monkey00 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 After having talked to this girl for almost a week online, I decided to ask her out. She's fun and all and jokes a lot online as I do with her. Though the thing when I first saw her is she looks almost different in person. She's not as attractive as she is online. I was kind of turned off by that when I first saw her. Though it was also partly a fact that she had looked like she just threw on some clothes after getting up from bed. Though spending time with her that day I just grew to like her. Though what I liked about her is she's very affectionate and flirtatious and honest, plus she also thought of things for us to do or places to go which was nice for a change. She was so honest she even told me about her health problems that she had an organ transplant a year ago and is on meds. We even talked about our past relationships and why things didn't work out. She had her arm around mine the whole time we were walking around...and based off her body language she also wanted to hold my hands which she did shortly at one point. Though she wants to hang out again next weekend, which I might be hesitant about going through with. Anyway I think what concerns me is it seems that she's looking for a relationship (with me). Physically she's not my type but I do like her. We have some things in common, but we don't share the same interests. But at this point in my life I want to explore other options also, but I also want to be in a relationship. And with her health problems I don't want to be a jerk about the situation and make her more ill. What should I do?
Pyro Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 You say that you are not physically attracted to her, so you may as well stop there. If you start a relationship with her you may resent her sometime down the road because you are not attracted to her, plus you say that you want to keep your options open. Its pretty much impossible to have both a relationship and keeping your options open.
Winfield Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Without a doubt, the best way of finding out whether a person "suits" us or not is to meet up with them - so, you've done that, and (as you've stated) you've got some reservations about this girl... I doubt very much you'd make her more ill if you broke it off with her - you've only "known" her for around a week (chatting online / meeting up once in person), so if things don't seem right to you, it's probably best you get out ASAP before she becomes more attached (it's much easier to stop things now than later on down the road)... Whatever you do, don't stay with someone just because you have sympathy for them - I'm not dissing this girl in any way, but there's loads of other girls who'll have loads more in common with you (and hence will make dates more enjoyable)... Have patience and the right one will (eventually) come along - good luck!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Break it off to her gently. Don't entirely stop talking to her because you feel no attraction. Let her know that you're not ready to be in a relationship but that you'd enjoyed spending the evening with her. IF you have to, place her in the friend zone, that way she knows when to stop her advances with you. At least be honest with her, don't leave her hanging.
carhill Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Hanging out = casual Relationship + other options = danger First impressions are valid. You met an honest, confident woman to whom you weren't immediately physically attracted. I'll be a contrarian here. Ask her out on a more "formal" date for the next time and see what happens. I say this because I have a good female friend who can play casual and not even be noticed but, whoa, watch out when she spends quality time in her closet and in front of the mirror. I call it inner beauty and outer beauty. What you liked about her was her inner beauty. Be specific. What about her "physical type" did you not like?
Author monkey00 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) You say that you are not physically attracted to her, so you may as well stop there. If you start a relationship with her you may resent her sometime down the road because you are not attracted to her, plus you say that you want to keep your options open. Its pretty much impossible to have both a relationship and keeping your options open. Yeah I know what you're saying, I don't want to resent her or have her hate my guts either. But a part of me wants to settle down also, I've had enough of flakey women or women that want to date around and keep their options open, or I could just be a hypocrite here. Without a doubt, the best way of finding out whether a person "suits" us or not is to meet up with them - so, you've done that, and (as you've stated) you've got some reservations about this girl... I doubt very much you'd make her more ill if you broke it off with her - you've only "known" her for around a week (chatting online / meeting up once in person), so if things don't seem right to you, it's probably best you get out ASAP before she becomes more attached (it's much easier to stop things now than later on down the road)... Whatever you do, don't stay with someone just because you have sympathy for them - I'm not dissing this girl in any way, but there's loads of other girls who'll have loads more in common with you (and hence will make dates more enjoyable)... Have patience and the right one will (eventually) come along - good luck! That might be the best option, she called me up today and we wound up talking and I wound up flirting with her. I'd hate to say this but my ego is getting a bit stroked from this, and probably hers too. And I somehow wound up reiterating us to hang out next weekend. Though for conversations, she's kind of boring because she's never traveled, does anything for fun or have much friends. Break it off to her gently. Don't entirely stop talking to her because you feel no attraction. Let her know that you're not ready to be in a relationship but that you'd enjoyed spending the evening with her. IF you have to, place her in the friend zone, that way she knows when to stop her advances with you. At least be honest with her, don't leave her hanging. I actually don't mind hanging out with her at all, even if there's no affection or flirting going on because she's a really cool person. Though the problem with placing her in the friend's zone is I'm allowing her the opportunity to lead herself on. Hanging out = casual Relationship + other options = danger First impressions are valid. You met an honest, confident woman to whom you weren't immediately physically attracted. I'll be a contrarian here. Ask her out on a more "formal" date for the next time and see what happens. I say this because I have a good female friend who can play casual and not even be noticed but, whoa, watch out when she spends quality time in her closet and in front of the mirror. I call it inner beauty and outer beauty. What you liked about her was her inner beauty. Be specific. What about her "physical type" did you not like? I think I know what you're trying to say here. But I doubt she's going to dress up or anything for me. When I hung out with her she wore a basic jacket with basic jeans and guy boots. She told me she has a poor fashion sense and I do believe her because the vibe that I get about her is she has poor self-esteem about her physical body. More to the physical sense, she looks much older than her actual age. Edited March 3, 2008 by monkey00
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Okay your actions are telling me you're not sincere. You're leading her on again. You don't want to date her, yet you're asking her for another date? paradox? I really think you're stringing her along for an ego boost; DON'T. By asking her for a 2nd date, you're implying to her that you're interested, which you are not, so why do it?
carhill Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 So, you're saying physical appearance isn't much of a priority for her and how you perceive her appearance reflects that philosophy. That is important, especially if you prefer a women who pays attention to how she looks, beyond being clean. OK, in that case, I'd say trust your vibe. She's likely used to the impression you've offered here, so no worries. Be honest with her and move on.
dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 If there's no attraction, why flirt with her? I recently met someone online, who I didn't think was as attractive as his picture, but after spending more time with him, I became more attracted. He wasn't my normal type physically - however his personality won me over, and I ended up finding him more attractive all around. While his physically attributes weren't what I normally find attractive - I realized that him as a whole was better then my exes. I used to pass on "not my normal type" but now I wonder if I wouldn't have, if I would have bypassed some of the nasty things I've dealt with recently.
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