Owl Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Question... Had this friend not brought the whole thing to your attention, would you have known about what she was posting there? Fine with seeking out legal "possibilities"...what are you going to do if you can't win a suit against her? Then you'll still be stuck where you are, only this time with legal fees. Wouldn't it make more sense to limit her opportunities to continue to hurt you? Make it clear to your 'friends' that you no longer want to hear about this kind of junk, block her from your email/im/myspace/cellphone/etc... so that she no longer has the power to make you angry and get the response from you that she apparently wants?
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Gather your facts and pay a lawyer a couple hundred bucks for a consultation. I think reality will become clear at that point. Lawyers are a tool of last resort for most people, even wealthy ones. With the facts in evidence here, I have a pretty good idea what the advice will be. Be sure to add up your actual "damages". That's important. Judges like numbers.
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 I suppose my expenses would consist of medical bills. She hasn't worked in years and I've payed all of her bills. I gave her a car to get her off of me financially, do you think I could take her for the value of the car? And what about him? He thinks it's funny to post pics and stuff, boosting his ego. He's gotta go down hard. Alienation of affection is out because I'm in CA. Any suggestions? What exactly is compensation? Can I ask for like 50,000$ because that's how much I hurt? lol
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 You'd likely have to prove the medical treatment was a direct result of the "injury" you received from her actions. IANAL but have had to deal with legal issues in my business. Really, it would be worth your time and money to get a referral from your matrimonial lawyer (I presume) to an appropriate tort lawyer. As the issues interrelate, you may be able to incorporate them into your divorce action. I don't know. To be honest, it wouldn't matter to me if my wife posted pictures of me and my "parts" on the internet, just as long as I came out of the deal financially and physically whole. But, hey, that's me. Free advertising
SeraBella Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Right now I think this is going to be a tough legal case. I don't think there is much in the law to cover this type of "bullying" and defamation on the internet. I can't remember if it was in 2006 or 2007 there was a teenager who killed herself over this kind of stuff. There's a lot of people hurt by it, I just don't think too many have gotten far with it in the legal realm. You probably won't get much, if anything, out of this financially. But you may put a scare in them and get them to leave you alone.
sally4sara Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Don't you see how important they have made you? You are the glue that binds their relationship. They want a response out of you! You said yourself, the OM has no reason to eff with you since you've done nothing to him. This is all by her provoking and want for drama and as long as he plays her game it keeps them united. If you don't do anything, they get no satisfaction. They will get bored with the game and then they will either get bored with each other or turn on each other for more drama to feed on. You know this! You lived with her and know what its like. I've told you before, her brand of crazy has moved on to torment someone else. As long as you react to her s$!t stirring, you will still be getting the fall out of her craziness and you'll be giving them what they want. What is the point? Be glad she's gone and you can finally find some sanity.
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Ignore them completely. Don't let them see you react. Talk to your Lawyer, get all the evidence you need and deal with it in Court.
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 You're going to end up spending a lot of money only to find that it's not likely you have much of a case. I wouldn't even take that chance. The law and the internet haven't necessarily caught up with one another yet. Here is Canada- Adultry isn't something you can sue for. Remember that there is also a right to free speech thing happening on myspace- if the pictures aren't naked.... myspace won't do anything. If they are using your name and making disparaging remarks on myspace, then myspace will have it removed. Yes- you could file a defamation of character suit.... but she doesn't have any money. How would you get money from her then? You'd end up paying out all these legal costs yourself. I am just trying to make you realize that going to a lawyer might hurt you financially. I sued someone once for not completing a contract- but they had no money so I ended up paying for my lawyer and someone else to finish the job. If the person you sue doesn't have the money... you'll never see any money. You're giving her nasty actions way too much attention. If you have a myspace account delete it- and don't ever look at hers...and tell your friends not to either, or to talk to you about it. She knows you're looking- that is why she is posting. She's a skank without a consciensce- that's obvious. I think the best revenge you are going to be able to have is to have anything disparaging pulled from myspace. In the divorce- you can use the pictures to prove adultry IF that is a matter that american courts take into consideration. You can prove she has a relationship and hopefully you won't have to pay her any sort of support or settlement. I know you're angry- furious even. I would be too. But the best revenge is getting over her and being happy. You can't beat them up, you can't risk getting sued yourself by saying things on your myspace.... so there is little to do but rise above it and ignore the b**ch. All the anger you are emanating stems from power you are letting her have over you. Stop looking, stop having your friends look and repost back, stop engaging in the back and forth. The more you respond, the more she knows word gets back to you- the more she is going to post nasty things. She will stop being a nasty grandstander as soon as she sees the audience is gone.
Darth Vader Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I need to know what I can do in my defense. ie: Legal action, and that seems to be the only thing I can really do at the moment. My good friends have come together to chastize her on her profile for posting images. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that I'm not going to do nothing and be happy. That's illogical. I don't think you could possibly find too many people that have dealt with the kind of psycological and physical abuse that I've sustained as a result of this failed relationship, better than I have. I've been so patient and my restraint thus far has been steadfast. No self respecting individual should be expected to take this kind of outrage standing down. Nobody. Have they posted slanderous things? If so, I would talk to my Lawyer about it, because slander is a personal offense, people have been sued because of slander.
carhill Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Libel 101 What is Libel? Libel and slander are legal claims for false statements of fact about a person that are printed, broadcast, spoken or otherwise communicated to others. Libel generally refers to statements or visual depictions in written or other permanent form, while slander refers to verbal statements and gestures. The term defamation is often used to encompass both libel and slander. In order for the person about whom a statement is made to recover for libel, the false statement must be defamatory, meaning that it actually harms the reputation of the other person, as opposed to being merely insulting or offensive. The statement(s) alleged to be defamatory must also have been published to at least one other person (other than the subject of the statement) and must be "of and concerning" the plaintiff. That is, those hearing or reading the statement must identify it specifically with the plaintiff. The statement(s) alleged to be defamatory must also be a false statement of fact. That which is name-calling, hyperbole, or, however characterized, cannot be proven true or false, cannot be the subject of a libel or slander claim. The defamatory statement must also have been made with fault. The extent of the fault depends primarily on the status of the plaintiff. Public figures, such as government officials, celebrities, well-known individuals, and people involved in specific public controversies, are required to prove actual malice, a legal term which means the defendant knew his statement was false or recklessly disregarded the truth or falsity of his statement. In most jurisdictions, private individuals must show only that the defendant was negligent: that he failed to act with due care in the situation. A defamation claim -- at least one based upon statements about issues that are matters of public interest -- will likely fail if any of these elements are not met. While on many of these issues the burden of proof is on the plaintiff, the primary defenses to a defamation claim are that the statements are true, are not statements of fact, or are privileged. Some defamatory statements may be protected by privilege, meaning that in certain circumstances the interest in communicating a statement outweighs the interest in protecting reputation. For example, most, if not all, jurisdictions recognize a privilege for fair reports of what is said, done, or published out of government and judicial proceedings, and for reports of misconduct to the proper authorities or to those who share a common interest (such as within a family or an association). Privileges do vary somewhat from state to state in their scope and requirements. They generally apply to non-media defendants to the same degree as to media defendants. A successful defamation plaintiff may be entitled to a jury award of money damages. In some instances, the plaintiff may also be awarded punitive damages for particularly reprehensible conduct. The parties to the claim are entitled to appeal and cases are carefully scrutinized on review to protect the defendant’s First Amendment rights. Defamation claims can be brought by living persons and entities that are considered "persons" under the law such as corporations, unincorporated businesses, associations and unions. Governmental entities cannot maintain actions for libel or slander, although a government official can bring suit for statements about the official individually. Libel and slander are civil claims, but a handful of the states recognize an action for criminal defamation. Prosecutions are rare, especially against the media. Under the American federal law system, defamation claims are largely governed by state law, subject to the limitations imposed by the free speech and press provisions of the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution as interpreted and applied by the Supreme Court and other courts. While the elements of defamation are largely identical throughout the country, because defamation is a matter of state law there can be important differences on substantive and procedural details of the claim in the separate jurisdictions. And as a result of the application of First Amendment requirements to the claims, the specific elements as well as the burdens of proof with respect to those elements may be different depending upon whether the plaintiff is a public or private figure, whether the defendant is media or non-media, and the character of the statement(s) at issue.
underpants Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Alright, You can muse all these possibilities. Yes, do talk to a lawyer. That would be the most solid thing to do and worth a consultation fee. Be armed with pictures and proven quotes. Along with medical bills and tallys of things. Everyone likes solid proven numbers with evidence to back it up. Bottom line. Yes, a divorce usually cost x amount of dollars. Extra things cost more dollars. You have to consider all of this when you play. To sue for damages would usually (IME) mean that if you have a solid enough case then the lawyer will take a percentage of the the winnings. READ EVERYTHING, because if the attorney loses you may have to pay out of pocket. READ all of anything before you sign and don't be afraid to question or walk away. If she has no money then she may simply not pay, or move away and not deal until the statue runs out. You could lose, or win and lose. You already said she is not well off so why even try? Like I said play a bigger game and lay low and ignore her drama seeking self until she breaks the law herself and then go for criminal. You can't move away from that. However, I might be ahead of myself. Consider all angles and as hard as it may be. Remove emotions while playing strategy. All the while though...thank your lucky stars that she is on the other side of the line. Keep her over there my friend. Be strong and be smart. Have you even filed for divorce yet?
jenniferc1114 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I appreciate all of you taking the time to post comments, I really do. Thank you for the positive stuff and whatnot. There needs to be justice and it needs to be balanced now. Right Now! Can anybody understand that? This needs to be fixed now. It's been hard enough already and now this. No body is backing me up. I'm totally alone in all of this. I hear you, I feel that pain, with everything I've just experienced I want so badly to get even with the OW. She as well post comments & pictures daily on her myspace and a justmommies website. I soooo want to show them pictures of her smoking while pregnant, the recent pictures of trash outside her home. I want her humiliated! What do I do? I write. I write letters to her mother, I write letters to her children, I write letters to her church members. These letters are not pretty. I can write like a sailor. I don't send them, but they certainly make me feel better. Try it. Write a letter to her dad-don't send it, but imagine you did. I hope that helps.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Buy a good punching bag and beat the crap out of it while pretending it's them. That should be a good outlet. Then get on with your life and forget she even exists.
marlena Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Art, Listen! You sound like an intelligent person. Use your brain and rise above your anger - it's corroding you - and forget she ever existed like Woggle said. Go NC completely. No myspace, no facebook, remove everything and anything that reminds you of her. The only thing she deserves is your contempt. Contempt means ignoring, not even acknowleding another's existence. Stop obsessing over vermin. Hold your head up high and do not stoop to her level or refuse to play into her antics anymore. This is what she wants - a reaction from you - to ruffle your feathers so to speak - do not give her the satisfaction. And then, determine to go on with your life to the best of your ability right now. As for taking legal action, not worth the heartache and expense as D-lish pointed out. Try harder. You can do it!
jonarmis Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I found out over the weekend, from a very inconsiderate friend of mine, that my stbx and the guy she cheated with have posted pictures and comments all over MySpace that are diliberately meant to cause me emotional distress. I haven't, and, of course, I won't be looking at her page, but just knowing that they came together to attack me on the internet is really, really, effing me up bad. Yeah... I totally worked. I am sorry to hear about it. Have you tried to confront your wife about it? Like really sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk? Is reconciliation really improbable? You will be the key and the answer to this very situation you are currently on ArtDriver. Your choices will have to make your marriage or break it all the more.
marlena Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Have you tried to confront your wife about it? Like really sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk? Is reconciliation really improbable? Often, relationships reach the point of no return. As they well should. Emotional damage is often irreparable. The only remaining option is to transcend above it all and move on.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Reconciliation?!?!?! Don't even think about it. Get her out of your life as fast as possible and move on.
OldEurope Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I just do not understand why people are so attracted to these "myspace", "facebook", "youtube" outlets for voyeurism...I mean, it is all so juvenile. And I am no old lady. I've never even seen "myspace", have only heard of it and have heard enough. Who needs a "personal" page? What the heck for? Who cares what someone did yesterday or what made someone else sick at a restaurant the day before and who will be sleeping with whom on Saturday? It shows how lonely we have become as a society, as a culture....It is perverse...And boring. Dear Art....You most certainly do not deserve what your ex and her "BF" are doing. You are just going to have to "ignore" the internet (save for something intelligent and helpful like LS) and not be tempted to go view such c--p. Once upon a time these things didn't exist and you did not have to "worry" about some elegant piece of work like your ex "posting" herself all over a public forum (I mean, how gross is that). No man (no human) should ever put up with the tacky and tasteless and only those with a looooow self esteem tend to do so. This kind of event should be your clarion call to ride off into the sunset with your dignity intact...and to never look back. Always "orient" yourself to something "better" after a disappointment. Do not try to rationalize--ever--that which is beneath you. You'll "become" what you despise. And as Wogs said, don't even think about reconciliation. Banish the thought... xoxox OE
marlena Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 OE, I couldn't have said it better myself!! What is all this infantile commotion on the Internet? If one can't use the Net to benefit intellectually, then, one should not use it at all. How ludicrous and tacky! Art, She is making an utter fool of herself for the whole world to see!! Open up your eyes and see how much, much more superior you are to her! If this doesn't convince you of her low status, I don't know what else can! Surely, you can see this!
Tomcat33 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 OE, I couldn't have said it better myself!! OE is the best her posts are amazing!! ARDriver I don't know if anyone answered your laywer $$ question, usually the way it works is you give the lawyer a retainer to get the ball rolling and then once they win your settlement they get paid a % of what they get you. In terms of how much you can get, it all depends on how good of a case you have and how good HER lawyer, is. If in worse case scenario your case loses they will try to settle for their money and you might get nothing. Of course that would NEVER happen you are the victim here. Also in terms of how much your suffering is worth these cases can be long term because emotional distress and the impact of it in someone's life are all factors that need to be taken in via studying how your life has changed due to this traumatic experience. So getting violent with them would only hinder your cause. Are you in the US? There I believe you can file for fault in a divorce in Canada we cannot, therefore very little money is awarded for emotional distress etc. beyond the splitting of common goods you don't get anything extra for infidelity BUT if someone makes a targe of you and harasses you and defames you THAT is a different story. I am worried about what antidepressants you are on. Some antidepressants can do a real number on you and actually sink you deeper, make you extremely violent and want to act out in extremely agressive ways. NOT to say your situation does not call for those feelings it most definitely does but not being able to control those feelings is a negative effect of antidepressant that could mean they are not agreeing with your chemical makeup. Please reach out to your doctor and confide in him/her what you feel so that they can better assess if they should try you on a different pill perhaps. As per what is happening with Myspace, if anyone has ever read my comments about Myspace I have repeatedly expressed my extreme displeasure in that cesspool of nothingness that place is. I will NEVER understand what normal functioning adults could need from a place like that, in particular a married person? I have heard excuses that run the gammit from "I like to stay in touch with friends" Ahhh ever heard of email or the phone? "it's good for networking for my job" exactly what part is good for your job? the explicit pornographic in nature photos people plaster on their profiles to get attention, or the infantile ego stroking comments by complete and utter strangers that people post in other's profiles, that could very well be coming from god knows what behind that computer screen. Because the fundamental thing about Myspace is that there is no connection to realitly between who a persons says they are in a profile and who they actually are. Facebook for example corners people to put a face to their name and so this creates a better sense of responsibility, you are not hiding as such. But I digress.... Blind Otter said it best, let the authorities of MS take matters into their own hands, and they can go as far as getting them banned from the site if they persist in their antics. Now wouldn't that be something for your Peter Pan pair, if their little plug was pulled on Myspace? A vigilante attitude is not the answer here, nor is taking things into your own hands in terms of violence the only one who will suffer will be you in the end because you would end up looking like the unstable person and people would just consider your ex "lucky" to have gotten away from you. Always take the highroad, though granted sometimes you DO have to stoop to other people's level because in their ignorance that is ALL they know, but never through violence or breaking the law. You do need to protect yourself from the anguish these people are causing you. Hang in there you will come through and you are most definitely NOT alone, not around here at least...
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Wow... They put me on a few meds. They gave me 30mil Paxil, Klonopin and Ambien. Feeling a little woozie. Definately put a cap on my rage and depression though. I told my doctor that I was going to kill someone and I needed sedation. He said that usually he'd have to put me on a 72hr hold. I protested and told him to let me get a bottle of scotch and pass out for the night and I'd see him in the morning. I hadn't slept in a while so he thought that was fine. It's weird, when I yawn I feel like I'm about to slip unconsious. At least I'm not as angry as I was.
Owl Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 That's a good thing. Use the meds to keep yourself from doing anything rash until time and hopefully some counseling can allow you to heal enough to let you deal with things without them. Do NOT go off them without talking to your doctor and/or your counselor FIRST!
Kasan Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Wow... They put me on a few meds. They gave me 30mil Paxil, Klonopin and Ambien. Feeling a little woozie. Definately put a cap on my rage and depression though. I told my doctor that I was going to kill someone and I needed sedation. He said that usually he'd have to put me on a 72hr hold. I protested and told him to let me get a bottle of scotch and pass out for the night and I'd see him in the morning. I hadn't slept in a while so he thought that was fine. It's weird, when I yawn I feel like I'm about to slip unconsious. At least I'm not as angry as I was. I'm so glad that you have come back to give us an update. You will come through this!!! Be careful driving okay?
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Thank you, I'll be fine driving.
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