Unrequited Love

[El_Duderino]

It's happened again. You'd think it would get more bearable each time, but it doesn't. I just got a pretty clear signal that a girl I've been crazy about for a long time isn't interested. We've kissed before, and I can't believe that she's not really interested--we get along far too well, and it's somewhat obvious she finds me attractive, but for some reason, it's just not clicking! She loves sending mixed signals, and seems to like luring me back when it looks like I'm trying to keep my distance. I really can't take it anymore.

 

My entire romantic life has been a series of rejections, and I'm not some freaking teen (I'm in my mid-twenties). I've gotten so sick of the "you're too good for her" platitudes from my friends that they just make me want to vomit. It just doesn't make sense to me--I don't go after girls that are out of my league; I know I'm reasonably attractive; I'm not the dopey kind of guy that's overly sweet and timid, so that girls automatically just think of me as a friend, nor am I anywhere near an *******; I'm funny--or at least the girls in question think so...seriously...WTF?

 

It's just unbearable when someone you know you're perfect for doesn't seem to agree, and worse when they seem to have been on the fence about it, then decided against it. Can anyone tell me how to make myself feel better? All this experience with rejection has taught me nothing. I just sit at home all day wasting away--no appetite, no desire to do anything other than watch television (and half the shows on it depress me). Anyone have some creative ideas besides the usual "go on with your life stuff"? A dumb question, I know, but I really can't deal with this anymore. When things like this happen, they literally take over my life and just shut me down. I'm basically not a functioning human being until the pain passes.

[Max Overclock]

She loves sending mixed signals, and seems to like luring me back when it looks like I'm trying to keep my distance. I really can't take it anymore.

 

{Snip}

 

It's just unbearable when someone you know you're perfect for doesn't seem to agree, and worse when they seem to have been on the fence about it, then decided against it.

 

{Snip}

 

When things like this happen, they literally take over my life and just shut me down. I'm basically not a functioning human being until the pain passes.

 

OK,

 

I don't usually do this type of talk but, here it goes.

 

First of all, if this girl keeps luring you back in, then the problem is not her, but you. Never but NEVER be the willing participant in a girl's flaky, gaming, wishy-washy behavior.

 

Once she flakes on you once, she never gets the opportunity to flake again. You adopt a "next" philosophy. Period.

 

Admittedly, not all women are the same ... but if one goes into this "on again, off again/chase me" mode, you're giving up your balls to do it. Let her play with the emotions of some other poor sap.

 

Oh, it (the maybe/maybe not behavior) could be a sign of genuine disinterest, yes. But really? WHO CARES!! If she flakes, she wouldn't be there to draw me back in. Not for a tree that spits out $1000 bills!

 

We men oftentimes have been led willingly into believing falsehoods that, IMHO are extremely damaging to men and women, and certainly for their relationships together.

 

Beautiful, intelligent women are often considered rare, perfect specimens of female humanity. Thus, putting up with drama from any particular one of them (should a guy be lucky enough to find her) is sometimes considered nothing short of understandable, acceptable, or maybe even "normal."

 

Truth: Take, as an example, the lady you want so desperately. She is a fallible human. I can say without hesitation that it's extremely unlikely that she's perfect. Many of the women one might consider "perfect" at first, turn out to have major psychological and/or emotional issues that might well make her an impossibility, in terms of a longterm relationship.

 

Oftentimes, the real great women are the ones left bemoaning how there "just aren't any real men available anymore." But, to think that most are perfect specimens ... LOL ... that's about as likely as the idea that most of "perfect 10 type guys" are truly perfection personified.

 

Men have not been taught enough self-respect and strength to hold their heads high, recognize their worth ... and to go and be the man a strong, confident woman yearns for. Instead, many men let women lead (read: manipulate) them into accepting any childish/bad behavior she might dole out (e.g. turning hot and cold).

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but to get in a state where you let a woman's rejection define you as "unworthy," is something that must be changed ... and sooner rather than later.

 

Your worth is NOT defined by whether you have a female on your arm ... or in your bed. Reframe your belief system, go extreme no contact with "her" sorry self, and go find a woman truly worth your effort.

 

Oh my ... I SO didn't want to go there tonight.

 

Max

Edited March 4, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xpaperxcutx]

My advice to you: Don't wallow at home. I used to be like you, I tend to take breakups harshly, and I would get into a depressive mood, where I just completely let myself go. One day I just came to a conclusion that he's just a guy and I shouldn't let him get to me like that, and I let all my anger and frustration out at the gym.

 

That's what you need to do. You're angry, and instead of letting it out in a positive way, you're letting the anger simmer inside, and in the end the only person it's gonna affect is you. It's not gonna help you get her back either way, so you're gonna have to preoccupy yourself with an anger outlet. Go running/jogging, rock climbing, taekwon doe, anything that'll get your adrenaline pumping.

 

Regarding the girl, you can't ever change the person, but you can change yourself. Take this as a lesson and learn from it. She may seem to be perfect, but you've truly seen her ugly side. The fact is that there will always someone like her out there, but now you can be more cautious about it. Don't let it get you down. Just let it be an outcome that's gonna make you stronger in the long run.

[xpaperxcutx]

OK,

 

I don't usually do this type of talk but, here it goes.

 

First of all, if this girl keeps luring you back in, then the problem is not her, but you. Never but NEVER be the willing participant in a girl's flaky, gaming, wishy-washy behavior.

 

Once she flakes on you once, she never gets the opportunity to flake again. You adopt a "next" philosophy. Period.

 

Admittedly, not all women are the same ... but if one goes into this "on again, off again/chase me" mode, you're giving up your balls to do it. Let her play with the emotions of some other poor sap.

 

Oh, it (the maybe/maybe not behavior) could be a sign of genuine disinterest, yes. But really? WHO CARES!! If she flakes, she wouldn't be there to draw me back in. Not for a tree that spits out $1000 bills!

 

We men oftentimes have been led willingly into believing falsehoods that, IMHO are extremely damaging to men and women, and certainly for their relationships together.

 

Beautiful, intelligent women are often considered rare, perfect specimens of female humanity. Thus, putting up with drama from any particular one of them (should a guy be lucky enough to find her) is sometimes considered nothing short of understandable, acceptable, or maybe even "normal."

 

Truth: Take, as an example, the lady you want so desperately. She is a fallible human. I can say without hesitation that it's extremely unlikely that she's perfect. Many of the women one might consider "perfect" at first, turn out to have major psychological and/or issues that might well make her an impossibility, in terms of a longterm relationship.

 

Oftentimes, the real great women are the ones left bemoaning how there "just aren't any real men available anymore." But, to think that most are perfect specimens ... LOL ... that's about as likely as the idea that most of "perfect 10 type guys" are truly perfection personified.

 

Men have not been taught enough self-respect and strength to hold their heads high, recognize their worth ... and to go and be the man a strong, confident woman yearns for. Instead, many men let women lead (read: manipulate) them into accepting any childish/bad behavior she might dole out (e.g. turning hot and cold).

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but to get in a state where you let a woman's rejection define you as "unworthy," is something that must be changed ... and sooner rather than later.

 

Your worth is NOT defined by whether you have a female on your arm ... or in your bed. Reframe your belief system, go extreme no contact with "her" sorry self, and go find a woman truly worth your effort.

 

Oh my ... I SO didn't want to go there tonight.

 

Max

 

Holy ****, Max, where have you been all my life?

[DarkBlue]

Wait. What was the pretty clear signal she gave you? Are you sure she's not into you? I mean... Are you playing games too, or have you straight up told her how you've felt? I mean, it's going to hurt either way... so why not at least make sure she's not just shy or afraid of getting hurt herself first? And is there possibly any other reasons she might be backing off? Like she doesn't realize your single or might have just got out of a relationship herself? All those things have to be taken into account.

 

Details man. Details.