JustMe72 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Hello everyone! I need some advice on a particular situation that Im not even sure i have a right to upset about. Anyway, here it is.... My best friend of 22 yrs started a fling with my boss. Now, he isnt my immediate boss, but if my immediate boss is out of town or not at work, i have to report to this guy. She met him thru me by coming to the office to meet me for lunch or whatever the case. I warned her from the start what kind of person he was. She is 36 he is 27. Against my advice to her, they "hooked" up. He used her for sex and that was pretty much it. She got hooked on him for reasons i dont even know. He talked so terribly about her to me and the guys that work here. He treated her just as bad (yelling and screaming at her because she texted him too much, wouldnt go out in public with her, etc) She allowed him to do these things. He sees her as pretty much a slut because she did sexual things with him the very first time he met her (i didnt know about that at first, she admitted that to me several days after it had happened). In fact, he told me he could never take her seriously because he has no respect for her. I defended her every chance i could because she is my best friend regardless. I consistently kept getting pulled into the middle as neither would respect my wishes to keep me out of their drama. Rem, i have to work with this guy EVERY SINGLE DAY!! I cant deal with him saying these horrible things about her and yes i told her what he was saying. She had a very bad incident when she was a teen and she chose to tell this guy about it. He said to me, she probably deserved it and he laugh. I told him he was pathetic and told her what he said. She stopped talking to him after that comment. Ok, so the current situation. She now has a bf and he now has a gf. She sent him an email today asking him when he was going to come see her again for "old times sake". He of course showed me this email. Im just disgusted. I went thru hell with those 2 and i just do NOT wanna have to go thru all this drama again. And now its worse because they are both attached and i dont think either would have any trouble cheating. I dont know what the hell she is even thinking. She did tell me yesterday that she had been thinking about him and that the sex with him was wonderful blah blah...YUCK i couldnt even imagine touching him but thats beside the point. I know i will be drug in the middle, its already happening by him showing me that email. I begged them the first time this all happened to keep me out of it, and that didnt happen. This is so bad because of him being my boss. If he wasnt, then more power to her its HER life. But all this directly impacts me. She tells him details about my personal life at home then he comes in here telling everyone about this or that. She and i got into a VERY VERY bad argument because she felt i said something to him i shouldnt have and i felt like i had to walk on eggshells around him and her for fear i mite say the wrong thing or this or that. I hurt her feelings very bad that day because i told her had she kept her legs SHUT none of this mess would be goin on. I felt very bad for saying that afterwards to her and i did apologize. I am so upset right now and honestly, maybe i dont even have a right to be upset about this. I just need some advice on this mess. Im not tryin to dictate his or her life, its just that i get pulled into the middle because she is my best friend and he is my boss. She isnt a bad person, she made a bad decision with this guy and now it seems she is about to make it again. Im so upset im considering leaving my job if this goes further. HELP!!!!
Ronni_W Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Whew...that IS a mess!!! To me, the real problem is that you allowed them to drag you in the middle for far too long. If you decide to stay at this job, then the only thing is to not say ONE word when either of them starts up. Do not defend her to him, and do not repeat to her what he says. Do not comment on anything they say or show to you no matter how you feel or what you think about it. I'd also be very cautious as to how much of my personal life I reveal to her from now on. She has proven herself untrustworthy with your confidential and private matters. Personally, I could not have someone like this as my 'second-in-command' boss...I would have started looking for a new job a long time ago. But your decision to leave this job depends on all sorts of factors, and you alone can decide if that would be the best thing for you to do. Good luck - whether it's with setting stronger boundaries or job hunting
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Your boss sounds like a complete and utter scumbag. Your friend simply sounds misguided and immature. If I heard my boss disrespecting my friend to everyone in the work place I'd whack him upside the head and find myself another job. I also wouldn't be repeating anything to anyone about anything- that is what keeps you in the middle- the running back and forth and telling them things. That's your doing. Your boss is the jerk- I'd be defending my friend to the end if a jerk wad like that disrespected my friend the way he has. He wouldn't even see me coming--- he'd just be on the floor.
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