Talking to the family.....

[nextel]

Is anyone on here that is seeing MM/MW talking to their family? How are you handling it knowing and them knowing that you are the other person that is not married to their family member?

 

I have met MM's family. He introduced me to them months ago, and not too long ago, I spent the weekend with his sister and parents. They were very nice to me and actually had good conversation. They asked me about my family and we shared stories. Everytime they are on the phone, they ask to speak to me. His brother is so in love with me (I dont mean that literally). Whenever they are speaking, all I hear MM say is hold on...Then I am speaking to the brother and we are having conversation.

 

If he speaks to his family when I am not there, he tells me that they were asking about me. And when I do get a chance to speak to them, they ask me, "Did he tell you that I wanted to speak to you and you were not there?"

 

I am not complaining about this. I just can't help but wonder what is going through their minds knowing that their son/brother is married and is seeing another woman that he brings around to the family, even for the most intimate occassions.

 

Is anyone experiencing this? How are you handling it. Do you feel some sense of caution when you are talking to his family?

[OpenBook]

Oy, this is unusual! Maybe they have an intense dislike for his W. Or they know something about your MM that you haven't discovered yet - something that would be a dealbreaker for most women.

[malaclypse]

Oy, this is unusual! Maybe they have an intense dislike for his W. Or they know something about your MM that you haven't discovered yet - something that would be a dealbreaker for most women.

 

Or he just told them that she is the woman he truly loves and they accept that, and her? Why so negative...

[nextel]

Well, initially when W was calling his family complaining about him wanting to leave her. They attempted to intervene and encourage him to stay in the M. After he talked to his family, they backed off.

 

I think that if he had any deal breakers, his W would not have been trying hard to keep him. In fact she would want to get rid of him but so far she is not giving in despite the fact that he has filed for D. Now as far as W and his family, she was not close to them. His mother and sisters dont dislike her, but they don't favor her either. In fact, one of his sisters would speak to her on a weekly basis and I am told that, that has changed.

 

After I met his brother, suddenly they all wanted to know more about me. They would send their hello's. Even before I met them, they would request to speak to me. After they met me, they just suddenly took a sudden liking. I can't help but feel a sense of caution because his D is not yet final.

 

I did ask MM about this and he said that his family just likes me. He can't explain it either. He said that his mother has not really taken that kind of liking to anyone that he ever introduced to her, that she has taken towards me.

 

Is it normal to feel a sense of caution though?

[OWoman]

Is anyone on here that is seeing MM/MW talking to their family? How are you handling it knowing and them knowing that you are the other person that is not married to their family member?

 

I have met MM's family. He introduced me to them months ago, and not too long ago, I spent the weekend with his sister and parents. They were very nice to me and actually had good conversation. They asked me about my family and we shared stories. Everytime they are on the phone, they ask to speak to me. His brother is so in love with me (I dont mean that literally). Whenever they are speaking, all I hear MM say is hold on...Then I am speaking to the brother and we are having conversation.

 

If he speaks to his family when I am not there, he tells me that they were asking about me. And when I do get a chance to speak to them, they ask me, "Did he tell you that I wanted to speak to you and you were not there?"

 

I am not complaining about this. I just can't help but wonder what is going through their minds knowing that their son/brother is married and is seeing another woman that he brings around to the family, even for the most intimate occassions.

 

Is anyone experiencing this? How are you handling it. Do you feel some sense of caution when you are talking to his family?

 

Nextel my experience was very similar. MM introduced me to his family early on - they're very close, so would have worked out quickly there was something going on even if he hadn't. They were all very welcoming - we've stayed with them as a couple several times, we keep in contact and when I'm in town I'm included in family events. His dad is always the first to send me text messages wishing me happy valentines, or on holidays, they've all friended me on social networking sites and my cards are displayed very publicly in their homes. The family's extended networks know me and they'd send cards on christmas to MM's work rather than his home, and addressed to him and me not him and W.

 

W was not welcome in any of their homes - even to pick up the kids if they'd stayed over: she'd have to wait outside in the car and not be invited in while the kids got ready to go home. There was a history to this - I'm now only starting to hear some of the more outrageous stories, since MM has left W and they're feeling OK to talk about W without it being seen as dissing MM.

 

His family said to me from the start how grateful they were that he had someone who made him happy, someone he could be himself with, someone who loved and respected him. They thanked me for bringing him back - they thought W had killed off the MM they knew and loved, and so when they saw him with a lighter step, a happier mood, a quicker mind and even a smile, they were thrilled that something was going right for a change and they were pleased to discover the source.

 

Maybe your MM's family are similar? They love him, and are pleased you make him happy. They want the best for him, and since that's you, they welcome you?

[nextel]

Thanks.

 

Do you feel a sense of caution when you are with them, or even when they are talking to you over the phone?

 

By sense of caution, I mean, in the back of your head, do you feel that since he is still M and not completely D, you sort of take into consideration what is going through their head?

[phoenixgirl]

I have no clue about this one. I know the SIL and she hates me because she is very close to the W - that makes it difficult. I haven't met anyone else in the family but I know that MM's mom calls me his girlfriend, and she doesn't mean that in a bad way. But yes, I'm cautious. That's about all I can tell you.

[OWoman]

Thanks.

 

Do you feel a sense of caution when you are with them, or even when they are talking to you over the phone?

 

By sense of caution, I mean, in the back of your head, do you feel that since he is still M and not completely D, you sort of take into consideration what is going through their head?

 

Caution - no, not at all! They're very warm and spontaneous people, very genuine and very caring. They were initially quite considered in the way they spoke of W - not wanting to put her down, but putting things on the record as to why things were like they were when that kind of thing came up (like, whose house they'd be celebrating christmas at that year). They've made it clear enough that they can't wait for the D to be finalised, but that they consider us the couple and have done since they got to know me, and W the "OW" on the side.

 

They're nice people and I'm really fond of them - and while my connection to them is formally through MM, I have my own relationships with them that don't involve him at all.

 

Nextel - why are you cautious? What is concerning you about them?

[LucreziaBorgia]

I know I would be cautious until he is fully out of this mess he is in. Call me a cynic, but I tend to think that people will be nice to someone's face for the sake of a family member, but talk all kinds of mad sh*t about them when they aren't around. I know my family did that through various marriage breakups/OW situations with various members of my family.

[whichwayisup]

Nextel, if something doesn't feel quite right, then continue to be cautious. You don't know them at all, so yeah, they're going to be very nice to you - Just don't get involved with them too much in a sense of socializing etc, until your MM actually does move out of the house and the divorce is final. As for the brother, something doesn't sit right with me reading what you wrote..I don't want to put down my thoughts because I don't want to offend you (or anyone else) I'm just not sure if his bro is really sincere. Ofcourse I could and more than likely am wrong, hope I am..

[OWoman]

Just don't get involved with them too much in a sense of socializing etc, until your MM actually does move out of the house and the divorce is final.

 

He's going nowhere. It's his house, which is why he's not moving. His W is going to have to move when the court kicks her out so that he can live there with his kids.

[bentnotbroken]

I experienced this with my uncle, when he cheated on my aunt. When he decided to start bringing the ow around family, some excepted it, some didn't. I love my uncle, but I don't like what he did to a very good woman. She will always be my aunt. I am cordial to the ow when we have instances of being at family gatherings(last one was a funeral), but I have chosen to keep a distance from them both, because I don't agree with their relationship. Just the same as a stay away from my cousin who is on crack. I don't want their actions viewed by my youngest as something that o.k. Just as I limit her exposure to jacked up t.v. shows, music, and kids who smoke and disrespect everything and everybody. I have chosen to limit her contact with my uncle and his ow.

 

If they are in need of any necessity in life and I am able to provide it, I will, but I don't want to hang around them now.

[nextel]

Nextel - why are you cautious? What is concerning you about them?

 

 

I think that because I know that he is still M, a part of me can't help but feel for them in a way. He has introduced them to the woman he loves, and he never loved his W. Now they find out that he has always wanted to be with me, even before he was M.

 

At one point they were encouraging him to stay M. After they met me, they talk about how happy he looks and how much they hope we workout. His sister calls me her wife (joking way). But the level of liking that they have taken towards me, I hope that I dont disappoint them.

 

As far as his brother is concerned. He means well. There is nothing to be concerned with. He was the one that told his parents and sisters that they needed to meet me because I was beautiful person etc etc. I met him first and we hit it off right away. He is only 4 years older than me. We get along and thats all there is to it. And MM is happy that his brother is crazy about me.

Edited March 3, 2008 by nextel

[NoIDidn't]

This sounds very strange to me, but understandable.

 

Cheating is such a common thing for the males in my family (paternal side). I've never liked being put into the position of talking to the GF behind the back of the W or whatever the Rs were (married, not married type deals), but I wasn't going to make a stink about it. And I certainly was not going to take it out on the OW, when it was the guy who thought it was okay to put his family into that mess anyway.

 

I think his family members are choosing to be as neutral as possible. A kind of wait and see attitude. Its not worth arguing over at this point if he has filed for D.

 

It doesn't sit well with me to be put into that position as either the OW or the family members. Its not fair to them, or to the SIL or DIL when the MM is clearly trying to force them to take sides.

[White Flower]

Is anyone on here that is seeing MM/MW talking to their family? How are you handling it knowing and them knowing that you are the other person that is not married to their family member?

 

I have met MM's family. He introduced me to them months ago, and not too long ago, I spent the weekend with his sister and parents. They were very nice to me and actually had good conversation. They asked me about my family and we shared stories. Everytime they are on the phone, they ask to speak to me. His brother is so in love with me (I dont mean that literally). Whenever they are speaking, all I hear MM say is hold on...Then I am speaking to the brother and we are having conversation.

 

If he speaks to his family when I am not there, he tells me that they were asking about me. And when I do get a chance to speak to them, they ask me, "Did he tell you that I wanted to speak to you and you were not there?"

 

I am not complaining about this. I just can't help but wonder what is going through their minds knowing that their son/brother is married and is seeing another woman that he brings around to the family, even for the most intimate occassions.

 

Is anyone experiencing this? How are you handling it. Do you feel some sense of caution when you are talking to his family?

 

Nextel,

 

It is so sweet that he shows you off to his family. That is what he is doing you know, showing you off. He is proud of you and wants them to know you.

 

My father did this with his OW and some of my cousins said, "What was he thinking?" But now I understand it completely. It may have been his subconscious mind saying, 'I'd rather be married to this woman; that is why I bring her to see family and take her on trips.' My dad eventually moved in with her and they lived together until he died.

 

I think what your guy is doing is lovely. I'm sure at times you wonder what others think of you and how the whole thing is perceived. Don't give in to gossip, and you will be fine. He is in the process of divorcing his W, right?

[nadiaj2727]

Nextel, I don't completely know/ understand all the details of your story, but if my memory serves me correctly, your MM has filed for divorce and moved out. If this is correct then you are not so much the "other woman" anymore, it sounds like you are the "main" woman/ girlfriend. If he has introduced you to his family and acknowledged your relationship publicly and told his wife he is seeing you and plans to be with you (all of which it sounds like he's doing), then this is more of a situation where a man is getting divorced and moving on, not a MM with both a Wife/ Other Woman.

 

If I have your situation wrong, I'm sorry. But I wanted to say what my understanding of it is before I said my opinion on your question, *because* it is based on my understanding of the situation. If I have everything above correct about your situation, then I think this just means he's just being open and honest with his family about the status of his marriage/ soon to be divorce and the new woman in his life. There is normally a cloud of secrecy about the other woman that isn't there in your situation, which to me means he's moving forward from his marriage to his dating life after divorce.

 

His family must be quite sure that he is getting divorced or they must want him to get divorced. If they had any loyalty to his wife, I doubt they would be so nice to you, even if just to put up an appearance as some have suggested.

 

Let me give you an example from my own point of view. My younger brother has been with the same girl for 6 years and they are engaged. She is not my favorite person in the world but she is who he is in a committed relationship with and I feel a family-type loyalty to her; I view her as my sister-in-law. If he started bringing another woman around the family (especially after they're married!!), I don't care if I admired this new woman and was on the down and outs with my SIL; I would *not* respect my brother for doing this behind my SIL's back, because I feel that sense of loyalty to her and I feel that my brother should do the right thing when it comes to her. I would not be nice to this new woman or my brother, not out of judgment but out of loyalty to my SIL. I would probably completely ignore them but in private I would tell my brother he needs to step up, be a man, and stop seeing someone else or tell his wife that he wants a different arrrangement.

 

*But* if they were getting a divorce and my SIL *knew* that my brother was seeing a new woman, and if she was fine with it or she had somehow done something horrible to my brother and I wanted her out of his life, etc., then I would accept the new woman and hope that my brother finds happiness. I would probably advise him in private that it's too soon to be seeing someone else and that out of respect for both his marriage and his new woman, since he doesn't know what exactly will happen until it happens, he should wait until the divorce is final. But I would be polite to them and wish them the best.

 

Am I making sense? I believe everyone in my family would agree with me on this one (must like I would feel if my father was bringing a new woman around while he was still married to my mother!) If they want me to take part in their deception while they're sleeping around on my in-law, no way! If they are making an open and honest break and they have moved on to a new person, then ok, at least introduce me to the new person in your life, and we'll see what happens from there.

[nextel]

Nextel,

 

It is so sweet that he shows you off to his family. That is what he is doing you know, showing you off. He is proud of you and wants them to know you.

 

My father did this with his OW and some of my cousins said, "What was he thinking?" But now I understand it completely. It may have been his subconscious mind saying, 'I'd rather be married to this woman; that is why I bring her to see family and take her on trips.' My dad eventually moved in with her and they lived together until he died.

 

I think what your guy is doing is lovely. I'm sure at times you wonder what others think of you and how the whole thing is perceived. Don't give in to gossip, and you will be fine. He is in the process of divorcing his W, right?

 

Thanks.

 

Yes, he filed for D from W.

[nextel]

Nextel, I don't completely know/ understand all the details of your story, but if my memory serves me correctly, your MM has filed for divorce and moved out. If this is correct then you are not so much the "other woman" anymore, it sounds like you are the "main" woman/ girlfriend. If he has introduced you to his family and acknowledged your relationship publicly and told his wife he is seeing you and plans to be with you (all of which it sounds like he's doing), then this is more of a situation where a man is getting divorced and moving on, not a MM with both a Wife/ Other Woman.

 

If I have your situation wrong, I'm sorry. But I wanted to say what my understanding of it is before I said my opinion on your question, *because* it is based on my understanding of the situation. If I have everything above correct about your situation, then I think this just means he's just being open and honest with his family about the status of his marriage/ soon to be divorce and the new woman in his life. There is normally a cloud of secrecy about the other woman that isn't there in your situation, which to me means he's moving forward from his marriage to his dating life after divorce.

 

His family must be quite sure that he is getting divorced or they must want him to get divorced. If they had any loyalty to his wife, I doubt they would be so nice to you, even if just to put up an appearance as some have suggested.

 

Let me give you an example from my own point of view. My younger brother has been with the same girl for 6 years and they are engaged. She is not my favorite person in the world but she is who he is in a committed relationship with and I feel a family-type loyalty to her; I view her as my sister-in-law. If he started bringing another woman around the family (especially after they're married!!), I don't care if I admired this new woman and was on the down and outs with my SIL; I would *not* respect my brother for doing this behind my SIL's back, because I feel that sense of loyalty to her and I feel that my brother should do the right thing when it comes to her. I would not be nice to this new woman or my brother, not out of judgment but out of loyalty to my SIL. I would probably completely ignore them but in private I would tell my brother he needs to step up, be a man, and stop seeing someone else or tell his wife that he wants a different arrrangement.

 

*But* if they were getting a divorce and my SIL *knew* that my brother was seeing a new woman, and if she was fine with it or she had somehow done something horrible to my brother and I wanted her out of his life, etc., then I would accept the new woman and hope that my brother finds happiness. I would probably advise him in private that it's too soon to be seeing someone else and that out of respect for both his marriage and his new woman, since he doesn't know what exactly will happen until it happens, he should wait until the divorce is final. But I would be polite to them and wish them the best.

 

Am I making sense? I believe everyone in my family would agree with me on this one (must like I would feel if my father was bringing a new woman around while he was still married to my mother!) If they want me to take part in their deception while they're sleeping around on my in-law, no way! If they are making an open and honest break and they have moved on to a new person, then ok, at least introduce me to the new person in your life, and we'll see what happens from there.

 

 

Half correct.

 

She refused to move out when he told her that they were done. He filed for D. They are still in the same house, but living separate lives. When the children are with their mother, he is with me. When they are home, he is there. Her role in the home is limited because the children have a baby sitter and he has someone that cleans the home.

[OWoman]

I think that because I know that he is still M, a part of me can't help but feel for them in a way. He has introduced them to the woman he loves, and he never loved his W. Now they find out that he has always wanted to be with me, even before he was M.

 

At one point they were encouraging him to stay M. After they met me, they talk about how happy he looks and how much they hope we workout. His sister calls me her wife (joking way). But the level of liking that they have taken towards me, I hope that I dont disappoint them.

 

As far as his brother is concerned. He means well. There is nothing to be concerned with. He was the one that told his parents and sisters that they needed to meet me because I was beautiful person etc etc. I met him first and we hit it off right away. He is only 4 years older than me. We get along and thats all there is to it. And MM is happy that his brother is crazy about me.

 

Ah - performance anxiety!

 

Nextel, he loves you! You make him happy. How could they possibly not like you? Why would you disappoint them?

 

Relax and enjoy.

[nextel]

Ah - performance anxiety!

 

Nextel, he loves you! You make him happy. How could they possibly not like you? Why would you disappoint them?

 

Relax and enjoy.

 

 

 

Alright, I shall. Let me enjoy him, them, and us.

[MimiMe]

My stxH was disowned by his family so that skank wont be having any communication with his family. LOL!

[John Who]

Mimi that was funny:D:laugh:.

 

I don't see what is so strange about being around his family.

 

He is going through a D so obviously they know he is dating.

 

I mean it would be another issue if he were still very much involved with his wife and he were bringing you around them.

 

I would take that as this is normal for him to bring ow around them because he may have done it one to many times.

[OWoman]

I would take that as this is normal for him to bring ow around them because he may have done it one to many times.

 

I can't speak for nextel, but in my MM's case, not. In fact, his sister went so far as to try to find a GF for him at one stage since she thought he had no taste in women being stuck with such a terrible W, and wanted him to get a taste of what real normal women were like. It didn't work though because he's not the running-around type, and just wasn't interested.

[John Who]

Well sometimes the family do not know or agree on what is best for the M or w.

 

My family is not so crazy about my wife,they never have been.

 

My wife does not speak spanish,my family is from spain so spanish is my first language.

 

My family HATES the fact that my wife did not know spanish,know she speaks it very well.

 

My family was always jealous of my wife,my wife never did anything to them.

 

My mother,brother,and sister have all tried hooking me up with other women while i was dating even when I married.

 

So just because the family approves of the ow does not mean she is a special one,and just because they do not like the W does not mean she is a bad person.

[White Flower]

John Who,

 

If we only had a husband like to you defend us like that there would be no need for cheating!!!