sedgwick Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Two things from the weekend: 1. I did 8 hours of solo train/bus travel and didn't cry once. Obsessed about him the entire time, yes, but I've found that now when I think about him I'm more angry than sad. 2. I actually found two people attractive. Both are involved, so it was safe, but on both occasions, I hugged someone and thought, "I wonder what it would be like to have sex with you." Fleeting thoughts, and nothing I would ever act on even if they were single, but a lot better than I was six months ago. It still feels like I'll never love or trust again, but I've come a long way in six months, so yeah, there's hope. I'm going into my 7th month of NC.
eagle5 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 That's great to hear, you never know, that may well be the first step to being able to love and trust again! Hey you're going forward (not stalemating) or going backwards and that's what counts. What books have you read Sedg? I've just finished The Key which is closely linked to the well famed The Secret. Whether or not one believes in it all or not (another thread there) I've had a few really positive moments (also had a cry today) but that's better than being sad all the time!!!!!! Keep smiling whenever you can sedgwick, feeling good for you....
D-Lish Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Two things from the weekend: 1. I did 8 hours of solo train/bus travel and didn't cry once. Obsessed about him the entire time, yes, but I've found that now when I think about him I'm more angry than sad. 2. I actually found two people attractive. Both are involved, so it was safe, but on both occasions, I hugged someone and thought, "I wonder what it would be like to have sex with you." Fleeting thoughts, and nothing I would ever act on even if they were single, but a lot better than I was six months ago. It still feels like I'll never love or trust again, but I've come a long way in six months, so yeah, there's hope. I'm going into my 7th month of NC. 7 months... good for you. I know how difficult it is. Feeling that anger- as we all know, is a good thing. It's interesting that you mentioned attractions as being "safe".... because you don't have to have "safe" attractions anymore if you choose not to. We can choose to remain damaged for life by those who have hurt us, or we can make a concerted effort to heal. I think you are doing that. What a shame it would be to let someone who wronged you make you feel like you can never love or trust again. Don't let him have that power over you. He doesn't deserve to have it- and you deserve far better than to accept that kind of defeat in life.
Author sedgwick Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks guys. The thing that bugs me the most right now is thinking that in his head, he may have a really good reason for this. There might have been something about me he really didn't like, and he was trying to get away from that. Who knows what he thinks about me, he's not speaking to me. And to me that's just incredibly cowardly and lame. What a *****y way to treat someone. When you get treated badly, you think it was because you deserved to be. It does a number on your head sometimes.
sb129 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Two things from the weekend: 1. I did 8 hours of solo train/bus travel and didn't cry once. Obsessed about him the entire time, yes, but I've found that now when I think about him I'm more angry than sad. 2. I actually found two people attractive. Both are involved, so it was safe, but on both occasions, I hugged someone and thought, "I wonder what it would be like to have sex with you." Fleeting thoughts, and nothing I would ever act on even if they were single, but a lot better than I was six months ago. It still feels like I'll never love or trust again, but I've come a long way in six months, so yeah, there's hope. I'm going into my 7th month of NC. Hey well done Sedgwick. I can see a huge improvement in the way you are writing about this situation- which is great! Your self worth seems to be improving too, thank goodness. Keep it up- things can only get better from here, there is a pinprick of light at the end of that tunnel you have been travelling through...
Lishy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Sedge I hear your pain in every word you write about your ex. I have seen you adore him, put him down, love him, be mean about him and I actually feel your pain when I read your posts. I rarely reply as I feel I have never suffered heartbreak like you have so to reply would be fruitless for you. I had to reply to this one as I am so pleased you have made a progression! I must also say that I think this has hit your ego hard and I think what he done to you when he left you has made the insecurity that was already there, rise 100 fold! You really need to learn how to love yourself. At times, I believe you hate yourself hon and you shouldn't. You are so lovely.
D-Lish Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks guys. The thing that bugs me the most right now is thinking that in his head, he may have a really good reason for this. There might have been something about me he really didn't like, and he was trying to get away from that. Who knows what he thinks about me, he's not speaking to me. And to me that's just incredibly cowardly and lame. What a *****y way to treat someone. When you get treated badly, you think it was because you deserved to be. It does a number on your head sometimes. It sure does do a number on your head.... but I think what you have done is gone and internalized the rejection, making it way more personal that it is/was. From everything you have said about this guy, he is the one with the issues- he is the one unable to handle intimacy.... not you. That doesn't make you the one with the problem- it unfortunately makes you a casualty of his messed up emotional tornado. It's not you, it never was you. This is him....and nothing but him.
PinkRibbon Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Wow you really had an in sightful weekend. I am glad you are feeling a bit better. Tiny steps is all that we can take towards mending our hearts. And for you to even consider someone else for an instant is a big improvement. {{{{Big Sedge Hug!!!!}}}}
Jmina Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Hey sedgwick I'm really glad your still talking out on LS because sometimes i feel like i'm the only one here that still isn't completely over their ex for more than 3-4 months. It's been 10 months for me...exactly We arent really in NC technically but we don't talk either. I don't bother her and she isn't bothered to contact me. There have been a few stages where i thought i had let her go, but what i was really doing was disolving issues that i had with her, which was still really good. In Jan i emailed her after 6 months of not talking to apologise and to show her how well i am doing, i wanted to show her i was back to who i was (and even better) from around when we first met - i also wanted to physically give her permission to hate me and that i was okay with it. I had really needed to send that email because after i sent it, i really felt less attatched to her. I gave her permission to hate me, which told me that i didnt care how seh felt about me anymore. She responded with that she wasnt angry anymore and that she doesnt really feel anything about me or what happened - i didnt believe her, i think she hasnt dealt with a lot of it, and that its been pushed away. Sounded like classic 'numbness' which i know she is very good at doing. she also wished me luck for 08 and said she truly hoped i was as strong and peaceful as i said i was. She also asked me to keep my distance as the email was way to premature for her... It took me a few days to get over the inital contact but i felt really good after. i was then able to deal with the anger that i had. it took me 8 months to realise i had to deal with my anger and that yes i was angry and that it was okay. it wasnt until last week that i knew how to release my anger. - physically and in a healthy way. I have gone backwards again after falling into the statistic of 'ex looking on facebook' This is something i am really not happy about as i feel like i am back to where i was before i sent the email. I was doing so well. I will always love my ex, so much, however i need to disattatch myself again. .. again!! I guess it looks like that you have started to dissolve your sadness and now the anger is showing through. if your angry sedgwick find a time to scream into a pillow - i turned my music up so noone would come running! i kicked my bed, pillows, i jumped, cried. You do it untill you cant no more, until you colapse and cry. It really works. A good friend told me that writing isnt enough to release anger. It has to be physical too. Today i found myself thinking 'i know why people flirt with the idea of suicide because this ache that i feel inside me is just becoming rediculous i cant handle it anymore, i cant imagine having it for much longer' I will deal with this in a healthy way. Keep walking on. I have many tools inside me to deal with this, i just find myself resisting. Jmina xoxo
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