phoenixgirl Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I tried doing a bit of research but I'm still a bit unclear - what does gaslighting mean in the context of A? And secondly - is anybody else scared to death to post in these kind of forums for fear of being "found" by the W? Because even though she knows about me they're (currently, for however long) separated, and there's still a lot she doesn't know... I know, I'll be careful about TMI but still.
SeraBella Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting Not sure if you saw that wikipedia article when you were researching. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It uses persistent denials of fact which, as they build up over time, make the victim progressively anxious, confused, and less able to trust his or her own memory and perception. A variation of gaslighting, used as a form of harassment, is to subtly alter aspects of a victim's environment, thereby upsetting his or her peace of mind, sense of security, etc.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 As long as you don't name names, places (City you're in), and don't go into complete detail, I highly doubt you'll be found out. Oh and make sure your username can't identify you. Some people in the past have used an obvious username (like their real name) so just be smart about how much you put out on any website, not just LS.
Lyssa Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 And secondly - is anybody else scared to death to post in these kind of forums for fear of being "found" by the W? Because even though she knows about me they're (currently, for however long) separated, and there's still a lot she doesn't know... I know, I'll be careful about TMI but still. Nope, not afraid if she found out. It doesn't matter anymore cause they are divorced. Yup, just be careful not to give out TMI. Some people can be empathetic and supportive of what you're going through but you'll get a bunch of those who just want to bring you down. Then again that happens everywhere.
OWoman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I didn't worry about W finding out it was me - I could care less about that - but I did worry about what she might use as "evidence" in her divorce negotiations, since I don't know the divorce law of her country very well. Seems though I'm on safe ground - financial settlements have nothing to do with any contestation or argument, the only issue is how long she'll want to draw out the fight before she signs, and quite how far she's prepared to bankrupt everyone in the process. But do be careful of TMI - often other posters try to goad you into disclosure by saying provoking things like "how can you be so sure?" or "why would you believe that?" and it can be tempting to silence them with the evidence. Which is exactly the kind of detail that would make you identifiable. Rather let it pass - it's their loss not knowing, not your loss not winning an "argument" - and retain your anonymity.
twice_shy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I tried doing a bit of research but I'm still a bit unclear - what does gaslighting mean in the context of A? One form of gaslighting in the context of the affair is the cheater blaming the victim that it is all their fault that they were cheated on. Basically trying to brainwash them in an attempt to absolve themselves of any wrongdoing.
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