jimmy1 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I’m new to long distance dating and looking for some advice. I met someone several months ago & there seemed to be a mutual attraction. We began talking on the phone once or twice a week. We have been on several dates which all went well and we seem to be getting closer. But it seems like when we start getting closer she becomes “guarded” which makes me question where this is going. We have not discussed what each of us are looking for w/ relationship but I would really like to know. I wanted to talk to her last time we went out but there was not an opportunity. I really don’t want to bring it up over phone conversation but we don’t see each other very often. Should I just continue w/ current arrangement it & see what happens? Or should I just come out and ask her? What would be the best way to bring it up?
TMichaels Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I’m new to long distance dating and looking for some advice. I met someone several months ago & there seemed to be a mutual attraction. We began talking on the phone once or twice a week. We have been on several dates which all went well and we seem to be getting closer. But it seems like when we start getting closer she becomes “guarded” which makes me question where this is going. We have not discussed what each of us are looking for w/ relationship but I would really like to know. I wanted to talk to her last time we went out but there was not an opportunity. I really don’t want to bring it up over phone conversation but we don’t see each other very often. Should I just continue w/ current arrangement it & see what happens? Or should I just come out and ask her? What would be the best way to bring it up? jimmy1, Since you haven't known each other very long, and the time you've spent together has been limited, I'm not surprised to hear that your acquaintance is being a bit guarded. Don't expect her to know what she thinks about a log-term relationship when at this point she doesn't really know who you are. My advice would be to continue to stay in contact and arrange to meet. If things continue to go well, then you'll know when is the right time to ask her how she feels about you. You never know, she may broach the question before you do! However, that's not going to happen until she feels comfortable enough in the relationship -- and, that won't happen until you've spent enough time together for her to know... Best, TMichaels
Author jimmy1 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 I was thinking that may be the best way to go about it. But I'm also very guarded about relationships in general & worry that maybe I'm sending mixed signals to her. I've actually know her for awhile now, we met about 6 months ago & I am worried that I will miss my chance w/ her.
TMichaels Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I was thinking that may be the best way to go about it. But I'm also very guarded about relationships in general & worry that maybe I'm sending mixed signals to her. I've actually know her for awhile now, we met about 6 months ago & I am worried that I will miss my chance w/ her. So, why not take it slow and continue to get to know each other? If there's a mutual attraction, she won't mind at all. Plus, if you spend more time together and get more comfortable with each other, you could even talk about past relationships and how because of your experience you may be more cautious than most -- but that you're interested in seeing where a relationship with her might go... Good luck! TMichaels
Elyssa Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 One thing I've learned about long distance relationships is that you need an objective, a goal, for it to work. Have you been dating for about as long as you've known her, 6 months? if so, I can't agree with TMichael's advice. If she's still acting "guarded" after this long, I doubt the relationship is going anywhere. I would just go ahead and ask her how she feels about the relationship the next time you're together. Don't be pushy, but be assertive and let her know that you would like to know where the relationship is headed. -E
Author jimmy1 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 One thing I've learned about long distance relationships is that you need an objective, a goal, for it to work. Have you been dating for about as long as you've known her, 6 months? if so, I can't agree with TMichael's advice. If she's still acting "guarded" after this long, I doubt the relationship is going anywhere. I would just go ahead and ask her how she feels about the relationship the next time you're together. Don't be pushy, but be assertive and let her know that you would like to know where the relationship is headed. -E No we havent been dating the 6 months, we have just been talking on the phone and had several dinner/movie type dates so I'm not sure whats going on since we have never discussed what we are looking for in the relationship. What do you think would be the best way to bring up the subject w/out being pushy?
j_hunt_12 Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I'm going to go ahead and ask because I'm kind of confused... Have you made out with her yet? Slept with her yet? Are you "dating dating" or are you just seeing each other? Does she just want to be friends and are you blind to it? or are you really just hitting it off and she's resisting for some reason? Have you admitted that you like each other? I'd say be honest. My current GF and I really hit it off early on but she was incredibly resistant for many reasons: our relationship would most likely be temporary because I was studying abroad (it became non-temporary later), she was incredibly shy and resistant to dating in general, she was nervous, etc. etc. It makes sense now but I really just thought she wasn't attracted to me. It eventually broke down to me just flat out telling her I liked her and asking if she liked me back. I wasn't even trying to go out really, I just wanted to know what was going on. I was very nice about the whole thing but I was also assertive about her telling me if she liked me or not because we had been flirting around it way too much and she never gave me a strait answer. When I kindly pushed for an answer she finally did admit she liked me as well (A LOT), then everything just went from there and we could both talk about what happened between us and what future our relationship had... When you start to get down about a girl, you should really come out and be straitforward about things. For all you know she is using you for free dinner, or maybe she is madly in love with you but some weird thing is keeping her from admiting it. When you've known someone a certain amount of time and flirting is mutual, you have a right to know what is going on. And talking about how you feel about each other is a good first step to a relationship. Just be understanding and kind about it and no girl will get pissed at you for it.
Author jimmy1 Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 I'm going to go ahead and ask because I'm kind of confused... Have you made out with her yet? Slept with her yet? Are you "dating dating" or are you just seeing each other? Does she just want to be friends and are you blind to it? or are you really just hitting it off and she's resisting for some reason? Have you admitted that you like each other? No I havent which is what has me confused, Because of the distance I'm not sure how the relationship should progress. I dont want come on to strong by talking to her about the relationship(since nothing has happened). But at the same time it is hard to know what is going on & how to proceed when we dont get a chance to see each other often
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