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I am officially divorced! NOW WHAT DO I DO????

abeliever

By abeliever
in Infidelity

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abeliever Established Member

abeliever

Posted
Posted

I haven't been on much. I have been reading and crying watching you all go thru what we all are doing. It gets to be too much at times!!

 

The divorce was final on Feb 14th and he had til 2/29 to contest it. He received the papers in the mail and refused to answer -so it is over! Then he really flipped. Says he will do whatever to work it out etc.? Why now? In four years of his crap he never cared about my feelings, my dreams, respect for me, etc. Now it is important?

 

Well I guess I will start looking for a new home and I need to get moved! But wanted to say hello to all of you. I will start coming on more now that I have the time. Who knew getting divorced would be so emotional and so hard to get seperated! I may never get married again after this one!

 

Anyway, thanks for all the ecouraging words thru this. I could not have made without all of you. :)

 

abeliever

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
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Cheers to another Happy Ending! :bunny:

 

Why did it take you four years to get divorced? :confused:

OWoman Established Member

OWoman

Posted
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The divorce was final on Feb 14th and he had til 2/29 to contest it.

 

What irony - valentine's day, and leap day for women to propose!

 

It must be a sign, believer - you're being freed up for REAL love!

 

I hope the next phase of your life is better for you that what you've left.

Elena62 Established Member

Elena62

Posted
Posted
I haven't been on much. I have been reading and crying watching you all go thru what we all are doing. It gets to be too much at times!!

 

The divorce was final on Feb 14th and he had til 2/29 to contest it. He received the papers in the mail and refused to answer -so it is over! Then he really flipped. Says he will do whatever to work it out etc.? Why now? In four years of his crap he never cared about my feelings, my dreams, respect for me, etc. Now it is important?

 

Well I guess I will start looking for a new home and I need to get moved! But wanted to say hello to all of you. I will start coming on more now that I have the time. Who knew getting divorced would be so emotional and so hard to get seperated! I may never get married again after this one!

 

Anyway, thanks for all the ecouraging words thru this. I could not have made without all of you. :)

 

abeliever

 

So now he's in a panic? Start thinking about you, not him - it's his mistake to live with.

 

I hope you find peace of mind and happiness - and one day, I hope a real good guy comes into your life. I so envy your position right now, I've got 18 months to go before my divorce comes through.

 

*hugs* and be happy! :)

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abeliever Established Member

abeliever

Posted
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I actually filed for a divorce last year April 11, 2007. Why it took me 4 years to leave him is a combination of serveral things.

 

FEAR

MY COMMITMENT TO MY MARRIAGE

NOT WANTING TO BELIEVE THE TRUTH

COMFORTABLE WHERE I WAS AT

SCARED OF BEING ALONE

NOT WANTING TO EVER BE DIVORCED I WAITED TIL I WAS 30 TO MARRY

WE OWN A BUSINESS TOGETHER SO WE WORK TOGETHER

 

 

Lots of excused and some real important reasons. But when he has possibly fathered a child in our marriage, it broke me. I am so much better and have healed a great deal from Loveshack!! I would have never made it, so many times in my darkest hour I came here and it saved me!

 

It is weird looking for a new home to move to. I still live in our house til I find something. Hopefully I can put a contract on a house this week. Bad time for house shopping but I have no choice. Looking forward to living in my own home with my dogs. And looking forward to moving on and being peaceful and finding happiness in any form I can find it.

 

Thanks for advice. Just still wondering what I will experience once I am out of the home. That is scary but looking forward to it also.

 

Thanks Again

abeliever

Cobra_X30

Cobra_X30

Posted
Posted
I am officially divorced! NOW WHAT DO I DO????

 

Go get some champagne! ;)

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
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Let's C E L E B R A T E !!!!!! your new freedom... :bunny:

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abeliever Established Member

abeliever

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Thanks and I think I will plan a divorce party once I move out!!

 

Thank you all so much for supporting me. I have been so lucky and hope to do the same for others as you have done for me!

 

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU ALL EVEN THE ONES I DO NOT AGREE WITH! YOU REALLY GAVE ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO THINK ABOUT. :)

 

abeliever

Confused9 Established Member

Confused9

Posted
Posted

I don't know if this is the right thing to say, but, congrats?!?!

 

Take care of yourself Abeliever. Who cares if he wants to work it out now...you work it out if/when you are ready to. You take care of you. If that is what you want...then go for it, if not...tell him to eff off.

prisonbreak Established Member

prisonbreak

Posted
Posted

I am probably in no position to give advice, but I would advise you to do one thing as you move on with your life. Take time to process the divorce and the end of the relationship. You not only lost your husband, but all the hopes and dreams that went along with it. I made the mistake of running/moving on and not giving it one second of thought or actually grieving the situation. It will come back to bite you in the butt later. Process and learn about it, so you won't carry any bitterness or resentment later. At the same time hae some fun too. Good luck to you!

JustBreathe Established Member

JustBreathe

Posted
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Here's something I just read AB.

 

"Barn's burned down. Now I can see the moon."

 

You may have lost the barn, but now you can see the bigger picture.

MimiMe Established Member

MimiMe

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Good luck to you! I am about to walk that walk myself.. :lmao:

 

The one thing in life that I fought so hard to keep and didnt want to lose... some 2 cent tramp and a weak minded jerk took it all away!

I never wanted to raise my kids in a divorced home and my stbxH and I had an awesome relationship.. but this was a case of " she didnt want my husband, she wanted my life".

 

GO HAVE A DIVORCE PARTY!!! those are hot!

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abeliever Established Member

abeliever

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Thank you so much for the advise. Looking for a house now! WOO HOO!!!

 

It is a little scary to think I might be in a house all alone but looking forward to it also. H is still wanting me to stay with him to work things out and just go on. I can't do it.

 

I need to move on and find what is right for me. I want real love and respect from someone who is concerned if I am sick and who wants to be my partner not my roommate! A whole lot of other things that I haven't even processed yet, I'm sure. Somewhere I lost the ability to make "myself" happy and I am looking forward to finding that out again! I will no longer take my happiness and put it before anyone else's. Not being a selfish person by any means but I need to be happy too.

 

I will take some time before dating. But not too long at least 3-6 months maybe. Just when I feel right. I've been in IC and on here a while and doing this over 4 yrs!! Believe me I have dealt with a lot of it. But I also know I am not ready now and will not even attempt to try at this point. But looking forward one day to moving forward with that part of my life also.

 

How do the you get thru the lonely phase? I am lonely at times. I think at night when you lye there at the end of your day it is hard. So any suggestions? Holidays don't bother me much he never came to any of the events anyway. I think Sundays and the end of your day each day is hard!

 

abeliever

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