spookie Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 So for the past 8 months I have been tortured about having lost the ex forever. After I learned how to be happy being by myself and single, when I wasn't missing the relationship any longer, I still craved like crazy for the friendship. I began to idolize him in my head. I became obsessed with the lost love, love best childhood friend concept of it all. Well, now we're back in touch to some degree. He's been IMing me almost daily. It's completely innocent and uninvolved (he'll share links with me or ask me bizarre questions) but I am so relieved that he's not gone forever that I think I will finally be able to heal. It helps that now that I've been reminded of who he actually is, I can let go of the romanticized version... the real ex is going to be much easier to get over than the tragic fantasy. That's my happy update.
Kamille Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I love that moment! The moment when you realize you've moved on. Congrats sister!
D-Lish Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 You truly know you are over someone when you can have that contact with them without falling apart. I am really happy you have found that. It's pretty comforting to know you can experience heartbreak and pain and bounce back from it.
e.clipse Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I love that moment! The moment when you realize you've moved on. Congrats sister! You truly know you are over someone when you can have that contact with them without falling apart. I am really happy you have found that. It's pretty comforting to know you can experience heartbreak and pain and bounce back from it. am i reading your OP wrong, spook? anyway, i'm glad that you guys are talking again; i know you've longed for that since the beginning, more or less. it is good that he decided to come back around, as your friend. you guys shared so much together, that it would be a shame to erase each other of the other's lives completely. hopefully this is the (new) beginning a friendship and nothing more--and by "nothing more" i mean that i hope old romantic feelings don't start to resurface or else you could end up being back at square one. for now, though, it's good that you are back in touch in a friendly way, and that it is no longer giving you the dreaded anxiety, but rather the much wanted relief. as an addendum, if KM has happy news like yours, i'm just going to enter coma.
kittensmittens Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Spookie, your post jumped out at me... hopefully this is the (new) beginning a friendship and nothing more--and by "nothing more" i mean that i hope old romantic feelings don't start to resurface or else you could end up being back at square one. I agree with this. I got back in touch w/ my ex recently, after 8 mos as well. I felt exactly the same way at first.....relieved and also realized that I had been idealizing him too much. I realized for the first time in over 4 years that he isn't THAT great, but it was soooo good to have in back in my life as a friend b/c I had missed it so much. Then something happened....and I got attached all over again and I'm back to sq 1. So....I don't mean to sound like the bearer of gloom and doom or anything, but just make sure you keep a safe distance! Take a break from talking to him/seeing him and go out and meet other guys/people when you feel yourself getting at all attached again.....or you're in for more heartache. Sounds like you're being pretty sensible though and I'm so glad seeing him again is helping you. NC is great and often necessary, but I think re-establishing contact (after the nc period) can be the final step to getting over someone....but ONLY when you KNOW you're ready for that...
Kamille Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 am i reading your OP wrong, spook? Ok I reread the OP and see where there are areas of concerns. I thought Spookie was saying that now that he was back in her life, it helped her realize why the break up was unavoidable and why she was better without him as a romantic involvement in her life. I don't know Spookie too well (from LS I mean), but I always thought she was pretty self-aware. Impulsive, but self-aware. And also thought she is extremely strong-willed. So I took what she said at first value. She says this is helping her get over him and I believed her. Still do actually.
Author spookie Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 I can see how this might be of concern, but I really don't want a relationship right now, especially with him. He's done a 180 from the affectionate, considerate 18-year-old boy I fell in love with, and while I am still mourning the loss of who he was, it's ever more apparent, now that we're back in touch, how much he's changed. This hard, anti-social extremist - I don't think I can fall in love with him. And while I hope there's some softness left him underneath who he's become (with the help of a lot of drugs) I know, after all these months of silence, after the way he left me when I needed him most, that he doesn't love me anymore; and that I cannot coax it out. It's liberating, this loss of hope.
CaliGuy Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I can see how this might be of concern, but I really don't want a relationship right now, especially with him. He's done a 180 from the affectionate, considerate 18-year-old boy I fell in love with, and while I am still mourning the loss of who he was, it's ever more apparent, now that we're back in touch, how much he's changed. This hard, anti-social extremist - I don't think I can fall in love with him. And while I hope there's some softness left him underneath who he's become (with the help of a lot of drugs) I know, after all these months of silence, after the way he left me when I needed him most, that he doesn't love me anymore; and that I cannot coax it out. It's liberating, this loss of hope. Sounds like to me that you're better off without him. Don't walk down the path you've been before. Blaze a new trail.
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