so_sad Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I would be really interested in the opinion of the men here (and I really mean men - sorry, but I'm not looking for the views of 19-year olds). I guess my question is whether men like it when a woman makes it clear that she's interested in him. I don't mean hitting on him overtly, or acting desperate, but just not bothering to play games or acting hard to get. I'm kind of starting some online dating, and I really don't want to play games. If I meet someone I like, I want to make it clear that I'm interested and see if he feels the same. But does that somehow lessen the excitement for the man? The thrill of the chase and all of that? Interested in everyone's thoughts.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I would like to know too. There's lots of men who'd like the chase, but then there are also many who like for the woman to be the one doing the chasing. Yet, if we chase after them, they might think that we're coming on too strong. WTH? At point does the boundary end? Seriously somebody needs to set up a guideline and get the facts straight.
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Well I’m around the age mark that you aren’t interested in hearing, however I once had a discussion down the pub with a middle aged man who had a woman purusing him, he said he was attracted her to big time and would “F*ck her brains out of her tiny head”, but what put him off was her blatant interest in him. He said half the fun was him doing the chasing and her playing hard to get, he wanted some competition, but said its important that you know deep down you can win the competition, so that was his opinion and the opinion of several other men.
Author so_sad Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 Well I’m around the age mark that you aren’t interested in hearing, however I once had a discussion down the pub with a middle aged man who had a woman purusing him, he said he was attracted her to big time and would “F*ck her brains out of her tiny head”, but what put him off was her blatant interest in him. He said half the fun was him doing the chasing and her playing hard to get, he wanted some competition, but said its important that you know deep down you can win the competition, so that was his opinion and the opinion of several other men. Well, that's depressing. Althought it sounds like the guy you were talking to was not exactly what I'm going for in the first place. By the way, I didn't mean to dismiss the views of younger men, it's just that that's not the age range I'm working with now. Also, I was hoping that older men might be a little more comfortable with a woman taking the initiative.
Ebeleptik38 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Me personally...I think it would be nice to find a girl like you, one who is willing to just be straight-forward, but then again I guess it would depend on the person and where they are at in terms of what they want out of a relationship. And that right there is probably one of the hardest things to find out when dating someone- what they/you want. You just sound like your ready for something "real" and serious, and I would think that if you found someone who is magically on the same page as you...then there just wouldn't be games being played at all. But for the majority of people i have dated and the situations i find myself in...I think it doesn't hurt one bit to have some game- better than none.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Well, that's depressing. Althought it sounds like the guy you were talking to was not exactly what I'm going for in the first place. By the way, I didn't mean to dismiss the views of younger men, it's just that that's not the age range I'm working with now. Also, I was hoping that older men might be a little more comfortable with a woman taking the initiative. Most of my guy friends, who are 18 and 19, feel obligated to enjoy a good chase here and there. Their tactics are a bit aggressive especially towards the attractive girls that are in high school. It's like a game to them, to see how many girls they can score a week. They're not hesitant in going up to a girl and exchanging numbers, and doesn't mind dating multiple girls at once.
Lizzie60 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Come on guys.. wouldn't you like it if an attractive, sexy woman would come up to you and look you straight in the eyes and say: I would love to f*ck you !!!
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Come on guys.. wouldn't you like it if an attractive, sexy woman would come up to you and look you straight in the eyes and say: I would love to f*ck you !!! Well I’d come up with two responses: 1) Have you been to the opticians lately? 2) I only f*ck in committed relationships 3) Well, I could always change my mind in the near future and then get up and leave.
Lizzie60 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Well I’d come up with two responses: 1) Have you been to the opticians lately? 2) I only f*ck in committed relationships 3) Well, I could always change my mind in the near future and then get up and leave. ????? I read 3 choices.. the first one is cute..
carhill Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 My best advice is to be your own woman. If you have enjoyed a man's company, invite him to contact you. You have a full life and your time is important to you. Plans need to made with that in mind. Nothing last minute. Be respectful of his requests but don't change firm plans to accommodate him. Make your preferences known and encourage him to keep them in mind. "I love sushi. Do you know of a good place?" Leave it open-ended. Let him decide. This gauges his interest in a common thing (food preference) and his desire to accommodate you. Be a lady. Allow him to be a gentleman. This is a fine art these days, with equality and all. Pause at the door. Wait for him to get your coat. Leave your pocketbook in your purse. The important thing is to balance your needs/desires with respect and remembrance of his. Little things like picking up a minor snack item or drink he's enjoyed; no comment or fanfare, just do it. He'll notice and the right guy will remember the little things and reciprocate. This is where intimacy begins, not when the undies come off Try intimacy without sex (I know, what was I thinking? ). Tease a bit and return to composure. Play. Titillate. Well, that's the ancient married version anyway....
FormerNiceGuy Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I would be really interested in the opinion of the men here (and I really mean men - sorry, but I'm not looking for the views of 19-year olds). I guess my question is whether men like it when a woman makes it clear that she's interested in him. I don't mean hitting on him overtly, or acting desperate, but just not bothering to play games or acting hard to get. I'm kind of starting some online dating, and I really don't want to play games. If I meet someone I like, I want to make it clear that I'm interested and see if he feels the same. But does that somehow lessen the excitement for the man? The thrill of the chase and all of that? Interested in everyone's thoughts. If it's handed to a man, he'll take it. You don't complain when you get free food from Costco. That's exactly how men think. The rules are different. When a woman sees a man who is out of her reach, it piques her interest. When a woman sees a man that's easily available, she thinks, "Why is he alone?" When a man sees a woman that's easily available, he pounces. Pleasing a woman is a myriad of difficult equations. You don't need to read those female magazines that claim to tell you 2000 ways to please a man. There are only three ways you need to know to please a man. 1. Make him a sandwich. 2. Sex. 3. Sex.
insideout1 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 A mature man would like a women to be straight forward. You can let a man know how you feel in a very tactful way and if he is a mature man, he won't think you are flirting. Remember, this only will work between two mature people
amerikajin Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I don't like games. Don't pretend to be something you're not. If you're interested, then let me know. If you're interested but a little shy, I'll probably figure it out and be more aggressive myself. I think playing hard to get is what teenagers do. If you do it as an adult, you'll come across as a fake. You can come across as desperate but that's not the same as just being your extroverted self.
Angels&Airwaves Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Well, that's depressing. Althought it sounds like the guy you were talking to was not exactly what I'm going for in the first place. By the way, I didn't mean to dismiss the views of younger men, it's just that that's not the age range I'm working with now. Also, I was hoping that older men might be a little more comfortable with a woman taking the initiative. It’s how most men I know feel, that’s from all ranges, men around my part of town, that’s not to stereotype everyone, but a lot of men and women I’ve met just like a hard fought competition with sex at the end of the night. No, he is probably isn’t, but he has plenty of women, so for a middle aged man who sees women as little more than conquests, he does well for himself. And about the age range, it’s cool, I’m not offended, I mean I’m pretty inexperienced, I’m sure someone a decade older has a lot more experience, so they’d be better help. From my own perspective, anything is cool with me, as long as the girl doesn’t come on too strong at the beginning, and has some of the qualities I admire in a person and of course someone I physically admire, but hey, that’s just me.
SeraBella Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I'm not a guy, but my opinion is this: If you meet a guy who wants to play games, then he's not the one for you. If a guy is turned off when you make it known that you are interested, then he's not the one for you. The one for you will be one that likes your approach. Use this as a weeding tool as much as a way to avoid playing games.
Krytie TV Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 My advice would be to be mellow on the first date. Don't do anything over the top at that time. I would even prefer no kissing on the first date. After the date, however, I have found a quick text that says that you enjoyed yourself and would like to do it again sends all the signals you need without coming off badly. After that, the ball is in his court. On the second date, it is nice to give the guy some form of cue that you're interested. Flirtatious touching or whatnot. If a guy is interested in you, he won't need any more than that.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 My advice would be to be mellow on the first date. Don't do anything over the top at that time. I would even prefer no kissing on the first date. After the date, however, I have found a quick text that says that you enjoyed yourself and would like to do it again sends all the signals you need without coming off badly. After that, the ball is in his court. On the second date, it is nice to give the guy some form of cue that you're interested. Flirtatious touching or whatnot. If a guy is interested in you, he won't need any more than that. Sure wished I came across this post sooner. But personally, I hate when guys or girls play games. As if I'm not busy with my own things, I have to run around thinking about what they meant when they said blah blah blah, or overanalyzing ever phone call or text. Just don't have the patience.
Phateless Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I would be really interested in the opinion of the men here (and I really mean men - sorry, but I'm not looking for the views of 19-year olds). I guess my question is whether men like it when a woman makes it clear that she's interested in him. I don't mean hitting on him overtly, or acting desperate, but just not bothering to play games or acting hard to get. I'm kind of starting some online dating, and I really don't want to play games. If I meet someone I like, I want to make it clear that I'm interested and see if he feels the same. But does that somehow lessen the excitement for the man? The thrill of the chase and all of that? Interested in everyone's thoughts. I like it when a woman is confident and secure enough to be direct. I hate playing games, but it seems that a lot of girls respond to them, which really depresses me. Play it straight and you'll be the one who stands apart from the crowd.
Author so_sad Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 I'm not a guy, but my opinion is this: If you meet a guy who wants to play games, then he's not the one for you. If a guy is turned off when you make it known that you are interested, then he's not the one for you. The one for you will be one that likes your approach. Use this as a weeding tool as much as a way to avoid playing games. That's pretty cool advice, on a number of levels. Thanks!
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Honestly I have never been able to figure it out. I'm always so afraid of looking like I am overly interested that sometimes I play it too cool and aloof and I lose them. I know with each guy it has been different. SOme guys have wanted to chase- other guys have wanted instant gratification...some jump in way to quickly and others want to take it slow. I never know- I just try to be myself as much as possible without giving away too much too soon.... but not being so unavailable that they think I am not interested.
mysocalledlife Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I think every guy is different and every situation is different. In general, I find it refreshing when a woman makes it clear what she wants. I may not be on the same page as her, but I respect and appreciate that she is being upfront, and if I feel the same way, so much the better. That being said, I think it is important to be yourself first and foremost, and that it is still possible to add a playful element without playing games.
northernman Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I think if you want a mate, it is the same for men and women.. When you are with that person, make them feel like they are the center of the world.. When you are away, return calls, etc, but also have a life. Or if you don't have a life, don't make it obvious that you do not. But generally speaking, I think relationships in which the man has to put in more effort generally make the better couples. Seems a little more pathetic if a woman is chasing a man.
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 I think if you want a mate, it is the same for men and women.. When you are with that person, make them feel like they are the center of the world.. When you are away, return calls, etc, but also have a life. Or if you don't have a life, don't make it obvious that you do not. But generally speaking, I think relationships in which the man has to put in more effort generally make the better couples. Seems a little more pathetic if a woman is chasing a man. For instance- how should one play this.... Met a guy- he messaged me on plenty of fish. We moved to msn... He has initiated 3 MSN convos in a row- I have not initiated one yet, so I decided to do so this morning when i saw him online.... I said how are you.... and he didn't respond. This is after him initiating three convos- and talking to me for hours on end. So.... according to etiquette- did I ruin his chase by giving him a little something this morning? See? frustrating!
NuTuDating Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Games suck. If someone plays hard to get, they get dumped. I guess it depends on how old and mature you are. I'm 31, and if I like someone, they know it. If they play hard to get or "act" uninterested, they get the boot. I'm not into playing games. But that's just me.
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