Perd Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I have no clue where to start this and will try to keep it to only a short book if possible. On one hand I "THINK" I am ready to settle down and give up the hanging out with friends, going out, dating, having the free life...but on the other hand when I think about it I get freaked the F out. I know this is normal and all to kind of have second thoughts or whatever but it's like I think I am there, where I'm like ok I'm ready to do it this time and settle down and be serious about things and get a house and just the entire package. Then the temptation comes from one girl...Ok that's easy to pass up. Then it comes from two the next week. I'm then thinking damn I'm passing up on hanging out and just general good times and I'm just barely turning 25 in a few weeks. So I'm thinking to myself there is plenty of time to settle down and all that but what if the current one is really the best one for me. I know I'm all over the place and that is exactly how it feels at times. Current situation: Dating a girl that I have known for two years. I was interested in dating her for about 8 months prior to our starting to date. We have been dating for about 4.5 months now. There are things that are perfect about her then like anything else there are things that are not. She is a pretty strict traditional Mexican girl. Some of the things that are ruining it for me are her not being able to go do things that I'd like to do with her. It seems like I'm dating someone in junior high. I wanted to go with a friend of mine and his wife up north to some snow for a weekend with her too and she can't because her mom thinks it's not proper. In a few months my mom and I are going back home for my grandfathers birthday where they also have pretty much a family reunion. I'd like to bring her with me to meet my family and such and see where I grew up and all of that. Again it wouldn't be proper for her to go with me. How are we supposed to actually date fully if this is the case. My stance is we aren't living in 1934, but I know people are different so should I just be thankful that she is loyal and loving and caring and all these other wonderful things. The no sex until marriage thing is killing me too. How do you date someone for however long with no sex and are expected to marry without ever being intimate with them? Thats a fairly decent part of a relationship not to even know what to expect until you are already married. Sure people do it but it's just a huge risk that doesn't really have to be there. This is also the reason the mounting temptation gets harder and harder to resist as time goes on. Am I just stressing about all the possible changes in the future of marriage, buying a house, changing jobs, just a pile of things in the near future? Lol I don't even know that there is a point to this thread. Maybe someone can find it in the jumble of a mess.
Tony T Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Obviously, this is a different experience than you are used to. You didn't say how old your lady was and that would make a VERY BIG DIFFERENCE is most people's answer. If she is your age and won't compromise in at least some of the areas you have a problem with...then you have a serious problem. This is completely your call and a very easy one. If you can't accept the situation EXACTLY like it is, then you need to get out of it. There is no other answer. There are tremendous things to be said for finding a potential mate who has respect for her parents and morals that can't be compromised. On the other hand, you have made a great point that going the distance with someone you haven't experienced in sexual ways could be problematic even though it's been done often. If the two of you are sexually incompatible, and that does happen, you could have a real problem to be worked on. Unless you plan on getting married to this lady very soon, your continued relationship with her could be extremely frustrating. Now, whether or not you stay the course is something you and you alone will have to determine. I hear your pain!
Author Perd Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 She is 21. It's not so much that she doesn't want to do those things so much as that she lives with her mom so is obligated to follow the rules she has. Even before I had thoughts of dating her I and others always used to say this girl is the type of girl you want to be so lucky to marry. I don't know why now that I have the opportunity I am stumbling around with the thoughts in my head on whether or not I should go through with it. So for this it's not really that she is not willing to compromise it's just the situation is what it is. So.... I feel she is super loyal, completely there for me and only me, really compassionate and caring, absolutely honest, supportive, and on and on. No sex until marriage, no having the chance to fully date because her mom is making sure NO SEX so she basically cannot go anywhere overnight is what I gather. This puts a handicap or handcuff on the relationship I feel. I guess I'm teeter tottering on the whether I just continue full on with this and stick it out until marriage. I feel that most of the problems if not all would be no existent after we were married. The sex thing is the only one lingering in the back of my mind. I have been with some that I just didn't click with in that department and I would hate for that to end up the case with this. I mean what are you to really do. Sure you can work on it and try this or that but if that doesn't fix the problem then what do you say? At least we tried? I feel it has all the potential for it to be what I envisioned wanting from someone and with someone. I don't know, maybe the lack of sex for the longest period in 10 years is just getting to me and the fact that it seems like girls are throwing themselves my way left and right making the sticking to a honest relationship harder and hard. Again there are other factors that are weighing me down with stress, the main one being the purchase of a first house. This on top of all the other day to day issues is just making me have second thoughts. I dunno I feel maybe just commit to this and say I'm in it to stay and see where it goes. If things don't end up working out...such is life and it's not then end of the world.
Tony T Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 She 21 (young) and lives at home. She's from an old fashioned family. My answer above stands. If you can't handle things just EXACTLY like they are then give up on it. It's not going to change. You might even want to consider the fact that if you married her fairly soon, there might be interference from her mother in your marriage. It sounds like they are awfully close and your girl wants to please mama in every way possible. This is a very difficult situation for you, I know, but there are only two clear cut alternatives. Stick with the program as it is or get out of Dodge. I know this will be very hard because she sounds like a terrific lady in most ways. If you want to keep her in your life you'll have to live by mama's rules.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Hey, you are only 25. There is so much time. I think you are trying to rush things. Take it easy and smell the roses along the way. If a house, marriage, kids, all of that seems like too much right now, then take a step back. You only need to focus on one thing at a time. Plus, getting married doesn't have to mean the end of all your fun! Maybe it means you don't sleep with other people but you can still have an active social life. It's just different, because it is with your wife.
Author Perd Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 Hey, you are only 25. There is so much time. I think you are trying to rush things. Take it easy and smell the roses along the way. If a house, marriage, kids, all of that seems like too much right now, then take a step back. You only need to focus on one thing at a time. Plus, getting married doesn't have to mean the end of all your fun! Maybe it means you don't sleep with other people but you can still have an active social life. It's just different, because it is with your wife. Of course there is plenty of time. Not rushing things really. Just thinking that is the path that this relationship would have to go. There are no plans or anything like that as of now. Sure things are different being married and it doesn't mean life is over...just means a lot of things change =) It's just a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE change of things to just go in and "hope" things work out. I'm not big on just putting blind faith to the test and wishing on a star that it all works out. That's why continuing on the path I have been on for all these years seems so appealing. It seems like the last few relationships I have been in the girls were awesome just not the right time for me or awesome enough to make me want to give up all the other things and change so much of my habits.
Author Perd Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 I dunno maybe im bipolar or some **** lol. I get bored SUPER quick. Maybe that in itself is reason enough not to try to have something so serious at present time.
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