HenryII Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 I,m siding with ladyintights, I can,t quite figure out some men. WHY in H--l would u want to slobber all over someone that,s been slobbered all over the night before by some dumb stay at home guy or anyone else. If she's sleeping with the BF on monday and u on tuesday ,who is she swapping fluids with on wednesday? WAKE UP!! There are other fish in the sea that are just aching for a 1 on 1 relationship, possobly without strings! GET OUT THERE
carhill Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Nearing 50, dated until 40 (when I met my wife) and never, not even one time, including my wife, did I meet a woman who was completely unattached (as in not dating anyone, not in a relationship, not living with someone, not married to someone). Just my lousy luck, I guess So, hence, I did have to deal with that pesky fluid swap stuff. Luckily, my threshold for such matters was quite high
jton30 Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 Does it make you feel more masculine or more of a man to steal another guy's girlfriend? You sicken me. Why doesn't this trollop break up with him first before sleeping around?? This is probably not the forum for someone unable to refrain from holier than thou moral judgments.
jton30 Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 not even one time, including my wife, did I meet a woman who was completely unattached Ditto. What's very apparent is that human beings, by and large, go to pretty extreme lengths to avoid being alone and surround themselves with affection and attention. Hate to say it, but some are not exactly choosy and - rather than hold out for someone who truly satisfies them - simply latch on to any taker with the intention of 'trading up' once that opportunity comes along. I'll say more times than not, people swing from one branch to the next and won't let go of the last branch until they have a firm grasp on the next. The basic problem people have in relationships is - ironically - their inability to ever be alone.
Author virtuzoso Posted March 5, 2008 Author Posted March 5, 2008 I,m siding with ladyintights, I can,t quite figure out some men. WHY in H--l would u want to slobber all over someone that,s been slobbered all over the night before by some dumb stay at home guy or anyone else. If she's sleeping with the BF on monday and u on tuesday ,who is she swapping fluids with on wednesday? WAKE UP!! There are other fish in the sea that are just aching for a 1 on 1 relationship, possobly without strings! GET OUT THERE Because, I dont believe you can choose who you are attracted to. You think I like being extremely attracted to someone who has shown the capacity for cheating and has a BF? Of course not, but thats the way it IS. I am still getting out there, but so far, no luck. Being single is much much harder than I remember Ditto. What's very apparent is that human beings, by and large, go to pretty extreme lengths to avoid being alone and surround themselves with affection and attention. Hate to say it, but some are not exactly choosy and - rather than hold out for someone who truly satisfies them - simply latch on to any taker with the intention of 'trading up' once that opportunity comes along. I'll say more times than not, people swing from one branch to the next and won't let go of the last branch until they have a firm grasp on the next. The basic problem people have in relationships is - ironically - their inability to ever be alone. this has pretty much been my experience before also. High quality single women dont stay that way for long, if at all.
carhill Posted March 5, 2008 Posted March 5, 2008 The good news for women (OT here) is that high quality men can and do take alone time so hence are appropriately "available". Of course, there isn't nearly so much "excitement" dating a *gasp* single person
Author virtuzoso Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 I can already tell, this is gonna be difficult. I'm thinking about her too much, and while I am gonna just see what happens over the next few weeks, if I had to guess, I would say being just friends isnt going to satisfy me. I suppose the difficulty IS choosing between a longterm friendship and some sort of romance which may or may not be shortlived. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, the sex is definitely NOT clouding my judgement- I've been known to go very very long periods without it.It's never really been a motivator for me ( though I definitely enjoy it). It's the personality you see when people let thier defenses down and you get to see the REAL them. I guess I knew this was coming way before it came down to sex.
twice_shy Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Anyone that wants to weigh in, go ahead, this is a new experience for me. ya, tell her boyfriend what is going on between you two so he knows what an unfaithful girlfriend he has. If he is a good guy, he deserves better than that. So rat her out to him so he can, unless he is a glutton for punishment, dump her and move on to someone worthy. That way you can have her all to yourself, until someone else tries to woo her away from you too.
nadiaj2727 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 That's worse than cheating, imo Okay, so to you telling the truth is worse than deception? Then why not just go out with this girl if those are your standards??
nadiaj2727 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 this has pretty much been my experience before also. High quality single women dont stay that way for long, if at all. High quality women don't cheat on their boyfriends.
Author virtuzoso Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 Okay, so to you telling the truth is worse than deception? Then why not just go out with this girl if those are your standards?? Not quite that black and white, hon. Breaking HER trust is worse than telling the truth to her BF. It's pretty simple, I've no allegiance to HIM other than some unwritten code of conduct. But to her I have 2 years of friendship and a hell of alot of attraction. Pretty simple to see who wins there... Sound callous? Well, that's life. High quality women don't cheat on their boyfriends. Blanket statement, it isnt necessarily true nor does it prove a point.
twice_shy Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 That's worse than cheating, imo Whats worse than cheating? Saving a good guy from a cheating huss?
twice_shy Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) Not quite that black and white, hon. Breaking HER trust is worse than telling the truth to her BF. Wow, you care about breaking the trust of someone who isn't trusthworthy themselves? It's pretty simple, I've no allegiance to HIM other than some unwritten code of conduct. But to her I have 2 years of friendship and a hell of alot of attraction. Pretty simple to see who wins there... Sound callous? Well, that's life. Ya, thats life. A bunch of selfish people going around not giving a crap about anyone but themselves. Well, what comes around goes around. Blanket statement, it isnt necessarily true nor does it prove a point. so what point are you trying to prove by posting here other than bragging that you can get a good man's girl? its easy to see why you are an OM. Maybe one day you will end up being the OM to a girl who has a guy that will find out about you. And hopefully this guy is the kind of guy that would fight in cage matches and come looking for you. Edited March 7, 2008 by twice_shy
norajane Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Because, I dont believe you can choose who you are attracted to. You think I like being extremely attracted to someone who has shown the capacity for cheating and has a BF? Of course not, but thats the way it IS. You can, however, choose what you do or don't do about the attraction. Just because you are attracted doesn't mean you have to engage in an affair with her. We are attracted to all kinds of people during our lifetime and we certainly don't act on all those attractions. You can, however, show her that you respect yourself enough not to accept being her guy on the side and that you require a full relationship from her or it has to stay in friendship territory. If you allow her to dictate the terms of your relationship, then how much respect do you think she will have for you? It's weak to settle for less than what you really want just to get something, anything from her. So you are showing her that you are weak. And women don't like weak men...they walk all over them, like she's already doing to her boyfriend.
Jess-Belle Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 High quality women don't cheat on their boyfriends. That's a big whopping red flag that no interested party ever wants to pay attention to. IMO, anyone with their head screwed on straight should run the hell away from someone who is willing to cheat on their SO/spouse.
OpenBook Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 That's a big whopping red flag that no interested party ever wants to pay attention to. IMO, anyone with their head screwed on straight should run the hell away from someone who is willing to cheat on their SO/spouse. Are you going to take your own advice? (Isn't your current BF the one who gave you an STD via his OW?) Do you think your BF should take it? (What guarantee does he have that you won't repeat past behavior?) Just curious.
Author virtuzoso Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 You can, however, choose what you do or don't do about the attraction. Just because you are attracted doesn't mean you have to engage in an affair with her. We are attracted to all kinds of people during our lifetime and we certainly don't act on all those attractions. You can, however, show her that you respect yourself enough not to accept being her guy on the side and that you require a full relationship from her or it has to stay in friendship territory. If you allow her to dictate the terms of your relationship, then how much respect do you think she will have for you? It's weak to settle for less than what you really want just to get something, anything from her. So you are showing her that you are weak. And women don't like weak men...they walk all over them, like she's already doing to her boyfriend. Holy crap, some decent advice that wasnt just mudslinging against lowlife- dirty-scum-of-the-earth-bottom-feeding-home-wrecking cheaters like 90% of posters in this forum who seem to be pretty damned jaded on this particular topic Hallelujah! Thanks for offering your judgement of the situation without judging the people involved ( or at least keeping that to yourself). Very solid advice,Norajane! It was like flipping a switch in my head.
twice_shy Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Holy crap, some decent advice that wasnt just mudslinging against lowlife- dirty-scum-of-the-earth-bottom-feeding-home-wrecking cheaters like 90% of posters in this forum who seem to be pretty damned jaded on this particular topic Hallelujah! Thanks for offering your judgement of the situation without judging the people involved ( or at least keeping that to yourself). Very solid advice,Norajane! It was like flipping a switch in my head. Lets see, you could care less that you are party to hurting someone else, I believe you said, "thats life", yet you are gonna boo hoo about being "judged"? Here, let me fetch you a kleenex.
Jess-Belle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Are you going to take your own advice? (Isn't your current BF the one who gave you an STD via his OW?) I'm talking about initiating involvement with someone who already has someone else, and is willing to cheat on them with you... not a good sign. That's totally different that being involved with someone for two years and then they betray you. At that point there is a lot more involved, and one must weigh the positives and negatives and decide to keep the relationship together or not. Do you think your BF should take it? (What guarantee does he have that you won't repeat past behavior?) Just curious. I always tell him that he damn well should have ran for the hills, that I wished he would have. But he didn't... he wanted to be with me more than anything in the world, and he insisted upon it when I was at one of the vilest points of my life. And I hurt him. One of my life's biggest regrets. The fact that I was willing to cheat on someone should have been an indicator to him that I had problems, that I was capable of lying and manipulating and not being trustworthy. But he didn't see this warning nor heed it. There was something about me that drove me to be the way I was, but he was my complimentary partner... what was it in him that made him want to be with someone like me, the way I was then? So we're both in a similar position now. While I can't speak of absolute guarantees, we learned a lot from all of this, namely how wrong and stupid and pointless it is to run into an A instead of confronting problems or simply ending relationships. We both have faith in that, which is why we believe in a future together.
Jess-Belle Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Are you going to take your own advice? Also, for the record, the only time I've ever entered into any kind of relationship with a guy who already had a SO/spouse was in the A with the MM. As you probably know I concluded that it was a terrible idea, not only because of the obvious but because I did realize partway into it that if I hypothetically ended up with him, I'd always see him as a sneaky cheater, and that would haunt me for the rest of my days. Rightfully so, I may add. I've never had a (non-A) boyfriend relationship with a guy who started off by being willing to cheat on his gf with me. It's just foreshadowing imo.
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