THEBIGARC Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Well, it has been two weeks since I found out my W is in love with another man and wants out. We have been through all the stages so far. Angry, sad, reflecting back on mistakes, and now I am realizing the end is near. I am scared to death of the unknown. We have a 4 y/o son. We just finished building a new house(move in Tuesday). And now what next? We are going to MC tonight, but after that all that has been said and done, there is no going back. She married me by default and now her real love is back in the picture, so it is over. I have been unhappy with her for years, but I wanted to make it work for our son and I wanted to keep the family together. Now, I just wish I knew what was going to happen. The lawer says move into the house and make her file, but it is so hard being around her knowing she is in love with someone else. I want to be fair with her, but I don't want to get screwed. This is the worst time in my life. I know the divorce is for the best, but I don't want to have any regrets. So, what to do? Stay in the new house until she finally gets tired of the hiding and lying and leaves or give in to her and let her move in without me and let her get started with her new life in our dream house? I pray that God gives me a clue on what is best. This is tearing my heart out. I love her still, but maybe I never loved her enough. Well, I guess I will just listen to the lawer because he has no emotional ties in this.
Max Overclock Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Arc, I'm sorry you're going through this, man. It's a kick in the centre of the "gentlemen's department," if you know what I mean... BUT... Ain't no WAY she'd get the house if it were me, and I'd be darned likely to take the hit, file myself, and leave her out on the lawn. Alienation of affection/infidelity...??? (Can anyone say "private investigator" even??) Who knows how long they've kept this going on... I dunno, but... I'm sorta sorry if this sounds harsh, but I'd make it as difficult for her as possible ... make sure your son is kept far away from the fallout though. We're here for ya man! Max
guessjeans Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 If there is any comfort i could give you is, it wont last. Those types of situations rarely do. He is using her right now as a crutch, and she is using him for whatever she felt was lacking in your relationship. One day, she might be knocking on your door telling you that she's made a terrible mistake leaving, but by then, you will have moved on with someone else, or if you still have strong feelings for each other, allow time and distance to discover what you would and could have done differently. If your relationship was built on rebounds from previous failed relationships, then I doubt your relationship would ever make it. People dont understand that down time is necessary. They fear being alone. Being alone is the only way you are going to heal properly and get to that happy place again. Normal functioning, emotionally stable confident ppl, dont run to another person to heal their wounds. They know that although its painful, they have to do this themselves. Some fear the unknown. Fear being alone. This is the first time I have ever been alone. I went from my family home at 17 yrs old, to my ex's home. Never been on my own until now, for 4 yrs now. Its refreshing! Its a growing experience. Its a growing UP experience. Nobody can fix our wounds, only time and distance can provide us with that.
Elena62 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Don't be! Life is an adventure! I hope things work out well for you
Author THEBIGARC Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Well, we went to MC last night and I have to tell you. It was very helpfull. We realized that our relationship has been having problems for a while and we just kind of gave up. It went from bad to worse. She decided she is not really to get a divorce. She has sworn to no contact with the ex until we can figure out if we will stay together. The MC was very informative and made me realize how I have been. I am not sure we will make it through this. There are trust issues that I have and she is hurt by all that I did. I guess we will take it one day at a time. I am just worried that I am just holding on and delaying what is going to happen. Well, we will move in our new house and I will find out if she really wants to be married to me or not. Wish me luck!
Tantedluv Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I would see this as a good thing. And as for getting better it took a long time for your marriage to go bad don't expect it to turn around over night. I suggest reading the divorce remedy. I am in the middle of trying to get my wife back as well and it has helped me allot. Good luck. Tant
Author THEBIGARC Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 The MC did say that tt would not happen over night. She suggested 3 months to start, then if it getting better, give it another 3. I am just scared that I am delaying the inevible. I really liked what she said about it is ok if my wife is not ready to really try hard to make it work, but it is ok if I try as hard as I feel. I just hope this is not too much damage already done. The MC also made my W realize that comparing her relationship with her ex when it is at its best, too our's at its worse is impossible. Like apples and oranges. I do not know. I am really scared of this just drawning out things, but what else am I supposed to do. I don't want a divorce. I bought a good book though,"On Your Own Again". It is really helping me fix me. Helping me be happy with myself if we stay together or split. Thanks for the insite!
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