toolie Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I posted a thread just recently wanting some feedback from people who have ended relationships out of fear that their partner would, without much luck, so I'm here to go into a little more detail about my situation. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. I was involved with my first for nearly 2 years. We moved in together after nearly a year of being together. She always spoke about getting married and having children which always made me feel uncomfortable because I knew I couldn't even consider it while we fought so much. It was an abusive relationship. When I met her she came with a bad reputation, but I got to know her and unfortunately fell in love with her, and tried my very best to be as understanding as I could when she'd do something ****ty to me. She'd had an awful upbringing and I understood that because mine wasn't so good myself, but the longer we went on the more she brought me down. I tried everything and put absolutely everything I could into this relationship to try and make it work, but it finally got to the point where I told her that the only thing left for me to do was to walk away from her when she'd treat me bad. I said to her we need to go back to dating, you need to learn to be independent from me, and not long after she ended it. Throughout the entire relationship I felt as though she really adored me, and so did others, but when she decided to end it she gave a totally different story. The night before our last fight she left me a note for when I came home telling me how much she appreciated me, she'd buy me little presents every now and then, all those good things you do when you're so-called "in love." When she initially ended it her reasons were something about the last fight we'd had. As soon as it ended I went and saw a pscyhologist for advice, and I was told to not contact her, not to chase her, so I left her be. It took me those 3 weeks to figure out the reasons she'd given me were lies. Heh wow, it gets a little complicated. Sorry in advance. Since she made the choice she'd done nothing but push me away. She openly admitted she couldn't see me or talk to me over the phone because it was too upsetting. She told me she was still in love with me 3 weeks after she ended it, but that she couldn't be with me anymore. So anyway I finally got her to agree to give me answers over e-mail, and even though I knew she was very capable of lying, I believed the things she told me. She told me she wasn't in love with me for the past few months, stuff like that. I tried to accept it, but it took me 3 months to figure out that that didn't make sense either, for several reasons. I finally came to the conclusion that she left me because she knew I had no other option but to walk away from her. My plan was to walk away from her whenever she treated me bad, so that she wouldn't do it anymore. I guess she realised she couldn't help it. It has been by far the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with. I feel like we had to end it despite being in love with each other at the time, the problem was that I didn't see it coming at all, and all of her lies have left me very confused. Even though I'm pretty sure of what happened I still wonder a whole heap. I wonder if the things she said are true, I wonder if she still misses me, and I often wonder about the future. Lately we've been conversing a little over messenger. It's been very friendly but I don't think she has much interest in talking to me. Last conversation over e-mail me she addressed me formally as Michael when she'd never called me that ever. I asked her why and she said calling me Mick made her feel uncomfortable. I really could go on forever. It's often all I think about. I think I've done very well in trying to get over this, but it has been hell with all of the hurtful things she's done along with the confusion. Did I mention she slept with someone 2 and a half weeks after the break-up, then not long after that was when she told me she was still in love with me, then not long after that told me her new relationship was nothing serious for her and that she wasn't in love with me anymore? Along with all of that she ran so fast when she ended it, left our place to me, left me with bills, all that stuff. I guess I should also mention that she's still with this guy, a guy that she absolutely had no interest in until our last fight, our last fight being the first time I put my words into action, although I'm not sure I would've done it had I know it would've meant the end. Has anyone been through anything similar? Everyone I've spoken to about her says the things she has done sound very confusing. If anyone could shed some light on the situation for me it would be greatly appreciated. It's been a little over 5 months now and I feel like the answers to my questions would help me a great deal in moving on, and I really wish I could get them from her, but, for the time being at least, I just don't see it happening. Thanks a heap. Sorry about the length.
carhill Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 4:30am version is, IMO, get down on your knees and thank whatever deity you hold dear that she walked out. Seriously.
Author toolie Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 4:30am version is, IMO, get down on your knees and thank whatever deity you hold dear that she walked out. Seriously. If only I had a nickel for everytime I heard that. People would often wonder what I was doing with her. As I said it was my first relationship and I guess it was naive of me to think she could walk out of her past. It's just that I knew she really wanted to, and she really did try. She gave me plenty of reason to hope, but in the end I guess it was too difficult. After everything I put into her and a possible future for us it has been so difficult to swallow the hurt she has put me through.
Recommended Posts