Liliz Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 My husband and I separeted a little short of a year ago after being together for 4 years. We tried to reconcile once, but I decided I wasn't sure that's what I wanted at the time, this happened about 3 months ago and I know I broke his heart. Now I know that I want him back in my life for good, we still talk through email and on the phone, but he doesn't want to see me and says he is ok with a friendly relationship but doesn't want it to go any further. How can I make him see that I made a mistake and we should give it another shot? Please help!
s_n_d Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Theres no way to tell for sure if he will come back to you. If this is what you really want, you need to prove it to him. Thats all you CAN do.
Author Liliz Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks, that's what I think too. Just don't know how to do it.
PinkRibbon Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I think you should be reading some marriage books like Divorce Busting. Anything to try and get him back would be worth a shot. I would read as many books as it took to have my husbnad back.
guessjeans Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) There is an olding saying, and I know it to be very true..."If you love something set it free. If it comes back, its yours, if it doesnt, it never was". I left my ex husband 4 yrs ago. I grew up, became a stronger, more mellower, caring, loving person that I could have ever been if we had stayed together. Neither of us dated anyone during this time, and we remained very good friends. I fell back in love with him all over again about a yr ago. My journey, lead me back to him. And trust me, I would have told you 4 yrs ago, never ever! But time, distance, and growth as a person as allowed me to realize that I want to grow old with this man. I have known him since I was 16 yrs old. We were together for 26 yrs. But, he is now seeing someone else. And yes, I have told him how i feel, and he remains with this woman. And i respect that. Why my journey would bring me back to him, only to lose him a 2nd time, i dont know. So it is me tnow, hat must let him go. And if he and I are meant to be together one day, then it will happen. He will find his way back to me, and I will still feel the same as I do today. In the meantime, we go on with our lives. Stronger, independent beings that arent really interested in anything they do, we have our own lives to lead. I am pleasant, and friendly when i do see him which isnt very often at all. We dont talk anymore or really see each other. Which makes it even easier on me. So let him go. You cant make someone love you. Let him experience life without you in it. Remember that they cant miss you, if you never leave! If its meant to be, the two of you will find your way back to each other. In the meantime, let him go and fake it until you make it. Dont let him see ya sweating it! You are cool, collective, strong woman that WILL move on with her life without someone in it, that doesnt want to be. There are plenty of ppl out there that would give their right arm for a woman like you! Remember that! and act like that! Edited March 4, 2008 by guessjeans
bustertypsy Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I am surprised that he has changed so much in his opinion in just 3 months.Maybe he needs to evaluate the situation and needs time.If you weren't interested 3 months ago he may be wondering why you are now.Have you explained this to him? Anyway I suggest you do all you can to reassure him that you mean all that you say and you are fully commited to putting your all into the reconciliation.After that you must fully respect his decision.I think given some time he may come around.If he does be sure to grab the opportunity and don't play power games with him.Good luck to you!
Author Liliz Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 I am surprised that he has changed so much in his opinion in just 3 months. Well, he moved out may of last year, it got to a point where we didn't have anything in common, nothing to say to eachother. We woudl go out with our friends separately, then come home not talk and fight the next day....until he decided we couldn't live like that anymore adn moved back to his parents house, which killed him b/c we had ( I have now) a dog and a cat that he absolutely loves. He called me crying a few times to say he missed them.... I moved into a new place two months after he left, could't stay in the old apt w/ all the memories, he came to help since a lot of his stuff was still there. A few months after that he got his own apt and filed for divorce, which I got served with the papers for. I didn't sign right away b/c it didn't feel right. We started talking again in Oct. at first just text and a few phone conversations, then I went to his place a few times and we even went away for a weekend, one night afer dinner we came back tomy place and after having a few drinks decide to shred the divorce papers. But for some reason around Christmas time I started second guessing myself, and told him maybe we should take another brake and really think about things. He said he hated me and never wanted to see me again, after that he went through my phone and found a number to one of my neighbour's which I had become friends with, he called him w/o me knowing and my neighbour told him he wanted to start a relationship with me. We didn't talk for a while after that until I contacted him and he said he's ok w/ being friends and talking on the phone once in a while but doesn't wan to see me. And he also wants m to file for divorce this time around and I just cant do that. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU GUYS THINK
City_girl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 He lvess you and is protecting himself. You already made your mind up to go back and stopped things settling down again, why? Are you really sure that you want him? If I were he i would be treading very carefully. You are going to have to do something very drastic not to loose this guy. They can and do fall out of love and it only takes one sweet woman who might not be you but be safe to make sure he never comes back. Send him flowers, put a song on the radio, tell your friends how much you miss him etc, make sure you commit to him and then go and get him
Arch Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 lol, why should he have to wait around while you makeup your mind? I would have just left after the first break up, hell two years from now you will probably do the same thing all over again - thats probably what he is thinking.
vivrantflo Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 . But for some reason around Christmas time I started second guessing myself, and told him maybe we should take another brake and really think about things. He said he hated me and never wanted to see me again, after that he went through my phone and found a number to one of my neighbour's which I had become friends with, he called him w/o me knowing and my neighbour told him he wanted to start a relationship with me. This right here, is exactly why he's not allowing himself to be vulnerable to you again. You two separated after 4 years because YOU felt that it wasn't what you wanted at the time?? You didn't want your marriage at the time?? Is that what you mean?? Then you guys try to reconcile.. He reluctantly sends divorce papers, and you refuse to sign them. Any guy in that situation would feel that you're now willing to work things out!! You guys shred the papers, and then you rip his heart out again by saying you want a break?!? WTF? So now he's pissed at you, and rightfully so...then he finds texts from another man?? Your neighbor?? And the neighbor tells your husband that he wants a relationship with you?? WTH is that??? You're supposed to be married, why are you making friends with new men?? You have to be young, cause that's crazy.. if I was your husband I'd be so heartbroken. If you want your husband back (which I doubt) Get rid of your neighbor, profess your love for your husband, and offer to go with him for marriage counselling! And work your @ss off to make this marriage work! Although I've never been married, Im old school.. and I believe that you should only be married once, and that those vows should be taken seriously. Fight for your marriage and stop putting your poor husband on that roller coaster ride!
Woggle Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 He doesn't trust you and he has good reason to feel that way. Why is it that after a man moves on and doesn't want a woman anymore that she suddenly realizes he isn't such a horrible guy after all? If you really love him why did you put him through this in the first place?
tonyeltiger Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Sorry for taking over the thread for a bit, but I have a question for guessjeans (tried to PM, but you don't accept them ) Hey there! Like I said, I saw your post today about returning to your husband after 4 years. I'm sorry that he isn't ready for you right now, but I do have some questions. I am curious as to the entire story. Why did you leave him? Did you really not date anyone else? Did you guys leave on good terms? ect.ect. I ask only because My gf of 4 years left me, and although I really feel like I am finally moving on, I wonder about what she thinks. We left on very good terms, but haven't been in contact at all for over 2 weeks now. I know that she is already in another relationship, so I can't help but think that she is either on the rebound, or did not come back to me because of this guy. (we were "taking a break" and were still in contact for about 2 months, then when I asjed her to continue our relationship, she said no, and I know that she already had a date lined up with this guy.) So obviously you can understand why I would feel that she actually left me for this other guy. But I can't help but feel that we left on such good terms and still loved each other, she just gave me the "love you like a best friend" and "Maybe we will end up together" stuff. Maybe she was honest, maybe not. But I do wonder what goes through the mind of the woman breaking off a long term relationship. Thanks for any info you can share! I'm interested in hearing the whole story! Thanks! You can PM me or whatever you want! Thanks!
nylah Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Does he have someone else or is he seeing anybody now?
nylah Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 I just don't understand how you can be with someone for 4 years, and then without any problems or any real reason, just say I need to leave for a while.... It has to be some other underlying reason. It just has to be.
nylah Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 okay, i just read all the post, and I see that there was more to it.
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