NuTuDating Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Okay, I'm 31, divorced, and am getting back into the dating scene. Haven't had a huge problem getting enough first dates to keep me busy. Having been married once and divorced, I have a good idea of what I am looking for in a woman. My ex-wife showed no affection and then cheated after three months, so that ended that. It's been about 2 years since the divorce was finalized. I've been busy with work and whatnot, but time to move on. Most of the dates have been via online dating sites as all of my friends and coworkers are married (and their friends are, too)... Lots of first dates, a few second and third dates in the past few months. Affection is a pretty big part of the equation this time around. Not the most important, but it's a big factor. That's the background... So out of the blue a girl e-mails me. We talk online, then the phone, and she's great. She sent me a picture and she's very pretty. We went on our first date, a dinner date, and ended up taking four hours just to eat dinner (we weren't drinking anything). Get a hug, promise to call, and say good night. We talk on the phone quite a few times during the week and then she took me to the movies. I paid, but she wanted to come by and see my house. She kept kidding me that she just couldn't believe I wasn't married or dating. So she liked the house, was satisfied that there was no other woman there, lol, and we went to the movies. Held hands, she dropped me off and we had a nice good night kiss. Third date (this past Friday) was just about identical - movies and a goodnight kiss. Okay, okay, I'm getting to the point.... Saturday, she came over to the house, we went and bought some groceries, and cooked dinner together. Had a nice dinner, walked around outside for a bit (we both enjoy the occassional cigarette), and then went back in and watched a movie. I gave her a little backrub during the movie. After the movie, we started making out. Two or three minutes of kissing go by, I'm behaving myself, not molesting her or anything by any stretch of the imagination, when she says, "Wow, I've got to go...". I walked her to the door, she asked if she could see me again for a fifth date, and I said yes, of course. I thanked her, told her I really enjoyed myself, and watched her leave. At this point, however, it was only 8:20 on a Saturday night. I'm thinking I really blew it with her for some reason and that I needed to back off a bit, so I decided to let her call the next day (Sunday). She did call. I told her again that I had a great time. She said she did, too. I mentioned that I thought I had done something wrong to cause her to leave at barely after 8 on a Saturday night. She said she was worried that she would lose control and take it too far. She said that she actually got butterflies for the first time in a while. While this all sounds great... Is this normal? Any red flags? We've had the sex talk (prior to this date) and I made it clear that I was in no hurry and would even wait until (re)marriage for the right woman. She said she probably couldn't wait that long. I'm 99% sure she's really into me, and I think she's absolutely great and don't want to screw this one up. I'm a little slow picking up signals (typical dense male). Since I'm kind of new getting back into the dating thing (which I HATE dating "games", "rules", etc.), this has kind of left me a little unsure as to how to proceed. She assured me that she enjoys being affectionate, but I thought at least we could make out for longer than 5 minutes before she ran off? I have enough control to keep things from going too far, especially since i DON'T want to screw it up. Anyways, any suggestions?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Congrats on your dates. She sounds very interested as she's willing to go on these dates with you without so much as coming up with an excuse to back out. I think the whole making out thing, might have been premature, and I think her excuse does seem plausible. After all you guys are in a private setting and in your house for that matter, so I understand that she might be uncomfortable that it might lead to something else. My suggestion would be that on your next date, don't be so ready to be makeout with her, but don't make it so that you're not interested. Take a step back, but not all the way back to baby steps, you know? I'm sure she's in no way offended or discouraged to make out with you again. But if you really like this girl, I suggest you take it a bit slow until you feel ready to actually be in that situation where you want to be truly intimate with her. Good luck.
Author NuTuDating Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Thanks. I'm pretty sure she's interested. She has asked me several times why I'm not married, she initiates at least 50% of the phone calls, came up with the idea of having two dates this past weekend instead of one, and has offered to even pay on the last two dates (I paid, but appreciated her offering). Anyways, thanks for the reponse, but I'm still a little confused by taking it a step back. All we did Saturday was kiss for a minute or two.
carhill Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 We've had the sex talk (prior to this date) and I made it clear that I was in no hurry and would even wait until (re)marriage for the right woman. She said she probably couldn't wait that long.Women read between the lines. She respects you. Focus on intimacy without sex (as in "leading to something") and tell her how you'd like to do that. My bet is she'll listen. Ask her out again If she has a sister, let me know
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