2008 A part of me wants to tell you to HOLD ON and WAIT for her because that's what I would want my ex to do - BUT, I'm not in another relationship. I can't imagine being intimate with anyone else but him. Because she's with another man in this way, I can't help but feel as though she's moved on from you. I do believe she still has feelings for you, but maybe she doesn't know what she wants. The reason I write this is because it took me until I reached about 30 years old to learn "resolve" and "conviction." Everyone is different and a lot has to do with "experience," but in my life, I really didn't know what I wanted until recently. I dated A LOT and made a lot of mistakes. Maybe she is still learning what she can and can't live with. I recommend to keep doing what you're doing. You seem like a very strong man. I hope that next time you really care about another woman, you allow her to stay by your side through thick and thin - to assist you and enhance your life, help you through trials and obstacles. Don't break up with her in order to "work things out" in your life. I do admire the fact that you put your pride aside when you realized you were wrong. But, here's a good question: Can you take her back in the future knowing she chose to stay with another man over you? You know what, she may very well be over me. That is one of the hardest things to ever admit, it's the biggest blow to your ego, but she could be over me. Do I personally think she is completely over me? No...and it's not wishful thinking that I say that...it's just what I truely believe based on her actions. The fact that she is still unable to leave me alone, being the main one. If she was over me, then why keep me on a leash? About three weeks ago we went for lunch (when I was still trying to ACTIVLY get her back) and she let something slip as well...said something along the lines of "you know when you used to come to my apartment and you thought it was awesome because I had the door already open for you? well he does the same thing"...From what I gather from people, one of the biggest "tells" concerning a rebound relationship is when he/she always compares the new person to you, instead of going into the new situation with an open mind. And the most on point thing you said there was "maybe she doesn't know what she wants"...that is an absolute FACT! Why do I think this? almost two months ago, before she met this new guy, her and I had a talk, about seeing how things could go in the future, and she said, and I QUOTE "I just want to make sure that you really want a commited, long term-relationship, because that is what I want"......THEN...about a week after she starts seeing this teenager she tells me "I don't want to be in a commited-long term relationship right now". So yes, I don't believe she knows what she wants at all! Is this good or bad for me? hell if i know...all I know is that it is SO damn painful to see her at work when she comes and talks to me, i wish that pain would end cause it's the hardest part. Could I take her back in the future? In answer to your other question...right now the answer is yes, since I pushed her towards this other man and we had been broken up for 3 months by this time. Will I feel the same way next week? yup, next month? oh probably....but there will be a day when I won't want to take her back (again, murpheys law the next day will be the day she wants to come back)...Again, I am starting to believe more and more that it's all about timing...
pr-girl Posted March 28, 2008 Posted March 28, 2008 she let something slip as well...said something along the lines of "you know when you used to come to my apartment and you thought it was awesome because I had the door already open for you? well he does the same thing"... she said, and I QUOTE "I just want to make sure that you really want a commited, long term-relationship, because that is what I want"......THEN...about a week after she starts seeing this teenager she tells me "I don't want to be in a commited-long term relationship right now". Again, I am starting to believe more and more that it's all about timing... It seems to me, by her comment, that she likes this new guy because he is the one playing her role in your relationship and she is playing your role in their relationship. In other words, she may have felt as though you had the power in your relationship; now, she has the power in theirs. Look back at the quote she said. "You know when you used to come to my apartment and you thought it was awesome because I had the door already open for you? Well, he does the same thing." Apparently, he is treating HER the same way she treated YOU. She is into this guy right now because "it's safe." She doesn't think this guy can hurt her. In her mind, she thinks, "If I break up with this new guy, then what happens when my ex breaks my heart again? I might as well see if this can work first, so I don't run the risk of getting hurt." She probably did want a long-term relationship with you, but when her dreams were crushed, she reevaluated the situation. Who wants to get hurt again? No one. She's not ready for a relationship right now since she was just hurt recently. This guy is a rebound, unfortunately for him. It may be fortunate for you. Only time will tell. I can't help but think that is the same thing for my ex and me. Who knows? Maybe I move out to CA in a year or so and he and I get back together? If not, I always have the beach...
Author saskradio Posted March 29, 2008 Author Posted March 29, 2008 (edited) It seems to me, by her comment, that she likes this new guy because he is the one playing her role in your relationship and she is playing your role in their relationship. In other words, she may have felt as though you had the power in your relationship; now, she has the power in theirs. Look back at the quote she said. "You know when you used to come to my apartment and you thought it was awesome because I had the door already open for you? Well, he does the same thing." Apparently, he is treating HER the same way she treated YOU. She is into this guy right now because "it's safe." She doesn't think this guy can hurt her. In her mind, she thinks, "If I break up with this new guy, then what happens when my ex breaks my heart again? I might as well see if this can work first, so I don't run the risk of getting hurt." She probably did want a long-term relationship with you, but when her dreams were crushed, she reevaluated the situation. Who wants to get hurt again? No one. She's not ready for a relationship right now since she was just hurt recently. This guy is a rebound, unfortunately for him. It may be fortunate for you. Only time will tell. I can't help but think that is the same thing for my ex and me. Who knows? Maybe I move out to CA in a year or so and he and I get back together? If not, I always have the beach... Time will tell indeed! Today actually turned out to be a great day! I know that's hard to believe, given the recent postings, but some things today became so damn clear that it's not even funny. Remember that new blond I told you we hired? She's 18, very cute, and her and I have gotten very close. She liked me at the beggining but we have developed into friends now, you never know what could happen in the future but right now we are friends. Anyways, she comes in today at around 3, walks by reception and talks to the ex for a couple mins. The ex tells her that she was going to come to her birthday celebration next Thursday night, but she doesn't think she is going to come because she found out that I am coming! I am more then happy with this, remember what happened at that last party I was talking about? Tanya says she seemed like she was really fishing for an "awe...no you should still come..blah blah"...or she was hoping Tanya would tell me and I would tell her to come (but I did that with the other party...and look out that turned out!) So anyways, the new girl, who I will now be reffering to as Tanya...she leaves reception and comes to the first place she always goes...my desk! Keep in mind I havn't spoken to the ex today yet. So Tanya and I are talking, she tells me about what my ex said...apparently she also said that the other reason she wasn't going to come was because Tanya and I are better friends then my ex and her are...which is true! When Tanya told me this, something started brewing in my head but I didn't know for sure...anyways, Tanya and I are talking for about 5 mins, when, guess who shows up at my desk?! Yup, the ex, and she just walked right into our convo, didn't even pay Tanya any notice, and then decides to talk to me about the concert last night, etc... She left, and Tanya (who gets along with my ex) was completely shocked that she just interuppeted us and was somewhat rude to Tanya...That is when it hit Tanya and I at the EXACT same time...and its awesome! My ex thinks that Tanya and I are...together! Or at least getting close. My god this is so funny, my self confidence is so high right now. It's so unbelievible...But so many things in the last couple weeks make so much more sense now! The days at work where she would wait for me after, just to talk to me...were the same days that she saw me hanging out with Tanya a lot! The nerve of this girl! She wants to be in a relationship with a teenager, but she wants me to stay home and pout and cry about her...at the first sign here of me moving on...she starts acting like this! The stuff at the concert last night makes sense now too, the hand grabbing, the seductive looks! it alllll makes sense now. She really does want to keep me on a leash, she can be with her new guy but, still, the thought of me with another girl is unbearable to her. Especially since deep down she must KNOW that this thing with the teenager is not going to last... Never in my whole life have I felt the shoe go on the other foot so fast...I am headin out tonight with some friends to actually have some fun! Meet some girls and have a great time. This has been one of the most emotionally maturing days i think i've ever had. Amazing how fast something can change huh? Edited March 29, 2008 by saskradio
Author saskradio Posted April 8, 2008 Author Posted April 8, 2008 Well, It's been over a week and I figured I would toss out another update on this situation. The last week has been interesting. It hasn't been easy and I am still hurting like crazy, but it's different now. Last week at work we had a weird week, we were doing a radiothon for sick kids, it ran wed, thu, and fri. Those days my hours were reversed, I was co hosting the morning show so I was here in the mornings and I was gone at noon, usually i am here from 3pm til 10. Remember how I mentioned the new girl (Tanya), and how her birthday was on Thursday? My ex had said last week that she wasn't going to come, because I was going and there may be drama (which she would create, I can go out and not talk to her, she cannot seem to do the same back). Well the ex made a point...oh....5 times this past week to mention it to Tanya over and over, desperately fishing for us to beg her to come, didn't happen. Friday morning, it would be a understatement to say she made a b-line right towards me to chat, asking about the night, the party, showing me some present that her brother got her, etc. Again, I didn't tell her to leave me alone, I know some people here think I should, but I think that if I just act normal, and simply answer her questions and be pleasent..that's not bad. Today something interesting happened. This weekend I got some pics from Tanya's birthday night. One really good one of her and I...getting very close LOL. I posted it on facebook, and made it my profile pic cause Tanya thought it was a great pic. Well today at work Tanya came in and talked to my ex (and they have always gotten a long VERY well)...apparently my ex was very cold to her, not mean, just very awkward. What do ya think of that? I'm still having such a tough time though, some days I feel like I am getting better, other days (like last night) not so much. I still want her back so bad. I find out that she is doing drugs now on and off with her new boyfriend (she did them before we dated, I told her when we were together that I will not date someone who is into cocaine...and she never did it for the whole year we dated, always told me that she loved me so much for getting her out of it....). I care about her so much that it kills me to know that she is doing it again. Also, she is embarassed of this guys age. A bunch of my co-workers tell me she is telling everyone that he is 21!! I just don't get this girl. If you like someone so much, why do you care if people know how old he is? I don't know if she will ever come back, I can see it a little, but I don't know. I am having a tough time with new women too. I think that if I start dating again then I will get better, but my game is gone right now. My friends think im crazy, some are actually annoyed. I am a way above average looking guy, im nice, but I just can't seem to put any effort forward right now. They tell me I can have my choice of women when we go out, but I just can't seem to pursue anything. It's a dumb feeling, I KNOW that other women will make me forget this, but everytime I get a chance, something holds me back..each...and every...time.
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