Could this be love or am I blinded by the truth staring right at me?

[anatole]

I know rebound relationships are pretty straight forward, and normally people come to me for advice, but this time I'm not sure what to do. Maybe because it's for myself. Sorry if it's kind of long but I really need advice...

I met this guy at a party about a month ago, and we instantly had a connection. We couldn't stop talking to each other the entire time, and I knew right away that I could really see myself with him. I generally am very shy around someone that I find romantically attractive so it was a shock that I found him so easy to talk to. After we talked for hours (and my friends had dragged me back to campus) I went to find him on Facebook. I saw that he had had just signed on and after looking at his page, I could see that he was in a relationship. He immediately changed his picture from one of the two of them to one of him by himself before requesting to be my friend. We talked for a few more hours and as the week wore on, we continued talking. We found out that we had everything you could imagine in common. Anything one of us said, the other would respond "Me too!" Then he decided to come forward about his relationship with his girlfriend of almost three years, since I mentioned how everyone comes to me for relationship advice. He told me how for the past year, he had been wanting to break it off with her, but didn't want to hurt her. So imagine my surprise when a week later, he texts me to say that he broke up with her. A few days later, we went to a football game on campus, and I ended up staying the night at his apartment (but nothing serious happened, it was only because we couldn't stop talking). He told me the next day that he wasn't ready for a relationship, but that he really liked me and wanted me to wait for him. I told him I would, and from that moment on, we basically acted like a couple, except that he never kissed me. I refused to kiss him myself, so I could give him space, but I tried to hint at it. I think he wanted to but he always stopped himself...or maybe he was just not ready.

I had asked him to give me updates on when he was ready for a relationship, but after hearing nothing for four weeks, I brought up the subject with him after our first actual date (still no kiss!). He told me that he had lost feelings for me and didn't see me romantically, but that because I was his "mirror" since we had so much in common, he wanted us to still be really, really good friends. I was heartbroken, but because I forgive and forget so easily, I asked him to check on me all this past week, just so I could hear from him. Other than one message that he sent me but didn't respond to, I didn't hear from him all week--but it felt like a lifetime because we felt like we had known each other for years. Finally, he asked me to see him tonight, whereupon he apologized profusely for ignoring me. He has a problem with confronting situations (see previous girlfriend) and tries to wish them away. He told me tonight he really wants us to be friends, and after telling him that this past week was hell and that I could never forgive him for abandoning me after breaking my heart, I still told him we could be friends.

But I still, deep down, know that I want more. He couldn't specifically tell me if he would ever want to be in a relationship with me--he told me that he couldn't say yes or no because he just wasn't sure and needed to figure out a lot about his life--but I feel like this is some false hope. We are really close and I still feel this chemistry between us, even if he doesn't. Is it wrong of me to hope that something will eventually happen? I've never felt this way about anyone and it sucks because I know that I was unintentionally the rebound, but could something ever happen? I feel like we're perfect for each other but I know this can't be a one-sided feeling. He has to feel the same way, too.

 

Thanks in advance for any help, and I'm sorry it's so long of a problem!

[sb129]

I think that unfortunately, you may have to let this one go.

You can't force him to have romantic feelings for you. He has led you on a little bit IMO, but one thing in his favour is that he broke up with his GF before seeing you (or did he- do you know this for sure? Sorry, don't want to plant any seeds of suspicion).

 

I also think that his refusal to have any kind of physical R while he decided how he felt was a good thing- imagine how much worse you would be feeling if you HAD slept together and the outcome had been the same.

 

Sorry to hear about this, but really, if you can't be friends with him without hoping for something more, maybe you should discontinue contact with him.

[sedona]

I wish that I could tell just to wait it out and he's sure to come with declarations of love. But from my experience (unfortunately fresh and incredibly painful), you're just asking for A LOT more heartbreak if you wait around hoping that he'll fall for you. Hard to have a guy like that as just a friend, when you know that you want more. You'll start overanalyzing everything the guy says or does, hoping for positive signs. I think that you should put him on the backburner for now. Go out with other people. Whatever you do, don't try to convince him that the two of you belong together -- that's doomed to failure. If he wants a relationship with you, then he'll come to you. But don't put your life on hold -- it doesn't sound promising. Sorry.

[carhill]

Too fast and/or avoidant personality disorder (APD)? That's my dimestore dx

 

Treatment: Date men who "mirror" you and do want to kiss you

[s_n_d]

Everyone hopes for things sometimes and its perfectly normal for you to hold onto that hope. Just be prepared to face that hope does not always work in your favour.

You need to try to get on with your life and if its meant to be, you will find your way back to eachother in time.