lprjx Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) I have a unique, complicated situation I have questions on... So this girl and I met September of last year at our best friend's birthday party. We slept together that first night, and she left the next day to go back to her college about 2 1/2 hrs away from mine. I decided I wanted to see her again, so I stayed in contact with her short distance and we progressed through that as well as going out to see each other a few times, and we moved really fast. It was good too because my friend said a few times that we would be really good for each other. Unfortunately, I was going through a lot of anxiety problems because of school and other personal stress, so I wasn't able to be the fun guy she would have loved. She got a little pissed at how I was acting, but we kept something casual and continued hanging out and sleeping together when we saw each other. So long story short, I ended up falling for her after a couple months since she was everything I wanted in a girl. Plus I got back to being the fun guy I used to be. She, however, didn't feel the same way about me for a few reasons. I didn't show her the person she wanted to see, because we're due to be graduating in May so she didn't want to start anything serious, and because she was recently going through a lot of stress problems now. So the big mess switched from being me to her. So she called me a couple weeks ago, to tell me that and how she thought it would be best to stop sleeping together because I wasn't fair to me that I felt something more. She said I was everything she wanted in a boyfriend (she wants a sweet guy) and added how we still didn't know each other very well and would continue to stay in touch in the future. Instead of saying OK, I took the selfish, stupid route and tried to plead with her (telling her not to forget about me when she was ready for something, telling her to remember all the things I got her to make her feel better). So she called our friend flipping out about how difficult I was and said she didn't wanna see, talk to, or even hear about me. A couple days later, I realized how stupid and selfish it was. I also realized how good simply having the casual thing was. I got upset because everyone kept telling me it was over and if anything, I would just have to wait and see if she tried calling me. I wanted to apologize, but my friend said it would just make it worse, as evidenced by her even saying that she didn't want me calling and apologizing. So right now I haven't talked to her in 2 weeks, and she finishes school in a couple of weeks (but doesn't actually graduate until May), so if she doesn't call me back, I'm planning on keeping no contact until she finishes and going out there and bring her a girl and flowers to congratulate her on finishing and seeing how she reacts. Any advice or opinions on this situation? Normally I would just let it go, but like I said, she's everything I want in a girl and when we graduate we're moving to places that will only be 2 1/2 hrs apart. She's very special. I wanna know if I have a second chance for anything here or if I can at least salvage friendship out of this... Edited March 3, 2008 by lprjx
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Do you really want the "friend zone"? Methinks not... I'd continue NC. I wouldn't go out to visit her. If there's a clock to reset, time will do it. Don't rush time...
Author lprjx Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 No, I don't want the "friend zone." But my guess is that to play it safe and just get back to talking and hanging out with her again, I would have to tell her that "I would rather have her as a friend than nothing at all." Having her want to go back to the casual thing again is a very long shot. Plus she got pissed when I said we could still maintain the casual thing, so I definitely can't bring it up again. So as far as anything relationship-wise, that's almost or completely out for now. I don't see how she couldn't ever be just normal friend to me anyway because we slept together. So my main goal here is to just get to hanging out with her again so I can show her the person she wanted to see and to keep me in her mind when she leaves. I knew we we're eventually gonna be moving, so keeping me in her mind was the thing I was working on. Now she knows how I feel as well. So all I have to do is get back to talking to her and hanging out with her.
D-Lish Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 If she got angry with you about being difficult and you know this through a mutual friend... I would hesitate to simply show up with flowers on her doorstep. I know that when you like someone and have felt the chemistry with them that it is hard to let go when things change between you. The reality is that things HAVE changed for her and she has been honest with you about this. I don't want to be harsh- but if I broke it off with someone and they showed up with flowers a month later- I'd be put off.... maybe even see the move as a bit stalkerish. I don't think such a move is advisable. I'd go with a much less intrusive form of re-initiating contact- maybe via e-mail or msn after some time has passed. A simple- hey how's it going on msn... I think the flowers and visit would be going way overboard.
Author lprjx Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 I agree, it would be a little stalkerish. But that's why I made the flowers and little gift as a graduation present, not an "I'm sorry" thing. It wouldn't be a bunch of flowers, it would just be a few along with the little friendly gift. I always did little things in very creative ways to make her feel better. This would just be one of those things. Double that with the fact that I planned it around the time she would be the happiest (she's finishing up school and then going on spring break). I'm also wondering right now why she's so pissed? If she just saw me as some average guy, I would think she just wouldn't care. But she was so pissed that she had our friend ban me from hanging out with them this past weekend because she just didn't want to even hear about me. I found out through our friend, but she obviously made it so clear that she basically was telling me herself. So is it that she's upset because she cares about me a little and really wanted to have maintained something casual? Or is this just how every girl gets if a guy tries to plead with her after being rejected?
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 She's talking to you in language you can understand. For women, language is nuance. For men, it's a baseball bat to the head. Men don't normally get "subtle". They understand blunt. That's what you're getting now. It doesn't have anything to do with caring. She doesn't want you around right now. Stop looking for the double meaning. Do you want to play that game forever? Why not spend your time with someone who does want you around?
Author lprjx Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 She's talking to you in language you can understand. For women, language is nuance. For men, it's a baseball bat to the head. Men don't normally get "subtle". They understand blunt. That's what you're getting now. It doesn't have anything to do with caring. She doesn't want you around right now. Stop looking for the double meaning. Do you want to play that game forever? Why not spend your time with someone who does want you around? Yea, she is being very blunt. I deserve it for how difficult I was on the phone that night. That's why I'm keeping the no contact for a month or so before I try to go back to her. I figure since we never had anything serious, it won't take her as long to get over. I've been trying to go after other girls during this time but she keeps popping back up in my head even when I'm with these other girls.
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