ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I found out over the weekend, from a very inconsiderate friend of mine, that my stbx and the guy she cheated with have posted pictures and comments all over MySpace that are diliberately meant to cause me emotional distress. I haven't, and, of course, I won't be looking at her page, but just knowing that they came together to attack me on the internet is really, really, effing me up bad. Yeah... I totally worked. So, what's next. You guys think I should turn the other cheek again, should I just get over it, should I move on, not let it effect me, etc.. All very easy things to say. I would expect this from her. She's the Antichrist. The OM, however, doesn't know me. He slept with my wife, and now he's collaborating to do me more harm. Yeah, maybe I should just forget about both of them huh??? Yeah right. Try it for a while. See how it feels.
norajane Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Yes, you should ignore it. If you don't, then they'll know they got to you, which is exactly what they wanted, right? Don't give them the satisfaction of reacting.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I found out over the weekend, from a very inconsiderate friend of mine, that my stbx and the guy she cheated with have posted pictures and comments all over MySpace that are diliberately meant to cause me emotional distress. I haven't, and, of course, I won't be looking at her page, but just knowing that they came together to attack me on the internet is really, really, effing me up bad. Yeah... I totally worked. So, what's next. You guys think I should turn the other cheek again, should I just get over it, should I move on, not let it effect me, etc.. All very easy things to say. I would expect this from her. She's the Antichrist. The OM, however, doesn't know me. He slept with my wife, and now he's collaborating to do me more harm. Yeah, maybe I should just forget about both of them huh??? Yeah right. Try it for a while. See how it feels. Hey! I understand your angry and depressed. You need to turn that anger into positive action. Use it to make your life better. Also, if your not already... spend some quality time at the gym, weights and cardio. Look at it like this... she is ACTIVELY trying to hurt you... which means she still cares, and still thinks of you. When you don't care about what she does, or who she is with... when you are in complete apathy over her, then you have the power.
Bryanp Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 What a witch. I would send truthful and incriminating material to my space and let others look at it also.
Jess-Belle Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Yes, you should ignore it. If you don't, then they'll know they got to you, which is exactly what they wanted, right? Don't give them the satisfaction of reacting. Norajane is right. If you show no reaction, you take away all of their power. I understand how hard it is though, believe me I do. I feel for you ARDriver.
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 I appreciate all of you taking the time to post comments, I really do. Thank you for the positive stuff and whatnot. What you guys don't understand is that I'm completely incapable of turning my emotions into positive actions, forgeting about them etc... I'm am in incredibly dense pain, depression and rage. People are attacking me. I don't have the capacity to deal with this on any rational plain. There needs to be justice and it needs to be balanced now. Right Now! Can anybody understand that? This needs to be fixed now. It's been hard enough already and now this. No body is backing me up. I'm totally alone in all of this.
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I appreciate all of you taking the time to post comments, I really do. Thank you for the positive stuff and whatnot. What you guys don't understand is that I'm completely incapable of turning my emotions into positive actions, forgeting about them etc... I'm am in incredibly dense pain, depression and rage. People are attacking me. I don't have the capacity to deal with this on any rational plain. There needs to be justice and it needs to be balanced now. Right Now! Can anybody understand that? This needs to be fixed now. It's been hard enough already and now this. No body is backing me up. I'm totally alone in all of this. If the pics and comments are really disparaging you could try to contact the myspace admins and get them to pull the unacceptable comments/pictures.
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 If the pics and comments are really disparaging you could try to contact the myspace admins and get them to pull the unacceptable comments/pictures. Right, this is the kind of advice I need right now. It has to be balanced. Thank you. I can definately have them pulled because the divorce isn't final and the pics are of an adulterous situation. This must be illegal. It has to be. You can't do the things she does and trash peoples minds and sh## on thier very lives, embarrass them etc... and just keep going. Does anybody have my back? This is serious. This might be a little game to her but what if I had looked at her page and then went upstairs and blew my brains out?
underpants Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 AR, How long were you in that relationship? How long has she been with this new dude? It sounds like it was very toxic and cyclic. It can be extremely difficult to find your center again after being used to the blender and eggshell treatment. The good news (yes, it is painful but good news) is that you can now see her for what she is. You are also responsible for how you choose to react (or not react) to her baiting. As difficult as it is. Rest assured that she is not treating this guy any better then she treated you. Also rest assured that if she is that unstable and gameish, then she is her own worst enemy and she will dig her own hole. It will come back to bite her and probably faster if you abandon all your support (positive or negative) toward her life. If you can focus a little more on yourself and your happiness and a little less on her disorders and how they relate back to you. Then, AR, you will take the neccessary steps to find your center and eventually be very thankful that you got away from that whole cycle of pain. Let her go and leave her to her own devices. When the consequences do hit her. The vantage point of indifference is the very best view.
Kasan Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) I appreciate all of you taking the time to post comments, I really do. Thank you for the positive stuff and whatnot. What you guys don't understand is that I'm completely incapable of turning my emotions into positive actions, forgeting about them etc... I'm am in incredibly dense pain, depression and rage. People are attacking me. I don't have the capacity to deal with this on any rational plain. There needs to be justice and it needs to be balanced now. Right Now! Can anybody understand that? This needs to be fixed now. It's been hard enough already and now this. No body is backing me up. I'm totally alone in all of this. Hello again AR-- I am wondering why your ex and her boyfriend chose this time to start attacking you. Why do you think this has happened AR? How are you doing with your medications? Have you seen the doctor since your last postings? Be well AR-- Edited March 3, 2008 by Kasan
Jess-Belle Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I appreciate all of you taking the time to post comments, I really do. Thank you for the positive stuff and whatnot. What you guys don't understand is that I'm completely incapable of turning my emotions into positive actions, forgeting about them etc... I'm am in incredibly dense pain, depression and rage. People are attacking me. I don't have the capacity to deal with this on any rational plain. There needs to be justice and it needs to be balanced now. Right Now! Can anybody understand that? This needs to be fixed now. It's been hard enough already and now this. No body is backing me up. I'm totally alone in all of this. Actually ARD, I don't think you should forget your emotions, or even force yourself to turn them into anything positive. You have every right to be livid and hurt beyond belief. Take your time to grieve and be furious. Time is what will help you through this. It may feel like an eternity, but you just have to keep having faith that one day you will come out strong. But in the meanwhile, you are ENTITLED to feel what you feel. Turning things into something positive is a helpful coping mechanism if you can manage, but if you can't, as you have expressed, then that is OK. I don't know your story specifically, but I am drawn to your posts because I can sense your extreme anger and grief, and feelings of loneliness, that no one is supporting you, and I feel like I can relate. One of the most agitating things to accept is that nothing that you can do to the other people will erase your pain. It feels like it will, but it won't, not really. The healing has to come from within, and one just has to be patient, unfortunately. As I read once, time is the best healer, but it is the slowest. In the aftermath of my situation, I embarked on various acts of revenge... it provided some immediate gratification but no real solution. It's been seven months and I'm still pissed off. Maybe not murderous pissed off like I used to be, but I'm still nowhere near normal. But anyway, for what it's worth, I support you, and I back you up. Just don't do anything illegal, it just isn't worth it.
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Right, this is the kind of advice I need right now. It has to be balanced. Thank you. I can definately have them pulled because the divorce isn't final and the pics are of an adulterous situation. This must be illegal. It has to be. You can't do the things she does and trash peoples minds and sh## on thier very lives, embarrass them etc... and just keep going. Does anybody have my back? This is serious. This might be a little game to her but what if I had looked at her page and then went upstairs and blew my brains out? This is from the Terms of Use Agreement for MySpace: 8. Content/Activity Prohibited. The following are examples of the kind of Content that is illegal or prohibited to post on or through the MySpace Services. MySpace reserves the right to investigate and take appropriate legal action against anyone who, in MySpace's sole discretion, violates this provision, including without limitation, removing the offending Content from the MySpace Services and terminating the Membership of such violators. Prohibited Content includes, but is not limited to, Content that, in the sole discretion of MySpace: 8.1 is patently offensive and promotes racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm of any kind against any group or individual; 8.2 harasses or advocates harassment of another person; 8.3 exploits people in a sexual or violent manner; 8.4 contains nudity, excessive violence, or offensive subject matter or contains a link to an adult website; 8.5 solicits personal information from anyone under 18; 8.6 publicly posts information that poses or creates a privacy or security risk to any person; 8.7 constitutes or promotes information that you know is false or misleading or promotes illegal activities or conduct that is abusive, threatening, obscene, defamatory or libelous; 8.8 constitutes or promotes an illegal or unauthorized copy of another person's copyrighted work, such as providing pirated computer programs or links to them, providing information to circumvent manufacturer-installed copy-protect devices, or providing pirated music or links to pirated music files; 8.9 involves the transmission of "junk mail," "chain letters," or unsolicited mass mailing, instant messaging, "spimming," or "spamming"; 8.10 contains restricted or password only access pages or hidden pages or images (those not linked to or from another accessible page); 8.11 furthers or promotes any criminal activity or enterprise or provides instructional information about illegal activities including, but not limited to making or buying illegal weapons, violating someone's privacy, or providing or creating computer viruses; 8.12 solicits passwords or personal identifying information for commercial or unlawful purposes from other Users; 8.13 involves commercial activities and/or sales without prior written consent from MySpace such as contests, sweepstakes, barter, advertising, or pyramid schemes; 8.14 includes a photograph or video of another person that you have posted without that person's consent; 8.15 for band, comedy, filmmaker and other profiles, uses sexually suggestive imagery or any other unfair, misleading or deceptive Content intended to draw traffic to the profile; or 8.16 violates the privacy rights, publicity rights, copyrights, trademark rights, contract rights or any other rights of any person. If you think she is violating the "terms and conditions" then click the "report abuse" link at the bottom of her myspace profile.
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 As a general rule, unless pictures violate the MySpace TOU or are copyrighted, they won't do anything. A picture of me passionately kissing my mistress (as an example) is not against their TOU even though it might cause my wife to run a blade through me OP, I feel your pain. It's like someone has ripped your insides out and now have them in a vise and are turning the screw. Accept the anger and the pain and know they are real and valid. Time will heal you. No one can tell you how long. Take each day and try to make some peace, even in a little way. I wish you well
Jess-Belle Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 As a general rule, unless pictures violate the MySpace TOU or are copyrighted, they won't do anything. A picture of me passionately kissing my mistress (as an example) is not against their TOU even though it might cause my wife to run a blade through me I would also warn that if Myspace doesn't take any action, this could seriously intensify the rage... I know it would for me. And sometimes these big sites are severely lax like that (ebay anyone?)
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Hello again AR-- I am wondering why your ex and her boyfriend chose this time to start attacking you. Why do you think this has happened AR? How are you doing with your medications? Have you seen the doctor since your last postings? Be well AR-- Well, my grandmother passed recently, Yes my stbx knows this, my meds... they're not giving me enough. lol I need sedation. badly. I met a really great girl and we went out for coffee on saturday morning for like ten minutes. She was leading a youth group function to Six Flags and thought we could get together because I was on her way. She hasn't called or anything. I think she's not interested. So yeah, things aren't really going too well.
Kasan Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Well, my grandmother passed recently, Yes my stbx knows this, my meds... they're not giving me enough. lol I need sedation. badly. I met a really great girl and we went out for coffee on saturday morning for like ten minutes. She was leading a youth group function to Six Flags and thought we could get together because I was on her way. She hasn't called or anything. I think she's not interested. So yeah, things aren't really going too well. I'm am really sorry to hear about your grandmother AR--so much on your plate right now. Are you still in school? You have gotten some great advice here AR, your anger at your ex wife is justified, you gave her all you had. I know that you don't want to hear this "Pollyanna" advice, but things will get better and there will come a day when you don't feel like this! If it helps--I'm still waiting for my day to come.
eeyore1980 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Right, this is the kind of advice I need right now. It has to be balanced. Thank you. I can definately have them pulled because the divorce isn't final and the pics are of an adulterous situation. This must be illegal. It has to be. You can't do the things she does and trash peoples minds and sh## on thier very lives, embarrass them etc... and just keep going. Does anybody have my back? This is serious. This might be a little game to her but what if I had looked at her page and then went upstairs and blew my brains out? Hey, I understand what you are feeling. Mine comes and goes. H did all this crap to me, and then turns it around and tells people things so they think he is the good guy, he is the victim, etc. Who wants to take that **** laying down? Not me, and apparently not you, either. You deserve better, I know it, because I do, too. You have legal, legitimate means to deal with this. Have myspace take it down if it bothers you so much. I personally would make a copy of it and have it to present to my attorney, but that's just me. Just remember, from all the stuff you have posted in here, even with the rage and depression you are feeling, you are better off with her gone. Just imagine another 5 or 10 years with this nasty, toxic person, and how much worse that would be. Some day you are going to be in a real relationship with a real woman, and this is all going to seem like a bad dream. I know that doesn't help for the present, but it will happen. Good luck, and don't think you are alone. There are so many people out here who don't even know you who are worried about you, and have gone through what you are going through now. Listen to them, they know what they are talking about.
Owl Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Ard...so what are YOU proposing that you do about this situation? I agree that its a lousy deal. I've been through the pain of being the BS in an affair myself. I totally get how the anger and rage can run. I had TONS of fantasies about what I'd do to OM if I got my hands on him. What advice are you hoping to get from the people here, if you dislike the fact that most are telling you the same thing...which is to move on as best as you can. I get that's not easy...but what are your REAL options? Go Rambo on him and her? Hey, I considered it in my situation. It was funny...on d-day my wife called OM, scared to death because I "knew". He laughed, told her it was sweet that she was concerned for him, but he was a "big boy, and could take care of himself". She knew the deal...had I opted for violence, he would have had NO chance. NONE. She knew that, but couldn't get him to understand I was not going to show up and challenge him to some kind of fight. I didn't do it tho. Why? What would it have done? Yes, it would have 'felt good'. But it would have SOLVED nothing. In my case, I'm certain I could have completely "gotten away with it" too...but at the end of the day, there was no value in it. What advice are you hoping to get here? Recommendations for how to get past the anger? Gameplans for executing action on that anger? What?
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) I need to know what I can do in my defense. ie: Legal action, and that seems to be the only thing I can really do at the moment. My good friends have come together to chastize her on her profile for posting images. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that I'm not going to do nothing and be happy. That's illogical. I don't think you could possibly find too many people that have dealt with the kind of psycological and physical abuse that I've sustained as a result of this failed relationship, better than I have. I've been so patient and my restraint thus far has been steadfast. No self respecting individual should be expected to take this kind of outrage standing down. Nobody. Edited March 3, 2008 by ARDriver01
Jess-Belle Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I need to know what I can do in my defense. ie: Legal action, and that seems to be the only thing I can really do at the moment. My good friends have come together to chastize her on her profile for posting images. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that I'm not going to do nothing and be happy. That's illogical. I don't think you could possibly find too many people that have dealt with the kind of psycological and physical abuse that I've sustained as a result of this failed relationship, better than I have. I've been so patient and my restraint thus far has been steadfast. No self respecting individual should be expected to take this kind of outrage standing down. Nobody. Well, you could look into filing suit for intentional infliction of emotional distress. See if you can consult with some attorneys. If you have proof of damages to yourself (which it seems you do, i.e., the therapists you are seeing, the meds you have to take), then maybe they will find that you have a case.
underpants Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 AR, Do you think she is the type that craves attention and drama? I mean, if she is really that happy then why on Earth would she need to post silly validation/drama stuff on a my space? If she is that type and if I remember some of your past descriptions I would venture to guess that she is. Honestly the worst thing you could do to her is to not play into the games. It may have become a toxic pattern between you two. Flip the script. Think about the cycles and patterns and react differently. That would throw her for a loop. In my experience NO attention is the very worst thing attention/drama seekers experience. It really f's with them and escalates their already predisposed character traits for self destruction. I would also say that you should print off some of those pictures and evidence of the infidelity. It might be beneficial in your divorce. When will your divorce be final?
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 I'm in contact with my attorney, I've had my friends take digital photos of the page as well as make prints. I am in fact persuing an intentional infliction of emotional distress case against both of them. I don't know how it works. Depending on the settlement, is that how I pay my lawyer?
Jess-Belle Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I'm in contact with my attorney, I've had my friends take digital photos of the page as well as make prints. I am in fact persuing an intentional infliction of emotional distress case against both of them. I don't know how it works. Depending on the settlement, is that how I pay my lawyer? To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I know that is how it works in personal injury cases. Infliction of emotional distress constitutes a tort, but I don't know if it is a case that would be handled by a personal injury firm or how attorneys handle the fees in such a case. Wish I could be more of a help!
twice_shy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I found out over the weekend, from a very inconsiderate friend of mine, that my stbx and the guy she cheated with have posted pictures and comments all over MySpace that are diliberately meant to cause me emotional distress. I haven't, and, of course, I won't be looking at her page, but just knowing that they came together to attack me on the internet is really, really, effing me up bad. Yeah... I totally worked. So, what's next. You guys think I should turn the other cheek again, should I just get over it, should I move on, not let it effect me, etc.. All very easy things to say. I would expect this from her. . Exactly my man. You expect this of her. This is something only a lowly skank would do. Just like my XW. I don't give a crap what she says to anyone. Anybody that knows us knows that anything she tries to say or do to undermine me is a load of crap. People see these kinds of people for what they are....scum. I wouldn't worry about it. If you say something to her, then she'll know her little plan worked. Actually, I think it means she is still into you in some way. If she was satisfied with new man, why would she try to make you jealous? Just let her do whatever it is her little wh0rish heart desires and take great comfort in the fact that you are no longer married to someone as unscrupulous as this any longer. And enjoy your upcoming date with the new gal!!!
twice_shy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I appreciate all of you taking the time to post comments, I really do. Thank you for the positive stuff and whatnot. What you guys don't understand is that I'm completely incapable of turning my emotions into positive actions, forgeting about them etc... I'm am in incredibly dense pain, depression and rage. People are attacking me. I don't think they qualify as people. Lousy excuses for human beings to boot. It shouldn't bother you what a couple of scumbags are trying to do with regards to getting under your skin. My ex tried to do something similar, but she isn't witty enough to get under my skin.
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