Shindig Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I've been dating a really awesome guy for 3 months. We always have fun together and overall it seems like a good match. Lately we've only been intimate once a week or so. I raised the issue and my SO notes that it's not the most important thing in the relationship. While I agree, I'm not going to pretend it isn't important. He also pointed out we don't get to spend as much time together since he started working a night shift. I can't help but think that my preoccupation with sex is really a symbol of something else I'm missing from the relationship... perhaps emotional intimacy. Even though I draw a distinction consciously, my subconscious still fails to separate the two. Any thoughts?
blind_otter Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Sometimes people just have different libidos, and this usually shows up after the honeymoon period when you're first getting to know someone (the first 3 months or so). I have a good friend who was married for 8 years, the first 6 months with her husband thay had sex relatively frequently and then it subsided and for the remainder of the 8 years they were together he simply was not that into it and said stuff like "sex isn't the most important thing". Sure you're preoccupations with sex very well may be related to a lack of emotional intimacy and you would know that best - is he attentive in other ways? But once a week, IMO, is really LOW frequency so truth be told, even if my guy was being nice to me and considerate and cuddling and whatnot I would be royally pissed if I was only getting booty once a week. IME if you want to have sex - it happens. Sure you may have to have a 10 minute quickie at strange hours, but you CAN make it happen.
Krytie TV Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Don't put this on you and don't let him either. If you have a high libido, that's great. Give it a bit of time... a couple of weeks, and see if it changes for him. Yes, lack of sex is typically a sign of a deeper issue that he might be having in the relationship. These things don't generally get better, but it's possible. These things get waaaay tougher as time goes on if it continues. Never underestimate the effect this can have on someone over time.
Phateless Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I've been dating a really awesome guy for 3 months. We always have fun together and overall it seems like a good match. Lately we've only been intimate once a week or so. I raised the issue and my SO notes that it's not the most important thing in the relationship. While I agree, I'm not going to pretend it isn't important. He also pointed out we don't get to spend as much time together since he started working a night shift. I can't help but think that my preoccupation with sex is really a symbol of something else I'm missing from the relationship... perhaps emotional intimacy. Even though I draw a distinction consciously, my subconscious still fails to separate the two. Any thoughts? Honestly, I feel the problem is more with the person who refuses to recognize that not having sex means there is something wrong in the relationship. My ex used to pull this card on me all the time and it drove me crazy. I think there's something else going on. Turns out she liked someone else. I'm not trying to freak you out, just speaking from my own experiences.
electric_sheep Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I don't know. I think it CAN mean something is wrong with the relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean that. If something is wrong with the relationship, there should be other clues and indicators... probably more reliable ones. I'd be careful not to read too much into this. People really do have different libidos, for one. There is also the possibility that something is "wrong" with him. Maybe he has sexual issues from the past. Maybe he is addicted to internet porn, and doesn't have anything left for "real" sex after all the masturbation he is doing. I don't say this to worry you, but rather to highlight how there are always more possibilities than what we initially conceive of. As always, the best way to find out is communication, assuming you guys are open with each other. Try not to be a pessimist or an optimist, but instead a realist.
Phateless Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I dunno, if I'm into the girl, I wanna go all the time. I don't get disinterested in sex until I'm not that into her, or if I'm distracted with something else, or insecure, or mad, or something. Unless there is something else going on, I wanna go every day. But again, that's just me...
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