Teacher's Pet Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 The other day, my GF was planning on coming over, and she text me asking if she should pick anything up on the way over. I texted her back "condoms" (heehee), and her reply was "No, that's YOUR job." That just really pissed me off. I've been seeing this girl for almost 4 months, and I'm trying to figure out what in the relationship is NOT "my job"..... she comes over my place all the time... I usually cook a full dinner for us, I pay for almost everything when we go out, I go out of my way for my usually messy place to be presentable when she comes over... Am I asking too much for her to pick up some condoms, so I can also perform my "job" of pleasuring her? It's bad enough I'm overworked at my JOB...this relationship is slowly feeling like a second job that I don't get paid for! Am I just being irrational, or what? I've been seriously thinking about ending things, and the other day almost made me have "the talk" with her, but *sighs*..... I'm so awful at the whole relationship thing to begin with! -TP wishes he could keep it simple
oasis Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 The other day, my GF was planning on coming over, and she text me asking if she should pick anything up on the way over. I texted her back "condoms" (heehee), and her reply was "No, that's YOUR job." That just really pissed me off. I've been seeing this girl for almost 4 months, and I'm trying to figure out what in the relationship is NOT "my job"..... she comes over my place all the time... I usually cook a full dinner for us, I pay for almost everything when we go out, I go out of my way for my usually messy place to be presentable when she comes over... Am I asking too much for her to pick up some condoms, so I can also perform my "job" of pleasuring her? It's bad enough I'm overworked at my JOB...this relationship is slowly feeling like a second job that I don't get paid for! Am I just being irrational, or what? I've been seriously thinking about ending things, and the other day almost made me have "the talk" with her, but *sighs*..... I'm so awful at the whole relationship thing to begin with! -TP wishes he could keep it simple You are not asking too much when you asked her to pick up condoms. The fact that you cooked and paid for dinner shows that you are doing more than your part in this relationship. She is getting a free ride and does not appear to be contributing much. Sounds as if this trend of providing will continue on your part. Do not expect it to change unless there has been some "sit down talk". You are not the only one who are awful in relationship. I have concluded that they are much, much more problems than they are worth and my best days are when I am not in one. Maybe it is a age thing, but I literally suck at them. It may be time for you to start looking again or just take a long break. Breaks seem to work for me.
Lizzie60 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I think that the condom/BC pills is each individual's responsibility... maybe she's not comfortable buying those.. a lot of men are shy at the cash so I see how a woman would be uncomfortable... so I'm on her side.. it's your responsibility... A relationship is a give-give thing.. if you think you're doing most of the stuff.. then you need to 'review' where you stand... Next time, I suppose, you'll go to her place, and it will be her turn to cook...etc.. You need to have a serious talk with her..
Lishy Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I would say that the pair of you are not that into each other. She expects alot and you dont like her enough to deliver, you sound quite resentful for what you do for her including 'pleasuring her' (I am sure it is not just her getting 'pleasure') I dont know if you should call it a day but what you should do is sit back and think of what you want in life and if it involves her!
underpants Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 TP, If you like her then maybe it is worth it to have an honest discussion with her before you just decide to let the relationship go. I prefer a give and take in relationships. The balance can be tricky and often requires some talk and compromise. I would hope that she contributes in some ways to show you that she is also invested. 4 months is about the right time for a relationship evaluation and review. Will you get promoted? Will she get a raise? It does not have to be a break up talk although, that could be a result if you discover that she is not (or you are not) what each other really wants. However, a talk and validation of what you two want and mean to each other could also result in a new and stronger bond. The 3, 6, 9 and 12 month, doubts are fairly common. You need to address them as they come and let her know that her concerns are also welcomed. That could make you two closer.
carhill Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Am I asking too much for her to pick up some condoms, so I can also perform my "job" of pleasuring her? IMO, if a man is saying this, there is something more going on. I'd suggest having a quiet face to face with your girlfriend about what you want from the relationship. I'd do it as soon as possible. The OP has a long presence here on LS and I'll bet has seen everything. I don't know the backstory, but I'm going to trust he's giving an honest assessment of his feelings. Have that talk....
4givrnt4gtr Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 You know....when i saw the whole box of condoms thing...i laughed. Cuz im in that same position, only im the girl, telling the guy "thats your job" Why? its not cuz i want him to do ALL the work...but because i feel IM doing all the work and the minimal thing, which will benefit us both, he is leaving it to me too. I already get the pills, he gets to get to condoms...and yet..he still wants me to do that for him. Here is the catch.... He doesnt know i feel like this. He doesnt know i feel like im putting a lot of effort. Another funny thing about this is. I also come over to his place (which to me seems like me putting effort...), he also gives me food. Who knows....maybe HE thinks he is putting all the effort too!!! My point is this....if you sit down and talk to her, dont be surprised if she tells you she feels she is making as much or more effort you are. Thats when you both have to really lay down what the expectations are for each other. Its hard to open up communications with someone else...i know it...wouldnt have guessed it...but if you can get there...im sure things will work out for the best
NuTuDating Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 It seems like if picking up condoms is causing you this much grief, there must be other issues causing it. I'd have no problem paying for dinners, movies, AND condoms if it was someone I liked. But that's just me.
underpants Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I might be wrong but I don't think this is really about the condoms. That remark may have just opened a door to alot of other doubts and uncertainties. Who knows? She might have her own doubts and uncertainties. The only way to get to the bottom of it is to talk to each other.
allina Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 The "that's your job" comment was probably said in a light hearted manner but represents how she views the relationship in the big picture. Your gf may feel like she has you wrapped around her little finger. Sometimes when one partner gives too much in a relationship the other starts taking advantage of it and acting like they deserve the royal treatment. This is what leads to those relationships where you see one partner turn in to a total brat and demand everything they want from their SO. I don't think this has anything to do with the condom issue. I suspect that your GF may be aware that before her you had a bit of a dry spell and feels like you should be grateful to have finally found her, therefore she feels like she can get away with taking much more than giving. Sounds like you need to have a little talk with her and put her in her place.
tanbark813 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 You should have texted her back: "Ok, no worries. I'll be out buying condoms so when you get here you'll be doing your job and cooking for me."
Crestfallen_KH Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I agree, if you were really into her, I don't think this would have bothered you so much. You've already said you'd considered ending things with her, so it's pretty obvious the relationship has other problems. It sounds as if you feel you've given more than you've gotten back and you're starting to resent her. It's only going to get worse unless you a) talk to her to see if there is something that can be negotiated if you DO want to continue to relationship, or b) end things with her. Good luck!
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