Alex42 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 OK quick recap. Been together with my fiancee for a little over a year now. Been engaged for about a month. Before we got engaged we'd have some fights here and there, some serious, some not so serious but whatever we got through them and all was well. However, things seem like they're taking a turn for the worse. Lately it seems like we're at each other's throats all the time. There is a constant pattern also, she gets mad at me because she says I'm being selfish, I get upset because I don't see how I'm being selfish, fight gets out of hand, we cool off and then some days later it happens again. The root of the problem is this whole selfish thing. She swears up and down that I can be the most selfish human being in the world. However, I honestly believe that although we all have our flaws, we are after all just human beings, sometimes I can be a little selfish. But I really believe that I am a wonderful fiancee and these problems shouldn't be taking a toll on the relationship like they are. I cook for her, I pamper her, I am for the most part very attentive and affectionate. A few examples of my "selfish" behavior: 1. We just got a puppy and we alternate nights for taking care of her. One of the nights that I was supposed to take care of her I asked my fiancee if she wanted to split a sleeping pill because we hadn't been getting much sleep lately. She got very angry because I was thinking about taking a sleeping pill the night that I was supposed to take care of the dog and would therefore make me rely on her to wake up to take the dog out -- I am a deeper sleeper than her. 2. After an argument the other night about whose turn it was to take care of the dog (yeah the dog definitely adds some fuel to the fire), I thought it was her night and she thougt it was my night. She said lets just stop talking about it so we don't get in a fight again. We did, and all was well, until I remembered something that would prove that she was wrong and it indeed was her turn. I didn't think it was fair for me to take care of the puppy again, because it can be quite exhausting, when it was actually her turn. So, I brought it up again and she got angry at me for bringing it up after she told me not to. 3. We shared a pizza some random night and there were 2 slices left the next day. She's eating well and working out because she is trying to lose a little weight, so it was the first time we had eaten pizza in a while and she LOVES pizza. The next day she heated up the two slices and I asked her to give me one, she did and got angry because she said I was being inconsiderate. She was like, you know how much I've been craving pizza lately and I never eat it anymore you should've let me eat both I would've done the same for you. However, I wanted a slice too and I didn't think she was entitled to having both slices just because shes been craving it. I thought the fair thing was having one each. If there was only one left I would've gladly given it to her. Whatever, these fights probably seem stupid and not important but the problem is that they keep occurring and she's getting really angry because I am not changing my "selfish" behavior. However, I don't see how I am being that selfish. Am I really being that selfish? Thanks for your input.
Elyssa Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I can see why she would get a little upset with the first one. She needs her sleep too and if it was your turn, you need to make sure you can do what you're supposed to, instead of being so soundly asleep that she has to do it for you. However, I hardly think any of those things is worth arguing so much about. If you don't do exactly what she says, she gets upset? Why did she feel entitled to both slices of pizza? She seems a bit controlling and selfish herself. If this is the way it is now, it's not going to change once you get married. Have a chat with her on the petty arguments issue and stop it before it has time to develop into more serious fights that could actually threaten your relationship by causing resentment and driving you apart. Let us know how things go. -E
Author Alex42 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 The problem is that I see these issues as petty and she doesn't. She admits that the superficial problem, whether it's the pizza, or the sleeping pill is petty but the underlying behavior and thoughts is the problem. She says those behaviors and thoughts is the problem and those aren't petty at all. However, whenever i do something selfish, like the sleeping pill thing and she gets upset. I ultimately, for the most part (not the pizza situation), admit that I was wrong and apologize. She says shes tired of having to show me how I was wrong and that the behavior needs to stop without her having to tell me every time how I was being selfish.
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